《Her Hidden Self | ✓》57| Unveiling & Exposure
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❝ Now, do not misunderstand me; when I call her a shell
I mean- a used up bullet casing
as in the aftermath of something lethal
as in an echo of inflicted evil ❞
The sharp pain hammered in my head, a constant pounding in my skull. Squeezing my eyes, I raised my hand to touch my forehead, but something tightly wrapped around my wrists stopped me from move.
My body felt light as a feather and my strangled breathing ticked like a clock of doom in silence. Leisure movement of footsteps against the pavement screeched against my ears. Someone was there pacing back and forth in a hauntingly gentle manner.
Uncertain of my surroundings, I opened my eyes slowly and the sudden flash of light stung my vision. I blinked few times to adjust to the brightness, it's like I was waking up from an eternal long sleep, except more numb and completely drained.
"Thank god, you are finally awake, I was beginning to worry"
That voice. I knew that voice even though I spent my entire life trying to forget it. That voice, the owner of that voice tinted some of my horrible memories.
Gulping down the dread and gust of air, my eyes fell on his brown boots as he stepped closer towards me, before trailing up to take in his frame, I really hoped for me to be wrong, to have that person turned out to be someone else, but just as my eyes reached his face, it's like all the air was knocked out of me.
He had the same inky black hair and eyes the most lethal I had seen. That smile on his face was wide and deadly, I never wanted to see him again. Ran from his sight and cursed his presence in my life but like a bad dream, he was back to haunt me.
He crouched down to be at my eye level and I got the chance to look at him closely and bemoaned the truth, "Long time no see, darling"
His voice, his face, his entire existence set a fire in my head and those words only added the fuel in it.
"What are you doing here, Dylan?", Just as I raised my voice, my throat dry as a desert seized and I started coughing.
"Be careful. You're not completely conscious", He whispered in a soft tone.
I wanted to pounce at him, finally take out the anger I harbored for him for so long, but I was tied and weak. The rope knotted around my wrists had my hands hostage behind my back and the cord binding my legs forbid them to budge.
"You haven't changed at all", lifting his hand, he pushed a strand of my hair back tucking it behind my ear and stared at me.
I wish I could say that his green eyes didn't hold the fatal and menace of a deathly potion, that his eyes were just as calm as his voice like a green forest after the rain, but it was not the truth.
Jerking my face away from his hand, I barked at him, "Don't you fucking dare touch me"
Dylan didn't even seem faze by me, he just let his hand drop and chuckled lowly, before sitting down in front of me, crossed legs. He leaned in, placing his elbow on his knee and rested his stubble cheek on top of his palm.
"Still as fierce as I remember. Though I never understood, why do you hate me so much darling?", He questioned, eyes boring into mine intently, he had the nerve to look innocent.
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Scooting back, I supported myself against the wall which stroked my body roughly beneath the cloth. It was an empty room, you could not even call it a room, it was like a prison. Empty, abandoned without any way to escape, except that door.
Slowly fading cement walls decorated with dust and gloominess, the pavement all worn out. I bet there was a spider web or two around the corner. What was this place anyway?
After a moment of quietness, I finally voiced out, "Stop pretending as if you don't know"
"I admit, I really do not know. Tell me the truth, is it because of Claire?"
That's why I didn't want to see him ever again. There were too many things, too many bad memories. He pulled the strings of mind and made me think about the things I had been running from, like a doll under his command.
"Never say her name again" I glared at him, hoping he would disappear.
A tender smile graced his face as he nodded obediently, "You are right, I should not. I'll only say Winter, it's the most beautiful name after all"
Letting out a harsh scoff, I placed my head back to press it against the wall and peered up at the ceiling. A big oval light illuminating at the center and I was right, a tiny spider web. Closing my eyes, I blocked out the unpleasant images of that lonely place.
Why I was there? Who was the shadow I saw outside that party? Was it Dylan? Why did he bring me here or why would he want to take me anywhere for that matter? What time it was? Did someone notice me missing? Was Ethan okay? or was he worried? Was I going to be okay?
A lot of questions swam around my head, but I didn't try to find the answer to any of them. I heard a shuffle sound staggering against the floor.
I didn't need to open my eyes to see that Dylan has shifted and was sitting beside me. The unwanted heat of his presence was enough to tell me that.
"I missed you so much. I was starting think if I was going mad", His sudden confession shocked me a bit, but I still didn't make a move to look at him.
"So long. I tried to forget you for so long, I thought it would be easy but, every time I looked at you and I found myself fall deeper and deeper. Those angelic eyes made me weak against my urge to protect you. I just wanted to protect you from every bad thing", He whispered as if he was not sure of his words. As if he was struggling to hold back, but didn't know how to let out either.
"I always watched you, from the very beginning you wanted to deal with everything alone, you liked to be left alone, didn't you?"
Against my will, my eyelids opened themselves forcing me see the reality and face it. Titling my head, I peered at him. He was sitting in a position similar to mine, head against the wall as he caught my eyes.
The lack of space was unnerving, his breathe was fanning my skin and I parted my lips to tell him to move back, but I controlled myself from doing so and let him continue.
"But, you see darling , humans need company, they go little crazy without it and yet you never let me get close to you. I always imagined that's how loneliness would be like. A cold, dark cell unable to move or do anything. Trapped in your head with no one else to guide you out of the dark places you end up in. An eternity of conscious nothingness. I didn't want you feel that, not when I can do something."
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He locked our eyes and I saw so many emotions caught in a storm in his emerald eyes, he was allowing me to see his vulnerability as he whispered, "Tell me darling, why do you hate me? I never found the answer so, I am begging you for one"
Never in a million years, I ever thought this day would come. Surely, I always wished to see him somewhere someday to tell him how badly he fucked up. How he destroyed my family, made me guilty for the rest of my life.
But now that I was seating there facing him, I realized I was not ready. Never was.
How could I read out a loud a chapter so sad over and over again? I wanted to rip those pages out of my story and pretend that it was a happy tale.
Taking a brave breathe, I whispered, "She died because of you"
"That's not true, you know. She died because of her, she killed herself because she didn't want to live. Unlike you darling, she was not strong. She could never bear the pain" His voice was just as hushed as mine. Whispering everything that went wrong.
"You are the one who hurt her, she didn't deserve all of that," I spit out. Anger was okay, it was all okay. I was good with anger, despair made me helpless and I didn't like it.
For a longest second of my life, he just stared at me, before pulling away and found the ceiling.
"You are right about that, she didn't deserve the pain, but...neither did you," He murmured.
"What are you talking about?" Confusion coated my words.
"I never wanted to be with Claire, I never wanted to use her but she was the only one, darling. The only one who could tell me about you, the only one who could help me get close to you. She was a naive girl. Without even realizing she told me everything about you, disclosed your every piece of memory"
His voice cracked in between, before he closed his eyes inhaling and continued confidently, "I know everything, you don't have to hide. Claire told me that you were not her real sister and how badly you were treated by her mother. All the things you went through every day and how you cried secretly, I know it all and it angered me and made me sorrowful"
The air left my lungs and a burning sensation took it's place. My heart slammed itself helplessly against the rib cage, before finally falling apart and breaking into uncountable pieces. How can a broken heart break so many times?
I couldn't believe the secrets that just left his mouth. Does that mean Claire knew? She knew everything and yet, she never did once tried to tell me? Maybe then, I would've been able to cope with it better, maybe then I wouldn't have to question myself for everything and wonder why did my mom hate me.
What was I supposed to feel? My dead sister knew the biggest truth about my life and yet she left me to play with the lies. She knew a secret which was only mine to hide, what was I supposed to feel?
Should I be sad that she never told me or should I be sad because she chose to tell him instead. Should be angry or should I just break? She must've had reasons...right?
The tears welling up in my eyes threatened to pour out and I had never heard a silence so loud. With trembling lips, I instantly looked away from him, trying to hide my face and fought the desire to cry but, I knew I was fighting a lost battle.
When a tear trickled down my cheek, I desperately wanted to wipe it that I almost screamed in frustration. My hands were tied and tears were streaming down my face, why? I yet had to find.
In a beat, he was back in front of me again. Desperately searching for something in my eyes as he tried to soothe me, "Shh I know you have been through a lot, my darling and it was not fair on you"
Tightly shutting my eyes, I begged myself to stop crying but tears just wouldn't stop streaming. The dampness of my cheek was making me pity myself, how pathetic I had been to let myself cry in front of the man, who was the cause of those tears, one way or other.
When the calloused of his thumb caressed my cheek, my eyes flew opened and I growled pushing myself away from him.
"Stop struggling please, you'll only make it worse for yourself. You are beautiful and I am so proud of you, darling. It was really cruel of them to make you fight everything alone, how could you have won? It's not your fault," He whispered.
His face may had been calm and gentle as he spoke, but the fury in eyes were clear as the sky in summer. But, the truth could never be change, he was the reason behind my sister's death.
I just needed to run away from that place, but didn't know how. Wriggling my hands was not any help, since the rope was knotted stiffly or else I could've reached my phone. My legs turned numb caged in the cord, so there was not a chance to get them free.
Over all, it was really a pathetic condition.
Suddenly, two arms came around me, holding me against a hard chest. His suffocating smell engulfed me as he mumbled above my head, "It's okay, we all cry sometimes, you cannot always be happy. Darkness without light is an abyss and light is blinding without darkness, you cannot have a coin with only one side, can you? It's all going to be okay from now on, I will make you the happiest."
I writhed in his arms, trying to shove him away and curse after curse flew out of my mouth and all the while, he just hugged me and brushed my hair with his fingers. God, when will I be free from everything?
"Darling, stop it, stop fighting. You don't have to hate me forever, look try to run and I promise I can stop you. We are just the same"
I knocked him away with all the strength my body could muster. Anger took over every emotion and baring my teeth, I snarled, "I am nothing like you, you hear me? Nothing. I can't be with you"
He gaped at me desperate and shattered, "Isn't that what people do? Learn to love each other? Could you not learn to love me? I will love you to death, I would never be unkind to you. Never"
"Kidnapping people is unkind." I snapped.
His face was ablaze with rage as he clenched his jaw, clearly not accepting any of my words, "Making people fall in love with you and refusing to love them back in unkind", He spat out.
Focusing directly on his eyes, I lifted my chin in determination and the harsh admission left my lips, "I will never love you, not after what you did"
Kneeling there, he was shell shocked just gazing with distressed eyes, "You never gave me a chance and I did everything, everything in my power to be with you"
"She loved you", Without even realizing my voice raised in it's own. The truth tasted so bitter on my tongue. Why did she?
Stubbornly, he rubbed a palm over his face and heaved out a frustrated sigh, then moving closer, he cupped my face and breathed, "But, I love you".
Hungrily and miserable, he let his eyes scan my face. As if he was trying to make me remember that, as if he wanted to frame his feeling inside my brain. His grip so tight almost as if he thought, I was about to vanish. Wouldn't that be nice?
His eyes were the hues of a forest after a destruction. The lost beauty of earthy greenery. His expression tormented like a prisoner tortured by his faith too many times, pained like a person begging for love.
None of it, none of it could change what I felt about him, complete hatred. Claire must've been that desperate too. Victim of a love that was never returned. She was punished for the love she had for him.
Yanking my face away from him, I glowered, "You hurt her"
"I never wanted to" He whispered, shaking his head violently and racked his hands through his hair as black as the space.
How could he say something like that? How can someone just ruin a life, abuse, torture the person who did nothing but loved you and then say you never wanted to do it?
All it takes a second for a life to change completely.
Shakily, I let out a breathe that was caged inside and graveled, "Think about it, Dylan. How do you feel when you love someone and they don't love you back? You know that feeling all to well, don't you? How do you feel? Heartbroken? Betrayed? Claire felt the same. She felt exactly the same"
His entire body tensed up as he stared at me wide eyed, it looked like as if I had slapped him or something. Backing away gingerly from me, he stood up, as if realization had finally caught up to him.
With a surprise, I watched his eyes turned glossy and a guilty, ashamed guise stained his features. He didn't bother to conceal his face that just turned a shade pale and when a tear slipped out of his left eye, his fingers instantly curled into a fist by his side.
He was giant standing there, hovering over me but, he didn't look intimidating at all, in fact quite the opposite as he murmured to himself. With the back of his hand, he wiped the evidence of the tear from his cheek.
A knock on the door and sound of someone rustling behind it broke us out of our trance of tragedy. Dylan turned his face sideways to glance at it, before turning towards me with a sad smile rendering his lips.
"Don't feel too hurt, darling" He told me in a quiet voice, before sauntering towards the door.
I furrowed my eyebrows at his words, not understanding what did he mean by that but, just the door creaked opened revealing the person it was hiding, I knew.
"Well, hello there snow"
For those of you who don't remember Dylan - he is the dude Winter rejected, who started dating her sister and everything went shit after that.
With that being said, as I was writing this chapter I realized from my readers's point of view, Dylan is the "villain" of this story and I kinda didn't like that concept. I mean, yes Dylan is a bad person but, I wanted my readers to see a glimpse of good in him.
I didn't want to portray him as an evil psycho lover, but rather a person with deep perspective, who just happens to be in love with our MC and is little crazy about her (I guess?)
I hope I managed to accomplish my goal. Please, let me know what do you think about Dylan, his personality and of course, his sudden entry. I look forward to hear from you all!
Also, I am being quite generous with the updates, aren't I? ;) Just kidding, I love you guys.
Always stay safe and happy. Smile, even if it's a sad smile, because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile :)
Love, Zee..
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