The weight that held my eyes shut was starting to ease ever so slightly yet I pondered over the fact that I might not like what I see. If I were to open my eyes where would I be? Sinking back into the assumed mattress I could hear faint sounds, some becoming more overwhelming than others as a pound was being lifted at a time from my eyelids. The need to see where I was only becoming more intense as my body felt numb, disassociated from itself.

Slowly my eyes began to lift, the sleep coated thick in the corners becoming more apparent to me as they lightly scratched. I began to squint at the sight of the bright light refusing to dull, no matter how many times I was blinking it was overwhelming. Opening my mouth to say something all I could feel was something trapping my words, the hoarseness of my throat. Taking a second to breathe I saw the condensation on a mask, an oxygen mask covering my nose and mouth.

Dejavu returns, I'm in hospital.

What happened?

My mind tried to wrack itself for information that could lead me to this current moment but it was switched off, retired for the night. Blinking again everything began to clear, the film that coated my vision was gone and the need to squint diminished. Keeping my head still I allowed my eyes to do the wandering. I was in a hospital bed, the heart monitor next to me making that incessant beeping noise, half of my face was covered with a mask. Continuing to look I notice my entire left arm covered, my legs hidden under a blanket which I can just about move. Underneath my legs are coated in bandages, gauzes and even a large stitch.

The struggle to breathe increases as my monitor beeps faster, the condensation rises in the mask and I can hear voices. Real voices as opposed to the torment in my mind. "Nurse! She's awake!" Someone yelled from the doorway to my room, I looked at them utterly perplexed and wide eyed whilst they had their back turned.

A surge of people rushed in, crowding me as they checked my heart rate one had me lie back down and checked the various tubes that I was connected to. Part of me wanted to scream out, cry to them but I had no energy, my throat was too dry to make a sound above a whimper that was shielded by the mask I was restrained by.

Keeping my eyes wide I frantically looked to each of them but they were all too distracted to notice the person amongst the medicine and charts. After a few minutes the rush had ended, the calm had returned as the majority of them departed besides one Doctor and a nurse. The nurse with the kind blue eyes reached over, removed my oxygen mask on my behalf as my arms remained too limp to lift.

"Hi Alison, how are you feeling today?" The Doctor asked as he held onto his clipboard, a pen in his hand eager to jot down onto the paper. He raised his bushy eyebrows as I opened my mouth, unable to form sounds.

I could feel a trickle of lubrication work down my throat, forcing the ounce of liquid through the desert like condition as I try to cough, force one out. "I, I what" The rawness of my throat scratches at everything, it carves out the oxygen in my lungs as I speak as loudly as a mouse. Taking a deep breath I can see his brown eyes widening with anticipation, "happened." Sighing I turned to the nurse who put the oxygen mask back on, comfort soon returned.

He lifted his head, glancing over to the Nurse who lowers her head as he focuses on me tearing her eyes away from the cables and tubes attached to me. "There was a drunk driver who lost control of his car. He well," Pausing I used this time to tilt my head, examine the blank expression on his face. "crashed into you, you are very lucky to still be alive." Inside I scoffed, lucky to be alive isn't something I would say about myself in a long time, but since I'm almost mute I just keep my expression just like the Doctors, unreadable.

As I stare at the blank wall ahead of me a thought snaps to mind, my muscles tensen. I move my limp arm over to the nurse, barely able to move it besides my finger tips. She glances down and holds my hand, care rimmed in her blue eyes. My eyes scanned her and she simply smiled, as if she understood my immediate concerns. "He is perfectly fine, Alison. A few cuts and bruises." I let out a long sigh resulting in the ongrowing mass of condensation to form.

All I manage to do is nod before using all my might to lift my arm up and grasp onto the mask with my fingertips, ignoring the marks that cover my skin now. "Is he, is he here?" My voice is so faint but I know she can hear me based on the smile she wears. She simply nods again, and walks out of the room whilst I sit there, forcing the mask back on my face before dropping my hand down again clearly unable to maintain strength for longer than a few seconds.

It was quiet in the room, the nauseous smell of antibacterial lotion hung heavy with the sickly sweet richness of the pollen on the flowers placed by the small window, the only source of real life outside of these four walls. A tall figure peers over the doorway, his face badly bruised but a smile bright amongst the blue and purple shades. His eyes beam brightly as he nears my frail state, taking the chair next to me and resting his hands alongside my own. "Hey." He mumbles quiet, I can feel a smile forming beneath the mask, one he cannot see. "Good to see you awake, you've been out pretty much since they brought you in two days ago." Caspar lowers his head, hiding the sadness he wears rather than the usual joy.

Edging my fingertips into his he grasps onto them, intertwining our hands together. I can't help but analyse the marks that cover his face now he sits so close, the purple forming amongst the yellow under his left eye, the stitch across his forehead and scrapes covering the majority of his cheeks. He got bashed too, he was just for fortunate. "You, you okay?" I try to speak underneath the mask, failing to make it coherent.

"I'll be alright. It was you I was more worried about. They needed an emergency contact so I called Jim, Jess answered. They've been in to see you, it was this morning but you were still asleep." My eyes went wide at the thought of Jess' blind panic, she was never good with hospitals. "I would've said Zoe, but with what's going on." He trailed off, never finishing his sentence understandably.

All I manage to do is nod, exhaustion hanging heavy in my limbs as I lie there, my hand in his as if nothing else is wrong. Yet, what is this? What are we? Questions wander my mind we both sit quietly, the monitor and the heavy steps of those passing by outside interrupting my thoughts. I want to ask, I want to ask him what happened, how it happened, I want to know if Jim and Jess are alright, I want to know if Zoe and Joe have any idea. There is too much to process, too much unnecessary drama for someone on the mend.

Moving my hand from his I try to make a phone shape with my fingers as he watches, it loosely resembles one but he seems to know as he smiles and reaches into his pocket. I take it from him and type slowly, few mistakes made as I do. Tell Zoe. He nods, taking his phone and leaving the room, leaving me alone with my own thoughts rather than everyone else's.

As the door closes I can see him stood there, phone to his ear as apprehensive lies heavy between his brows. Focusing on him I can see his lips move, he pauses for a while and the look on his face only deepens as does the pain in my heart. He turns away from me, leaving me in the dark and I turn my eyes away, focusing them on the flowers placed on the table by the window, a small note next to them.

Part of me remains curious, wishing I could reach out and grab a hold of them. Yet I'm stuck, mentally and physically. Unaware of the door opening and closing I fixate on the note, wanting to see what it was. "Ali?" Snapping out of it I turn to see Caspar, a wary smile on his face. "I just spoke to Zoe," My heart froze whilst his voice remained fairly monotone.

"What, what did she say?" Hesitation lines my words as my breath remains shaky. Caspar slowly walks towards me, sitting in the uncomfortable chair next to me and holds my hand gently in his.

"Well, it was hard to hear." He sighed, "She couldn't stop crying and apologising about what happened between you." I could see the pain already in her face as if she was stood outside this room all over again, how she would forcefully wipe her eyes not wanting to be seen as weak and instead the strong supportive older sister. "That, and she is now on her way." 

Pausing I try and sit up, only to have Caspar supportively touch my shoulder, knowing it wasn't a wise move. "I, I don't know what to say to her." Muttering to myself he returned to the seat next to me, his hand resting on the bed next to mine. 

"You'll know." He stated, "You always know."