Tobi sat next to Mattias at a long table with the rest of their family.

Why didn't I just pretend I was sick? Tobi wondered, now regretting his decision.

"You look unhappy," Mattias observed.

"How perceptive," Tobias replied sarcastically.

"I know this place doesn't have the best memories, but it's still home."

Tobi rolled his eyes, not feeling like arguing with Mattias. Mattias continued on anyways. "Don't be like that. You can't possibly think you would have preferred growing up on the streets."

"There wouldn't be enough room on the streets for a family of twenty-six," Tobi scoffed. "Would they have stopped at the first eight?"

It was Mattias's turn to roll his eyes, but his face betrayed a hint of amusement. "I think octuplets would be quite a scare for a couple living on the streets," he said, stifling a chuckle of amusement.

Tobi nodded his agreement, his eyes flicking to each of his seven siblings that shared the same birthday as him. He briefly wondered why he was only close with Mattias.

A hush spread throughout the table and everyone dipped their heads as Lucas initiated a prayer from the head of the table.

Tobi thought of the events of his last dream instead of listening to his father's prayer.

This dream has been longer and filled up eight pages of his notebook. The figure in Tobi's dreams- whom he'd come to know as Mr. Edburt- has toyed with him longer that night.

Tobi fidgeted at the thought of what he endured every night in his sleep, earning him a nudge from Mattias.

The dreams had begun somewhere around the age of four. He remembered the first one vividly: a strange feeling had taken over him until he could no longer control his own body. He watched himself in horror as he took a thin, serrated knife and used it to stab Mattias, killing him.

He had woken up in the middle of the woods on the church's property. From that night on, he had dreams just as violent, vivid, and chilling, each time waking up in the exact same spot in the woods until he began locking the door.

He was about eight when he saw the room and Mr. Edburt for the first time. Tobi rarely went a night without visiting the room, and on the rare occasions he did, the dreams were far worse than anything Mr. Edburt had done.

The prayer ended and Tobi muttered a small "Amen," before picking up his fork and poking at the food on his plate.

"What's wrong?" Mattias asked, a concerned look in his blue-gray eyes. "You were fidgeting and you look as though you're about to throw up."

"I was just thinking about the dream I had last night," Tobi shrugged.

Mattias frowned. "You're not still having those awful dreams, are you?"

Tobi nodded, his throat tightening. He silently will his eyes not to tear up.

"Tobi, it's been nineteen years! You haven't sought a therapist or anything?"

"I write them down," Tobi offered.

"And does that help at all?"

"No..."

Mattias sighed sympathetically and gently placed a hand on top of Tobi's which was trembling slightly.

"You really should try to get some help," he said softly.

"I don't need help," Tobi protested, moving his hand away from Mattias's.

"Yes, you do," Mattias argued, his raised voice drawing the attention of those seated near them. "You've had horrible, bloody, vivid nightmares almost your whole life and they scare you half to death! You're telling me you don't want them to stop? Are you too proud to go seek professional help?"

Upon noticing Tobi's defensive position, he sighed with defeat and turned his attention back to his food.

After a moment, he quietly asked, "Do you still lock your door at night?"

"Yes."

"Do you think that I'd you didn't you'd still end up in the woods all the way out here?"

Tobi shrugged. "I doubt the dream would leave me asleep long enough to get here."

Mattias nodded and remained silent, not wanting to voice the rest of his questions out of fear of the answers.

One question continued to buzz at his mind until he finally worked up the courage to ask it.

"Do you... do you ever consider suicide because of the dreams? Are they that bad?"

Tobi didn't respond for a terrifying moment before swallowing and saying, "I think about it sometimes. How much easier it would probably be. But I figure what's the point of trying to survive all this time if I'm just going to die by my own hands?"

Mattias stayed quiet, not sure of how to respond. After a moment he said a small "Oh," then returned his attention back to his food.

Tobi assumed the conversation was over until, in attempts to change the subject, Mattias awkwardly asked, "So... Is there someone..?"

It took a moment for Tobi to figure out what Mattias was asking.

"No," he replied. "Why? Do you?"

Mattias shook his head. "I haven't really been interested in finding love," he explained.

"Yeah," Tobi said, though truthfully he wouldn't have minded sharing his apartment with someone. Mattias picked up on this.

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll find him," he said.

"Him?" Tobi asked, shocked.

Mattias blinked one confusion. "I just- I assumed- Are you not-?" he stammered.

"No," Tobi said defensively. "At least I don't think so."

"Huh. You just seemed like you would be," Mattias stated.

Tobi's face flushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry," Mattias muttered.

I seem like I would be a homosexual? Tobi wondered.

"Father would probably kill me if I was," he said.

"Oh, I don't know. I think he's been getting better," Mattias argued, looking towards the head of the table.

Tobias gave him an unimpressed look but said nothing more.

Relief washed through him as Mattias changed the subject, asking about how college was going and if there was anything new with his part-time job. A few siblings around them stuck up conversations with them, asking how it was to live outside the church.

"Are you ever lonely?" Tobias was asked.

"It certainly is a lot less crowded. I think it's rather nice not having to share a room."

Though he detested having to return to the church, Tobi didn't mind the holidays so much. It was often refreshing to speak to siblings who weren't Mattias.

Soon, dinner finished and the younger siblings were sent to bed. Tobi sat and listened to the others converse, allowing his mind to wander as it often did when nothing interested him.

Will the nightmares be worse tonight since I'm back here? he wondered.

With writing his dreams down he'd hoped to find some kind of pattern and maybe even a cause, but just when he felt he was on to something, the dreams would change and ruin the theory.

No one in the family had been able to figure out the cause of his dreams, though there were many conspiracies. Many thought as though there wasn't one.

It grew quite late and Tobi continued to muse over his dreams, responding to the occasional, "Isn't that right, Tobi?" with "Oh, yes," not sure of what he was agreeing to.

He stood as the clock struck eleven and announced, "I'm going to bed."

"You won't stay up until Christmas Day with us?" Mattias asked.

"I'm afraid not. I'm rather tired."

He walked the familiar halls until he found his old room. He didn't bother changing his clothes before climbing into bed and falling asleep.

A/N

Another chapter! Sorry it's been a while! Chapter title from "Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued" by FOB.