I began to knock on Adrian's door, he finally came to open it. His chiseled chest was bare and his basketball shorts were showing his print.

"Babe what are you doing here this late?" He looked around me trying to see if I came to his house alone. I was very much alone. I ignored him avoiding his question. I walked in kissing him very tenderly pushing him back inside the house, kicking the door shut. I moaned breathlessly against his lips.

"Rai-" He tried to speak, I interrupted him with more kisses pulling at the strings of his shorts.

Without thinking he moaned then quickly grabbed and squeezed my butt, walking me backwards in to a wall. I wanted him so bad. I started rubbing myself against his leg. My center was so sensitive to the touch. We were moving so swiftly, and I was comfortable and loving it.

"We can't Rai." He tried to say, while taking a step back. I ignore him yet again. Taking off my oversized T shirt with nothing underneath. He stared at me slowly looking me over.

I saw hesitation in his eyes, he wanted me in the worse way but he knew it was a bad idea. So I started toying with my breast, squeezing and tugging at my rock hard nipples. He continued to stare.

I wanted to feel more of him against me. I got closer and pressed myself against his print. His size is intimidating, from what I could feel. Only made me even more curious. I want to see what was inside those thin black basketball shorts.

This man is perfect. The muscles, his smooth even skin. Even the back view is perfect. He has these sexy dimples on his lower back above his cute butt. So yes I wanted to explore the inside of those shorts.

"Damn Rai." He groaned. He's fighting the urge to just say screw it and give in.

I turned us so he was now against the wall and I continued to kiss and suck on his lips. I slowly slid my hand inside his shorts while staring lustfully into my mans eyes.

"Don't fight it." I whispered.

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes as I continued to explore inside his black shorts. I began to slowly stroke him. He inhaled and exhaled while shaking his head. He slowly opened his eyes. Realizing we needed to stop. Something I know we both didn't want to do.

He grabbed both my hands, pulling them up to his chest. He took in another breath and exhaled.

"Munch I love you with everything in me." He spoke in a husky tone. He paused, I just stood staring back at him. I started to feel embarrassed for coming on to him like this. "We can't do this. I really want to, trust me I do. —You know and I know that this isn't right."

I looked down at my hands he still held and pulled away. Here I am completely naked in front of him and I feel rejected.

"Goodnight Adrian."

"Rai, don't do that."

"All I said was goodnight." I snapped snatching my shirt off the floor, and quickly put it back on.

"We're not ready for that. I'm trying to have a clear head and think, I'ma' need you to do the same." He raised his voice.

"Yeah."

He rubbed his hands down his face aggressively, exhaling. "Raina you can be pissed off, but it's not happening right now."

I remained quiet, wasn't really feeling what he was saying.

"You're seventeen Raina, I feel like I already cross the line. You've been through way to much shit for me to just play you like that. To be clear I'm not having sex with a minor."

"You don't realize how much trouble I can get in." He added in more calm tone.

I grabbed my bag and keys then walked passed him. I went straight to my car slamming the door. I started it and drove off. There was no way I would shed a tear in front of him.

I woke up to my phone ringing. I was drenched in sweat and tears. That was a crazy dream.

I answered my phone already knowing who it was.

"Hello."

"Hey Munch. You still in bed?"

"Yeah I slept in, where are you?" I spoke a little groggy.

"I'm leaving the gym. Probably will go over Troys for a little bit after I go home first."

"Oh ok, I'm about to get ready to head to breakfast with Sienna and chill poolside after. To have this big conversation about my past."

"She got your back. That should be an easy conversation. Don't get all stressed."

"Surprisingly I'm not stressed about telling her. Im ready to do this."

"That's great baby."

"I'll call you later, I love you." I said, still trying to recover from this dream.

"I love you too." He ended the call. I got up and got ready for my day with my best friend.

We decided to come back to my house instead of going to hers, since her parents weren't even home. Laying poolside, we ate at this local mom and pop shop this morning for breakfast. I think we over did it. We've been laying for almost twenty minutes in silence. I told Sienna what happened to me I think she's trying to process it all.

"Sie if you have any questions I'm open to answer. Opening up to my counselor in front of Mikey and Adrian really helped me."

She was still laying in silence. I got up and went over to her. I noticed she looked distraught. I took her shades off, noticing she had been crying.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just didn't know how to-"

"I'm not mad Rai, I can't believe this happened to you. You were so young." She shook her head.

"So when we met you had just been through all of this. You went through an abortion and I had no clue." Tears continued to roll down her face.

"Yeah I hid it, I didn't talk about it, I didn't understand it fully at the time. I knew what happened, but emotionally I didn't know how to feel about it. I would feel wrong and blame myself for feeling sad about it sometimes."

"I can't believe this Rai, don't ever blame yourself for none of this, understand?" She said getting herself riled up.

"I know." I mumbled.

"People are so sick in this fucking world. No kid or anybody should have to experience that."

I sat down next to her as she continued. A few tears started rolling down my face.

"I love you Rai, you're my sister. I don't want anything happening to you."

"Thanks I love you too."

"All the stuff you still deal with now, is because of it. The suicide attempt."

"Yeah." I agreed.

"The fact you never wear a bathing suit or anything showing your skin. Which is bomb by the way." She spoke louder on the last part.

I smiled. "Yep, that was because I have scars and a whole bunch of insecurities."

"Scars or not Rai you're beautiful, you shouldn't feel like you have to hide it."

I sat up.

"Well I have a surprise." I smiled. "I'm wearing a beautiful tropical print bikini underneath this."

She raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Now, I'm going to take off this shirt and these shorts. Then I'll be making my way into the pool."

I did so, then spun around doing a little runway walk into the pool. Sienna chanted and whistled, hyping me up.

"You better do that shit best friend." She yelled, then ran in to join me.

We splashed and goofed around for awhile. It was liberating.

"That last suicide attempt made me realize, that no matter what happens I have to keep trying. I want to live. I no longer feel dead inside. I want to speak up." I took a breath. "I want to be happy, and go after my dreams. I want to help others with similar situations."

"Yes Rai, and I will be there with you. You have a story. You have a gift for someone in need of it."

I glanced at the house inside glass sliding door, I saw Mikey standing there. I smiled and so did he then he walked off.

"Right and I'm realizing this process of healing is so much easier with my supporters so I can't thank you guys enough. Especially you Sie."

"Exactly so don't keep shit from me again." She said while splashing me. I laughed and splashed her back.

"So I had a dream last night."

"What kind of dream?"

"Lets just say it wasn't PG-13."

I started telling her about the dream and she smirked.

"So you're dreaming about wanting to have sex with him?"

"Weird right?"

"No." She said waiting to see if I wanted to talk about it or not.

"Well we didn't have sex. He was the reason why we didn't."

"Huh?" She looked a bit shocked.

"Yeah, I was coming on to him and showed him all of this nakedness. I reach in his pants feeling on him."

"Damn Rai, no wonder you missed my call this morning." She giggled.

I smiled. "He stood his ground and didn't go through with it. It left me feeling embarrassed."

"I've seen the way he stares at you, you have no reason to be embarrassed."

"What do you think this means, though? The last thing I want is for him to settle. I don't want to be some fragile girl in his eyes."

"Rai, stop trippin', you were probably thinking about going there with him before you fell asleep and had a dream about it. If anything you're a win, ain't no settling over here."

A smiled appeared on my face. "Maybe I was. Anyway lets get out of here."

We snapped a few pics then went inside and showered. We hung out in my room for a while.

The doorbell started ringing. So I went to get it, since it rang three times. I wasn't expecting anyone.

"Hi." This tall dark skin nice looking guy I've never seen before greeted me. He looked to be in his mid twenties. Very handsome might I add.

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