Defeat.

That's the only word I can use to describe my experience yet again, I gave in and it wasn't pretty to witness. My parents had contacted my psychiatrist once again and she soon came to see me, I knew how the system worked and didn't oblige to her plan.

So here I am now, back in a hospital bed under close observation, the joys of being confused and apparently ill. Wearing my all too familiar hospital gown that itches my skin, whilst I'm hooked up to machinery and have various people check on me throughout the day, informing me that I'm 'in a safe place,' don't they understand? My mind isn't safe, it doesn't matter where I am as my mind is the problem, not the location.

The doctors have informed me of my new medication, some tablets are the same as before but more intense. One tablet helps with hallucinations, another for sleeping, another for the voices and the others for things with long titles which I can't fully process, or care to process. All I care about is my plan.

Since spending near to a month under observation, having nurses watch me take my medication and having one of my parents sitting with me everyday much to my own dismay it has given me time to reflect carefully. For the first week of being here it was all about me, about my mental health and what they will do differently this time to try and stop it occurring again, key word being try.

The second week my parents and I spoke about my family, now that wasn't exactly the most pleasant of discussions to be had that's for sure. The truth about me is that I am a Mitchell, not a Sugg. My parents knew about Peter within the past five years as they were informed of his existence, making them almost as clueless as me for so long on another Mitchell as he was kept from us, it being a secret as his parents opted for a closed adoption, no string attached. The visions I had been having were from my subconscious, when I was in the crash that killed both of my parents, hence why I could hear the women's scream, that was my mother. We all went through the case Peter gave me and he even came to help me in the hospital, he and my parents talked and we're all civil, just.

It is believed that my mental health issues arised from my mothers side of the family, that it went back to her Great Great Grandmother who had committed suicide because of it, luckily for me I never took that step and instead here I am, a room that smells of hand sanitiser mixed with overpowering tulips.

By week three I was left alone, Zoe and Joe are oblivious to everything, they don't know about Peter, about my parents, nothing. But I'm sure they will in due time, once I'm better. In my time alone it allowed me to plot, dad went and brought me a replacement phone and I spent most of my time on it, not texting but planning, planning my revenge on Alfie and Caspar.

And that brings us up to now, my plan is being finalised and all I have to do is inform Jim when I'm allowed to go back to work. This week Jess is coming to keep me company since I haven't been at home for nearly two months, but Jim has been keeping her company most nights, as a good friend would do.

"Morning Alison." A familiar nurse walks into the room holding a tray that I'm all too familiar with now, I let out a sigh and place my phone next to me, locking it as I know it'll be a while until I can go back onto it.

This nurse is friendly enough, there have been others who are more strict with me and take my phone away, putting it further away out of my reach so I 'relax' but this nurse is more lenient with me, she may be in the same uniform but her attitude seems more modern. She has a young face, a kind face like my mothers one that holds compassion, her eyes are a warm Hazel, ones that hold sympathy towards the girl who cannot control her mind. She tucks her light brown hair behind her ear as loose strands from her bun fall down, she looks exhausted, as if she has lost the motivation to care, but here she is, trying to keep her spirits and mine up. As she moves closer she removes the tablets from the tray handing them to me along with some water.

"How you feeling today?" She asks, making small talk but that wasn't a question for small talk.

"It's a slow process, but I've been through it before, I know it'll all work out." I smiled to her politely, knowing deep down she doesn't care for the ins and outs of my health, she's just doing her job. I swallow the pills and gulp down the water, feeling them travel through my throat until the lumps are gone and simply leave a bitter aftertaste. I pass her back the empty cup and container and she moves on to checking me, my brain activity, my heart rate, blood pressure, anything she can to ensure I'm alright. Once she's done she packs away the equipment and heads for the door.

"Wait." I call out to her and she stops in the doorway, a perplexed look on her face. "You didn't say it." I questioned her, they all say it, every single day. "You didn't say I'm safe, not once." She seemed slightly taken aback by this, but nodded her head.

"As we both know the safe place isn't here, finding the safe place is down to you Alison, it's in your head." She spoke with a lower voice, before dismissing herself and leaving me speechless.

That was the first time someone was completely honest, that it is all me, I wish she could've stayed longer as in the few brief minutes we spoke for the duration of her stay she provided me more insight than any other doctors or nurses have in the past month. I picked my phone back up and unlocked it, deciding to continue planning since I've got a few more hours until anyone gets here to visit me for the day, the plan is rather detailed and manipulative, but I'm just playing the same game that Alfie and Caspar were.

All I need to do is get Jim here, once Jim is here Jess will turn up too and then we can get started. Yesterday my parents informed Zoe and Joe that I haven't been very well, that I am not up for talking but they both want to visit me. All they know is that I'm in recovery and don't want visitors, so they've kept away as requested, but not too worry, I'll see them soon enough. They both have important people in their lives I need to speak to.

As I finished typing up the final element to my plan a knock on the door notified me to lock my phone, and in entered Jess and Jim, holding a balloon, some more flowers to add to my dying collection on the other side of the room and some chocolates, finally something I actually want to eat.

"Hey there Darkbloom." Jess spoke up causing me to shiver, an image of me and Caspar appeared but I quickly shook it off, taking a few deep breaths.

"We have to be careful on what we say, that she has trigger words that can set her off so just keep that in mind." Jim informed her as if I was an invalid, a mute who couldn't speak for myself.

"You know I'm right here Jim, and it's alright Jess. I'm not spiralling right now, I'm getting there." I smiled to her as she walked over and gave me a tight hug. "How's life been without your binge watching buddy?" I asked her and she shrugged her shoulders.

"Work has been intense and I refuse to continue another show until we are reunited on that sofa with plenty of food." She chuckled causing me to smile, Jess was always good at comforting me on nights in. When me and Miles split up she and Jim just cocooned me for days with plenty of food and chats to make me feel better.

"Been keeping yourself busy Al?" Jim asked as he pulled up two chairs for them both to sit down in, Jess quickly took the seat smiling to Jim widely as he turned away to sit in his own, I raised an eyebrow to Jess and she lowered her head blushing.

"That's something I need to talk to the two of you about actually." I spoke in a hushed voice, this was something I needed to talk about in confidence and in the privacy of my closest friends. They both looked at each other before turning back to face me, both looking confused but ready to listen. "Now, there are a few details I need to explain to you, but most of it you can't know. All you need to know is how you will help me out with this plan, are you both in?" They took a minute but Jess nodded, whilst Jim seemed distant.

"I'm not sure Ali, the last plan didn't work out so well." He reminded me of the laptop incident.

"But that's behind me now Jim, and this is the next step. Please, I need to do this." I pleaded and Jess nudged him, he sighs before nodded in agreement. "Perfect, so this is how it'll work." For the next half an hour I went through the plan in great depth, by the time I was finished a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, that I now had a technique to be safe, to sort this out for once and for all.

"Isn't this a bit risky? I mean what if they figure it out Ali, you'll be in serious danger." Jess threatened on the consequences of this, I knew the chances and the issues that could rise up at any moment in my plan, but it is my only hope to sort things out.

"I don't have a choice anymore Jess, it's gone past child play." I told her and she turned away, looking to her lap.

"Jim? Can you do it for me please?" I asked handing him my phone, I held it out for a minute until he accepted it, moving across the room and dialling the number.

"Hi is this Zoe Sugg? Yes my names Doctor Hillen, I'm currently looking after your sister Miss Alison Sugg and she wishes to see you as soon as possible, I'll be making another phone call to her brother Joseph but, oh if you insist. Thank you, goodbye." Jim hung up and came back over towards us, a smile grew on my face realising this was it, my plan was now in motion.

"What did she say?" I asked, feeling worried for the response or that she didn't entirely buy it like I so desperately needed her to.

"She'll be here tomorrow, Joe will follow once she gets in touch with him." He told me and I felt reassured, a sense of relief that this might work out in my favour.

"Could you get me a coffee Jim? I really need one, these beds are as comfortable as they look." I gave him the puppy face that could melt anyone's heart, he didn't even object before walking away leaving me and Jess alone. She didn't speak so I lent across my bed and held my head in my hands. "So? You and Jim huh?" Jess remained silent and I saw a blush creeping it's way back onto her cheeks, making me chuckle.

"You're not mad are you?" She spoke quietly, as if she were to rupture an angry beast from its sleep.

"Mad? Of course not I'm chuffed for the two of you, but I am curious as to how though." I patiently waited for her to explain to story, knowing we had about ten minutes before Jim would return and Jim being Jim, he wouldn't want me to know until he was certain.

"The other week when I was a bit low, you were gone and I spoke to Jim on the phone a few times, he wanted to come over but I refused pity, you know I believe in being an independent self sufficient being. But after a long day of nothing but disappointment I went home to find Jim stood there, he had made me this dinner and had flowers for me, we talked for hours about funny stories and then watched a film, well we didn't do much watching." She chuckled and the blush got brighter and brighter. "We decided to keep things quiet but I guess we're not that good at hiding our feelings?" She questioned and I nodded.

"I've always been good at body language, the way he turns to face you, or how his eyes light up when you speak. Or how you blush furiously when I ask about the two of you. It's sweet." I smiled and she paused.

"But you don't see it do you?" I was confused by her remark and gave her a questionable look. "Except you can't decipher body language about yourself or about Caspar." I felt a bit uncomfortable when she mentioned his name, and my silence said it all. "I've seen the way you look when you spoke about him, even on the phone it was obvious, when you first met him how you said he wasn't like the others?"

"Well he was. And it doesn't matter about that anymore, I don't care for him now, not after what he did." I snapped back, feeling pools of water collect in my eyes as I tried to blink them away. Jess held out her hand to me and I took a hold of it, letting a few tears fall. "I will not let him get to me, not anymore." I told myself as I took a deep breath, recollecting myself.

"I'm sorry Ali, I just forgot." Jess moved away but I told her not to worry, people make mistakes, I just have a bad habit of trusting the wrong people.

"Hey, hey what's going on here?" Jim walked in holding three cups of coffee and seeing both me and Jess upset.

"Girl talk. A heart to heart." I laughed and Jess joined in, Jim remained perplexed but joined us regardless.

As he sat down he passed me my coffee first then Jess', the way his fingers lingered on hers as he passed her the cup, or how they made subtle eye contact said more than words could. It was as if to them everything played in slow motion, that nothing seemed to matter, not the location not the noises not even me, just the two of them.

"Are you sure you're up for this? It won't be easy but I really need both of you on board." I asked ripping at the paper around the cup, hoping they weren't having second thoughts like I originally was when I explained my plan, worried they thought little of me and no longer saw who I once was.

Jess moved her brown hair behind her ear, turning to face Jim who held a similar expression on his face. "Course Ali." Jess smiled to me in a supportive manner, but also in a slightly twisted way making me smile.

"Let's break Caspar's heart." Jim smirked before we sat in silence sipping at coffee, feeling the plan fit piece by piece.