I think about what Peeta said, about alternative universes. Perhaps, somewhere there is a universe where Peeta and I are destined for an undeniable romance. Where I don't wake from nightmares of mutts and lost children, where Peeta does not have to cling to the back of a chair until the flashbacks are over. Perhaps there is a universe where all stories end happily. Where Peeta and I are married and I never have any doubts. Where I can give him children and everything that he wants in the world. A universe where I am not myself, but someone who is perfect for Peeta. Someone who deserves him. Some days I feel like I should walk out on him, allow him to find someone better. But then again, what would become of me?

I lay awake in bed next to Peeta's sleeping state. He faces me with his arm rested on my waist. I always fall asleep with my head rested on his chest, but this is not the first time I have awakened to find us in the position I do now. My eyes rest lazily on his closed ones. I had a good day, I tell myself. It's important to record positive things like this. It keeps me sane. It's been a long time since I've done something as innocent as building a snowman, and I laughed, and Peeta laughed, and then we lay in the snow. I recite the days events so I can remember them for a long time.

I find myself lazily caressing Peeta's face. I'm not sure why. But I cup his face in my hands, silently appreciating him whilst he sleeps. His eyes flutter open. "I didn't mean to wake you," I say, still half asleep.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He whispers, in a sleepy, raspy tone.

"No, I just can't sleep. I'm not sure why." I mumble. I move into kiss him but he moves back.

"What are you doing?" He asks. I sink into the pillow, feeling rejected.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You're acting strange. Are you sure you're alright?" He questions, his eyes narrowing.

"Peeta?" I say, ignoring his question. "Do you think, that in an alternative universe, we would live happily ever after?"

"I don't know, Katniss. Aren't you happy now?" He mumbles.

"Yeah. I am. I just mean, a world where I don't have nightmares and you don't have venom attacks. A world where we get married and have children and live happily ever after." I say. It would be apparent that when I'm sleepy, I don't have a filter. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Peeta's eyes which had been resting elsewhere, snap up to meet mine.

"You can still have that. If you want it." And then I get confused because I don't know if I actually do want that, now that he's said it. The idea of children terrifies me. He looks at me expectingly, but I don't know what to say now. I've as good as told him I want it, I can't then tell him I don't. So, to stop the conversation, I kiss him. Which perhaps, reinforces the idea that I want what I've proposed, but I decide to worry about it later. There's a moment of stillness, perhaps he's too sleepy, but he kisses me back. Then he's on top of me. I feel that thing again, the hunger that took over me on the beach, I don't think it will ever be tamed. His lips leave mine, the kiss still lingering, making me crave more. I'm about to find his lips again, when I feel them peppering my neck. My skin becomes puckered with goosebumps. He's never kissed me there before, I think. And I wonder if he's done it before, to other girls. I feel a twinge of envy, but shut it out quickly.

Peeta stops, to look down on me. "You know today was the first time you told me that you love me." He says, looking at me, curiously.

"No it's not. I've told you before." I say, almost defensively.

"I mean, directly, I mean three words 'I love you'" He says, kissing my cheek.

"Just because I took my time to say it, doesn't mean I didn't feel it." I answer.

"When did you first feel it?" He asks and I realise I don't know the answer.

"I don't really know. One day it was just there. When did you first feel it?" I ask.

"You know. When you sang in the music assembly and your hair was in two braids..." He starts, but I cut in.

"But that's not love. You can't fall in love with someone just by hearing their voice or seeing their face. I could've been a horrible person, but you wouldn't know. That's like saying I could've instantly fallen in love with you because I think your eyes are pretty." I tell him. "There has to have been a moment where you just...knew."

"But you don't have one." He argues. "You don't know when you knew."

"Fine..." I start, a little embarrassed. "On the beach, when we kissed. I knew. I think, that somewhere in the back of my mind it was already there. But that's when I admitted it to myself." I admit. He kisses my forehead.

"Alright. In the cave, we kissed multiple times, but there was one kiss that made me truly realise that I loved you. It made me feel something." Peeta shares.

"I felt it too." I look away, I don't know why I'm embarrassed.

"Wait...you think I have pretty eyes?" He teases, I pull a face at him. He aborts his position on top of me. He rolls off and lays next to me. He pauses for a while. "What do you want, Katniss? Where do you see us in ten years time?" Peeta asks.

"I want you. I just want to be with you. I don't know where I see us, but I know where I want to see us." I answer.

"Where do you want to see us?" He asks.

"You go first. Where do you want to see us? And then I'll tell you." I say.

"In ten years time, I want to see us happy. I want to see us married, I want children." He says. Oh no, another reason to walk out on him, for his own good. I don't think I can give him that. Marriage is as inevitable as the sunrise. But children? I don't want to bring them into a world full of hatred.

"Okay, I want to see us married and in love and happy." I answer, avoiding the idea of children.

"No children?" He asks.

"We'll see." I kiss him goodnight.

❤️