❝ She locked herself away and didn't give anyone a key

She didn't even say goodbye and was swallowed by a sea❞ 

"Wha-what?" The words barely left my mouth in a weak voice. The room started spinning and the voices around me were fading, slowly fading into nothingness.

With eyes still glossy from the pain, she looked down at the table and began "As much as I hate myself for telling you this, it's true."

I sucked in a breath, but it couldn't even move past my tongue and with every word of hers spoken, my fist tightened, trying to grasp something, trying to hold on.

"George, erm your father had gone to visit his friend on holidays once and due to my sudden sickness, I couldn't." When she stared up into my eyes, I knew I was not ready to hear anything, but she continued "When he was away and my sickness continued, I called my friend and she suggested me to take a pregnancy test and it was... it was positive."

"I was pregnant with Claire. I was happy and nervous, it was our first child. I couldn't wait for your father to come back, then break the news. But when he got back, he wa-was not the same, I don't know what changed, but he was acting and being so.. different?"

The distressed and broken expression on her face churned my stomach, twisting it mercilessly, she was reminiscing a painful memory, wasn't she?

"He didn't look at me, never met my eyes. Everyday, every moment I asked him what had happened, what was wrong, but he never said anything. He became rigid and jumpy, every time I was around and you know, how he reacted when I told him about the pregnancy?"

"He didn't say anything. Not a single smile or happy glint in his eyes, all there was paleness and guilt. Though, I didn't know that I was about to know the reason behind it so soon."

She inhaled a shaky breath, before resuming in a faint voice.

"Just a week later after George's return, a woman showed up at the door. She was really pretty, quite young and.. she claimed to be pregnant with George's child. You"

Tears like burning acid welled up my eyes and my throat seized, when a lone tear slid down her cheek.

"I was devastated and shocked, feeling betrayed, when George didn't deny anything. I don't know what I was expecting, but when he admitted everything and told me ho- how he drunkenly spent his night with that woman, I was hurt, extremely hurt. The thought that I was patiently waiting for him to return, missing him, he was there with her, made me sick."

"I wanted to leave him, but that time, my love won over my hurt. He apologized and begged me to forgive him, telling me how he would spend his entire life making amends and I gave in, because I loved him, just like I knew he loved me too. It was a mistake, he told me over and over again"

"That woman, Lillian, your biological mother wanted an abortion, to give you up, because she didn't wanted a child so soon. But George wanted the baby and told her, he was willing to take all of your responsibility..."

"And just twenty days later after Claire's birth, she left you here with us, telling George to never contact her again."

Numbness is all I could feel, the blood coursing through my veins turned icy cold and I wanted to cry, cry my heart out, but tears never spilled, stubbornly they just stood there at the bay.

She let out a hiccup, trying to control herself, but she was already at the edge, saying "I am so sorry, Winter, for being such a bad mother. I wanted to love you, really did, but just watching you there with Claire and George, I just couldn't help it. I didn't want you to be a part of our family, it was really selfish, but it was our family."

Her sobs muffled, as she put her hand over her mouth to low the sound "And after Claire's death, I just couldn't handle it. She was my doll, my everything, yet she was the one snatched away from me and seeing you, killed me, because a sick part of me wanted Claire instead of you. I know, it was so foolish and selfish of me"

"I am sorry, Winter, so so sorry, you didn't deserve that, forgive me. I really didn't want any of this to happen, darling, I am so sorry."

"Sorry for making you go through so much all alone. I am sorry for not being there for you, like I should have, for leaving you both when you needed me the most. I am so sorry, because I blamed you for every bad thing in my life, I am sorry that apologizing is all I can do. Yo--"

"Stop it" I told her in an obscure whisper. There were so many words formed on the tip of my tongue, but they were caged, and couldn't move out.

Surprised, she gazed at me and my eyes fell on the fresh tears stains as she quickly wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, shaking.

Her words weighed down my chest, making it hard to breathe, I didn't know what to do, what to say. How do you deal with this? What do you do, when your whole world is falling apart and all you can do is stare?

"Why are you apologizing?" I don't know where that came from, but I said it, I told her what I truly felt.

"No, Winter liste—" I shook my head stubbornly just as she began to speak and that's when, a lost tear streamed down my cheek.

As if the whole place was watching, people staring at me, waiting for me to break into thousands of pieces that were still freshly glued. I knew, it was just my conscience, nobody even paid a single glance at our direction, but it felt like that.

As if everyone was looking at me with pity, just like the woman sitting in front of me.

Should I still call her mom or I have no right? I can't be even mad at her now, in fact it should be the other way around. What am I supposed to do now?

What. Do. I. Do? Run away? Apologize? Cry? Not believe her? Fight? Get angry, why me all the time? As if someone just woke me up from a beautiful melancholic dream and told me, it was a lie, an empty hollow lie of oblivion and now this was my reality. I could never leave, could I?

Should I try to numb myself enough not to feel anything? And hope for an endless sleep to com-

"Please, say something." Her broken plea, pulled me out of my thoughts. Telling me, I was not the only one drowning there.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked in an octave tone, before hesitantly adding "Mom?"

There was relief in her eyes, before remorse took its place as she smiled at me, but that smile lacked the shine and happiness, everything that made a smile a real smile

"I am sorry, I did this to you. I lost my one daughter and because of my foolish mistak—"

I couldn't hold it any longer, so I stopped her, murmuring "Please, stop apologizing."

A frown puckered up in her brows as she stared at me with teary eyes, I couldn't take it, so I closed my eyes for a split second wandering the dark skies, looking for something to hold onto.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to control my emotions that were torturing me and desperately said "I need to go" getting up from the chair.

"No, pl—" She tried to stop me, but I interrupted her.

"Please. Please, don't make me stay." It was a crushed request, strangled with unsaid bleeding words as I watched her one last time, mirroring a regretful and hurting expression just like mine.

When I turned around, I didn't dare look back and ran out of that place, collecting everything I've heard just now and burying it in the deepest corner of my heart.

Thought, I should update, cause I am going to be superrr busy later. Completed this chapter on my way to Airport to pick my bro up, so forgive me for my mistakes. 

This is not it, guys. The full tale of her past is coming up in next chaps, so hold on and prepare yourself. Everything's about to blow up.

But, before that, what do you think about this chapter? Is there anything you'd like to ask me about this mess?

Hope you are having a great day. One of the most rewarding things in life is to always put a smile on your face :)

Love, Zee...