ion know maybe I'm doing a lil bit of projecting in this chapter...

enjoy.

The following morning, Soleil got up early to take Semaj to school. During the car ride there, she had a conversation with Semaj, to make sure that he wasn't feeling a way about Siraj's behavior last night.

She assured him that his dad was just having a bad day and he wasn't mad at him. She hoped later on once Semaj got out of school, Siraj would have a talk with him as he did seem a little down still.

When she dropped him off at school, not much too her surprise, her mom wasn't there. Usually Vanessa was there to open, however one of the assistant managers had to open this morning.

Soleil had plans on stopping by her parents house later on to check on them. She hadn't spoken to them much since the week started, but she didn't expect to.

Soleil wanted to be mad at her parents for returning to their old ways, not keeping in contact with her but she couldn't be mad at them when she knew what they were dealing with.

Siraj heard as the front door opened, followed by shutting it seconds later. Around the corner came Soleil, her keys jingling in her hand.

"Hey..." Siraj softly greeted her, as she walked past him toward his room. "Thanks for taking him to school,"

"Yup," Soleil dryly replied, disappearing into his room. Siraj sighed in defeat, placing his water bottle on the counter before walking toward his room.

As he did, he saw Soleil continuing to pack the rest of the things that she attempted to do last night. Siraj could tell that Soleil was still upset from last night, despite her watching over him and making sure that he was okay, she still gave him the cold shoulder.

Seeing her breakdown last night over what he did, was like a ton of bricks hitting him. The guilt was overwhelming, that he cried with her.

She was right, it was a slap in the face to his best friend. Siraj couldn't stand people who drove while drunk out of their minds—and yet here he was, becoming the very person he despised.

Despite only being tipsy, he thought that he was good to drive home—that thought alone scared him.

This is how people think before they selfishly get behind the wheel and take someone's life.

"Soleil," Siraj gently grabbed her hand, stopping her from packing. Soleil paused and turned to look at him. "Let's talk,"

"About what?"

"Last night,"

Soleil stared at him with a hardened expression, before deeply sighing and sitting down on the bed. Siraj sat down next to her, continuing to hold her hand. "Listen...baby, I'm sorry about last night," Siraj apologized, fiddling with the rings on her fingers.

"Why did you do it, Siraj?"

"I-I don't know, I couldn't tell you what was going through my mind last night. I just..." Siraj swallowed hard, wetting his lips. "I've been thinking about what you said the other night, and it just kind of bothered me,"

"What do you mean?"

"When you said that it seems like we forgot about Xahir and that life has gotten easier—truth is, it hasn't, Soleil," Siraj let out a heavy sigh, running his hand over his waves. "Every day that I look at you, I'm reminded of him. The li'l things that you do and say reminds me of him. I've been tryin' to hold it together for you, cause I feel like you need me to at least have it together while you're tryin' to get your mind back right,"

"It's no use if both of us are a mess, that's a recipe for disaster. But I think, seeing you that way and hearing you say that, it just really fucked wit' me,"

"Siraj, you need help," Soleil told him flat out with a nonchalant shrug. "Seeing you like that last night, really scared me. I wanted to be angry wit' you, but I had to remember that you're grieving. However, what you pulled last night was inexcusable and you know way better than that, Siraj—sober or intoxicated,"

"If what I said rubbed you the wrong way, then you should have said something. What is the point of preaching we need to communicate if you can't even voice when I've done or said something that made you uncomfortable? I'm not going to sit here and lecture you because you're a grown-ass man, but what I won't do is accept or tolerate is you being reckless in the midst of your grieving," Soleil continued to preach to him as he held eye contact with her, intently listening to her.

"You do not have to be strong for me, Siraj. I'm getting the help that I need, I'm far from where I want to be mentally and I'm not even remotely done wit' the grieving process but we're slowly getting there. Now, it's your turn, it's time for you to get the help that you need."

Siraj took a deep breath, as he ran his hands down his face. Soleil got up and stood in front of him, wrapping her arms around him. "We're supposed to be going through together, Siraj. You're not alone, you have me," She told him, rubbing his back in a comforting gesture.

"You're right," Siraj agreed with her, as she pulled away. "I'm so use to holding shit in, I'm used to people not even asking me how I'm feeling or checking on me for real. Only people that I ever really talk to about shit when I'm feelin' a li'l down was Xahir or Blue."

"Well, I'm here now, love. Like you told me the other night, you can tell me what's wrong, even if you think I may not understand," She placed her hands on his shoulder as the other gently grabbed his chin. "It doesn't have to be today, it doesn't have to be tomorrow, but you have to talk about it, Siraj,"

"And what if I want to talk about it today?"

"Then we can do that,"

"Okay," Siraj grabbed her hands and stood up from the bed. He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. "Be safe today, a'ight?"

"I will," she mumbled, watching him walk around her to head toward the bathroom.

❦❦❦

"And we will praise him for the rest of our day," Soleil lowly sang along to the music, spraying the mirror with Windex and beginning to wipe it clean.

After Soleil returned home, she decided to take the time out and clean the house while her friends were out and about. They wanted to spend time with their friend, knowing that it was going to be a rough day for Soleil.

However, Soleil advised them that she wanted to be alone for a while and would later on be with her family. She appreciated them for wanting to be there for her, but deep down they just wouldn't understand what she was feeling even if she tried to explain.

They respected her wishes, assuring her that they would be on standby if she needed them.

Soleil figured that she would occupy her herself with cleaning. Especially since she would soon start the process of remodeling the house, as Keia and Joziah both had plans of moving out and getting their own places for next year. Although she would miss living under the same roof as her friends, she was happy that they were finally going to have their own space.

Besides, she didn't see them at home whenever she was there, as Keia would be over her boyfriend's house and Joziah being with his. Soleil found it a bit humorous that the only time they returned home was to get more clothes or when they needed their peace and quiet to study.

Once Soleil was done cleaning the mirror in the bathroom, she tossed the paper towel in the garbage can and walked out of the freshly clean bathroom, turning off the light. As she started to walk across the hall toward her room, she heard the doorbell ring at the front door.

She walked into her room, placing the bottle of Windex down on her deska and grabbed her phone to check the camera. "What the hell?" Soleil's eyes went wide as she sat her phone down and quickly walked out of her room, jogging down the stairs.

She unlocked the door and swung the door open, her mouth agape in awe as Selah and Kinsley were standing on the other side. "Selah?" Soleil sized her sister, not believing that her sister was really in front of her.

"Hey Boop!" Selah greeted, reaching in to hug her sister. "Oh my gosh, I missed you! I was praying that at least one of y'all were here, cause we caught an uber here,"

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? When did you even get here?" Soleil peppered her with questions, pulling away from their embrace. She reached down to pick up Kinsley as Kinsley wrapped her arms around her neck. "Hi niecey pooh! I missed you so much!"

Soleil planted multiple kisses on her face, Kinsley's giggle filling the air. She stepped aside and let Selah walk into the house before she shut the door behind her and locked it. "I missed you too, TT!" Kinsley exclaimed, sporting a giddy smile.

She placed Kinsley down, as Selah placed their luggage aside. Selah turned to face her sister, clearing her throat. "We left New York this morning, I wanted to surprise you. It took everything in me not to tell you about it all week," Selah chuckled, grabbing her hair and putting it into a ponytail.

"Well, I'm glad you're here—you and Kinsley. How long are you staying?"

"Um," Selah scratched the back of her neck, pursing her lips. "Forever?" she hinted, holding her hands out. The smile from Soleil's face slowly dropped, as her and Selah gazed at one another in dead silence.

"Wait," Soleil held her hands out in front of her, trying figure out if she were understanding her sister correctly. "Forever as in, you're moving back, here?" she pointed to the ground.

Selah tucked her lips and slowly nodded, stifling her laughter. "Selah, you better not be bullshitting me!" Soleil's voice cracked, as her eyes started to water. Selah held her arms out, walking toward her sister. "Oh my gosh!"

"I finally decided that I wanted to move back about a few month ago. I told Antonio, hoping and praying that he would understand and he did. He figured since returning from our trip, I've been missing you and I really did. Soleil, I love New York—but I love being wit' my sister more," Selah started to explain to hug, tightly hugging her sister.

"When Xahir was alive, I had that peace of mind that you were okay. You weren't alone, and I didn't have to worry because you had him. But now that he's gone, I've realized that I need my sister—you need me. You couldn't even go to our parents for help, it took me coming back during Thanksgiving for you to go get help, because you were finally able to talk to someone about what's been going on,"

"I miss being here, so we waited until the end of the school year for Kinsley to move back. Antonio will be here in a few days with the U-Haul," Selah finished, walking into the kitchen to get something to drink.

"So, have y'all found a house?"

"We found a few choices, if you wouldn't mind, can you tag along for the first one tomorrow? I really like how the house looks and I want to at least see it before they take it off the market and sell it to someone else," Selah said, opening the fridge and reaching in to grab the jug of sweet tea. "You want something to drink, Kinny?"

"Yes ma'am," Kinsley walked into the kitchen, with Soleil tailing behind her.

"Yeah that's fine, so, you guys are staying here until you find a house, right? Y'all can sleep in the extra guest bedroom and Kinsley can sleep in my room," Soleil sat on the barstool, tapping her fingers against the granite countertop.

Selah hummed in response, pouring some of the tea into the cup for Kinsley before she passed it to her. "Only if we won't be in the way or if it'll make the house too full," Selah snuck a glance over at Soleil.

She kissed her teeth and dismissively waved her off, "Girl, you're my literal blood sister—if you asked me for a kidney, I'd give it to you. I don't mind it and I know my best friends wouldn't either, as long as everyone respect each other spaces and personal things. They're barely here anyway, as the same wit' me—I'm mostly over at Siraj's house," Soleil assured her.

Selah poured her a cup of tea before twisting the cap back onto the jug and putting it back into the fridge. "Speaking of, how is he? I know he'll be glad to hang wit' Antonio now," Selah softly laughed, before taking a sip from the cup.

Soleil profoundly sighed, rubbing her hands on her thighs. Selah slowly lowered the cup, eyeing her sister closely. "What's up, Boop? Everything okay wit' y'all?" she asked her.

"Everything is fine between us, it's just..." Soleil trailed off, swallowing hard. "Last night he drove home while under the influence,"

Selah frowned, swiftly placing the cup down on the counter. "Excuse me? I hope you mean influence as in he was high," she rolled her neck, Soleil shaking her head as she started rubbing her temples. "What the hell? Have he lost his damn mind?"

"He's grieving, Selah," Soleil replied.

"And? That doesn't give him the selfish right to put his life and others in danger," Selah argued, placing a hand on her hip. "Did anything happen? Did he make it home safely?"

"I know, I know! And yeah, he did. I was so pissed when I found out that he was, he's sorry for what he did. He didn't try to excuse it or anything, we had a talk this morning after we both were calm, I told him that he needs help."

Soleil paused, fiddling her acrylic nails. "Last night, I saw myself in him and it scared me. He needs help and he doesn't even know how to ask for it. He told that what I said to him a few days ago had really bothered him," she looked up at Selah, who was still gazing at her with a stern expression.

"Well, what did you say?" Selah gestured for her to go on, taking the cup from Kinsley as she passed it to her. "Go get your tablet out of your backpack," she told her, wanting to talk to her sister in private.

Kinsley skipped out of the kitchen into the foyer, reaching down to grab her -Princess and the Frog backpack before she walked into the living room to go sit down.

"I told him that it felt like everyone forgot about Xahir, no one was acknowledging his anniversary coming up. Absolutely no one, Selah—you, mom, dad, Siraj—no one. It was bothering me because it made me feel like I missed on adjusting to life without him unlike everyone ese,"

Selah slumped her shoulders, approaching the counter in front of her. "Boop, that's not true. I've been planning this for awhile, I wanted to be here wit' you because I knew we needed each other during this time. I'm not all surprised that our parents aren't doing anything but what else is new," she scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Selah, you have got to talk to them—"

"For what?" Selah lowered her eyebrows, beginning to frown. "Neither have tried to understand my point of view of this whole situation. Vanessa keeps trying to make it about her, and all daddy does is enable the bullshit. I'm not breaking my neck to reconcile something that I didn't ruin, I should've dropped them years ago when they didn't come to my wedding and didn't attend the birth of Kinsley—definitely should've dropped Vanessa when she said that bullshit about being excited to be a grandmother to a child that wasn't even related to us," Selah vented.

Months later, the relationship between Selah and Vanessa was at the point of irreconcilable. Vanessa had tried talking to Selah shortly after her conversation with Soleil, but the conversation ended in a heated argument.

That was the last straw for Selah, she was tired of trying to get her mother to understand the hurt that she'd been carrying. Being the oldest child, Selah was thrown into the adult world much earlier, taking on the responsibilities of her mother. Her pained her not being able to fully enjoy her childhood.

She cursed Vanessa for the way she was, she felt as if she couldn't fully connect with Kinsley like she wanted as she was still trying to heal her inner child. After the passing of Xahir, Selah was committed to going to therapy to better her parenting.

With the grief she was facing over Xahir's death and still trying to overcome her resentment towards her parents, Selah didn't want to become emotionally unavailable toward her husband or her child. The last thing she wanted was Kinsley to grow up resenting her the way she did with Vanessa.

"I'm sorry, Selah," Soleil sported a wry face, rubbing her thumb over the other. "I don't know why I keep assuming that it would be easy for y'all to rekindle your relationship like it was easy for us. I just hope that eventually y'all are able to reconcile and she'll understand how much she's hurt you—daddy too. You deserve that,"

"...Have you been by to see them?" Selah's curiosity got the best of her. Although she wasn't on the best of terms with her parents, she wanted to know if they were at least doing well with it being Xahir's anniversary.

"I planned on going over there once I was done cleaning up. When I went to go drop Semaj off this morning, she wasn't there. Not that I expected her to be anyway..." Soleil said, reaching up to scratch her head. "...Do you want to go?"

"Only so Kinsley can see them," Selah shrugged, walking back over to the counter to grab her cup of tea. Soleil nodded and got down from the barstool, walking out of the kitchen.

The next hour, Selah helped Soleil clean up the house, as well as put away her and Kinsley things for the time that they would be staying there. She texted Antonio to let him know that she was settled and that Soleil was fine with them staying at the house until they found a new home.

Once the sisters were done tidying up the place, they piled into Soleil's car and made the journey to their parent's house. Soleil was excited beyond words could explain to finally have her sister back as well as her niece.

With them staying in New York, it was hard to maintain a tight bond with Kinsley as she wanted. Now that they were in Florida, Soleil knew she would be spoiling her niece beyond means.

She also couldn't wait to see Semaj's reaction once he saw Kinsley. Despite a year difference in age and the long distance between them, the excitement to play with each other never once died down.

Soleil pulled into the driveway of her parent's house, killing the engine. The trio got out of the car, Soleil hitting the alarm to the car as they walked toward the front door. Soleil unlocked the door and walked inside first, the house was eerily quiet, making her raise an eyebrow.

"Come on, Kinsley, let's go find you something to watch on TV," Selah said, grabbing Kinsley's hand and leading her to the living room, as she passed Soleil a concerned look. "I'll go get Papa and Nana, okay?"

"I'll go check daddy's cave, you check upstairs," Soleil told her sister, walking toward the back of the house where her dad's man cave was. She knocked on the door and twisted the knob, pushing the door open.

She could see her dad's head over the leathered recliner. She shut the door behind her and slowly walked further into the room, approaching the other side of the chair. Xavier was blankly staring at the blank TV ahead, tears streaming down his face, Xahir's high school jersey in his hand.

"Daddy?" Soleil softly called to him. Xahir slowly ripped his attention away from the TV and looked up at her. He didn't utter a word, instead broke out into more tears, Soleil quickly sat down in the other chair, grabbing his hand. "I know daddy, I miss him too," she swallowed hard, her eyes burning with tears.