❝ Beautiful things fall apart

- and so did she❞

Cold.

I felt cold. The thrashing waves of chilly ruthless air draped over my body. My eyes were shut, stuck in the universe of darkness, but I was aware of my surroundings. The buzzing, sirens, frantic voices continuously nudging my senses.

I was there, but almost not. Like a memory stuck between a dream and the reality. An conscious drowning in a pool of unconsciousness.

My body felt like a big rock, stiff and unmoving, but a stingy sensation on my arm jolted me and a groan escaped my lips. Throbbing pain erupting my bones and a heaviness suffocated me, I fluttered my eyelids, trying to open them, it's like they were stuck with glue.

"I am sorry."

At the sound of an unknown voice, I finally managed to tear my eyes open to find a wrinkled, but full of hope face of a woman.

Catching my eyes, she smiled at me softly and said, "You're awake, thank god."

Frowning I stared at her for a full minute, feeling a faint ripple of drowsiness clouding my head. But as I noticed her nurse uniform, the haunted reality finally caught up to me. My eyes widened and panic seized every nerve of my body, I looked around and the sickening smell of medicine and hospital engulfed me.

Except I was not in a hospital. My eyes trailed towards the slightly opened door of the ambulance, giving a glimpse of outside's rush. Letting out a wince, I stared down at the white bandage being wrapped around my arm.

My jeans were ripped, showing the scrapped skin of my leg and there were small cuts on my bare arm. I raised my hand and felt the gauze at the side of my forehead, the rough texture brushed against my fingertips.

"How are you feeling? Does it hurt somewhere?" The woman peered up and asked. The sympathetic glint on her features scared me for some reason.

I wanted to open my mouth and speak but, the words were caged in my throat with the lump that was stuck. So instead, I just shook my head lowly.

Suddenly, a thought occurred me. I was not alone. I was not alone in the car, what had happen? Where were everyone? Where was he?

The nurse turned her back to get rid of the dirty cotton and bandage and that was my cue. Quickly, pulling myself up from that uncomfortable small place, I stood up and reached for the door.

Ignoring the calls of that nurse, I pushed the door open and stepped out of the ambulance. It was like stepping out on a battlefield, except there were no survivors or hymns of victory, but the howls of demise and loss.

The smoke mingled with the scent of burnt engine tickled my nostrils and unconsciously I wrapped my arms around myself. Two police cars perched up at the middle, officers sprawled over.

My breathe hitched and drain washed over me as I heard an officer speak, "Yes sir. In last moment, the car steered out of the way and crashed into a concrete pillar. No major damage took place and we made sure both passengers are safe, but the driver couldn't make it."

The world stopped spinning and silent pause took over. The words reverberated in my head, like a broken record on repeat.

Couldn't make it.

Couldn't make it.

Dead.

An inward whimper made my body tremble. Death, the most perplexing ghost was here to haunt us. A shadow that was going to lurk around here to grief for a long time, it seemed. The driver couldn't make it , the officer's voice rang and it was no hard to guess who was driving the car.

Dylan. Someone who believed to be with me in my doom forever was suddenly gone. Dead. Death. It seems like such a comforting word, but it brings no peace to the people left behind.

Staring blankly at the empty spaces in between the time, I could finally see the mourning in the air. My body went still waiting to be collapsed, surely, the crushed heaving my soul could be unbearable.

"Snow!" A voice shook me out of paralyzed state. I forced my eyes too look up and see the distressed expression of Ethan. His face told me, his emotions in that moment ran deeper than mine.

I couldn't move, speak, even blink for a second but thankfully, I didn't have to. In a swift motion he pulled me against his chest and breathed a sigh. Clutching me in his tight grip, he quivered and murmured, "You are okay. You are okay. You are safe and here with me. You are okay."

He chanted those words like a prayer in my ear and I reached to wrap my arms around his neck. I needed to touch him, but something told me he needed it more than me.

"It's okay, I am okay" I managed to whisper above the lack of air choking me.

Pulling away from me, he kept his hold on me firm and raised a hand to touch my cheek. Staring down at me, he was the meaning of something in between utter devastation and relief. Something in between bad or the worst.

I leaned in his palm, feeling his fingers graze my scruff skin gently and closed my eyes. Just a moment. It was only a moment of serenity, but a weapon for me. That simple moment would help me face that was yet to come.

His lips caressed my forehead in a feeble movement, making me open my eyes and catch his. Those alluring eyes, I used to hold onto as an anchor.

"Where is... Finn? "

The change on his demeanor didn't go unnoticed. Clenched jaw, hard eyes and anger was crystal clear.

But, that didn't stop me as I took a step back from him and cleared my throat. Peeping up through my lashes, I feared he would lash or something. Maybe stop me from finding Finn, but he just held my hand.

Our hands interlocked like a knots of a string tied by Fate as he slowly tugged me closer and led me.

"Just so you know, he is erm not in a good condition, right now." Ethan muttered under his breath as he guided me to the other side of the road.

"Is he injured badly?" I couldn't help, but ask.

Ethan just shook his head and as we reached near and nearer, I could see what he meant. There were few people gathered around, but the cops didn't let them move any close as they just discussed whatever they did.

But, the thing that caught my attention was the howling. Tormented cries echoing loudly in a shattered melody.

The car was crushed against the large pillar, the front of it was destroyed that I wondered, how could I survive? My hand flew up to my mouth, covering the gasp as I watched the body laid on the stretcher.

The pieces of glasses slit through his throat made my insides churn. To think that I was the last person he touched, he talked to. I was the last person he saw when he was so close to his end, it made me sick. The heartache was unfamiliar.

My gaze slid towards Finn who was crying over his cousin, the nurses was standing by his side ready to carry Dylan's body to the Ambulance. There was blood on Finn's clothes and no doubt, he was hurt too, but that damage was nothing to measure against the pain he was in.

Ethan wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me by his side as Finn's cried out about what he would say to his aunt. How was he going to meet Dylan's siblings after this. His roaring misery was untamed as his cousin's body was being carried to the ambulance and a cop came to his side.

The scene in front of me felt like a portrait painted in agony. It felt like as if I was imagining everything, but no matter how much I wanted that to be true, it was not.

Not being able to hold it anymore, I quickly turned my head to look away. Taking a deep breathe, I calmed my nerves when my eyes fell on someone. I squinted to focus and realized, Nate was indeed there.

Standing so far away, his back was facing us. Head tilted down he was staring at the ground and the shaking of his shoulders was visible even from the distance.

Pulling my gaze away from him, I looked at Ethan and found him already watching me. For him, I didn't have to say a single word and somehow he still understood what was going in my head.

Ethan released me from his hold and nodded encouragingly.

Giving him a light peck on cheek, I tried to avoid looking at Finn and the cop who was cuffing him and strolled towards Nate trying to hide from the world.

With light steps, I walked up to him. His muffled voice was now audible and judging by the way he straighten up, he knew about my presence.

So, without missing a beat, I lightly patted his shoulder and waited. I knew he needed a little time and that was okay.

After few minutes, he finally turned around and I saw his puffy eyes. The spectre of his sadness broke my heart as he moved towards me and engulfed me in a hug.

"I am sorry, Winter. I am so sorry." He choked against my hair, words barely sounding coherent. I rubbed his back soothingly and replied

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Something's just can't be predicted."

I voiced out in all honesty and as I felt him cry quietly, I tried to hug him a little tighter and we stood there just holding each other, both swimming in the same anguish.

When he pulled away, I could see the regret and despair as he forced a tiny smile. A smile so joyless.

I could see why he was feeling this way, what made him so sorrowful. His friend betrayed him, lied and the said friend was now out there crying his heart out over his loss too.

Finn was there alone fighting two battles at once, he must've needed someone, but for the first time, Nate didn't want to be that someone.

For the first time, he didn't want to help the person he cherished and maybe that is what he regretted the most without even realizing.

Finn resembled a desperate wish to live of a dying person, when he was being led to the police car. The shattered aura looming over him let out silent tears.

Ethan as he approached me, looked like as if he just woke up from a nightmare and was now looking for something to hold onto, someone to help him understand what's reality and what was a bad dream.

If I see in a way, we all were blaming ourselves and we all were unaware. In some way, for some reason, we were blaming ourselves. For what happened, what didn't happen and what could've happened and it was okay.

As weird as it sounds, I think it was okay. It was okay that we all were burdened with these little pieces of blame and regret.

After all, why should only one person carry the heavy weight of guilt?

I am supposed to be stu(dying) but eh here I am. #NoRegrets

Stayed up till 4 am just to finish this chapter for you guys, what do you think? I hope it was not too bad, I was in my feels while writing it. Music really does me good.

Anyway, now I got to go and finally study, I mean good grades are kinda hard to get. Let me know your thoughts and opinions in the comment section, I love reading them!

Bye, angels. Stay happy and safe. The simplest positive action is a smile :)

Love, Zee..