Faith

I watched the clouds float by my window as I fingered the smooth skin at the bottom of my left ring finger, a nervous habit that I picked up when I had still worn my rings and I could spin my wedding band around my finger. There was something almost satisfying about not having that weight on my hand. It was freeing. At least that’s what I was telling myself. And what Birdie had been trying to drill into my head ever since my mild breakdown at Thanksgiving. I was only a little drunk. Promise.

I tipped back the last of the whiskey in my little plastic cup that held the most watered down Jameson and ginger ale I ever had. The ice clicked against my teeth as the airplane dipped, along with my stomach.

If you had asked me about this all-inclusive surprise Christamas getaway when I booked it for my husband and I six months ago, I would have told you all about the little island in the Caribbean we were going to. The cute little cabana on the beach I had booked. The couples massage, the parties on the beach, and how much I couldn’t wait to try out the hot tub that our adorable cabin had.

Now?

I’m divorced.

I didn’t see it coming either. Gavin and I were happy. At Least I thought we were. But then I got home from work, and he’s on the couch, hands folded in his lap, and the tickets for the trip were sitting on the table next to him along with the ripped envelope. And then he said those dreaded four words.

“Faith.” He sighed and looked just over my left shoulder, like he couldn’t even stand to look me in the eye. “We have to talk.”

By Halloween we were living separately. He generously let me have the house, like it hadn’t been my inheritance that had bought it in the first place. By Thanksgiving, I was signing the divorce papers. The entire time my surprise Christmas vacation tickets and itinerary sat on the side table in my living room, mocking me.

I could still feel the thousand dollar Mont Blanc pen my lawyer handed me, while Gavin and his lawyer sat on the other side of the palatial ebony conference table. It felt like it weighed a hundred pounds as I signed my name on the line under Respondent. Crossing the T in my name and then dotting the I, I felt like my insides had turned to stone. Gavin’s signature looked so satisfied, and mine looked like it was bleeding from the wounds that my husband - the man I vowed to love honor and cherish - had left on my heart.

I spent Black Friday returning gifts. Ironic, I know. The only one I couldn't take back? The trip. The one where I was going to tell Gavin that I was finally ready to start trying to have a family. The reason he had asked for the divorce in the first place. Because he didn’t want to have a family with me. Not after I had put it off for so long - three years, give me a fucking break - he had found someone else who wanted a family right away.

Everything changed so fast. I felt like I had whiplash. But my best friend Birdie told me to embrace it. Take the trip I had planned so carefully, and say fuck you to Gavin and his slutty secretary - I’m sorry, administrative assistant - who were expecting their first child together.

I embraced Birdie’s suggestion and took the vacation. I pulled my phone out from my bag and sent her a quick text, just saying good morning. Her immediate response of good followed by about a million hearts made my aching heart ease a little. She always had my back.

Then I looked up to see the young couple in front of me sharing a sweet kiss. I was gonna need another drink before we landed.

Dash

I kicked my feet up and surveyed the beach from the cabin my buddies and I rented. Just one week. We had one week of leave until our next big op, and I planned on enjoying every minute.

I laced my hands behind my head and scanned the beach for some chick to relieve the deep down tension that coursed through me. We had one major operation a year, and while physically I was at the top of my game, that assignment required nothing less than absolute concentration and commitment. And my head just wouldn’t focus on the girls on the beach. It was somewhere else entirely.

There had been this little niggling in the back of my mind all day that I couldn’t get rid of. Something was riling my animal up, and the beach was not the place to Change. Especially into my beast.

So, I scanned the beach looking for someone to take the edge off with.

There were plenty of single women who I could lose myself in for a night or two. Once the week was over, we wouldn’t be back for an entire year, and most of these babes wouldn’t be coming back, anyway.

“What do you think? Blonde or brunette?” Cupid handed me an ice-cold bottle of beer before dropping down next to me and twisting the top off his own. “I’m in the mood for a redhead, I think.”

“Am I that predictable?” I tapped the neck of my beer against his and took a long pull from the bottle.

“It’s what we're here for, right? Gotta knock off all this dust and bust a nut or six before we head out.” Cupid pushed his aviators up the bridge of his nose and slunk down in his seat. “That’s what the General told us to do.”

“He did not tell us to, and I quote, ‘Bust a nut or six.’” Vix growled from behind his tablet. Probably going over mission briefs again. If I didn’t love the guy so much, I would hate the fucking brown noser. “I don’t know about you boys, but when I decide to ‘bust a nut,’ as you so eloquently put it, it’s going to be with a woman who is worth my time and effort to do it right.”

“Ugh! Come on, man.” Cupid threw his head back and moaned. “Christ Vix. Not this waiting for your perfect mate crap again. With our schedule, we're gonna be good for a quickie . We aren’t gonna be no good to some chicks - who will be stuck with us, by the way. With missions and training, we are rarely at home.”

“The right one will be perfect for our lives.” Vix insisted, finally putting down his fucking tablet. “She will be exactly what I need. That is how the mating bond works.”

“Come on.” I rolled my eyes, knowing he couldn’t see them behind my shades. “The three of us would have to find the same mate, just to keep her happy year round. And what’s some poor girl going to tell her family when we’re never home for Christmas? Cause you know, we never will be. Like ever.”

“Have a little faith, Dash.” Vix rolled his shoulders and picked his tablet back up, slouching down low in his beach chair and crossing his legs before burying his nose back in the tablet.

“I wouldn’t mind sharing with you two.” Was all Cupid said before jumping to his feet. “I need another beer. You guys good?”

I tipped my beer back, letting the alcohol flow down my throat as I continued to scan the beach. I had no problem sharing with my brothers at arms. It's not like we hadn’t done it before. It was fun for a night. What woman wouldn’t want three strapping special ops boys taking care of her every need for a little while? Would it work long term? No idea. But I felt that little nagging bit of longing grow in my chest. Fucking Vix.