My hands fiddled with bedding, and then I began to get uncomfortable knowing it wouldn't be long until they get here. I shouldn't feel this nervous, they're family or my supposed family. A part of me wishes I could be like them again, naive. But that's not what my life had planned. My hand reaches for the locket around my neck, stroking the small detailing in attempt to calm myself.

Readjusting myself on my bed yet again I played out various scenarios in my mind of what could happen. That they'll be against the idea I'll suggest to them, or they won't allow me to go through with it for my own sake and safety, but they have to let me try. If they agree with it, which I'm assuming they will since they want me to be happy then I've got two weeks to prepare myself.

"Sup Sali." A familiar voice made me jump and lock my phone, a reflex I've gotten used to doing. There stood Joe, looking rather tired and had messy hair giving me a half smile as he waited in the doorway, as if there was a force stopping him from entering.

"Joe it's not like I have bug you're going to catch, you can come in." I joked to ease the tension but it didn't seem to work. Instead he gave me a sad smile and messed around with his hair, all whilst remaining in the doorway.

"Ali, I don't know where to begin." He struggled to find his wording and it was evident, he refused to make eye contact but didn't move. "After that phone call we got from my a few things happened, and well I think it'll be easier to explain when Zoe gets here." He then stepped into the doorway, but now I felt more anxious that he was hiding something from me. "How do you feel this time?" He sat next to me in a chair already provided, these chairs look as comfortable as my bed does, yet he settles into it knowing he could be here a while.

For a while we just talked about my changes, about how I feel, how I wish I felt or triggers that could set me off. Just little things but avoiding taboo conversations. He looked at the locket around my neck and went to touch it, but I jerked away from him causing him to back off. "Sorry, it's just precious that's all." I apologised and calmed down, I didn't want this to be tainted. This was held in my mothers hands, she ran her fingers over the etches and the photographs and it is for me, I don't want anyone else having the chance to ruin the perfect picture or sense I have with my mother through this locket.

"It's a lovely locket Al, where did you get that from?" All I wanted to do was to open the locket, show him who it's from, but that won't make any form of sense so instead I just shrugged my shoulders and we sat in silence waiting for a nurse or Zoe to arrive.

We could hear a whole load of commotion occurring outside and then a very worn out looking Zoe entered, catching her breath before looking up at me with watery eyes. She ran to be and grabbed ahold of me, refusing to let go. I had no choice but to hug her back, entirely overwhelmed Joe joined in. "It's three of us, or none of us." Zoe mumbled into my hair and I felt her smile.

"Can you tell me what's happened now?" I ask quickly looking at the two of them who both seemed to shy away from my suggestion.

"You won't like the answer so we will ease this onto you." Zoe began knowing that something drastic is not exactly ideal for me right now, which made me even more worried about what is wrong.

"I have something to tell you to." I blurted out, regretting the words as they left my lips. I didn't feel ready to admit to them about my family, but I'll let them explain what is wrong with them first. "Just, just tell me, please?" My voice sounded weak, I was pleading for an explanation to why they both looked a mess, why they were upset.

"They all know Ali." Joe muttered, still avoiding eye contact but I heard every word and froze. My eyes darted to Zoe who had sympathy and regret written across her face.

"I'm so sorry Ali, we had to explain. They all questioned you and we just had to tell them." Zoe explained and I could see the tears welling in her eyes again yet I felt numb. This may have been apart of my plan but I didn't think it would occur like this, this soon.

"Ali, please." Joe held my hand, "Just look at us." He spoke sounding disgusted by his own actions.

My eyes went to his hand and I placed my over hand on top, Zoe joining in. I could see a sense of relief wash over the two of them, as if they were terrified I would spiral yet again. A knock on my door interrupted us and I wish my siblings could've come another time.

"Hey Ali sorry to interrupt-" He stopped himself as he stood wide eyed at me, seeing the two of them sat there politely smiling or wiping their eyes. "Hi I'm Peter." He held out his hand for my other siblings to shake. Seeing them sat there actin civil to a complete stranger who is the other half of my family was hard to witness, their pure naivety to the whole situation.

"He's a friend of mine, a fellow patient who got out a few weeks ago. These are my siblings Joe and Zoe." I introduced them and then Peter fell silent.

"So you two are close then?" Joe asked in a pleasant manner.

"Closer than you'd think." I mumbled into my locket, grasping onto it securely.

"I just thought I'd pay a visit but I can come back later, it's not an issue." Peter interjected and I nodded to him, sending him a sorry through eye contact and he walked away, fully aware.

"Actually Ali, we are here to take you home, well back to Mums." I twitched slightly, about going back home.

Home. Can I really call it that anymore? That home is where all my childhood things are, yet now when I think of them they're all laced with lies. Zoe notices my discomfort and tries to take a hold of my hand to ease me but I back away, like I did before with Joe and she simply retreats. Space is important in situations like these, space and time are key. Give me space to figure out certain things and the time to control my feelings.

"I'm going to phone dad, I'll be back shortly." Zoe got a hold of her phone but I stopped her before she left.

"Before you do, there is something I need to ask of the both of you." Zoe sat back down and she and Joe listened tentatively to what I needed to discuss with them.

"Can we have a party? A coming out party. In the sense that I'm coming out of hiding from all of your friends whom I haven't met properly yet?" They both seemed a bit curious by my sudden enthusiasm, but neither denied the idea as a bad thing, in fact they were willing to make the plans for a few weeks time in London at Joes since everyone could easily get there.

"So three weeks? Do you think that'll be enough time to recover?" Joe asked concerned and I nodded, they both left the room to phone our parents to get me out of here and whilst they were preoccupied I got out my phone to text Jim.

Ali: Plan Z is a go go.

I locked my phone as they both turned around with smiles on their faces. "Right lets get you packed on up." Zoe had a wave of enthusiasm consume her and it was infectious, I was eager to leave this room, get some fresh air but dreading returning home, back to the memories.

As we walked out of the hospital the fresh air was refreshing, my nostrils were rid of the stench of anti bacterial soap and pollen, instead car fumes and the living surrounded me, as opposed to illness. Zoe held my arm as she directed us towards her car and we got in, leaving quickly without looking back, not wanting to return any time soon. They now think I'm in a stable condition again, that I can manage on my own without round the clock observations but instead just the occasional 'are you alright' which is my own preference. The scenery around us began to become more familiar and I felt myself tense up, Joe noticed and tried to ease me by holding my shoulder in a supportive manner, but I shrugged it off remaining silent.

In a matter of minutes we would have to explain to them, explain the lies we were fed for so long. That I have another sibling, I witnessed my parents death, endured a traumatic experience I can only remember through short images in my mind everything, and I couldn't be more terrified.

As Zoe stopped the car my breath got hitched and I lost my senses momentarily, feeling myself become overwhelmed by this sensation as if all the lies were weighing down on my shoulder, my lungs my mind, making everything all the more difficult in terms of functioning normally.

"Hey it's alright, it's home you're safe here. We know now the signs so just breathe, okay, breathe with me." Zoe locked her eyes with mine and made me pay attention to her breathing and I copied it as if my life depended on it, repeating to myself mentally that nothing else can happen, nothing bad will come of being home for a while.

We all got out of the car and made our way to the front door, walking in and heading straight to the sound of our parents voices. Mum saw me first as I went ahead, hoping to get a word in before the others join us. "Ah Ali, your brother was here earlier looking for you!" Mum said in a slightly concerning matter, scratching the back of her head as if the whole topic was still on thin ice.

"No I wasn't I was with Zoe." I froze as Mum did, we both turned to see Joe looking rather confused and Zoe soon joining in with the confused facial expressions.

"Oh I'm just getting confused that's all," She shrugged it off as if she didn't nearly drop a bomb, smooth mum, real smooth. "anyway why don't we all have something to eat. Do you two mind checking the fridge to see what we have? I just need a chat with Ali." They both nodded and walked out, leaving my bag and case in the doorway. Mum quickly walked to my case and handed it to me. "We've got to be careful about this, if we're going to tell them none of us can afford to slip up again." She told me and I just nodded, my voice still not working when I want it to. She embraced me in a tight hug and rubbed my back, "It's all going to work out sweetheart, just wait and see." She whispered and I didn't respond as I know not everything will work out, either they will hate me or constantly wonder why I didn't tell them sooner, resent me as a member of the family.

Once she released me I knew this was my last chance to make sure it all works out, so before she could see me I plastered on my biggest smile to make it seem like I was doing perfectly fine. "I'm going to take my stuff upstairs, settle back in. If it's alright I want to stay a while longer." I asked as I lingered in the doorway, hoping she would enjoy the company.

"Course I would sweetheart, there's no rush and just know, you will always be my daughter, just like Zoe. No matter what." She told me and I walked off, taking my bags upstairs to my room.

The room seemed untouched, as if my entrance was the first time the air had been sliced through, as I move further into my room I tell myself it's safe. That deep down I don't need to replay the images in my head, that there's no need for them, if only it were that simple. I set down my bag on my bed and empty out my bottles of pills, placing them by my bed so they are always there, I won't throw them away this time, certainly not after last time. I made myself a promise, to never again find myself in an abyss like that, where everything was coated by darkness and destruction followed me and fed off of my fears.

A knock on the door stops me momentarily as I place my now empty bag by my bed, Zoe walks in and sits down next to me in a shy manner. "We never really got to talk about the theme park did we?" I shook my head in response, this not being a conversation I particularly wanted to have, ever. She let out a long sigh and ran her fingers through her hair, restyling it as she went. "I just need to tell you I never meant for this to happen to you, I just wanted to keep you safe but I was also selfish, I didn't understand why you wouldn't want to be apart of this world we're in, this life we live which is such an adventure. But it makes sense now, me and Alfie went through a rough patch for a few weeks." This caught my attention, making my head shoot up to face her, she let out a rough chuckle. "We barely spoke to each other for nearly a month, and I don't even know -why." She stopped herself as she teared up and lent onto me for support.

As she burst into tears I couldn't feel more guilty, "This is all my fault Zoe, but don't you worry. I'm going to fix this."