《Her Hidden Self | ✓》23| Truth & Fears
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❝If chaos is a work of art, then her heart must be a masterpiece❞
Brightness, complete blinding brightness covered my vision as I took a step forward unknown of my surroundings. Then, slowly with air it started to fade away, the air swept away the cruel light, gracefully.
Confused, I looked around and saw flowers? So many gorgeous flowers decorated the ground with sheer greenery, the sound of water falling and droplets colliding with one another was clear to my senses. It was almost like a garden, except earth didn't have that beauty, didn't deserve it.
I glanced down and saw white feathery fluff, what was it, cotton? I didn't know, but whatever that was, it wasn't ground for sure. My eyes skimmed over everything, observing the heavenly surroundings.
Everything was blue, except that mysteriously gorgeous garden and that soft fur beneath my feet.
Gulping quietly, I hesitantly walked forward and suddenly loud laughter and talk rang in my ear. I remembered them, those sounds were familiar to my ears, and were engraved in my memories.
Turning around in a rush, I saw them, sitting so far away, laughing. My friends, the people very dear to me. Happiness enhanced their features as they talked quietly.
Where were we?
"Hey," I yelled, running towards them, but stopped when they moved far away from me. How?
Ignoring the ugly feeling, I sprinted towards their direction, but again they went farther away, they felt out of reach.
"Hey! I am here" I waved my hands desperately trying to catch their attention. A part of me died inside, when they didn't notice me.
A hope sparked, when suddenly those entrancing Hazel eyes found me. Feeling calm and happy inside, I walked towards him, but stopped in my place as he turned away his gaze, with a blank expression. As if he didn't see me there.
"You thought you could hide it, didn't you?" Hopeless tears shone in my eyes as I heard that whisper spoke, always trying to break me. Oh how it loved torturing me.
"They know now, everything you did, everything you hid. You think they would love you, didn't you? Tell me, how could someone love a monster?"
Ignoring those whispers telling ugly and sad truth, I ran towards them, towards the only familiar thing in that unfamiliar place.
"Can you not see me?" I asked, my voice begging, pleading them to notice me, understand me. Tears rolled out of my eyes as I kept running and running, but didn't reach them.
Suddenly, my foot stumbled as I fell on the ground, helpless. "Please" I whispered.
Weak in my body, I got up from the ground, tumbling and tired. A whimper left my lips, when I didn't saw them again.
"Where are you? Anyone? Mar?" I asked, my voice straggled, looking around, lost somewhere where no one could find me.
My body froze and cold sweat trickled down my forehead, my heart stopped beating for a moment and my soul froze, making my breath hitched.
She was walking towards me ever so slowly. Pale white face glowing and lips so dried, formed into a sinful smile, but her eyes were more alive than they had ever been before.
Shocked, I stood there completely paranoid. Her summer dress was covered in haunting patterns of blood and a few droplets of blood was trickling her arm, falling on the white ground. The sight, I never wanted to witness again was in front of me, coming closer and closer.
"Claire. Is this really you?" I breathed as she stood before me, tears soaking my cheeks.
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Tilting her head, she smiled at me, that wicked smile made my blood run cold. She put her hand on my shoulder and spoke "Remember you are dreaming, it's all going to end soon"
I didn't even recognize her voice as she pushed me roughly, eyes glinting evilly, I watched her face in disbelief, feeling myself falling from the heights, falling somewhere deep.
~~~
Feeling out of breath, I woke up craving air and completely covered in my sweat. The darkness in my room welcomed me back to reality as those words echoed in my mind, continuously.
Those images and more importantly her face, made my skin crawl with fear and anticipation. My lips quivered and tears flew their way in my eyes.
I sucked in a shallow breath and laid down again, snippets from my dream flashed in front of my eyelids. Her face, that pale skin and sinful smile, consumed my mind. Those blood stains broke every inch of the last pieces of me, I had left.
"It's your fault"
I know, roughly rubbing my eyes, I tried to stop the tears from coming out, but a tear more stubborn than me, left my eye, wandering the long path of my cheek, it fell on the pillow, crying it's agony.
One thing which I understood completely was that, it's true, I couldn't hide everything forever. One day, the truth was bound to come out and the questions will arise. But for now, one can only wait.
~~~
"Are you okay?" I looked up at Sharon sitting on the bleachers with Kate and Maria. They had come to see the boys practicing as I stood out with a tired expression, watching, not so interested.
Glancing at them half heartedly, I muttered "Absolutely, why?" and turned my attention back to the game.
"Nothing, it just doesn't look like it" I heard her answering, but didn't bother to say anything further.
"You are acting really strange lately" Kate remarked the obvious, concern covered her tone. Strange. Is that what we are going to call it?
"Not really, maybe it's just you" This time I didn't mind not looking at them as the words rolled out of my tongue, coldly. Why are you acting like this? They are your friends!
Yeah, but for how long?
"Okay. You know what? Cut the crap and talk like a normal fucking person" Maria's outburst caused me to turned my head towards her. Big mistake.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed as she climbed up the small railing and jumped down from the bleachers, beside me.
"Ouch" She winced, getting up from the ground and tried to maintain the balance on her foot again. From the corner of my eyes I saw a coach giving us weird looks and heard a few chuckles.
"What do you want?" I asked blankly.
"The truth" She gave me a skeptical look as I controlled my breathing. Control. Breath. Opening my tightly clenched fists, I tried to make sense of all that nonsense. I just wanted to be alone yet wanted someone to stay with.
"They know now, everything you did, everything you hid. You think they would love you, didn't you? Tell me, how could someone love a monster?"
"The truth, you say? Fine! The fucking truth is that I am tired of all this bullshit" My voice blared loudly as I growled at her. I could feel the couple of stars on us, like sharp lasers as realization dawned on me.
The sudden change in her expression filled me with guilt and frustration. What was happening? I couldn't tell.
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Letting my head fall back, I rubbed my face, covering it with my palms. Glancing at the girl sitting on the bleachers with confused faces, I turned to Maria "I didn't mean to yell okay? And I am absolutely fine, just stop it"
"Are you sure?"
"Did you not understand what I just said?"
My voice was closed off as I stood there with a cold expression, ignoring them. Everything was just so messy in my life and messier in my head.
Loud whistle echoed and I knew the game had ended. Still looking at Maria, I grimaced and spoke "Sorry f-"
"Yo!" Theo's voice interrupted me as he came up to us with his jersey drenched in sweat and Ethan following behind. Kate giggled coming down from the bleachers beside her boyfriend.
"So what was that all about?" He asked looking at us, confusion trimming his features.
"Maybe it was just Winter being herself" Finn chimed, stalking towards us, sporting a big grin and shining eyes.
"Don't start, okay? Just fucking don't" I sighed painfully, shutting my eyes.
"But I didn't eve-"
"Shut up!" I don't why, I just snapped, making every single person present there stop to stare at me. The emotions and mixed feeling running through my veins felt too deep, too real.
Will they find out?
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Sensing all those stares from everyone, I muttered under my breathe "If I keep this up, someone might think I am bullying you all"
"Aren't you though?" Ethan's snarky remark added fuel to the fire, burning in me as my hands curled into a tight hard fist.
"What's your fucking problem? Stop pretending as if you understand everything. You don't know shit" I spat at him, frustration and something similar to pain swirled in my brain, making me blind with rage.
Fire crossed his eyes as he scowled at me "You are right. I don't nor do I want to. And you, just stop fucking dragging everyone into your mess, deal with your shit on your own"
"you thought you could hide it, didn't you?"
Taking a step closer, I yelled at him "Can't you see? That's what I am doing, that's what I always try to do. You piece of fucking shit"
At this point, everyone present in the gym has their eyes on us, again, but I couldn't care less. Anger was the only thing I was familiar with, knew perfectly, mastered it. It was so easy to let out all the emotions in form of anger. To try to take the weight off of my shoulder, and off of my heart.
"Oh yeah? Well let me break it to you, you are wrong. Ever since you've came, you are just bitching around and being fucking rude! These people you see here" He pointed at our friends with a raging expression and continued "They are just fucking putting up with your shit, because you cannot"
Deep down my soul winced as the words hit it like a bullet, but there was nothing I couldn't handle. He was right after all, wasn't he.
My fist collided with his chest like a fireball, formed with hatred running through my veins, my eyes begged me to let them allow to fill with pained tears, but me being heartless that I was, I refused them "You must be fucki-"
"Okay guys, cut it out. Stop this" Finn arms encircled me from behind, pulling me away from Ethan as I again tried to hit his chest.
"No" I yelled, getting out of his grip and pushed him away. "Just leave me alone" I looked at everyone staring at me with worry. Stop it "All of you, just leave me alone"
Turning on my heels, I stormed out of the gym leaving all the chaos behind, caused all because of me.
~~~
"Psssst sst" A weird noise rang close to my ear as I shifted uncomfortably in my bed. Covering my face with my arm, I tried to fall in the deep slumber again.
"Oh for god's sake. Wake up!" The hot whisper tickling my ear, made me open my eyes, fluttering as I sensed someone watching me.
The darkness covering the room fell in sight, but as I turned my head to the left, those sinning eyes met mine, faintly shining in the dark.
"What the fuck ar-" I began to yell, getting up from the bed, before his big warm hand clamped my mouth shut, pushing me back again.
"Are you trying to wake her up?" He asked in hushed and looked towards Maria, frowning, and removed his hand from my mouth, allowing me to breathe.
Tilting my head, I saw her sleeping soundlessly as always and my stomach churned with guilt. The day clearly had not gone well with everyone, and it was pretty much my fault. The earlier day incidents played in my head as I turned towards him.
"Why are you here?" I asked him in a cold tone and with a colder expression.
"Get up!" He commanded, I couldn't see his face, but oh how badly I wanted to punch it.
"Excuse me?" I asked
Letting out a sigh, I felt him shuffling here and there, before he came closer and grabbed my hand, pulling me up. The sheets crumbled falling down and warm night air caressed my skin as I stood there in my night shorts and a T-shirt.
"What's your fucking problem?" I shrieked, but he hushed me, before it would get loud.
"Just come with me, okay?" He quietly whispered and I saw his silhouette as he ran his hand through his silky hair.
"Can't believe, after all that happened, you actually thought I would listen to you or more importantly, would like to join you anywhere" I retorted and gave him a blank look.
He muttered something under his breath about blaming and stepped forwards speaking "Just put your shoes on, while am still giving you a chance. I am gonna take you with me, whether you like it or not"
"I'd love to see you try" I snorted watching him closely, then turned around to go back to bed, when he grasped my elbow and pulled me against him.
"Don't fucking tempt me" He growled quietly at me.
"I am not doing anything, just leave okay? I don't want to do this right now" I sighed and raised my eyebrow, when he stood there motionless without replying, his eyes closed as he seemed deep in thoughts.
"Etha-"I didn't even get the chance to finish, when strong arms came for me, holding me tightly, they picked me up effortlessly in bridal style.
"WHAT THE FUCK! Put me down" I exclaimed, trying my best not to be too loud. Looking up at him with a scowl.
"I told you not to tempt me, now it's on you. Let's go, shall we?" The way he said it so casually, so coolly made my left eye twitch, which made him grin wider.
"Fine! I'll go, just put me down, fucking asshole" I slapped his chest gritting my teeth as he let out quite chuckle and put me down.
Feeling the ground beneath my feet once again, I rolled my eyes "I hate you" Mumbling, I walked towards the door and crouched down to take out and put my converse on.
"You hate everybody" He countered walking towards me.
"I hate you"
I looked up at him through my eyelashes, with an unknown feeling swaying inside "Yeah, it's not that hard"
Finally done, I got up from the ground with my converse on and combed my hair with my fingers, making them look at least presentable and not a bird's nest.
"You are going to regret this," I told him.
"Yeah sure, now come on" He sighed and went to open the door quietly. The light quickly burst in from the creaked door, dancing in the dark as he tilted his head with his hand still on the doorknob.
"Aren't you coming?" He asked in a soft voice.
I stood there like statue, when he realized that I had no plan of moving anywhere anytime soon, he raised his hand towards me and grabbed my arm, murmuring "I should've known"
Tightening his grip, he slowly dragged me out of my dorm, I managed to glance at sleeping Maria before the door got closed.
The light showered us as I finally drank in his appearance. Wearing a cream colored Hollister shirt and blue faded jeans, he looked at me weirdly. His hair is messier than usual, casting magical spells.
"What's wrong with you?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest with an annoyed look.
He rolled his eyes and spoke up "I thought we were done with this"
"Newsflash we are not"
"Whatever, let's just go" He announced, dragging me towards the stairs, which leads to the Main gate downstairs. His fingers curled around my arm, not loosening a bit.
"You are a piece of shit, you know that?" I growled, gritting my teeth in anger.
"Yeah, you seem to remind me that a lot"
"At least tell me, where are you taking me?" I grumbled trying to get rid of his tight grip, but he didn't budge an inch, which left me only struggling with no luck.
The lights traced his face, high lighting his sharp features as he looked over his shoulder at me, with a sinful smile and sinner eyes. The words left his mouth made the knots in my stomach tighten "Neverland"
And somewhere in between those heated arguments, the truth made it's appearance.
My mind is a mess right now, so I hope these chapters didn't turned out messy as well. Tell me, what's your thoughts on this? And I have two days left before my exams, so yeah.. am gonna be busy busy busy again. What a life.
Well, until next time! Please vote and comment to make me happy ayy.
Bye, take care. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight :)
Love, Zee..
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