Dianne and I were taking a turn about the garden together, whilst her father and eldest brother conducted business in their estate. I had lately returned from a lengthy visit to my sister and her husband, so as to avoid, and perhaps quash my feelings for, Dianne. It had not been successful by any means given that the constant display of love before me only brought Dianne more strongly to mind. That was why I had returned and found myself escorting her around the perimeter of her father's estate.

I looked at Dianne who appeared to be lost in her own thoughts. She had never looked this contemplative in all of our years of knowing each other. All one and twenty years. We had known each other since before we could speak with any intelligibility, but ever since she found her words, she'd never stopped. But this time, she would not meet my eyes, for to look at me I would plainly see how much pain she was under. How could someone be wretchedly cruel the way that Jack Maynard had been.

When I spoke to her of Jack, she owned that she had no attachment to him. Looking into my eyes, she admitted, "My vanity was flattered, and I allowed his attentions." Redness spread across her neck and face and she looked away from me again. Mortification may have been the cause of that. Guilt perhaps more. This led me on to extol his lack of virtue, showing Dianne how fortunate(!) he was that his circumstances had changed for the better and his lack of virtue was immediately forgiven.

"You speak as if you envied him."

"And I do envy him, Dianne. In one respect he is the object of my envy."

However briefly she'd looked at me before, just as quickly she averted her gaze. I had made up my mind, I had nothing to lose. "You will not ask me what is the point of envy. You are determined, I see, to have have no curiosity. You are wise, but I cannot be wise. Dianne, I must tell what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment." I may be able to bear the pain of rejection, but I cannot bear to see the pain it may cause Dianne. All the same, I must take that chance.

"Oh! then don't speak it, don't speak it. Take a little time, consider, do not commit yourself." Yes, to do so would occasion her to commit herself too. We walked a little longer in silence until we reached the house. To my surprise, she didn't want to go back in. Instead, we walked on and she expressed her desire to listen to me as a friend. I floundered. My mouth spoke, though I knew not what I said, for the word "friend" circulated my mind the whole time. But if that was all she desired, I would have to accept that place.

I held her gaze, imploring her to feel what I felt. She searched my eyes, looking completely overwhelmed by the emotion in my eyes. "My dearest, beloved Dianne, tell me at once. Say 'No', if it is to be said." I had never poured out my heart to anyone like this, never had occasion to, never felt this way about anyone to do so. Silence. Still, there was a chance that her feelings for me would change.

The intensity of my gaze made her overwhelmed once again and she looked away.

"I cannot make speeches, Dianne." I collected my breath, mustering the strength to start again. Perhaps repetition would emphasise my feelings. In a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing I gave in. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have teased you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it." The times I had had to tell her not to meddle in other people's affairs had occasioned many such lectures. I tried to look into her honey brown eyes, imploring her to just spare me one glance. "Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Dianne, as well as you have borne with them." I shook my head in disbelief as I thought about my time spent with my sister and her husband. I had wasted so much time. "God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings, and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice."

I was met with silence. This may have been too much for her to take in. To be burdened with two men's attentions when she wanted neither. No, but she has said she wasn't hurt by Jack's attentions. Was she simply flattered by my attentions? Did she see my declaration as attentions? Oh why was she silent? Was she contemplating what I was saying?

Or perhaps she was trying to think of a way to say no to me. After all, we had grown up together, almost as brother and sister would. We had seen each other nearly everyday, apart from when we went to our respective schools and for me, university. My feelings for her had changed, but hers might not have done. In a somewhat secluded place, Dianne's hand slowly went down my arm and finally rested on my hand. She led me away to some shrubbery and that was where she looked up at me. The emotion in her eyes almost incapacitated me. Was that how she felt when I looked at her? As we walked towards the shrubbery, I heard her say, "If I can!" She laughed derisively. "I had never dreamt... I thought... I thought you'd ask me advice on how to approach Amy. That is why I said I'd help you as a friend. I never. I thought you were in love with Amy."

"Heavens, no. How could I, when I have a creature as beautiful as you before me?" We looked into each other's eyes, trying to decipher them, look for hidden secrets. "Do I have a chance?"

She looked around us and, seeing that no one was there, stepped close to me. She traced my lips with her finger, conveying to me what she'd like to do. Being of similar height, it didn't take considerable effort to kiss her.

"I take that as a yes." She copied my actions from a moment before.

"Was that good?"

"I hardly know. You are the only woman I have ever done this with." Instinct took over and we kissed again. "How do you feel?"

"Happy. Inexplicably happy."