《Dreamscape (ReaderxMidoriyaxBakugouxTodoroki)》59. Dark Demons
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Nemuri's funeral had been a beautiful service, everyone all around Japan and some acquaintances from different countries joined the ceremony. Every person's life she touched, even if it was just for a moment. Whoever was involved in her life, or even people she saved – came to the service. The school had been in mourning, some people more than others. It had been two weeks since that tragic day, and the infiltration of U.A. It was still being talked about in the news stations. People speaking whether U.A. should even stay open for how troublesome it had been these past years. Of course, there were those who stood up for the school and its faculty, knowing it was not really their fault.
Surprisingly no other threats or moves have been made against the school or any of the students. AFO had become dormant once again after losing his chance at getting Y/N. He really thought he would be able to take her like some damsel in distress. However, he did not count that she would be fighting for herself for once. Because she could have easily just given herself in exchange for Shoto and Kyoka and that's what he had been counting on. Which he greatly fucked up in. Y/N had been an opponent to be reckoned with. She was luck. However, next time he wouldn't be underestimating her again and her abilities.
At least his disappearance had given the Aizawa family a huge relief as well as the students of 3-A. Specially time to prepare for a next attack, because they knew this wouldn't be the last time, they saw him.
However, what did worry them right now though. Was the way one of their precious classmates had been acting as of lately.
Y/N Aizawa after the week of the funeral had shut everyone out.
Staying in her room – isolating herself and only going to class like everyone else when she had to. Training when she had to, and seeing her classmates or teachers when she was forced to. Still, whenever Mina or Momo tried to talk to the young woman she always managed to come up with the same excuse.
That she was tired and needed time to mourn on her own.
This behavior of hers was not a healthy one and it really worried them. There were many times, Hanta tried to speak with her and get her out of her room to no avail. Hitoshi understanding what pain she was going through let her have the space she was asking for. Still, that didn't mean he didn't check in on her every day. He always made sure she was eating. Aizawa always visited her every night to speak with her, but it's as though her light had completely gone out of her eyes. She would listen, but not really be there in the conversation with him.
Even if she attempted to hide how empty she felt, he knew her better than that already. He knew all his children, and he knew Y/N had been the most affected. And it was understandable that she was mourning, but they had never seen her be this depressed before. Even after her rescue, which they expected her to act this way. However, she never did.
What they didn't realize was that Nemuri's death had been the catalyst to push her over the edge of despair.
Everyone was really worried, especially her three boyfriends who she was ignoring at all costs.
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Of course, everyone understood that some people grieved differently than others. But the way Y/N had been acting, its as though she became a completely different person. No matter who tried to get close to her, she always found away to talk herself out of it.
Izuku and Shoto being the respectful boyfriends they were and knowing they fucked up, gave her the space she needed. Even if they wanted to just say fuck it and get her out of her head. Still, they didn't want to jeopardize their relationship again which was making them cloud their judgement on what to do. Still, that didn't mean they weren't getting anxiety from seeing the change in her, and getting worried for her wellbeing.
Of course, they would still check in on her every morning and afternoon. Attempt to talk to her as much as they could and she kept her word in staying with them, but the way things were going down. They were afraid it wouldn't really matter. Izuku couldn't help the fear of losing her, but he felt like he couldn't push her. Shoto, would silently trail behind her and always have his eyes on her to make sure she truly was okay.
Katsuki, however, was another story.
Yes, he understood that he fucked up and she needed time to adjust to everything that happened.
However, this was not healthy. Regardless of how the other two felt. Even if she needed space from them, that didn't mean she should also be ignoring all her friends and family.
So naturally, the angry ash blond was on a mission – when he stomped his way towards her room after he saw her glide away from the crowd of 3-A. She thought she was being sneaky, but he noticed everything. So did Izuku and Shoto, but still they were conflicted on what to do. Y/N always managed to sneak undetected away from her classmates once they all entered the dorms exhausted from the day.
Of course, Katsuki still had to be careful because of his recovering injuries, but right now he didn't give a damn. If he had to drag her away from her dorm to have some form of normal day. He would push past the pain he would get on his torso every now and then – when he moved too much. And force her to come out and at least sit in the common room and listen to everyone else ramble off about whatever.
Yes, Y/N was pushing everyone away.
Still, that didn't mean everyone had to listen to her. They were all walking on eggshells around her, but not Katsuki. He was gentle with her all the time. However, that did not mean he would be gentle when he needed to get her out of her head.
Izuku was her perseverance, Shoto was her courage and Katsuki – well Katsuki was her fighting spirit, and he was going to remind her of that.
No matter how many times she was pushing everyone away, and whatever she was believing in right now. She was truly not alone.
Knocking on her door harshly – to get her attention, which worked. He heard an annoyed grumble from the other side of the wooden door. Y/N never locked her door, but ever since they came back, she'd been doing that a lot lately.
"Go away..." she called out through the door in monotone, already knowing who it would be. It hurt his heart when he could hear the crack in her voice every time she spoke.
"Open this goddamn door Y/N, or I'll rip it from its hinges." Katsuki growled ignoring her protest. Both palms flat on either side of the door frame leaning back to contain his anger. He really didn't want to blow up the door, but he would if she kept acting this way.
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Y/N walking almost zombie like and wrapped in her blanket, she opened the door just enough to look at Katsuki's vermillion eyes that burned with anger.
"Suki, I'm not in the mood to fight with you today. Whatever issue, or whoever got in your nerves go yell at Kiri for it." She said numbly.
Huffing, from her response. He knew she didn't say it to hurt his feelings. She was just deflecting so he would leave her alone. But not today, he'd had enough of her being a brat and pushing those who care for her the most away.
"You're not in the mood for anything anymore and that's the problem." He replied back. Y/N attempted to close the door to get out of the conversation and not even using a lot of strength, Katsuki stopped the door with ease. "Really?" His eyes narrowed from her wanting to shut him out again.
E/c eyes barely meeting with vermillion, she whispered. "What do you want me to tell you... I need sp-"
Marching and forcing his way in, with purpose – which she yelped in protest to. Katsuki didn't care when he made her stumble backwards in attempt to get away from him. Towering over her and yanking the blanket away from her body that she kept trying to hide herself in. He noticed how she'd managed to get a quick shower in before he came up. Hair still wet. She hadn't even attempted to dry it properly and it pissed him off even more because she could get sick, more than she already looked.
Katsuki pushed her back onto the wall of her dorm. Putting a hand on each side of her head to trap her. Snarling with anger. "No. You don't, fucking need space. I get that you're mad at us, and at this point you're probably only using that as an excuse. But that's not what you need. I know we fucked up Y/N. Still, I know you'll always come back to us when you are ready." His vermillion eyes shone with defiance. "But those other two idiots are breaking at the seams thinking you're going to leave them and not in the way that you think." His voice held so much devotion and conviction as he tried to look into her eyes, which she was refusing to meet.
Y/N slumped at hearing that. Pulling on her fingers in nerves – which she hasn't done in a while. "Why would they think that? Do they still not trust me?"
With soft eyes, Katsuki reached out and cupped her cheek. Forcing her to meet his gaze, which he noticed her eyes were already filled with unshed tears. Y/N was on the verge of breaking and she didn't need space, she needed her loved ones. She needed reassurance that everything was going to be okay. To help her move on from this shitty situation. Help her from knowing that this wasn't her fault.
That she was needed.
Y/N who has been starving herself from their attention couldn't help but to lean into his touch eagerly. Closing her eyes in pain, her unshed tears glided down her cheeks.
"It's not about trusting you darlin." Katsuki rubbed her cheek gently with his thumb. Moving in slowly, to brush his nose with hers. She could feel his words touch her lips in a soft caress. "We undoubtedly trust you with our hearts and lives. But we are worried about you." He made a point to look into her eyes that finally were captured by him. "You've been cooping yourself in here, day in and day out. You need to go out, and not dwell in your sadness. That will never help you. We need to know that you're taking care of yourself if you're refusing our help. As hard as that is right now you have to, for your sake, your family's and ours." Katsuki noticed the eyebags. The puffy red eyes and how slowly she's been losing weight from skipping meals. "It's killing me that I can't help you and you're not letting us. According to you, we're supposed to be team, so why do you keep pushing us away? Do you really need this much time away from the people that love you?"
"No..." Y/N sighed half-heartedly. "I miss all of you." Y/N's bottom lip trembled when she spoke. Gripping onto his shirt, in hopes that he wouldn't go anywhere.
"Then what are you doing Y/N?" Katsuki asked her softly. He always spoke to her like this when she had nightmares. Always worrying about her, when she refused to do that for herself. Though she had been getting better at it slowly, before everything happened.
Y/N with tears in her eyes, she looked at Katsuki with so much pain that it ached in him. He couldn't feel her emotions anymore throughout these two weeks, because of how she blocked them. He hasn't seen her scarlet eyes in a while and that tormented him. And he hated not feeling her quirk wash through him because of how empty it made him feel. But seeing her like this, he understood she was doing it for their sake. She didn't want to cause them pain, at least not more than she already has.
Brushing her hair behind her ear. Katsuki pulled her into an embrace and picked her up like nothing. Keeping her head in the crook of his neck as she softly sobbed and he reassured her that she wasn't alone. Regardless of how she's been pushing everyone away, she wasn't truly alone.
Y/N missing him so much, her nostrils filled with his intoxicating natural caramel scent. She missed this – she missed this so much. How gentle Katsuki has always been with her. How he always pushed her to do better. How he did anything for her, because of how much he loves her.
And it hurt her even more that he didn't really know why she was breaking at the seams. She didn't want to burden him with anything more than what she's already have.
Katsuki carried her to her bed, gently laying her down. Facing each other while holding her close to his body. Feeling her body trembles as she cried. Running his fingers through her hair, just like he's always had when she had a nightmare.
"Tell me Y/N."
She shook her head rapidly, not wanting to upset him. Because if she told him there was no going back, and who knows how he would see her from that point on. She didn't want to look or be weak. Not ever in the eyes of Katsuki Bakugou.
"Come on darlin, you know I won't leave you alone until you do." He softly spoke to her again, kissing her temple. As she tried to hide her tear ridden face onto her already damp pillow. Giving her some time, Katsuki was relieved when she was finally able to find her voice. However, his heart faltered, when hearing how she's been dealing with all of this.
"I'm a fucking monster..." she whispered finally. "He was right from the very beginning. I-I caused so much harm, by just b-being h-here my mom d-died... you got hurt... Shoto almost..."
"Y/N..." Katsuki's voice broke.
This whole time she was staying away and isolating herself from everyone, not because she needed space, but rather because she thought she deserved to be alone. It was like a punishment she saw fit on herself.
Y/N shook her head again, "You don't get it 'Suki..." her bottom lip quivered as she tried to explain what she felt. "The first mother I was able to get – died. Killed. From that stupid bitch who had me captive all those years... They managed to take another person from me." Her voice broke with anger. "All those villains were truly terrified of what I could... everyone in the school has been afraid of me. I-if..."
"Stop." Katsuki shushed her with his finger. "You are not a monster darlin. You, being alive is not the reason why other people had to die." He tried to speak gently, though he wanted to shake her from the ugly thought.
Y/N had a fighting spirit just like Katsuki. Though she was a little gentler to her enemies when needed.
They thought she would probably lash out at everyone from what happened. Though on the contrary, this whole time she's been wanting to cave in on herself. Just like Katsuki did when he blamed himself for ending All-Might's career. Y/N wanted to disappear from existence, because in her mind – though she was completely wrong like Katsuki had been those years ago. She thought the world would be a better place without her. And all these dark thoughts she had, she didn't want to share them with Katsuki, Shoto or Izuku for the fear of what it might do to them.
"I can't do this anymore Katsuki..." Her e/c eyes connected with his vermillion eyes.
His breath hitched from what she meant, understanding right away what she was insinuating.
He'd hoped, he really did.
He hoped that his intuition had been wrong. Just like the time he first met her, though now that he was connected to her, and loved her more than life itself. This time it hit him harder than it did that night. His vermillion eyes filling with tears when he saw how serious she was. His heart stopping, and dread filling him completely. Scared and afraid of what she might do to herself. And this whole time, they had been giving her the space and time for her to do something if she truly wanted to.
"I'm so tired... of everything..." She continued. Her voice was barely above a whisper. Feeling a knot in her throat from speaking the bitter truth. "I'm sorry to burden you with this, but I don't want to lie to you... I've been feeling like this since the U. S. J. training. Maybe even before then... It's just... gotten worse." That long? How did he not see the signs? Why did she pretend that everything was okay? "These last two weeks were just... my breaking point." She said ashamed, meeting his vermillion eyes that had gone wide from the truth.
It's true, there had been little signs... Because of how often she pulled back those dark thoughts, the cup finally overfilled and she didn't know what to do anymore.
"Don't." Katsuki's deep voice broke. His voice shaking with fear, of what she was telling him. "P-please don't speak like that Y/N. There is so much to live for, even if right now it doesn't seem like it and the world is against you. It's not. You have to keep going... I-I need you. We all need you here." He pleaded to her, holding onto her hand tightly. Afraid that she would truly disappear. "You have to live and make us whole like you always do and let us make you whole Y/N, because I know we can. God darlin you have no idea how much you mean to me. I love you with all of my being... I promise you that we will do everything in our power to make you happy, and n-never feel this way again... but p-please..." he whispered, with tears tainting his normal scowling face that now seemed so angelic. "Don't even think of going down that road. I've been there..." he spoke to her truthfully, in hopes that she would fight this like he did. "I thought I was alone, but I really wasn't Y/N. Please let us help you. Please come back to us darlin."
Katsuki held her tighter and cried softly at just the mere thought of her harming herself in anyway. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get the image of her gone out of his head. She was suffering so much, that the only way she thought out was to end it all. Just like she did the night they first met. This whole time, they thought they had been getting her into better spirits and though in a way they were. That didn't mean that her dark demons had completely left her. They were only waiting to be brought to the light. Nothing had been fixed, she was probably only pushing down her pain for their sake.
And it's not like Y/N was pretending because she really did think that being where she was had saved her life. However, she didn't know that her being here would be ending someone else's and probably would continue to end others and that was a lot to hold over someone's shoulder. This whole time, Y/N had been programmed to be a soldier and take only orders and not have a mind of her own. Be a sacrificial tool for someone else's gain.
But she wasn't that anymore.
Well call him selfish, but Katsuki wouldn't let her do keep thinking that way. She was so much more than just pain, and clearly, she needed a reminder to that. Which he would gladly give.
They were each other's future's, and he was not going to let her stay in this dark path any longer.
Rolling her under him, his soft lips eagerly connected with hers in desperation to show her, just how much he meant every word. Just how much he wanted to take those dark thoughts he's had himself before. Show her, she was not alone and never will be again.
He eagerly whispered in between breaths and kisses, "Stay here with me sweetheart." He mumbled chasing her intoxicating lips, that eagerly caved to him. How could she not? "Grow old with me." He squeezed her tighter into him. Trapping her in hopes that she wouldn't leave. "Build a family with me... p-please stay..." he begged her while desperately keeping them connected.
Katsuki was never good with words, so he was going to show her the best way he knew how.
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