(Warning: Angst and lots of profanities!)

Songs:

"Hold Me While You Wait" by Lewis Capaldi

"Human" by Christina Perri

-------------------------------------------------

Sweat trickled down his skin, as he continued to push himself past the aches on his bulging muscles. He's been doing this for the past three hours. Music blasting in his eardrums to drown out everything else. For every day she was not with him, he confined himself in places that would distract and exhaust him physically and mentally. To take his mind off this predicament they were all stuck in. From the constant feeling of the world being on pause and not being able to do anything about it other than wait.

For the days she's been at the hospital with no signs of waking up and feeling as though she may never wake up. Pushing past the aching hole in his heart, only allowing the numbing sensation that grew in his chest to engulf him fully. The red flecks in his eyes were diminishing slowly, losing its burn for not being connected to her. It was the only thing left of her that proved she was still in there.

That she ever existed.

The days which passed without her using her quirk on him somehow – the connection, began to wither. And he hated it. At first, he cursed this connection between them and was skeptical about it. However, as they grew closer, and he opened-up more, he began to feel otherwise. The connection gave him warmth. It gave him self-worth that he was more than just an angry person like everyone saw him to be. She'd helped him be in touch with his emotions, and though at first it was a nuisance, now that the other side of the connection felt so empty, he did too.

He could never go back to who he used to be before her.

Grunts could be heard around Gym Gamma as he continued to hit the sandbag with extreme force. His muscles ached and felt sore, begging him to give himself a break. He knew he was over doing it. However, Katsuki Bakugou didn't want to deal with the sorrow in his heart. Pretending that nothing was happening was better than the alternative. Izuku was barely holding on, only responding when spoken to. And Shouto, well it's as though he became mute. Staring off into the distance whenever they were in class, and he'd isolate himself into his room no matter how many times, Katsuki or Izuku attempted to drag him out. They didn't know how to help him, and it's not like they were any better either.

Not hearing the door to the room creak open, Katsuki continued his quest to dispel the ragging misery eating at him, it trying to leak out. Continuing to somehow stay sane, even though every night he visited and cursed at her for being in the same state he'd last seen her in. Not even a finger twitch or an eyebrow furrowed. No sign she may wake up. And to top it all, his parents kept asking everyday of how she was, because he'd told them about her already. Way before everything happened. He was planning on having them meet each other.

However, the day which almost broke him, he changed and stopped bringing her up when he called his parents. The light in his eyes, when he spoke of her dulled out when visiting them. His mother, the intrusive old hag as he liked to call her, noticed the change in his demeanor right away. She'd constantly asked to meet her, wanting to somehow help him because she contacted Aizawa and got the truth out of him. Understanding there was no fall out, and matters were much worse than what she thought.

Y/n and her son hadn't broken up, but rather she was stuck in a deep slumber no one knew how to wake her up from.

And Katsuki refused to tell her at what hospital the h/c haired girl was in. Only certain people knew of her location to keep her safe since she was the target, and they didn't want the PLF to find her again. Besides, he didn't want his mom to meet Y/n for the first time in such a vulnerable state.

No, he wanted them to meet each other over dinner. The dinner Y/n and his mom would probably volunteer to make together and bond. Because he knew, they would kick him out of the kitchen.

For Mitsuki Bakugou to bond with Y/n when she was full of life. Because he knew how much Y/n missed her parents, and hopefully in Mitsuki, she would connect with her in a motherly way. In a way she did not have a connection with anyone else. And even though Mitsuki had an eccentric personality, she would welcome Y/n with open arms.

She already loved the girl from what Katsuki would tell her and she hasn't even met her yet.

"Are you seriously going to do this everyday man?" A tired voice trailed behind him.

"How I deal with shit, is none of your concern tape arms." Katsuki grunted as he threw another powerful punch to the sandbag which was close to snapping from the hook hanging on the ceiling.

"She's my best friend, and she would want me to take care of you. So, it is my business."

Hanta handed Katsuki a bottle of water once he turned towards him, gaining his full attention. Eyeing the bottle in his hand as though it was a foreign object. Hanta, knowing he hasn't been taking care of himself these past days, trailed him every day and forced him to eat, to sleep, to shower. To do every selfcare minuscule thing Katsuki rarely did anymore. Everything Katsuki's been neglecting for himself. However, the poor ash blond man couldn't help it. His mind was consumed by her and only her. And trying to keep the other two alive, because out of the three he was the somewhat sane one of them all.

"Shouldn't you worry about yourself?" Katsuki with annoyance grabbed the water from his awaiting outstretched hand, taking in big gulps. Not realizing how much his body's been dehydrated since he's been refusing to care for it himself.

Hanta blushing at the thought of the brunette girl, he's not supposed to think about, but consumed every waking thought, avoided the scrutinizing glare he received from his friend. The black-haired young man scratched the back of his head, ashamed of how him and her have been dealing with Y/n's situation. One thing led to another, and they've been unable to stop an insatiable fire that ignited in each other by the other. And though they promised to keep it a secret from everyone, he's been itching to see her again.

He wasn't ashamed it happened, he was more ashamed of what led up to it and doing it behind her family. He was sure Y/n was going to find out as soon as she saw them together. Now however, he just had to make sure Katsuki was okay by the time she did wake up.

That is, if the girl ever woke up again.

"I've been dealing with it in my own way." Hanta mumbled, not making eye contact with his friend.

Katsuki rolling his eyes already knowing what happened since he saw them sneaking out of the dormitories once, scoffed halfheartedly, "Right." A pang of jealousy slithering in his heart, knowing him and his Y/n couldn't do that too. Unwrapping his wrists from its confinements, he got everything back into his backpack before heading off into the locker room, deciding to be curt and ignore Hanta than to lash out at him, like he wanted to do with everyone. "Is that all you came for?"

"Um no... If you're going tonight, I want to tag along..." Hanta whispered.

"Are you actually going inside the room this time?" Katsuki questioned in monotone. Even with his signature snarky remarks, the fire behind his voice, the fire that always burned so brightly was now but a simmering flame. "You can't keep putting it off. You say you're her best friend, but still refuse to see her face to face."

"It's rough, okay? I... I want to." Hanta let his head hang back as he stared at the ceiling's flickering lights. The corners of his eyes prickling from tears he's kept back since her coma. "I'm sure this is harder for you, but fuck... taking care of you is the only way I can help her now. It kills me to see her just...laying there... with no sign of life." A lone tear slipped down, that he quickly wiped away. It was the only sign of sorrow that could escape him. "I, fucking miss her, and her stupid lame jokes... She's like my little sister and not being able to hear her..." Hanta grunted to hold back the tears.

Fuck was Katsuki hurting too, and he heard the pain in Hanta's voice, but if he said anything now, he would lash out.

Instead, he silently picked at his nails to kill down the whimper of pain wanting to escape him too. "I'm leaving after I shower. Give me fifteen and I'll be done."

It was all the strength he had to say, before briskly walking away. Refusing to show any other emotion in front of his friend. Hanta not wanting to make matters worse for him only nodded in response watching as Katsuki trudged to his destination.

He's been staying clear of Hanta and Mina because of how obviously in pain they're in. Mina would cry everyday while Momo tried to calm her down, clearly trying her hardest not to break down too. Hanta would disappear with Denki for hours and then reappear only to show his face and make sure Katsuki was okay, to disappear again at night with his lover. The Baku-squad has not been the same, since three of its members lost their spark.

And Katsuki's been spending less time with them to make sure Shouto's been eating.

It's only been two weeks buts it's as though the sorrow and the constant sleep deprivation has sucked the life out of him. Katsuki thought he would end up in the same state Y/n was in and he was scared he would have to tell Endeavor one day his son was gone.

He missed her so much, they all did. And he's been trying to keep it together for everyone's sake because they all looked to him for answers. He was one of the big three and was always such a natural leader. Even though it irked him, he always did come up with solutions to problems. Though he yelled them out, still he was the steady rock for everyone else. For everyone to lean on. Specially now.

It was always him, Izuku and Shouto his class and the whole school looked up to. Looked for leadership... And now that two of them were practically mentally gone and numb, Katsuki was the only one left.

However, how could he do any of that now, when a piece of him was laying half dead in a hospital bed?

How cruel for only him to carry all the responsibility. He was so relieved when Izuku finally stopped hurting himself so often, always ending up in hospitals and giving him mini heart attacks. Though he would never voice he cared on the outside, he truly did. He just showed it in different ways, because he was never good with sappy words. Izuku was his rival, best friend, and brother, though he would never tell him that. He did love him. Now watching Y/n go through the same thing, he felt so useless and helpless, and he hated that feeling.

How could he reach her? How could he wake her up?

How could he share the fire in him, the personality she so dearly loves, to bring her back to him?

However, the suffocating thought of her never regaining consciousness kept destroying him. Chipping away at him slowly. He never knew he could miss someone this much. So much that it felt like he was dying on the inside.

Cracks of his powerful façade began claiming his heart and breaking through the surface. The walls around him as he showered felt like they were closing in on him. Suffocating him and giving him a panic attack. Seeing glimpses of her laugh replying on loop ingrained into his mind. However, soon mix with her bloody stained face as she cried hopelessly.

The suffocating steam created by the hot water gave him a hard time to breathe. Falling to the ground with a choked sob as the lingering thought of never hearing her again consumed him. Worried he would never feel her natural warmth. Or feel her lingering love touches. Hyperventilating that he lost her, and the last moment they had together were of her running away to protect him while he cried out for her to come back.

The last glimmer he saw in her eyes was that of sorrow, he would always regret to remember.

Katsuki's world felt like it was crumbling, and he didn't realize he was screaming and sobbing in pain, memories flooding of her, consuming and taking him over.

Snapping what little sanity he had left.

"Bakubro?!" He heard a panicked yell.

However, he couldn't respond. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't do anything other than sob and repeatedly hit the tile of the shower stall floor in anger and agitation. Not caring how his knuckles ached and hurt. Covering the white floor with diluted blood, a mix of his own blood with the water, as he punched it with so much force, he broke the tile and was sure he broke his hand too.

Yet he didn't care, he wanted to feel something else other than the gnawing misery in his heart.

Writhing in pain as the hot water kept trickling down his body. He heard muffled yells, outside the curtain. The feeling of the stinging hot water shutting off and being wrapped in a towel as his friends helped him out of the shower. Being extremely careful with his hands and making sure he didn't slip on the floor to make his injuries worse.

"Kat, can you hear me?" Grabbing Katsuki by the head with both hands, trying to force him to make eye contact. Eijirou's muffled panicked voice echoed throughout Katsuki's head.

However, the young blond man couldn't register what was going on around him. He whimpered in pain, with a tremble in his body. Pain, Eijirou didn't know how to help him with.

What the red head didn't understand, this was not from the physical torment he caused his hands. No, it was from the uncontrolled anger and torment he was feeling inside.

Eijirou was trying his best to hold him up, helping him to the bench in the middle of the locker room. Giving him space, however, staying close to make sure he wouldn't fall again. He'd been walking by when he heard Katsuki's voice in so much pain. One he's never heard before...

Hanta running in when he heard his friends cries for help with bulging eyes, looked at Katsuki, who was hiding his head in between his hands, as he yanked at his ash blond hair trying his best to breathe through the panic attack, he created on himself. Smearing his hair with blood that trickled down his knuckles. Staining the white towel that covered him in streaks of red as he sobbed.

"I'll g-get Recovery Girl..." Hanta called out, his voice shaking. This being the first time to see his friend like this.

Whimpering, and shaking his head. Katsuki's gruff voice stopped his two alarmed friends. "No!" he breathed deeply, trying to compose himself. Trying to regain whatever control he had left. "I-I'm fine!"

"No, you're not!?" Hanta cried out, eyes full of tears in bewilderment. Frightened of seeing the state Katsuki was in. He's never seen him so vulnerable before. "Look at your hands, why would you hurt yourself?"

Eijirou reached out to stop Hanta from getting closer to Katsuki, who clearly wanted to strangle him for hurting himself. "Woah man relax. He's hurting..."

"Why don't you ever reach out to us?!" Hanta bit out angrily, hot tears going down his cheeks. Angry towards his friend who hasn't made eye contact with him. He already knew why Katsuki was having a panic attack. "Why do you always have to hide how you're feeling when we can clearly see you dying on the inside!? We're your friends too, aren't we?!" He tried to maneuver out of Eijirou's hold. However, the red head wasn't letting him. He knew they both were only lashing out because matters were out of their control. "What would Y/n say-"

"Well, she can't say shit, can she!?" Katsuki yelled back. Deep voice cracking and breaking at the mention of her name. Vermillion eyes streaming with burning tears, finally clashing with wide dark pools. "She can't do anything but just lay there like a fucking doll. While everyone else waits for her to come back!? While I fucking wait!"

He sobbed, heart weeping, aching and silently begging for a break from this torment.

"You think you're hurting? How do you think I feel Hanta? Huh?! How do you think it feels as I watch the love of my life slowly wither away? While yours is right fucking there! ... Or how it feels to know this wouldn't have happened if I was strong enough to stop her from leaving, after stupid round cheeks opened her stupid mouth! Not knowing shit! How do you think it felt when I couldn't even hold her in my arms because Shouto refused to let her go as he lost HIS FUCKING MIND!?"

He breathed out in fury... feeling robbed from holding her before she was taken. Feeling the ghost of her embrace, still lingering behind. Why didn't he cherish them more?

"W-watch as Izuku took her away because he's the fastest one of us and now refuses to even take care of himself or talk more than a couple of words!" Katsuki yelled, holding on to the ends of the bench, breathing out hard, chest rising and falling with exasperation. "Watching her light die out while she begged in my mind to keep the other two safe, because she knew they would be like this! Because she fucking knew herself, she may not come back!" Katsuki screamed at the two stunned boys.

Not realizing how alone he felt to begin with, Hanta's only been watching out for Katsuki's physical state but not thinking of his mental state.

Hanta tried to speak to interrupt him, hurting for his friend. However, Katsuki didn't let him. Once the words started to pour out of him, it's like he snapped. The façade of pretending to be okay, finally coming undone.

"She gave me the responsibility of taking care of them, and fuck! Why?!" His voice hit a high note in exasperation, breaking, and not understanding why he out of them had to suffer like this. "Why the fuck, did she think I would be okay enough to do that crap!?" He pulled at his hair again. "I can't... I can't!"

He couldn't breathe...

"I'm not strong enough, why would she ask me of all people? Does she think, I don't love her enough to feel as broken as they do?"

His heart hurt thinking he never told her how he truly felt. Burning from the inside at the thought that he could have done better but didn't because he was never good with loving words to express his feelings. He didn't know how to be gentle...

"I fucking love her with all my being, and yet I have to hold back my ache, MY PAIN because if I don't, who else will take care of them?! Who else with take care of Miguel and Eri as they sob and can't understand why she isn't waking up! Asking me when she will because they look up to me! Watching Aizawa sensei barely hold it together because even he doesn't know!"

He breathed out, wanting to claw at the lump which was growing in his throat as he talked. His voice becoming hoarse.

"Fucking Shinsou, won't even talk to us because he blames us for all of this! And I don't blame him..." He shook his head hysterically, barely holding it together as tears streamed down freely. "His sister is my responsibility! MY GIRLFRIEND IS MY RESPONSIBILITY AND SHE IS FUCKING DYING!"

Katsuki took a moment to breathe deeply, heart feeling heavy.

"My sweetheart is dying..." he whimpered, whispering the words. "There is nothing I can do about it... and God... I can't hear you or Mina fucking ball your eyes out without it eating at me, because it is my fucking fault! Don't think I haven't heard you cry with Ei in his dorm..."

"Katsuki..." Eijirou breathed out, tears rolling down his cheeks as he saw his best friend loose it.