❝ She's not made of sugar and spice and everything nice. But, rather fire and lightening and everything frightening.

People see the smoldering flames and the raging winds and they think that she's strong, they think that she's powerful.

But, in reality, she just tends to burn herself down❞

Roaring of music at its highest ear deafening range numbed my senses, applying a temporary bandage to my invisible wounds. Moisture evaporated from my tongue and burned in the back of my throat, leaving me with an effervescent sensation as I took a big gulp of whiskey.

My legs dangled down lazily, I had been sitting in the same stool for hours, drowning myself in alcohol, watching all those people doing the same, while others tried to find an escape in dancing or drinking.

They were wild and reckless, away from world's chaos and losing themselves on the dance floor, where I spotted my friends too. Just as we got here, it didn't take me long to cut connection from everyone and find myself a seat to sit beside my loneliness.

Heavy consumption of liquor just to forget things and run away from problems had never been me, but again I never knew who or what I really was.

When that empty part continued missing him and guilt started to feel bitter on my tongue, that's when I grabbed the nearest glass of whiskey, longing for something to hold onto as I felt myself slipping away from me.

It had been too much though, but at that moment, I couldn't care less. I wanted to shout, to tell the world that if I ever get lost, please don't try to find me, I am running away until I realized that the only one who would be too stubborn to obey was no longer there to hear it

- And the world really wouldn't bother to find me.

My eyes felt weird and heavy and my vision blurred as if with heat laced tears. There was a lump in my throat scorching as I continued to soak in whiskey. It started hurting, but that pain felt nothing like how I actually felt inside.

I didn't stop and ordered another glass. I chugged down a fifth one by myself and everybody around me was too busy enjoying themselves to wonder how empty I had to be in order to do that.

Sip by sip I fell into it's brisk intoxicated trap and again his thoughts kicked their way in my mind. Those cherished moments were now a memory, the images of his smile now had dust layered on it, an accidentally spilled secret had no regret whatsoever.

I let my head fall back emptying the glass and my heart too. Longing of my soul mocked me, stinging inside.

Tell me whose name made you drink to forget yours?

Roughly I put the glass down and glared at the fragile transparent substance. It was not enough. Later, rubbed my eyes, when water started to fill my vision.

"What happened to you? Don't tell me you are planning to drink more" His annoying voice nagged me as another glass full of scotch was placed right in front of me.

I looked at him with a bored expression. Wearing dark jeans paired up with a casual chambray shirt, Finn stood there with his signature grin. His hair looked slightly different from his usual messy fade quiff.

"It's none of your concern" I let out a grunt. My head spinning under those colorful lasers.

He laughed quietly, before leaning against the bar and said "You'd be surprised to know that it is."

I couldn't help but imagine a particular shade of hazel in his blue gray eyes and suddenly, guilt pinched my skin.

"Do you have cigs?" I blurted out.

His face looked thoroughly shocked, before turning amused. "You are full of surprises. Sure, I do."

His hand reached towards his jeans pocket, later revealing a white-ish packet of addictive destruction. I nodded in appreciation as he let me have one, then taking another for himself.

Putting the thin tobacco stick in my mouth, tucking it, I stared at it for a flickering second. Smoke with me?

Quickly, taking the silver steel colored lighter, I flamed it before lightening up the cigarette and fulfilled my urge for a release.

I inhaled the air moving past a fire and felt my lungs tighten a little, then held it in torturing myself. I loved the warm feeling of the rough paper between my fingers, the taste on my lips, the feeling of the smoke in my lungs, going out through my lips as I exhaled.

Finn's eyes were on me, but I didn't pay much attention and lost myself in the heavy smog. It was pleasant and oddly comforting, like a warm blanket over my lungs, but sadly not on my heart.

I kept the ritual alive, breathing in the fiery smoke, until it started to taste like a poem from a broken poet, like a religion of tired souls, like the way he looked at me, before walking out of that door.

Tears of anger welled up in my eyes, but I kept them at bay and tried to focus on that noisy booming of music, the tobacco mixing with the whiskey on my tongue, making it dry as paper.

No matter how hard I tried not to think about it, to ignore it, somewhere within I knew. That something inside me was hurting broken and maybe that's why I craved cigarettes, whiskey or music turned so fucking loud, I couldn't think.

I crushed the cigarette in the marble ashtray, grinding it till the fire in it died. I felt lightheaded and dizzy, almost like an addict. What am I trying to do?

"You don't look good, Winter. Is anything wrong?" Finn grabbed my arm, turning me to face him as he inspected me closely.

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged him off muttering coldly, "Of course, not. I am just enjoying myself or well trying to."

From the corner of my left eye, I saw the untouched glass of scotch on the bar. As if Finn sensed what was going through my mind and plucked the glass, before I could even reach it.

Holding the glass away from me, he rolled his eyes and said "Look, you shouldn't be drinking this much. Besides you never drink, so what makes tonight special?" He was trying to change the subject, that sly ogre.

"I just want to fucking drink, okay? Am I not allowed to? If yes, that sucks it up, I am going to anyway" My words stammered by the end as I yelled at him.

He shook his head giving in, when I grasped his shirt and snatched the glass from his hand. Few droplets of the drink fell on my chiffon dress leaving a wet mark, because of the sudden movement, but I ignored it.

Buzzing with a life full of bad decisions, I swallowed down the drink in one go and shut my eyes tightly feeling it hit my system.

"When the drinks finally kick in, you'll regret this" Finn's words were laced with disappointment or just plain warming.

My eyes flew open and wiping my mouth from the back of my hand, I nodded nonchalantly "Sure, I won't mind another one"

Analyzing the active crowd, I hoped down from the stool and already felt my head throbbing under loud music and mild moving lights.

Just as my eyes reached towards the exit, I too began to make a move towards it, when Finn asked "Where are you going now?" His voice was pressed up against the musical notes.

"Out" I just murmured half heartedly, before walking towards the gate hidden behind the sea of people.

I was aware of his callings for me or footsteps following me close, but I kept walking, feeling the room spin around me, trying to make me fall.

Reaching out, I was about to open the door, but a hand clasped around my shoulder stopping my move.

"You can't go out alone, do you know what time it is? You are drunk, for heaven's sake" I almost unheard his words, because of the screaming noises in my mind. I wanted to get the hell out of there.

"Don't tell me what to do. I am just going for a walk, for heaven's sake"

He frowned, before offering "Okay. Then at least, let me accompany you"

I shook my head, frustrated "Thanks for your help, but I want to go alone. Thought it was fucking obvious enough?"

Shrugging his arm off, I threw him a gravely look, before opening the gate and this time, he didn't try to stop me.

When the wave of fresh and cool night air swam over me, I almost felt like crying. There was something lonely inside me as I stepped out at the back of the building.

Maybe too much alcohol was not a good idea, because I wanted to scream for some reason, tell the world about how fucked up I was and how badly I did it. I always thought anger was more painful, not knowing why you are so mad at anything, anyone or understanding the reason.

But, when I heard the sound of my broken heart still beating through life, the hollowness of my soul and so much hatred towards me and the decisions, I made. I realized that nothing was and ever could be more painful than loneliness, than heartbreak, than remorse.

My cheeks felt damp, eyes trying to fill the gap with unshed tears and that's when I came to know, I was actually crying.

They were angry tears, helpless tears, tears of one's loss.

I hated it. Nothing felt the same, it's like even the stars above were looking down at me with sympathy and Moon tried to soothe me, but somehow failed to do so.

I remembered our late night memories. The night we got locked and how he was there, when I woke up scared and alone. The night I found him smoking and thought how no one looked so good while doing it. The night we spent chasing peace, the secrets we murmured under the blanket of stars. The night he first made me realize that life is still a beautiful thing.

I wiped those tears and rubbed my eyes to stop the flood of emotions. Fixing my hair and dress, I stood straight and stepped out on the street, not thinking about a particular place.

Reality hit me hard, when I looked around the empty street, same shops and same board. It looked familiar and deep down, I knew where the way would lead me to.

And so I followed it. Not listening to my mind, my feet decided to carry me on their own, strolling down a path full of memories. Slowly, ever so slowly, I felt everything spinning around me. My steps too were careless and stumbling a little.

A horn blared loudly in the hush night light, making me jump. Then, suddenly a car pulled up close to me and I cursed under my breath, clearly knowing who could it be.

Turning around, I was about to curse loud and clear, but stopped midway, my mouth hung open, when I saw the person in the driver's seat.

"What the hell are you doing here, Alex?" I told myself that my words didn't slur, but it was an obvious lie.

"I can ask you the same question" He stated, rolling his eyes.

I stood there dumbfounded and confusion stricken as he leaned in the passenger's seat to unlock the door.

When I didn't make a move, he let out a chuckle, saying "Hop on. I know, where you need to be."

How are you all?

So it's finally done, tell me your thoughts on it! Hope you loved it, because I loved writing it for some reason.

And, while going through my playlists to find a suitable song for this chapter, I thought, I should ask you guys too.

So tell me, what song comes to your mind when you think about this chapter? What song fits the the best?

Looking forward to hear from you all!

Have a great day/night/afternoon/whatever it is. Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day :)

Love, Zee..