《Expensive Mistakes》How Cruel Is the Golden Rule
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Tobi was emotionally exhausted and painfully hungover when he responded to Rudolph's text, agreeing to the meet-up. Instantly, he wondered whether he should find and excuse to cancel.
They had been best friends when they were younger. Rudy had gone to the nearby high school and had explored the woods on the church property with a group of friends and got separated. He'd stumbled upon Tobi's clearing and returned, managing to befriend the other boy. But they'd had a falling out for similar reasons as Tobi and Emilio's breakup (Tobi probably needed to deal with some issues, he admitted to himself reluctantly).
They hadn't really spoken since then. Why did Rudy want to reconnect now?
Cancelling would probably be the best option. But the agreed-upon date was approaching and Tobi found himself procrastinating on cancelling.
This can't possibly end well, Tobi thought as he walked into the small restaurant he and Rudy were meeting in. Reluctantly, he made his way to the table where Rudy was waving to him. "Um, hello," he said awkwardly, sitting down.
"Hi Tobi. It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Rudy greeted happily.
Tobi tried to find passive aggressiveness in his friendly smile and tone, but there was none. "How have you been?" he asked, glancing to Rudolph's wrists. He wore long sleeves has he usually did, but Tobi knew they concealed many scars.
"Better. I've been able to come to terms with things from the past. I've changed quite a bit since high school. I think we all have. Carmelo and I started dating awhile back."
Tobi raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?" Tobi had never met Carmelo, but Rudy had told plenty of stories. A bully who seemed unable to cope with his feelings, so he took them out on Rudy.
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"Yeah. He's really matured a lot. It's been going pretty well, but he still feels really bad about what all happened."
"I should hope so," Tobi said. "I think you can be too forgiving, but I suppose if you're happy."
Tobi paused for a moment, wondering if he should ask the question that had been plaguing him since Rudy contacted him. "You're... not still mad? At me?"
Rudy smiled. "I don't think I'd be here if I was. It was years ago and we said some things we shouldn't have. It's in the past now."
"I should have known it would become a pattern," Tobi mumbled bitterly.
Rudy looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
Tobi cursed himself for saying anything. "Oh, nothing. I was in a relationship, but we ended up breaking up for a similar reason that you and I fell out. We haven't spoken since the breakup. I want to, but I can't bring myself to contact him. I'm sure he hates me, anyways."
"Probably not," Rudy said earnestly. "I never hated you. I honestly felt the same way you do, and I'm sure he does, too. You should talk to him."
"I should tell him about what's going on with me, shouldn't I?" Tobi sighed miserably. "If I want Emilio in my life— which I do—"
"Wait," Rudy interrupted. "Not Emilio Murkmere, right?"
Tobi frowned slightly. "That's him. Why?"
"He was one of Carmelo's friends. I mean, he never hurt me, he was just kind of there. Two grades above. He was quiet— a little bit creepy, so I guess just your type."
Tobi blushed furiously. "He thought I was fascinating..."
"He would," Rudy laughed. "Listen. You really should talk to him. You're going to have to open up, but if you really want to make it work, I think you can. And whatever secrets you think are too dark for him, I'm sure he can handle them."
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Tobi nodded.
Emilio opened the door and invited Carmelo inside.
"Place is nice," Carmelo said, looking around.
"Thank you."
"Whaddya do?"
"I work at the hospital."
Carmelo nodded, sitting down on the couch.
"Where's Rudolph?" Emilio asked. He was pleased Carmelo had gotten over his internalized homophobia and admitted his feelings for the other boy.
"Oh, he's meeting up with another friend."
"How have you two been?"
Carmelo blushed lightly. "Good, good," he said. "I can't believe we're dating after everything I put him through, but it's been nice. I still feel like shit about it, though. What about you? Seeing anyone?"
Emilio grimaced slightly, not wanting his failed relationship attempts to be compared to Carmelo and Rudolph's domestic bliss. "I was, but not anymore."
"What happened?" Carmelo asked.
"There just wasn't trust."
Carmelo frowned. "Like... cheating?"
"No, he had some past trauma that he insisted on bottling up. I suppose I tried to rush him into opening up. I was concerned for him which caused me to act stupidly and rashly."
"Do you guys still talk?"
Emilio shook his head, sadly. "No. I've been meaning to contact him— I promised my sister I would— but I haven't been able to work up the courage. I'm afraid he hates me."
"Well, I mean, if Rudy doesn't hate me," Carmelo shrugged.
"Rudolph and Tobias are a bit different, I'm afraid," Emilio sighed. "He's so closed off. He's taught himself not to trust others and to push everyone away. He couldn't possibly let me closer than before I hurt him."
Carmelo considered this for a moment. "I guess. But you won't really know until you try, right? I mean, he might push you away and say he doesn't want to talk. Or he might surprise you." Emilio gave him a look. "All I'm saying is you'll never move on if you're stuck wondering if he hates you. And me might, but then you can get over him. And if not, well, work through things." Carmelo shrugged again and reclined back casually.
Emilio thought his advice through. For once, it seemed, Carmelo had a point. It would be difficult to move on if he didn't know how Tobi really felt about him. Maybe there was a chance he didn't need to move on. "You.. you make a good point."
"Yep," Carmelo said, popping the 'p'. "You should probably text him now."
"Why?" Emilio asked, suddenly feeling quite panicked.
"Because you might not do it if I don't force you. And besides, I wanna see what happens."
This was also a good point. Somewhat reluctantly, Emilio pulled out his phone and opened his texts with Tobi. He typed out :We need to talk:, his finger hovering over the send button.
"Do it," Carmelo urged.
Emilio squeezed his eyes shut and hit send.
His phone buzzed in his hand and he expected a notification saying his text hadn't delivered because Tobi had blocked him.
Instead, there was a text reading the same as his.
A/N Happy Wednesday!! And it might actually finally be a happy Wednesday for once! Looks like things are about to turn around. Chapter title from "Golden" by Fall Out Boy. You guys. This book is so close to being finished and I'm so excited. Three more chapters. See you guys next week!
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- In Serial20 Chapters
Sword System Academia
2/17 NOTICE: I'm putting this on hiatus, possibly permanently. I didn't want to spam with an "update chapter", so hopefully here and in the story blurb will get enough eyeballs. There are a couple reasons for ending SSA for now. 1) I wrote the next chapter but wasn't happy with it. I've been less and less satisfied with SSA's quality the more I thought about it. Part of the reason is... 2) I am seriously thinking about trying to publish some novels to help pay the bills, since I don't have my other source of income anymore. I have never asked for anything from SSA readers, no money, not even a review or rating. SSA is written for fun to amuse myself, primarily, and I would kind of feel bad actually charging someone money for something as unserious as that. I don't think it is good enough to ask anything in return. To use an analogy from music, SSA is more like a jam session with a bunch of friends. You're just chiling and having fun playing some music. I mean, if you are Mozart or even Eminem, your jam session is good enough to sell, but for an amateur beginner like myself, haha, no. If I want to publish something, I feel like I need to go the proper route of practice and rehearsals, which might be more similar to a classical concert performance. With SSA, I work from worldbuilding notes and a loose outline, but what you are essentially getting is the first draft with lots of so-called pantsing. Pushing out a web novel like this also means it is very difficult to go back and improve things without breaking everything else downstream. I wanted to try this "jamming" approach, as it was a good way to teach me about another aspect of writing, but to move forward, I think I need to hone my "classical" techniques, which emphasize rewriting, or at least, revising outlines. 3) While I intend to try to make $$$, my actual current goal is to "get gud". I've spent a lot of time recently trying to understand the self-publishing industry, and I'm pretty sure I can make some money by using short-term strategies with my current amateur skill level. But I've seen too many authors come and go/burnout, and really, the only way that I think I can enjoy writing and still make money on a long-term basis is to become a better writer. And the next step for me, which I haven't done much before, is to spend more time on rewriting and outlines. That is pretty much antithetical to the way SSA is developing. I've always been kind of 20/80 plotting/pantsing, but I want to spend a lot more time outlining before I even start writing. SSA jam sessions don't really fit my goal anymore. If you're curious about what's next, read on... Among other regrets, I regret not finishing SSA. It's the first story I've dropped, but then again, it's the first web novel I've attempted, so I suppose that's not a surprise. I don't think traditional web novel formats suit me that well. The whole SSA story I had loosely planned (beyond a first book or major arc) is way too large as well. Big story = good for neverending webnovel with Patreons, bad for penniless and fickle writer like me. I am currently outlining a complete trilogy to another story in great detail. I want the story to end concisely, and I also want the chance to really spend a lot of time on the full outline to spot pacing problems, character issues, lost themes, and so on. I'll still share this story on RR. What I intend to do is finish book 1, flash-publish the whole thing here for a few weeks, then publish on the big Zon. Repeat for books 2 and 3. The upcoming story will be about crafting heroes. The backdrop is an isekai-like setting, where elves will summon humans to their world as heroes, but the whole hero crafting business is still in its infancy. The elven mage researchers are figuring out how to imbue heroes with power, while the heroes are trying to figure out how to use the powers that they gain. Humans are the best hero templates because they are blank and have no intrinsic magic. Or at least that what the elves thought. The human MC has his own secrets... There will be some similarities with litrpgs, but I would call it more a progression fantasy or gamelit story. For example, the stats are very low, at least initially. Say we have a stat called Str. Going from Str = 1 to Str = 2 is a huge deal. Also, going from Dex = 0 to Dex = 1 is an even bigger deal. I guess you could call it a "low-stat litrpg", haha. Also, the heroes won't be gaining stats simply by killing things or leveling up. You can't increase stats arbitrarily, either. There will be rules to how stats can increase, and how they work with each other. The elven mages will be figuring out these rules in order to craft stronger and stronger heroes. Some inspiration will be from cultivation magic systems, but there won't be overt cultivation, at least for now. A theme I really want to explore is the idea of interactions. That includes things like hero crafter vs hero, tactics vs strategy, skill synergies, racial interactions (dwarves, elves, etc), and son. Yeah, so hero crafting. I'm super excited about this project and venturing into publishing. If you want to check out the upcoming story, you can follow my RR author profile to see when it drops here. Finally... THANK YOU TO EVERYONE! I'm very sorry that SSA is stopping, but I hope at least some of you will find the next story at least as enjoyable, if not more. Thanks to all the readers who gave SSA a shot. Big hug or solid fistbump to all of you, whichever you prefer! I hope this message is not a downer but an upper, because I am psyched!! -purlcray -------------- BLURB: Talen, youngest Master of the Koroi, makes his way to the Empire's capital to salvage his clan's fate. But the bustling city has few opportunities for the traditionalist. For the old sword clans are fading. With the rise of alchemy, gold can purchase strength that ordinarily took years of training to cultivate. Sword artists, once rare and accomplished, are quickly growing in number, especially among the wealthy noble class. Even with such alchemy, though, no one has advanced to the rank of Grandmaster in countless years. Talen's true dream is to walk the path of a sword artist to the very end while fulfilling his clan duties. And then the Swordgeists return, fabled founders of all sword arts, gods who had touched the world long ago and vanished. These myths turned into reality warn of a coming threat. Alongside this warning, they issue an invitation to the Sword System Academy, a path to power beyond the mortal realm. But first, they will hold an entrance exam... Story notes:Sword System Academia blends elements of western and asian fantasy such as xianxia and litrpg. I took parts from different genres I enjoyed and twisted them into my own creation. There will be an explicit system, both of the litrpg kind and the hard(ish) magic kind, but it is embedded within an academic structure that will develop over the course of the story. This is my attempt to design a unique type of system, the System Academia.
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