Peeta must make frequent visits to his therapist.

Dr Aurelius has been calling us almost everyday for the last few months, reminding us that it's mandatory that Peeta takes time to visit her. Of course, he has refused since the calls started. I am not permitted to go with him, I might trigger nasty memories, the doctor says. Peeta insists that he's fine, although I know that he is not, he gets confused sometimes and he has venom attacks, we manage. But I know it's not alright. I don't think I can bare to have him gone, be it just a couple of days. Haymitch agrees that it's best for him, for us to let him go for a little while.

So, we wait at the train station in the pouring rain. My hair is matted in damp clumps, my fathers leather hunting jacket chafing my skin. Peeta looks sorrowful as he waits for his ride to pull up. "I don't see why I have to go." He says. I raise my eyebrows at him, questioningly, because yes he does.

"Talk some sense to me," I tell him.

"I can't."

"Then go." I conclude. I've been calm about this whole situation up until the train pulls up to the station. Peeta's hair falls over his face in wet strands. He looks a mess and so beautiful all at the same time. I've never thought like this before, which is stupid because I've nearly lost him so many times, but suddenly I'm savouring every inch of him like I'll never see him again. I feel ridiculous, as I grab him tightly. I bury my head in the crook of his neck. Mixed emotions swimming in the back of my mind. Go, don't go. All at the same time. He brings his head up and rests his lips on my forehead lightly, before pulling away. "I'll see you soon, Okay?" He says.

"Okay." I'm on the verge of tears, but I do all I can to conceal them. I feel pathetic as I count every step he takes before vanishing through the train door. Haymitch, who had walked us to the train station, walks me home.

"He'll be back soon. It's for his own good, you've seen his attacks, they can be bad." Haymitch says. I nod, as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. We walk home in silence.

"Would you like me to stay with you?" Haymitch asks when we reach my doorstep.

"I'll be alright. Thank you." I give Haymitch a hug before entering my empty house.

***

I keep expecting to bump into Peeta, to walk into the study and find him painting, to walk into my bedroom and find him lying on the bed, sleeping, to walk into the kitchen and find him baking. I suddenly feel so painfully lonely. I need his hugs, his kisses, I feel deprived of affection - which is ridiculous, because it has only been about half a day.

Oh, how to pass the time?

I soon find myself on the roof of the house, Buttercup snuggled on my lap. The air is cold - the kind of cold that indicates snow. I've never been a real fan of snow, it makes hunting harder. But I want it to snow, I want to watch the snowflakes melt in my palms and land on my eyelashes. I want to cuddle up on the sofa by the fire and feel thankful for it's warmth. I'll make hot milk and spices, Peeta can bake a batch of cheese buns and we can build snowmen like I used to do with Prim...

I quickly retreat from the roof with buttercup in my arms. It's no good to think about Prim, not when Peeta isn't here to help me get through it. Plus, I don't think the roof is a safe place to be when I'm feeling so sorrowful.

Hospital machinery beeps and whirs around me. I lay on a long plump sofa, my head back, my eyes closed. Dr Aurelius sits by me on a large office chair. "Now, Peeta, surgically there is nothing we can do for you. The remaining venom will stay in your bloodstream. Although, therapeutically, we can reduce your attacks." Good news, I think.

"How?" I ask, eagerly.

"Okay, close your eyes." I obey. "I'm going to state a name or a situation. Afterward, you state the first word that comes into your mind. Okay?" The doctor says.

"Okay." I agree.

"The tracker jacker attack from your first games." She begins.

"Careers." I say.

"Okay. The beach in the Quarter Quell." She says.

"Katniss."

"The bombs that killed Prim." She states.

"Angry."

"Okay. Last one - Katniss Everdeen."

"Love." I answer.

"Thank you. Now, every time you feel an attack coming on repeat this sequence of events in your mind and remember the word you associate with them. Then you can make sense of the situations, so they don't get muddled. Alright." I desperately hope this works. I don't want Katniss to have to witness my attacks.

I wander about the house looking for something to do, to take my mind off of Prim. I have no idea how I survived the months after the war, before Peeta was with me. In fact, I'm not even sure that I did.

Last night was terrible, I don't even think I had a wink of sleep. You don't realise how much you need someone until they're gone. Peeta will be home tonight, thank goodness.

I find myself in the kitchen searching the cupboards. Maybe I should make Peeta a warm dinner to come home to? The snow has begun to fall. I know a warm dinner would be appreciated.

I find a bunch of candles in the back of the cupboard. That gets me thinking. Romance has never been my forte, but I want to give Peeta a warm welcome. He's always been the kind one, the generous one, maybe it's my turn.

I begin on a lamb stew with wild rice. Something sentimental. I set the candles on the wooden dining table, they illuminate the room with a warm glow. It's cosy. Once dinner is ready I keep it in the oven to keep it warm until he's home. Then, to my own surprise, I find myself making an effort. Unbraiding my hair into luscious waves. Searching my closet for the nicest piece I can find, resulting in a yellow plaid dress Cinna left behind. The dress is plain and simple, but far more fancy than what I usually wear.

And then I wait.

The snow crunches beneath me as I emerge from the train and make my way back home. Of course, Katniss' house is what I refer to as home now. My house is hardly in use. I approach the frosty doorstep, my hand is just about to twist the bronze doorknob when Haymicth crosses to meet me. "How'd it go?" He asks, treading toward me in the snow.

"Pretty good. Got some good therapeutic advice. Might calm the attacks down, hopefully."

Haymitch claps my back. "Good. That's good." He pauses, his expression turning serious. "Now you take care of Katniss. I haven't heard from her since you've been gone, she's had to go a couple of days without comfort. You know company is something she desperately needs?" Says Haymitch.

"I know. I'll take care of her." Of course I will.

I enter the house, expecting a devastated, lost looking Katniss. Instead I'm taken aback by what I find. The room is glowing orange and candle-lit, a hot dinner of lamb stew set out on the dining table. Buttercup is nuzzled on the sofa, sleeping, but there is no sign of Katniss. I expect she's in her bedroom. That's exactly where I find her. She sits on the edge of her bed, rolling the pearl I gave her in the Quarter Quell in her palm. Her hair is long and wavy and she's wearing a yellow plaid dress. She looks beautiful. "Hi," I say. Her head snaps up from the pearl and she quickly races to embrace me.

"You're back! I made dinner! And it's snowing!" She's smiling so giddily and she looks so beautiful and I can't help but think that I've missed something.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"What do you mean?" She pulls away from the embrace to look me in the eye.

"You're just really happy." I laugh.

"Yeah, I'm trying out this new thing called positivity. And you're back." She answers.

****

After dinner we head outside. I wrap my body in a long winter coat, and cover my hands with warm leather gloves. The snowflakes fall gracefully, I try desperately to catch a perfect one in my hand. Peeta laughs.

"We should build a snowman" I suggest. "That's what Prim and I used to do."

"Okay." Peeta wraps his arms around me when I mention my little sisters name. "Head or body?" He asks with a laugh.

"I'll make his head." I laugh.

"Okay." Peeta kisses my left temple. I wander off into the snow. I start with a small ball of snow, I roll the ball so that it gathers more snow, watching it slowly expand. Once the head is a reasonable size, I search the side of the house for pebbles to use as his features. As I do, I watch Peeta working away, building the snowman's body. Even with his thick winter coat, I can see the muscles in his back moving as he works. His hair falls over his face and he has to swipe it away to focus on his task. He looks up at me with a gentle smile, I blush like I've been caught spying. Maybe I have.

I run over to Peeta and the massive ball of snow next to him. "Pebbles for his buttons." I say handing them to him. Peeta places pebbles carefully on the snowman's belly. "I'm not sure I can carry his head over here." I laugh, because it sounds so ridiculous. Peeta carries the other ball of snow and places it carefully on its body. I place the pebbles on his head for eyes, a nose, and a smile. "There." Peeta says, stepping away to examine it. "What should his name be?" He asks. "Your call."

"Haymitch." I say, without hesitation. Peeta chuckles.

"Oh, and why's that?" He smiles.

"He has the same lazy smirk." I establish. We both laugh.

****

We lay in the snow. I can feel my coat soaking through, but I don't care. "Look at the stars. They're so beautiful." Peeta says, placing his hand over mine. Silence passes. "You know, some people believe that there are alternative universes," he turns to face me, "perhaps there is another universe out there, where the Hunger Games never existed, or we never got reaped." I'm not one to tolerate what ifs or maybes, I believe in what is. Yes and no. Life and death. But I know Peeta is coming from a place of innocence, curiosity, so I let him talk. "Do you think we would have been friends? If we weren't reaped?" No, I think, probably not.

"I don't know, Peeta. I hate to say it, but probably not." He frowns.

"Yeah I suppose not. You would probably have married Gale. And I would have ended up with Delly or something." Peeta is probably right. About most of it.

"Marriage had never been part of my plan." I correct him.

"Never?" He asks.

"Not for old Katniss." I answer in honesty.

"Old Katniss?" He questions with a smile.

"Yeah. I suppose I have different opinions on such things, now." I tare my eyes away from his, aware of what I'm implying.

"Katniss?" He says. I turn to face him. "Thank you."

"Thank you for what? I ask.

"For letting me love you." He says, with no self pity. I scoot up closer to him and give him a long, loving kiss.

I break away. "Thank you for everything. For being my everything. I love you." Finally I'm finding myself. Admitting to Peeta how much he means to me, without doubting it. Not once.