❝She is a mermaid, but approach her with caution. Her mind swims at depth, most people would drown in❞

I stared at the ceiling, feeling my throat burn as my lungs took in the familiar sickly addictive smoke from that tobacco stick, between my fingers, later releasing, while watching it dance in the air in freedom, before it faded.

It had been what, minutes? hours? days? God knew, with me laying there on my old bed in solitude just thinking.

At first it felt nice, but when that silence instead of giving me peace, robbed it all of me, it started to suck. God, I was dying to see her, it was pathetic.

For a dumbest second of my life, I had thought being with her was hard. But, when I found myself all on my own, slowly feeling sanity leave my system, I had realized, being without her was the worst. It was like hell on earth.

I craved her. Craved to see her gorgeous face, stare into those fierce yet vulnerable oceanic eyes, touch her, hold her and if she would let me maybe even kiss her.

It was frustrating. So fucking frustrating. One moment, I knew her better than myself and the other, I didn't.

Every time I felt like we were getting close, she would run miles away from me, always leaving me, wondering If I ever began taking steps towards her.

I didn't knew what was worse, her shutting down or her blowing up?

I sighed, before exhaling out the smoke, it's smell covering me like second skin. It's pretty ironic, how the things that kill us, makes us feel the most alive.

My eyes wavered towards the bedroom door when a knock interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey, honey. You awake?" Mom's cheerful voice called out.

Quickly sitting up, I crushed the cigarette in the ashtray on my bedside table and ran a hand through my hair, before replying "Yeah. Come on in"

I watched as Mom opened the door, before sliding in with a warm smile, but soon it turned into a frown.

"You were smoking again." She stated without a surprise, before walking up to the window and opening the blinds.

"Sorry. I tried my best not to," I mumbled feeling ashamed and stared at her back, wanting to meet her eyes.

With soft features and believing glint, she turned around and relieved me by saying "It's alright. I am sure you did. But, try a little harder next time."

Cracking a small smile at her, I nodded, then rested my head against the headboard and closed my eyes feeling lightheaded. Her mere presence was like a hug.

"You have been locked in this room for five days. Is something wrong?" Her concerned words pulled me out.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I opened my eyes in shock. Five days? That long? Great, I have officially lost it.

"You still haven't answered me. Some girl problem?"

My eyes widened as I turned to look at her and she started giggling "Did that question hit you hard? Does that mean, I am right?"

With an awkward chuckle I scratched my head, before letting out with a sigh "It's not like that, at least not anymore. Doesn't matter really"

She pulled out a chair beside and sat down, while listening carefully. "I am pretty sure, it does. C'mon what happened? You can tell Mama everything."

A frustrating feeling ticked me as I quickly shook my head, admitting "I don't know, it's just so fucking confusing, Ma. She confuses the heck outta me"

"I don't get it why she always tries so hard to keep things to herself, always being so distant and that is one of her big problems. Sometimes, sometimes I think we are getting somewhere, maybe it's not that difficult after all, but she punched it all back in my face."

"She never ever believed me, it's like she doesn't trust anybody. She never shares anything and doesn't allow herself to see the truth standing right before her."

Mom smiled at understandingly, before opening her mouth obviously to say something, but I motioned her to stop.

"I told you, it doesn't matter now. We got into a fight, it's like I don't know? second, third? She is just too stubborn and I am supposed to be mad at her"

"And, are you?" Her question was like a mocking comment, and the way she said, with that little smirk burned me.

Curses after curses flew right out of my mouth and I pinched the bridge of my nose, before answering "No. God, no."

"Then, next. What's the problem?"

Illustrations of our arguments, random rendezvous, late night calls, teasing clouded my memories as a small smile pulled up to my lips, before cruel reality stole it.

"She doesn't want me, is that clear enough now? Actually she doesn't want anyone, for the matter. Always trying to stand alone, shoving people away, masking everything with anger, that's just how it is. That's how she plan to live and I think, I ruined her plan"

I gazed up at my Mom's elderly glowing face, faintest wrinkle around her eyes showing the signs of aging, pink cheeks and lips, always formed in a smile as I told her, "How can we save someone, if they don't wanna be saved? How are we supposed to be there for someone, if they don't want us there?"

Silence filled the room, speaking it's own language as I took a deep breath. I couldn't believe it, I said that. I felt her eyes constantly on me, throughout my little ramble, when her hand placed itself on my knee, patting it.

"There could be so many reasons behind it all, you know?" Her response made me frown as I looked up at her in confusion.

She shook her head at my reaction, before continuing "Maybe someone at a one point in her life had betrayed her, that's why she has now learned to keep everything to herself. Have you ever thought about it?"

"Ever noticed her behavior and wondered why she is like that?"

Little did she know, I had. I always had, but my mind would inevitably get lost in her beauty, to focus on finding answers.

"Maybe she has trust issues or is just too scared to trust someone, to admit that yes she relies on someone other than herself. She never shares anything, because she doesn't know how to do so? Because she never did? Maybe she is haunted by things enough and that's why don't wanna see the horror the truth brings?"

"Maybe she is so used to always standing alone that she doesn't know what to do, when someone lends a hand, tries to carry her weight."

"Maybe people who were supposed to be with her, there for her, had left her all on her own. Maybe that's why she doesn't want anyone now close to her? Maybe the tsunami of heartache and loss is too much for her to handle and that maybe she is angry at herself and not you or the world"

"Maybe she doesn't want to be saved, because she was never offered to be, because no one ever tried to. After all this, she had always kept all the things to herself, had always found herself alone, that she doesn't know what to do when someone looks past through it and truly wants to know her?"

Her words were like a chilling shiver of terror running over my spine. They were heavy and laced with secrets only one person knew and couldn't bother to tell.

Everything made so much sense. It's like every word, every sentence she said had a hidden meaning behind it.

"Don't worry. I never forget anything"

"Good luck with that. Even I can't figure myself out"

"It's just so hard to stay strong and keep going when all you want to do is disappear and leave everything behind"

"The life itself is a mess and I don't know, why life is happening to me"

"All of you, just leave me alone"

"There could be so many maybes and what ifs, Ethan. After all, every story has two sides and so does a human being" Mom reminded me, smiling at me.

I was still for a whole moment, thinking and rethinking all that had gone wrong. Where it had gone wrong. What if I only knew the half truth? Or even worse, the wrong half.

Mom stopped the train of thought, saying "Now, it's up to you."

"What do you mean?" I tilted my head, inquiring.

"What do you want to do? Either, you can be stubborn to be with her and make her realize that you are not planning to go anywhere anytime or you can just forget everything and move on, like she expects you to."

A tired sigh left me as I nodded. My fingers itched to grab that cigarette pack in my drawer, but I resisted the urge. Not now or anywhere near soon.

At least, you are trying.

I peeped up the woman, scrutinizing me closely, before she began to get up. "Think about it and get moving. You are a big guy, begin acting like that."

Chuckling at her comment, I ran my fingers through my hair which didn't feel so soft like before. Shower "Sure," I muttered.

Collecting my empty coffee mug from the old oak table, she offered me a fond smile moving towards the door.

She opened the door, but before existing, she looked over her shoulder at me. "By the way, son?"

Noticing that small playful smile playing on her lips, I said "Yes?"

"Tell Winter, I said hi."

Her loud infectious laughter echoed throughout the hallway as she closed the door behind her, leaving me frozen and baffled in my spot.

I shook my head to myself grinning, nothing can stay hidden from Mom.

Then blowing out a breath, I began to chew my bottom lip when I caught up with the situation. Our previous conversation replayed in my mind as the silence sparked my thoughts. Now, it was up to me.

Probably not the best one, but eh it's still something, right? Now rest is up to him lmao

Also forgive me for mistakes and errors, tho I tried my best not make any.

Currently working and studying my ass off and also my wifi is acting like a bitch, so bear with it/me. I completed this chapter in my school lab, where I was supposed to complete those programs. I love breaking rules sometimes, that is all of the time.

Hope you all liked the update. Do share you thoughts, what do you think will happen next?

Bye, take care. It only takes a split second to smile and forget, yet to someone that needed it, it can last a lifetime :)

Love, Zee..