❝ The angels kept weeping in her soul

For that, they couldn't save her from herself or all the devilish things in her head❞

I couldn't look at her the same. I just couldn't.

This whole time I admired her thoughts, fell in love with the invisible depth behind her words, loved that brave expression on her face, regardless whatever comes her way, but.. it had changed.

It's like someone splashed the chilled water on me, to wake me up from my sweet melancholy imagination and now, I was awake, trying to grasp the real world. She was not poetry, she was not made of beautiful words rolling of her tongue, but, of the hurt laced them.

Her smile wasn't as bright as the sunlight, instead as lonely as the moonlight. Her eyes didn't hold the fucking stars, only their burning and smoke. She was not something to write a poem about, but, a lesson to be learned. A pray to dream.

Her teary eyes and broken words told me stories, that made my heart clench with her pain and my soul weep.

I could imagine it so easy and vividly. The young and innocent girl, that Winter once was, trying to figure out why her mother never wanted her. A world burning in her eyes, with dark and wild shadows dancing in the fire, madly mourning. The picture of her trying to muffle those screams, which were supposed to be heard, loud and clear. Soundless sobs spilling over the darkness.

She was just a child forced to grow up, in the whirlwind storm of raging bodies, frenzy confusion and the ghosts of her stolen childhood still lurks around every corner of her eyes.

I wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold onto her dying faith, I wanted to show her, that she has not been loved before. How with one kiss, I was willing to make love to her soul for eternity.

The silence was heavy with the burden of her heart, she just poured out. There were so many words on the tip of my tongue, itching with questions, but I kept still. It was not about me at that moment, it was all about her.

Though, her lips had stop forming words long ago, but, her aura still reminisced the haunting stories, that have never been told.

Everything made sense now. Everything little thing about her had depth and meaning behind it, the world could never guess. After all, every hardest , coldest people you meet, were once as soft as water and that is the tragedy of living.

It's all bit strange, isn't it? How you heart just burns and burns... and suddenly turns to ice. How can something so haunting, be this beautiful?

Few inches. Few little inches were the only thing separating me from her, but I knew, deep down, she was far and far away from. Lost in the town of terrifying memories, wondering, if she will ever find a place to call her own.

I glanced at her from the side, cautiously and my throat seized as I took in the expression on her face. She was haunted like every other holy thing and despite the burden of atlas on her shoulder, she still stood straight facing her problems. But, the constant burning of her heart, still made it hard to beat for life, didn't it?

Who was she in her tale? The villain or the victim? The broken or the breaker?

My lips parted to tell her something, she may needed to hear, but the blaring of my phone, interrupted me.

Lowly cursing under my breathe, I pulled out my phone and not paying attention to the caller ID, ended it's continuing ringing. Before, shoving the phone back in my pocket, I saw a notification of a text from Theodore.

Have you find her?

I am taking your lack of reply as yes

I didn't bother to reply and went back to where I was, before the call interrupted me. Turning back to Winter, my eyes fell on the dried tear stains on her cheek and red puffy eyes. I raised my hand to touch her face, to feel that she was still there beside, at least physically, but her words stopped me midway.

"Now, you get it? Why can't, shouldn't be with me?" She met my eyes with rage filled in her own, but I knew, she was not angry at me, but herself.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her words, then, I let out a sigh, murmuring "Let's not start this again"

I looked down at my palm, when she pulled my gaze up again.

"Are you crazy or just pretending to be it? Can't you see? You can't be with me! Not after everything, I've told you. You may not believe it, but, I am way more complicated than you think. I cannot even handle myself, do you not know that? All I do is get angry at people, who did nothing wrong. I am a horrible person, who doesn't deserve all the good things, everyone keep trying to give me. What I did is unforgivable, she was right. She always had been"

She kept on rambling and I couldn't help, but, feel something stir inside me. She was just like that, wasn't she? She wasn't afraid of putting herself in the path of danger, walking down the ally of pain, but, she was terrified of letting anyone in.

She didn't want anyone to feel like she did, right? Doesn't wanted someone to go through something, she couldn't help.

Taking a deep breathe, I reached for her hand and clasped it with mine, telling her "You did nothing wrong, oka--"

Jerking, she snatched her hand away from me and I was left wondering. Oh, how I truly wished, I could understand her and the things going inside her head.

Her voice was heaving pent up wrath, when she gritted her teeth "I've done nothing fucking wrong? Did you not hear what I just said? I was there all along! I was the reaso--"

Those words had the violence of a girl against herself. Just like always, her first instinct was to push me away and crawl back in the cave of hatred, directed towards her own self.

I tried to reason. What could I say, to make her forget the things, her mom carved in her mind? "What happened in the past wasn--"

"I don't want a fucking deep counselling speech from you, I know things better than you do. You are jus--"

"WILL YOU FUCKING LET ME SPEAK?" I snapped, frustrated by everything. I knew, it was hard for her to get over things, she never escaped from, but, I didn't want her to hold onto them. She just needed someone to pull her out of the darkness and guide her through the light, for that, she wasn't used to it.

Winter completely froze in her spot and oh the irony, she really looked like a long lonely winter night. The paleness of her delicate skin, like landscape snow.

Blowing out a tired breathe, I admitted the truth "Listen, I don't want to keep fighting with you. Just know, that I care about you too much, to go anywhere"

Her expression changed drastically, like ocean waved and I couldn't grasp it. At first, there was anger, then pain and now.. regret.

"I don't get it, why? Why me?" A broken whisper.

I couldn't hold it any longer. Throwing my arms around, I pulled her close to me, embracing her. I felt her suck in a breathe weakly as I said

"Why not you? Do you not know what you do to me? To people? You are in my every thought and in drives me crazy! You make this world seem such a nice place and you don't even know it. You are such a beautiful mess, not a single poet earth can describe it. You are the most considerate person. Despite, what you say, I know you care about everyone, just like I know you know, that we care about you too. I don't want to leave your side, I want to learn every part of you. You know, people say there are many fishes in the sea, well guess what? You are my damn fucking sea and I am the shore, because no matter how many times you push me away, I will never leave you. Never. You are way more than you think"

She gripped my T-shirt in her fist, trying not to break down again and muttered "I don't care"

"Stop lying to yourself. You do care. You care so much that, it consumes you. You hate the fact, that you care so much, but you constantly lie to yourself, so you can get through the day"

I frowned, when she pulled away from me and looked at me with those big stormy eyes. That uncertain etched face, softly letting her voice out "But, I--"

Shaking my head, I stopped her over thinking and leaned down to kiss her forehead "Don't say anything, Snow. Everything will be just fine"

And this time, she didn't.

Quietly resting her head on my shoulder, she let herself forget everything for a while. Releasing all the bad things out of her heart and sat by my side, listening to the silence. Sometimes, it speaks the truth.

So... where should I start? Oh yeah, I remember now. Okay, I know, I took a bit long to update and honestly, blame it on my lack of inspiration and bad habit of procrastinating.

Buuttt.. My summer break is going to start very very soon, which means, I'll have a lot of time to write and I am planning to finish this book by then. I am not making promises or anything, but, I'll get enough time... so we'll see.

Until then, live with this update. How was this chapter and what do you is going to happen next? I have few interesting things planned ;) Oh boy..here we go

Well then, bye everyone! Take care of yourself. Every smile makes you a day younger :)

Love, Zee...