《Body Language.》CH. 30
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"Hey, Soleil..." Selah nudged her as the two sat on the bench at the playground, Kinsley frolicking with the other kids. She heard Soleil hum in response as she texted on her phone. "How has daddy been? You know, since Xahir's passing? I wouldn't really know because I don't talk to him much unless he's by mama while we're on the phone."
Upon returning to Florida, Selah has been noticing her dad's standoffish behavior. He didn't speak much unless someone asked him a question, otherwise, he kept to himself. Before Xahir passed, though their dad was a little reserved like his son, he was a bit more social.
Selah wasn't able to keep tabs on her family, only knowing what they told her whenever she spoke to them on the phone. It was something that she hated about living so far away from them, she was out of the loop.
She sometimes thought about moving back home, as she did feel a little homesick at times. Speaking to her family through calls wasn't doing much to remedy that feeling.
Soleil paused mid-text, resting her phone in her lap as she looked over at Selah. "He's been distant. He's not the same person he was before Xahir died, which I can understand because he lost his only son. They had a tight bond, so I can only imagine the shit he's fighting internally." Soleil explained, disliking that Xahir's death put a strain on their family.
Selah huffed, crossing one leg over the other. "Have you tried talking to him?" she asked her, Soleil shook her head, poking out her bottom lip. "Why not, Soleil?"
"Because he's a grown man, Selah. If he wanted to talk about his feelings then he would, he'd go to therapy or something. Not to be a bitch, but why should I make the effort of trying to understand how he feels when he didn't return the gesture to me? Yes, I know he's a parent grieving the loss of a child, but you know he's always been the type to hold his feelings in." Soleil shrugged, picking up her phone to resume her text message to Joziah.
"I know, I know." Selah groaned, rubbing her forehead. "It's just I don't want him to think, we don't care. Mama told me he refused to go to therapy."
"This is the same man who didn't cry at his own son's funeral, I'm not surprised. He's a man, men hate to acknowledge their feelings. They don't like feeling vulnerable." Soleil scoffed, exiting out of her and Joziah's text messages and going to the thread with Siraj. "Do I hate that he's choosing to shut us out? Yes, I don't like seeing my parents sad, it makes me feel hopeless. But there's only so much we can say or do as their children, Selah."
"I'm going to try and talk to him later on, at least to let him know he's not alone," Selah replied, keeping her attention on Kinsley, who was now sliding down the slide.
"Rocko, no!" Soleil heard the familiar voice from behind her. She quickly whipped her head around to see Isidro and Rocko, Isidro pulling on the leash as Rocko tried his hardest to run towards Soleil.
"Hi, Rocko!" Soleil cooed, getting up from the bench. Isidro gave in, letting the dog pull him towards the woman. "Oh! You've gained some weight, what are they feeding you, boy?" She ruffled the top of his head, his tail wagging in excitement.
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"Hey..." Isidro finally spoke, Soleil broke her gaze from the dog and looked up at him.
She stood up straight, crossing her hands behind her back. "Hi," she replied, they held intense eye contact for a few seconds before Isidro looked down at his feet.
"Look, I'm sorry for what I did, Soleil. I didn't mean to overstep boundaries," he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. "I never meant to make you uncomfortable,"
"Why'd you do it?" she tilted her head, shifting her weight. She was sure she already knew the answer but she still wanted to hear it from him.
He let out a sigh, his eyes darting around. "We were vibing, Soleil. I got caught in the moment, the liquor got to me and gave me courage. I regret it though because it probably ruined our friendship, and I don't want to lose you as a friend." he answered truthfully.
"To be honest, Isidro...I wasn't mad at all. Just surprised that it happened, did I lead you on, or something?"
"No!" he quickly answered, throwing his hand up and shaking his head. "Not at all, it was just me. My feelings got the best of me, and I decided to cross that line. You didn't do anything, Soleil."
A brief silence fell over the pair, as Soleil twisted her lips to the side. "I didn't cause any issues between you and your boy, did I?" Isidro raised an eyebrow.
She cleared her throat, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Well, he was already skeptical of us being friends because he felt as if you did have some feelings for me. You kissing me, confirmed those suspicions." she shrugged, Isidro slowly nodding his head. "Listen, I accept your apology, Isidro, but out of respect for my boyfriend, we can't be friends anymore. Especially if you're still carrying these feelings for me. I don't want to put none of us in an uncomfortable situation like that again."
Soleil could see the visible disappointment in his face, as he licked his lips. He scratched the side of his head, "I understand, I'm sorry again...I'll see you around." he slowly backed away, tugging on Rocko's leash.
Soleil turned around and walked back over to the bench. "So..." Selah trailed off, glancing behind her at Isidro. "Is that weirdo?"
"I wish I'd never told you Siraj's nickname for that man." Soleil rolled her eyes, as Selah snickered.
"How'd it go though?"
"It's a done deal, he apologized and understood. I know I wouldn't hear the last of it from Siraj, if I continue that friendship with him, so it's best to just end it. I hate that I have to because he was a really nice guy."
"So, Soleil..." Vanessa trailed off, as they were in the kitchen preparing the food for tonight's celebration. Soleil sat at the island, cutting up the yams, as Selah was preparing the macaroni and cheese. She looked up at her mom, raising an eyebrow as Vanessa stood at the sink, washing the greens. "You and Siraj, what's going on with that?"
Soleil and Selah exchanged glances, as silence fell over the kitchen. She hadn't told her mom that she and Siraj were dating again, solely off of the fact that she knew her mom would be skeptical of their relationship, especially with Ximena involved. She was glad her mom didn't know anything else except the first incident.
She avoided telling her parents anything in regards to her and Siraj's relationship, simply because she didn't want her parents to look at him any differently than they already do. The first incident left a bad taste in their mouth, and though they completely understood where Siraj and Ximena were coming from, they weren't all too fond of how Soleil was treated as if she was abusive toward Semaj.
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"Um, h-he and I are good. We're um, we're dating now," she told Vanessa.
"As in, boyfriend and girlfriend?" Vanessa asked in confirmation, Soleil hummed, nodding. "Okay, well...as long as he makes you happy. How's the situation with you and Ximena? Are you able to see Semaj or?"
"N-no, I haven't seen him in weeks," Soleil answered truthfully. "She still doesn't want me around him,"
"Well, how is this relationship going to work if she doesn't want you around their son? That's a little conflicting,"
"I don't know, but it's not my problem. If she doesn't want me around him then so be it, it's her son. Siraj and I have been making it work so far, so that's all that matters." Soleil shrugged, placing the sliced yams into the bowl. Selah looked between her mom and sister, beginning to sense a little tension. Vanessa eyed Soleil for a few seconds but remained quiet, deciding to leave the situation alone.
Soleil could've told her family about Siraj, possibly taking Ximena to court to get shared custody of Semaj, but she felt as if it weren't her business to tell. And although she did miss Semaj, it wasn't her problem to deal with. She wasn't going to beg Siraj to let her see his son when his baby mama made it clear she didn't want her around him.
She was trying to avoid any more drama, and she wasn't going to let Ximena ruin her relationship with Siraj, simply because she was bitter.
"Anyways, have you talked to daddy yet, Selah?" Soleil turned her attention to her sister, getting up from the island and walking around to where the sink was. Selah shook her head, as she deeply sighed.
"I was waiting for the right time, I'll talk to him before I leave on Sunday. Right now, I'll just let him enjoy his time with his grandchild and Antonio." Selah replied, stirring the sauce into the macaroni. Soleil paused as she looked at Selah, Selah also looking at her.
They tried holding their laughter back, listening to the sound of the macaroni being stirred. "I hate us so much," Selah snickered, the doorbell beginning to ring. Soleil sat the bowl of yams down on the counter, figuring her mom would wash them once she was done with the greens.
She walked down the hallway that led to the foyer, before unlocking and opening the front door. To her utter surprise, on the other side, stood Xahir's ex-girlfriend, Akira.
Soleil took a step, as her mouth fell agape. She hadn't seen Kira since the funeral, and when she did ask her mom if she talked to her, her mom would tell her that it was only over social media. None of them took it to heart, as they knew she was probably still grieving like they were.
"Oh my gosh, Kira!" Soleil exclaimed, Kara, sporting a big, friendly smile. Soleil started to lean in to hug her but quickly paused once her eyes roamed over her body. The smile on Soleil's face instantly dropped, as she noticed the visible baby bump.
She jerked her head back, her eyes rapidly blinking. She was hoping that her mind wasn't playing tricks on her, as she continued to stare at Kira's pregnant belly. "K-Kira, please don't tell me that's Xahir's baby, that you're carrying right now." she exasperated, closing her eyes.
Kira softly bit down on her lip, placing her hand on her belly. She swallowed hard, nodding her head in confirmation. "It is," she told her. Soleil slowly opened her eyes, as she met Kara's gaze.
"Come in," Soleil stepped aside, beckoning her to walk inside. Kira waddled in, Soleil shutting the door behind her. She then led Kira to the kitchen where her mom and sister were carrying on their own conversation. "Um, guys..." Soleil interrupted, to get their attention.
They paused mid-conversation and whipped their heads in Soleil's direction. They both lightly gasped with smiles on their dropped, however, like Soleil, their smiles instantly dropped once they saw Kira's stomach. "Oh my gosh," Selah whispered to herself.
"Hi," Kira meekly spoke, a half smile on her face. "I-I know you have a lot of questions and I'll do my best to answer them."
Vanessa walked around and approached Kira, giving her a warm embrace. "Please, sit down." she gestured towards the chair. "Would you like anything to drink?"
"No, I'm fine but thank you." Kira politely declined, climbing onto the chair at the island.
"How...far along are you?" Selah inquired, as she folded her arms under her chest, perking up an eyebrow.
"I just reached eight months," Kira replied. The three women all exchanged glances with each other, before redirecting their attention onto the pregnant woman. "I know what you're thinking, and I'm sorry I waited so long to even tell you guys. B-but I was scared,"
"Scared of what?" Soleil shifted her weight, tightening her lips.
"Of raising this baby by myself," she answered truthfully. "After Xahir d—after what happened, I was going to have an abortion because I didn't want to raise this baby by myself. The assurance I got from him that everything was fine and he would be there every step of the way, was snatched from me. I just couldn't imagine raising this baby without him."
"Wait, wait...so you're telling us, that Xahir knew you were pregnant?" Vanessa threw her hand up, taking a step closer.
Kira licked over her lips, briefly looking down at her stomach. "Yeah, he did. I told him a month before he passed. He was going to tell you guys, but he wanted to wait because I was still deciding if I wanted to keep the baby or not." she dabbed under her eyes, as a few tears fell.
Soleil tried swallowing the lump that formed in her throat. "He died, knowing that he was going to be a father?" she croaked, her eyes burning with tears. "He won't get to see his child..." she mumbled.
"I came here because even though, Xahir and I had broken up months prior, you guys deserve to be in the baby's life. My baby is going to grow up without a dad, but I refuse to let my baby grow up not knowing their dad's side of the family." Kira sniffled, gesturing her hand around at the three women.
"Do you know what you're having?"
"I'm having a gender reveal next weekend, it would mean a lot if you guys came. My family has been begging me to reach out to you guys anyway, they want to meet you." Kira explained, Vanessa approached her with a tight smile, her eyes glossy with tears.
"Can I?" she pointed to Kira's stomach. Knowing that Kira was carrying the seed of her son, left her with mixed emotions. The baby would be his legacy left behind, to partially fill the void that was left behind.
Though he would always be gone, their family will always have a piece of him. However, knowing that Xahir will never get to experience the joy of parenthood, left a heavy feeling in their hearts.
"Of course," Kira softly laughed through her face full of tears. Vanessa gently placed her hand on Kira's belly, beginning to break down in tears.
Soleil cleared her throat and turned to walk out of the kitchen. She was too overwhelmed, and although she was happy for Kira, her happiness was consumed by her hatred for the person who caused her brother's demise.
It was something that Soleil simply couldn't put past her. During her sessions with her therapist, the topic of forgiveness came up and Soleil quickly shut down. It was hard enough to talk about the traumatic experience, becoming choked up and overwhelmed. But to talk about the actual person who was behind the whole situation, she found herself seething.
She wasn't ready—she simply didn't think she could ever take that step.
Soleil went upstairs to her old bedroom, locking herself in the room. She pulled out her phone and went to dial Siraj's number.
She placed the phone on speaker as she held it, sitting down at the edge of the bed. The line ringed a few times before she heard Siraj's smooth voice appear on the other end of the line.
"Wassup baby?" Siraj answered, putting the phone on speaker as he sat it down on the counter, continuing to wash the dishes. He heard Soleil sniffle, making him pause and look at the phone. "Soleil? What's wrong, ma?"
"Kira is here," Soleil finally spoke, wiping under her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Oh? How is she?"
"Siraj, she's eight months pregnant supposedly with Xahir's baby," Soleil started to sob, dropping the phone into her lap as she placed her hands over her face.
Siraj quickly pulled his hands out of the water, wiping them dry on his pants before grabbing the phone. "What? Eight months pregnant? How the fu—why is she just now saying something?" he questioned her, his mind now going a hundred miles per hour.
"That's what I'm saying, like how could you go eight months without telling us? Especially since he knew and was planning on telling us," Soleil held her hands out in confusion, Siraj shaking his head in disappointment.
"He knew? And she still chose to keep it a secret for that long? What made her choose to tell y'all about it now?"
"I don't know," Soleil cried, shrugging as if he could see her. "But we missed out on so much shit, we haven't been able to go to any doctor's appointments, help her with shopping for the baby. Like I get it, maybe coming to us was probably too much for her, because we're the family of her now deceased baby father but damn," she continued venting.
There was a brief silence on the phone, causing Soleil to look down at the phone to make sure that Siraj was still there.
Siraj leaned against the counter, biting down on his bottom lip. He cleared his throat, beginning to rub the back of his neck, "I don't want to be that person, but...are we even sure that's his kid? I mean they were broken up for months, and I don't even think he was messing around with her." he said, finding the situation to be a little bizarre. "How long did he know?"
"She said she told him a month before he passed,"
He didn't want Soleil and her family to have their feelings played with and have their hopes up. And although Kira hadn't done anything in the past to make him question her character, it bothered him that she waited so long to tell them about the pregnancy.
He just couldn't believe that Xahir hadn't told his sister yet, as close as they were, she would've been the only person he would have told at the time—even if he wanted to keep it a secret.
"I don't know, Soleil..." Siraj trailed off, a tone of uneasiness in his voice. "That shit ain't sitting right with me,"
"I wanted to say something, but I thought it would be rude or a little insensitive. My mom is downstairs eating the shit up, and Selah looks like she wants to say something too but she's biting her tongue." Soleil told him, wiping her face once again. "And it's not like I don't trust her, it's just...why wait so long? If you knew Xahir was going to tell us, why didn't you tell us? He's not here to do it,"
"Nah, I understand love. I feel like you guys should ask, just for reassurance. I don't want any of y'all getting involved, and becoming hella invested in a child that may not even be kin to y'all."
"I'll call you back," Soleil abruptly said, getting up from the bed. She didn't wait for his response, as she hang up the phone. She tucked it away in her back pocket and walked out of the room, back downstairs.
She walked into the kitchen, her mom and Kira still chatting as Selah continued prepping the food, seeming to be uninterested in the situation now. Soleil stopped in front of Kira, eyeing her stomach for a minute.
"Are you sure that my brother is the father of that baby?" she blurted out, Vanessa's eyes going wide as she whipped around to face her.
"Soleil!" She sharply called her name, Selah pausing what she was doing and turning around as well, placing her hands on the counter.
"Oh please mama, she's only saying what's been going through all of our heads. How do we know if that's Xahir's baby?" Selah scrunched up her face, pointing at Kira's belly.
"Y—...you don't think that this is Xahir's baby?" Kira frowned a little, gazing at Soleil in disbelief.
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