❝She's the kind of high only a deep soul can get stoned to❞

He didn't pick up.

I was not surprised, not even the slightest. But he would be, when he'll realize that, I am way more stubborn than him. I will continue calling him, until he finally gives in and picks up.

-or that's what I thought.

But, it was my eleventh call and that little bubble of hope in me was slowly dying, with the increasing amount of calls. My ears too were bleeding from hearing that empty ringing.

If he didn't answer this time, then I am not going to call him again. I chanted in my mind, anxiously.

One last time. Just one more disappointment. Then no more second chances.

Exhaling out loud, I pressed the call button one last time, before putting it against my right ear. Again that annoying ringing vibrated against me as my heart started beating, loudly. One last time

Disappointment mocked me as the ringing continued. Closing my eyes, I was about to cut the call, when his guttural voice perked from the other side "Hello?"

I was caught off guard, the nerves in me twisting and realized that I didn't even reply as he asked again "Hello?"

"Hey, Ethan. It's me Winter" I whispered in the dark.

"I know" His voice didn't show any emotion, just blankly stated.

"Were you asleep?" I asked hesitantly and glanced at the window, from where the air was giddily barging in, trying to hear our conversation.

"No, I was in a coma, thanks for rescuing me." He sarcastically remarked.

I frowned, sinking deeply in my bed and muttered "Um well, then I guess, I'll call you tomorrow or something. Go back to sleep, I didn't mean to disturb you"

"No, it's alright" I heard some shuffling, before his silky voice continued "So, why did you call?"

Staring at the ceiling, I battled with my brain and rummaged through my heart, searching for the words "Yeah about that. Well, uh you see, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. It was a low blow really and I shouldn't have said that. I would've talked to you sooner, but you were kinda ignoring me, though that's okay too. I know it's my fau-"

"Easy there, tiger. Take a deep breathe" His soft husky chuckled, interrupted my ramble as I cursed myself in my head.

"Erm sorry?"

"You are forgiven" He told me and solace filled my heart, giving it a jittery feeling.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and still mind blown, I asked "What? Just like that? Are you kidding me?"

His soft humming responded, before he said "No, I am not. You are forgiven, besides life is too short to hold grudges anyways"

Feeling warm and awfully calm, I let out "Wow, well that was easy"

None of us said anything further and the silence took the thorn. I could hear him shuffle every once or twice, his slow soothing breaths singing from the other side.

"Why are you awake so late?" He asked, murmuring quietly as if he didn't want anyone to hear him, except me.

"I couldn't sleep." I confessed, feeling sheepish.

"Does it have something to do with me?" He teased me, before letting out a harmonious laugh and I found myself sighing in contentment .

"Trust me, I would be lying, if I said yes" I rolled my eyes, before chuckling under my breath.

An instant passed by covered in silence, making me frown again.

His voice was calm, but hesitant and dare I say nervous, when he spoke up "Hey Snow, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. As long as it doesn't involve me sneaking out of here." I tried to be nonchalant, but his sudden change in demeanor was scaring me.

"Believe me, I would've done that, if I was not so tired, because of our devil coach's lil helper. Basketball can be a pain in the ass." He grumbled.

"Must be tough. She sounds like a pain"

"Nah, she's good"

I chuckled and rolled over to the side, smiling to myself and a shiver passed through my body, when the cold air caressed it.

"So can I?" why so hesitant?

"Sure." I muttered blankly.

I heard him let out a sigh and cherished it, when he lowly spoke up "Just don't think that I am weird"

"I won't. What is it?" I promised, nodding like a stupid.

"I don't know how to phrase it, but why are you like this? This whatever that you are, distant maybe, I don't know what the right word should be."

His question hit me like a bullet, that I questioned if I was hearing things. I forgot to breathe for a second, my throat dried up, burning. For a moment, I wanted to tell him, admit it.

That, I hated myself because, from the moment I was born, I received nothing but hatred and that too, from someone who was supposed to love me endless. That I hated myself, because I destroyed a family, someone's happiness.

I was the reason for someone's endless misery, how I killed an innocent. I wanted to tell him that there was nothing to love about me.

I wanted to, but I couldn't.

Letting out a shaky breath, I felt sweat tickling my tight fists. "What do you mean? It's not like that." I said, my voice cut off from the emotions, that controlled my mind and the heart.

"I don't know, am just trying to figure you out," He admitted almost sheepishly.

I couldn't help as a sad bitter chuckle left my mouth and told him "Good luck with that. Even I can't figure myself out"

how badly it hurts to admit the truth

"Why would you say something like that?" He seemed genuinely bewildered, I could easily picture that cute little frown on his face.

Oh darling you don't know nothing

I shook my head feeling overwhelmed, when did the conversation take a U-turn and back stabbed me?

"I know me, okay? And I am impossible to understand. Sometimes, I want to be happiest, but I think of the things that make me sad all the time. I am lazy, yet ambitious. I don't love myself, but I also like who I am. I say, I don't care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it, when it comes my way. I am a Mess. If I can't figure myself out, there's no way anyone else can."

It hurt to breathe as I gritted out the harsh truth out of my mouth. I knew he was going to ask questions, I could feel it, knew him.

But before he could say anything, I let out coldly "It's getting late, you should sleep, I am sorry for disturbing you. Good night, Ethan"

Disconnecting the call, I threw my phone on the table and felt my heart hammering against my ribcage. I released the breathe free, I was holding and stared up at the ceiling, laying there motionless.

Maybe one day, I'll be strong enough to let go of the things that were not meant to be held onto, in the first place.

If you don't get it off your chest, then you'll never be able to breathe.

Can't type a single word more than this, bye! Don't forget to vote and comment. Smile for me? :)

Love, Zee..