❝Just because her eyes don't tear, doesn't mean that her heart doesn't weep.❞

Maybe, it was a sense of loneliness or dare I say, vulnerability, which had me blabbering things that I wasn't supposed to, wasn't ready to, but, unfortunately shit happens.

I didn't like it, in fact I hated how it turned out. It just felt awkward and really weird to me, I was used to handling my life or my mess on my own and then, suddenly saying how I felt out loud to someone was.... nerve wracking. What was he thinking? I hope he didn't think that I was being an attention seeker or something.

But all of those worries left me, all the storms were tamed as his arms wrapped around my body, giving me warmth and a homely feeling.

"I was worried that you forgot our address, Giggles, really" Dad said in a dramatic voice and hugged me tightly, just as he saw me standing at the front door.

I didn't really plan to come, but that was the only place my mind offered and unwillingly, I surrendered. I just knew that, I wanted to get away from there, leave everything behind just for a while and forget.

I rolled my eyes against his shoulder and muttered "I don't have Alzheimer, Dad"

He pulled away with big grin, happiness looking so gorgeous on him and chuckled "Still perfect as ever. Come on, kiddo, Delia would be so happy to see you here"

Closing the door behind, Dad put his arm around my shoulder as I stepped inside my home, which was more haunting than any house of horror out there. The memories were almost suffocating and painful.

Those cream and pale blue colored walls, decorated with portraits, the soft feathery carpet tickling beneath my feet, same decoration and same addictive smell, nothing changed a bit.

"Surprise, surprise. Look who's here!" Dad announced cheerfully, making Delia turn around from the stove and her eyes widen, glee adorned her features, mixed with a gentle shock.

"Oh my god, Winter! I missed you so much, darling" She burst, coming towards me and engulfed me in a warm hug, squeezing me.

I let out a sigh and chuckled, returning the favor and said "I missed you too, Delia. Tell me, how do you look so younger and younger every time, I see you?

She laughed blissfully and pulled away, looking at me, her copper tinted eyes glowing and said "Oh sush! You should look at yourself, more and more beautiful with every visit. You probably got men falling at your feet, at your complete mercy"

"And I got Mk14 in my closet, just putting it out there" Dad's voice chimed from behind, like he was talking about something completely normal.

"Shut up, George! She's a grown woman and knows what she is doing" Delia scolded, playfully, keeping me close to her. Delusions and more delusions.

"Yeah, whatever you say. Well Giggles, why don't you get fresh and all settled? till then the lunch will be ready. We are making your favorite Cheesy Chili Mac, what a perfect coincidence" Dad told me, walking towards the stove and started stirring the vegetables in the saucepan, before giving me a big smile.

"I'd like that" I nodded and turned to Delia, when she said "It's a good thing, that I just cleaned your room today. It'll be all good"

"Thank you so much. You are an angel" I smiled at her.

I excused myself from the kitchen, when they got back at their work, preparing lunch, while talking and joking around.

I scanned my surroundings and noticed the quick flash of images from the past, burning against my eyelid, so much was there in that nothing.

My eyes trailed the walls and pictures and my fingertips caressed the railing as I climbed upstairs, slowly and hesitant. The painted door greeted me, sorrowfully as I eyed the room at the end, down the hall, just beside mine.

And for a moment, I felt my broken heart breaking all over again, the shattering noise was so clear, yet so quiet. Time still turns the pages of the book, it's burned. How was I supposed to move on and forget?

Letting out a defeated sigh, I walked up to my room door and pushed it open. Same blush pink colored walls welcomed me, but there was not the same cheerfulness. Few posters and stickers tried to handle it, but failed.

I closed the door and threw my small bag on the floor and strolled towards the bed, fell down on it, spreading like a starfish.

My mind finally registered, what was happening and where I was and I started to feel the ache inside. The dull room did nothing, but recalled. Recalled the old memories and mocked me with them.

After having a long shower, I dried my hair and stuffed into a comfortable pair of jeans and a camisole and exited my room. My steps echoed quietly as my feet hit the wooden stairs.

I entered the kitchen and saw Dad setting the table and Delia taking out something from the refrigerator. Sweet addictive smell of cheese melting in the air, flowing around.

I felt the sudden kick from the flashback of two of us, playing on the kitchen floor, being our own chefs while playing around and Mom smiling down at us every now and then, well at her, but still, it was something.

"Giggles? Why are you standing there? Come on!" Dad's concerned voice, pulled me back to reality as I met his warm eyes.

Wordlessly, I joined them at the table, filled with delicious foods and drinks, sitting across Delia, who offered me a soft smile.

"Mhmm this is heavenly. Amazing cooks, you guys are" I hummed in appreciation, after taking a spoonful of my favorite cheesy delight.

"Trust me, it's all her. I did nothing, except tasting and judging now and then" Dad chimed and Delia beside him, let out a shy laugh, when he turned to look at her with a loving gaze and winked, cheekily.

I glanced at their little exchanged through my eyelashes, with an envying feeling and looked down at the table, silently chewing on my food.

~~~

The night rolled in, taking its turn. After a fun filled afternoon, cozy evening and dinner at a fancy restaurant, I found myself alone in my room, glued to my bed, once again.

The glowy stickers on the ceiling tried to shine in the mild light of the night lamp and spread some brightness. I always wondered Why do our hearts choose people that make us suffer?

I remembered those early days, when I couldn't sleep or used to have nightmares, Dad would always be there for me, he used to cuddle with me and calm me down. Nobody ever knew that I loved to cuddle, for that it brings me the warmth and sense of security and acceptance, things I always wanted.

But, now that I laid there all alone, I found nothing but empty silence and just myself.

I sighed getting up from the bed and straightening my T-shirt, strolled towards the door. My hesitant steps were noiseless as I walked downstairs, however I stopped in my track, when I heard the loud sound of the television.

Approaching the living room, I saw my Dad's arm wrapped around Delia's shoulder as they snuggled together on the couch, their eyes trained to the screen. They were watching a movie I realized.

Sensing my stare, Delia turned towards me and a look of surprise came on her face "Oh! Winter, why are you there? Come over here, darling. Sit with us, why don't you? We are watching Pretty Woman." She giggled.

Hearing her voice, Dad's head shot up at my direction, peering at me.

"No um it's alright. I just came to wish you both a good night.... I guess" I pressed my lips together, when my voice came out strained.

"Are you sure?" Delia asked and Dad furrowed his eyebrows beside her, as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.

"Yeah" I nodded and muttered with a forced smile "Have a good night, you guys"

"Okay, if you say so. Sleep well dear"

Hearing her response I turned around and climbed back upstairs with a bitter emotion twisting my gut as I looked around my house, hopelessly, feeling just as empty as the night sky without the moon and the stars.

Never have I ever seen someone look so lost in their own home, before.

Sometimes, it scared me how much I thought about going for a walk and never coming back. How willing I was to leave everything, I had and everyone, I know, all behind. Forget everything, every line, every word I had etched in mind and run away.

But when I turned and tossed around restless on the bed, drowning in silence, I found out, all the things I was running away from, never left.

Sometimes, I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face, with a brick, twice, as hard as I can. Anyway if you've read the chapter, then lemme just...

Really, you deserve an award for it, like that was a whole fucking mess. God knows, why I do this shit, never mind, thanks for putting up with me lol.

On an completely unrelated note, have you guys heard 'No candle no light' by ZAYN feat. one of the queen, none other than Nicki Minaj? If you haven't already, then you have to. I am pretty sure that's how ear orgasms feels like, okay I'll stop.

Bye everyone, you are pretty fucking loved. Take care. When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully :)

Love, Zee..