❝Her damaged petals are what made her more beautiful than all the other flowers❞ 

I was avoiding him and any sane person with perfectly functional eyes could see this, but was I to blame? No. I was just doing it to get rid of those weird tingly sensations and feelings, I got around him. It was weird and scary.

Weird, because I never actually felt that around anyone, I didn't know exactly how to react. Scary, because it really was scary, I had never been a talkative person, but oh how with him words would find their way to make proper sentences.

I didn't like it, it was almost as if we were getting close and I didn't like it. The only thing I was good at pushing people away, far away from me, not close.

So, in the end ignoring and avoiding him was the only solution, I could think of. But, again as I said before, anyone could see it and obviously he did too.

And hence, the curious glances and weird looks kept following me as I tried not to notice them.

"Get the fuck up, you lazy people. Keep whining like that and we'll never win a single match again" I snapped at the guys, sprawled on the ground, fully covered in sweat.

Somehow, avoiding him was getting on my nerves and making me pissed at him or myself?

A dark haired guy looked up at me with a worn out expression and said "Seriously, where did they got you? At least give us a little break"

Rolling my eyes at their whiny faces and few sniggers from the people, I knew well, I spoke up "Fine. You have ten minutes and I mean it. Ten minutes, only"

I walked to the bleachers to get my water bottle from the bag. I could feel his stares digging holes in my back, searching for answers.

Resting myself against the gym wall, I raised my eyebrow, gulping down the cold water, when I saw the coach making his way towards me.

"How's practice going? I see, they are already knackered. Must be harsh." Coach beamed at me.

"They'll live" I shrugged, screwing close the bottle's cap and put it back in the bag.

"Oh! They will be alright, I know. But, you know what?"

"What?"

"You are actually great at your job. I am glad, Finn told me about you and suggested the idea"

Frowning, I turned to him with questions swirling in my mind, but he walked towards the guys, after giving me an appreciating smile. Okay.

"Ok, time's up! Get back to the practices everyone!"

After whole hours of shouting, yelling, running around and getting hurt a few times, it all finally came to an end.

The guys all gathered their bags and towels and walked out of the gym cursing and grunting softly. The smell of sweat was still fresh, lingering in the air.

Sighing, I too grabbed my bag, after putting the balls and the water bottles back at their place and got ready to leave.

Checking the gym one last time, I was about to step out just as he came in front of me blocking my way. His hazel eyes shining strictly at me and his hair was a sweaty mess.

I tried my best not to look at him, but it was no success as I gave him an annoyed look.

Raising an eyebrow, he took a step forward and asked "You are ignoring me, why?

Glancing, at the small space beside, I looked back at him, seeing his curious face and moved towards it, tried to walk out, muttering "Ignorance is a bliss"

But, he quickly moved in front me, like a wall "Yeah sure, whatever. Tell me seriously, why are you ignoring me?" His voice was demanding, demanding answers I didn't want to give.

"I am not." I grumbled

I heard him scoff, before he let out "Look me in the eyes and repeat that"

My fingers curled into a tight fist as I gritted my teeth and jerked my head up to see him "I am not ignoring you or avoiding or whatever shit, your mind cooked up. Now, leave."

"That's my hair"

"I don't care, just let me go out of here and stay out of my way" I squirmed, when he grabbed my elbow as I began to walk out.

"Stop being so fucking childish" He eyes were blazing and his voice indicated, that he was annoyed. Maybe I was indeed being childish, but I didn't care. I just wanted him to stay away from me. Far away from me.

Snatching my elbow from his grasp, I looked at him coldly, but why is it so hard? "I am not being childish, in fact it's the other way around. Just leave me alone! Don't you have some self respect?" I snapped and just as the words left my mouth, I regretted them.

His jaw ticked, his eyes held a fire and I knew, he was angry. But he didn't say anything to me, instead his palm collided with the gym gate, harsh and roughly. The hit echoed in the quiet room, the only witness of our fracas.

Turning around sharp on his heels, he left the gym, without saying anything, leaving me there all alone.

~~~

He wasn't looking at me, never said a single word, didn't pay any attention, not even a lone glance in my direction.

Tonight all of us went for the movies and then for dinner and a fun night out, but he didn't even notice me and I didn't blame him. It was all my fault, I was the one who wanted him away, then why does it feel so wrong?

I am such a bitch, aren't I? I thought, leaning against the window and looked outside at the empty parking lot behind our block, covered in the faint light under the dark night sky.

It's not your fault

I hated myself, my life, my mind and the memories that resided in it, because they only reminded me of all the things I had lost. I tend to fuck everything up.

"You bring nothing, but destruction!"

Hopeless, I closed my eyes feeling that slight chilly air flowing towards me, whispering all the secrets it carried and telling me how people are so cold without love.

I heard the bathroom door creaked open, then footsteps pressed against the floor, before the door got shut again.

"Hey, Winter?" Maria's voice uttered as my eyes fluttered open, before focusing on her.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you okay?"

Her question made me frown, before the lie slipped effortlessly out of my mouth "Yeah, why?"

I saw her shoulders visibly slump as she let out a deep sigh, sitting on the edge of her bed "I don't know, you just seem down lately. So, I was worried"

Moments like those would fill my heart with something bitter towards myself, moments like those would make me feel so bad for lying to them.

I shook my head slowly and whispered "You don't need to be" I don't deserve it " I am fine"

She peered at me innocently and nodded, pressing her lips together tightly "Okay, then. But, if you want to talk about something, just know that I am here. I may not have been the bestest of frie-"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there. Where does it all come from?" I cut her off.

Now, it was her turn to shake her head "I don't know. You don't look fine and it just feels like, as if you are running away from me. From everyone. Sorry, I just think too much." She murmured softly, looking down.

Her confession tore my heart apart, leaving me speechless. Is that what it seemed like? As if I was running away from them?

Aren't you though?

Letting out a breath that was stuck in my throat, I muttered "I am not, okay? And am perfectly fine and of course, I know you'll be always be here with me, there for me"

The relief that flooded her features was almost heartbreaking, before she grinned at me "Come on, gimme a hug"

Playfully rolling my eyes, I approached her with quick steps and wrapped my arms around her perfect body, falling down on the bed beside her.

"Look at us, being all cheesy and mushy shit" I mumbled, trying to lighten up the mood.

"A little bit of cheese and mush is good sometimes" She chuckled, burying her head in my shoulder.

"I thought you were lactose intolerant" I joked and tightened my hold on her. A hug, I never knew I needed, until then.

"I can make it work"

Pulling away she grinned at me, the dimples visible on her cheeks because of that big grin.

"I missed you, call me a sap or dramatic, I don't care, but I did" She looked at me sheepishly.

"You no longer have to, I am here now" I nudged her in the ribs with my elbow, teasingly.

"Yeah yeah whatever. Now I am gonna go to bed, I need my beauty sleep. It's enough cheesiness for today and you too, go to sleep, if you are done talking to the moon"

Chuckling quietly, I got up from the bed, letting her sleep. I adjusted her blanket after covering her lower body, the nights were beginning to get cold.

"G'night" She mumbled, hiding her face in the pillow.

I just hummed, turning off the light and crawled in my bed. As the lights went off, the darkness started to fill in. I would've drowned in it, losing myself, if it wasn't for the dim rays coming from my bedside lamp. Which used to stay up late at nights with me.

I rested my head against the hard headboard, haunted by the memories and groaned lowly.

"I am not being childish, in fact it's the other way around. Just leave me alone! Don't you got some self respect?"

I cursed under my breath, shutting my eyes tightly. I needed to tell him, talk to him, apologize to him. I Needed to do it now.

Call him

Opening my eyes, I glanced at Maria, knowing that she'll be good as a goner in less than fifteen minutes and so, I waited.

Waited for her to be in deep slumber, waited for me to gain control, waited for me to pull myself together and apologize, because this time, it was my fault.

After spending minutes, which seemed like hours drowning in memories, I grabbed my phone from the night stand.

Turning the brightness to the lowest, I cautiously gazed at Maria just to be sure and felt relieved seeing her peacefully sleeping.

Letting out a sigh, my eyes skimmed the contacts searching for his name. Seeing it finally popped up, my fingers hovered over the call button, before pressing it.