I'm an oxymoron,

I advice but don't apply.

I believe in truth all the time,

But to myself, I lie.

I say we should open our hearts,

But mine stays as closed as ever.

"Be alert, be smart", I chant,

Yet unable to be clever.

Be strong I've tattooed on my arm,

Yet I struggle to not collapse.

I want to paint my life my way,

But still I see colossal gaps.

"Be calm, it isn't tough"

I whisper to my mind.

But because of my foolish heart,

My sanity I can't find.

Don't get the wrong idea,

I'm not a damsel in distress.

I've been a part of catastrophes,

That make others stress.

I drift away from people,

Expect them to still care for me.

Criticise them for not understanding.

When their feelings I cannot see.

I act like I don't need love,

But I'm craving for it so much.

I act like I'm fine being alone,

But there is nothing as such.

I say I'm not hurt inside,

I pretend to be happy as ever.

I say I'm not hiding anything,

When I've sworn to keep my sorrow suppressed together.

I'm not good at life,

I might turn selfish at times.

I expect things I don't do myself,

Hypocrisy has become my life.