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abuse, panic attacks

"Just swallow the fucking pill! How hard can it be?" Taehyung heard his mother shriek, anger painting her features.

Taehyung struggled to cough out the water that went down the wrong pipe, patting his chest. "I- I can't. I don't know why!" Taehyung tried to explain, eyes wide and teary with his black silken hair brushed past his face.

"This is the fourth fucking pill you couldn't swallow this week! What's wrong with you?" Taehyung's mother screamed, pained and fists clenched.

Taehyung felt his lips start to tremble with a lump growing in his throat. "I-I'm sorry." Taehyung let out, holding the glass in his hand as he was sat on the sofa. "It's just that I f-feel like-"

Taehyung was cut off by a stinging sensation against his face, he held his reddening cheek, eyes watering. Taehyung's mother had her eyebrows furrowed in frustration and anger, her hand raised and looking as though she was about to burst.

"That's it." She spoke lowly, Taehyung's eyes widening in dread, realising what she meant by that.

"Wait!" The boy weakly cried out. "P-please don't!" Taehyung was about to get up and run before his mother harshly grabbed him by the arms, a bruising grip on his wrists as she dragged him into the bathroom.

"N-no! Stop, please!" Taehyung begged, fear consuming him as his mother threw him to the bathroom floor, his back hitting the bathtub behind him. "P-please don't."

His mother refused to listen, she messily rummaged through the medicine cabinet before finding what she needed.

Taehyung's prescription pills.

Taehyung shivered in pure terror, his hands shaking with tears threatening to fall from his glassy eyes. His breath quickened as he knew what was about to happen.

"C-can't we try another time?" Taehyung tried to reason, paralysed in fear as his body refused to move. He saw his mother ignoring him, popping out two pills from the container which heightened his fright immensely. She was going to do that again.

Dreading for what was to come, tears started to rush down Taehyung's face, rolling down his cheeks as his breath grew more ragged. "I-I promise you I'll take them without an issue! A-and you won't have to do anything to help so j-just please don't make me take them now-"

Taehyung was again interrupted by his mother grabbing him by his jaw harshly, her grip firm and painful. "Open wide." She spat, her hand holding two pills which made Taehyung's stomach drop.

Taehyung let out a muffled cry, shaking his head as he refused to open his mouth. Sweat trickled down his neck as his whole body shuddered, Taehyung brought up a hand to wrestle against his mother's grip, receiving a slap in return.

"I told you to open wide!" She screeched. Angered, Taehyung's mother jabbed the boy's side with her foot, forcing him to open his mouth with warm tears still pouring out his eyes.

His mother took the opportunity to shove her slender hand into Taehyung's mouth, holding the pills with her fingertips. Her hand was in up until the knuckle, her thumb nail digging into Taehyung's cheek.

Taehyung's eyes were bloodshot and still producing tears as he gagged around her hand, finding it unable to breathe.

Taehyung's teeth clamped down around his mother's palm, making her cry out in pain and deliver another slap. "Just swallow the fucking pill!" She repeated, the vein in her forehead throbbing.

"Stop being so difficult!" She cried, Taehyung reaching out to grip her hand as he desperately tried to pry his mother's hand off. "You're supposed to be working hard and getting a good job in the future but you're really acting like a fucking child right now!" She shrieked, jaw clenched.

Taehyung merely listened to her with wide eyes, saliva dribbling down his chin as he felt himself being close to choking.

"I don't think you know how hard me and your father work to ensure you have a good life! You'll never understand what we go through just for you!" She continued to shout, the boy beneath her squeezing his eyes shut as he clawed at her arm, desperate to be let free.

"-And this is what we get in return? A pathetic excuse for a son who can't even swallow a goddamn pill!" Taehyung began to feel lightheaded from the lack of oxygen. He- he couldn't breathe at all and felt as though he was going to pass out.

Just as Taehyung's mother was about to let go of the pills to go down Taehyung's throat, her fingertip nudged the back of Taehyung's throat. The bile rose up, forcing Taehyung to vomit out his stomach contents, throwing up onto the tiled floor.

Taehyung's mother grimaced, quickly retracting her hand back which allowed Taehyung to properly flush out everything in his body. The noise of Taehyung retching echoed across the empty walls of the bathroom. A haunting echo. Once he was finished, he felt horrible, the feeling of lightheadedness not going away.

Taehyung's mother looked at him in disgust, her hand partially covered in the sick while Taehyung was coughing out the remains. She scoffed, turning around to leave.

"You worthless boy." She muttered whilst walking away, probably to the kitchen sink to wash off the vomit.

Taehyung sat there with his head hung low, covered in his own disgusting sick, shaking with his eyes gleaming with tears. He brought up his hands to his hair, tugging onto the dark strands as he silently cried, not caring that there was vomit everywhere.

Taehyung felt so goddamn helpless that day. Like- like he was incapable of doing the simplest of things and his mother just left him like the pathetic boy he thought he was to just rot in his own vomit.

The boy's cries eventually got louder to the point he was full-on sobbing. Taehyung clasped a hand over his mouth, his teeth digging into the skin as he tried to muffle his wrecked sobs.

Taehyung's vision blurred with the amount of tears coming from his eyes, feeling dizzy. There the broken boy laid, helpless in every way with his cries showing no signs of stopping.

Taehyung burst his eyes open, shooting up from his bed, gasping out. He looked around the room for a couple of seconds, his eyes frantically scanning his surroundings. Realising that he was in his own room, Taehyung let out a small sigh of relief.

Getting up from his bed, Taehyung threw the covers off and got to his feet, his heart beating out of his chest. He stood still for a moment or so before he staggered to his bathroom, flicking on the lights.

The boy breathed in deeply, taking a good look at himself in the mirror, eyes squinted from the harsh light and his hair tousled. Taehyung ran his hand through it, feeling the ends being damp from the sweat droplets that had formed on his forehead. Ruffling his hair, Taehyung messily wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead and temple.

Taehyung looked down to see his hands shaking erratically with his breathing becoming ragged. He reached down and gripped onto the sink, knuckles turning white from how tightly he was grabbing it. Opening the door to the medicine cabinet, there Taehyung saw his bottle of pills.

With shaking hands, the boy grabbed the container, hearing the rattle of the pills inside. Taehyung unscrewed the cap, heart palpitating wildly as he saw the actual pills, it was as if they were taunting him, mocking him for not being able to swallow them.

In a panic, Taehyung tightened his grip on the medication for just a moment before harshly throwing it into the bin and leaving the bathroom without a second thought. Taehyung sighed shakily as he sat down on the bed, his hands finding its way to grip onto his hair, tugging the dark locks harshly.

"It was just a dream." Taehyung breathed out, rocking onto his bed back and forth. He repeated the sentence over and over again in his head, convincing himself that everything was fine now.

"It'll be okay." Taehyung muttered under his breath, still grabbing onto his hair. The boy stayed like that for a couple minutes before untangling his fingers from his locks and attempting to go back to sleep, throwing the covers over himself.

But Taehyung never slept.

His heart wouldn't stop racing and neither did his breathing calm down. Taehyung gripped tightly onto the pillowcase, eyes watering but Taehyung fought the tears. He couldn't let this bother him now, not after all he's been through.

It's fine.

Jeongguk swung his legs back and forth which were hanging from the bed he was sitting on. He sighed as he dangled them childishly, accidentally hitting Hoseok on the head.

"Hey! Watch it." Hoseok grumbled, rubbing the back of his head with Jeongguk giggling behind him.

"Sorry." Jeongguk apologised insincerely, still continuing to swing his legs back and forth but this time st a slower pace. He watched as Hoseok continued to play Mario Kart, cursing aloud when he was hit with the blue shell.

"Fucking hell!" Hoseok groaned, throwing the controller. "S'not fair!" He cried, pointing at the screen.

Jeongguk stifled a laugh, looking at Hoseok with feigned sympathy. "Mhm, totally wasn't." He muttered, rolling his eyes when Hoseok went back to grab his controller again.

It had been a few days since the party, Jeongguk and Taehyung hadn't uttered a word to each other since besides the occasional unenthusiastic mumbles and murmurs when they were forced to talk. They both had to pretend that they didn't know the other existed whenever they saw each other and Jeongguk had to pretend he didn't want to die whenever he made eye-contact with the boy.

It was awkward, to say the least.

Jeongguk understood Taehyung's reasoning for not talking anymore. I mean how couldn't he? Things couldn't go just back to the way they were, not after Jeongguk had Taehyung's dick up his ass.

Jeongguk shook off his thoughts and looked intensely at the screen instead, the graphics reflecting in his irises, he then let out a small chuckle. "What's with you always playing as Peach? Y'know other characters exist." Jeongguk questioned, hands drumming along the mattress.

Hoseok scoffed, he definitely would've thrown a look at Jeongguk if he wasn't intensely playing. "Yeah, but Peach also exists so that's why I'm picking her." Hoseok explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Jeongguk rolled his doe eyes once more at his friend's response, he stopped swinging his legs, now crossing them. He continued to watch as Hoseok sped through the tracks as Peach, letting out a small cry in triumph when he had won.

"Jeongguk?" Hoseok called out after he had finished the game.

"What's up?"

"Y'know you and that Taeyong guy?" Hoseok began, head facing up to look at Jeongguk who was still sitting on the bed.

Jeongguk pursed his lips, finding it awkward to talk about him after everything that had happened.

"T-Taehyung? Yeah, what about him?"

"Well," Hoseok sighed. "M'confused. What happened between you guys? You haven't been talking to each other for a few days and I was wondering if you two had an argument or some shit."

Jeongguk bit his lip, averting his gaze from Hoseok's who was staring at him as he waited for an answer. Breathing out through his nose, Jeongguk nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Y-yeah. We- we just had an argument after the party and haven't made up yet." Jeongguk stammered.

"Ooh. What about?" Hoseok enquired, getting up from the floor and having his front lean onto the bed.

Jeongguk ruffled Hoseok's crimson hair playfully. "Nothing that should concern you, Hoseok." He smiled.

Hoseok pouted, he decided to sit next to Jeongguk on the bed, leaning onto his palm. "Oh, whatever." He mumbled. "When's Jimin gonna get back? M'hungry."

Jeongguk shrugged his shoulders, scratching his nose. "He's only been gone for fifteen minutes, it takes time to walk y'know."

"Yeah, but I want my-"

"-Croissants! Free croissants!" Jimin breathlessly cried, holding up a paper bag full of baked treats.

"Fuck yeah!" Hoseok cried, running to Jimin, who was crouched down, to grab the bag. Hoseok smiled brightly as he took out the pastry before chomping down.

Jeongguk quirked a brow, he walked over to Jimin and helped him up. "Why are you so out of breath? Did you run?"

Jimin swallowed before nodding frantically. "You bet your ass I did! For fuck's sake, I probably beat Usain Bolt's record just now."

"That's hard to believe, not with those tiny legs you didn't." Hoseok scoffed, mouth full of food.

Jimin lightly hit Hoseok's arm with his fist, while Jeongguk grimaced. "Hoseok, don't talk whilst eating." He mumbled which earned him a snarl from the boy.

"But why?" Jeongguk questioned, a hand on his hip.

Jimin gave Jeongguk a look, he then pointed to the window which showed the sky cluttered with dark wools of clouds. Jeongguk frowned. "So what? It's going to rain?"

"Exactly!" Jimin cried. "It's going to rain! I'm not letting Mother Nature ruin my hair, it looks especially good today!" He explained, jokingly flicking his hair.

"Jimin, it looks the same-"

"Oh, hush." Jimin giggled, cupping his own cheeks.

Jeongguk fought back the urge to sigh, he abruptly grabbed the bag from Hoseok's grip, his eyes widened. "Hoseok! How many croissants did you fucking eat?" He groaned, Jimin peaking to look inside the bag.

Hoseok nervously chuckled, swallowing his last mouthful of the pastry. "Well, that was my fourth one."

"Fuck you!"

"I told you I was fucking hungry!"

Jimin huffed, grabbing the last croissant and breaking it into two, he compared both halves for a moment before giving the slightly bigger one to Jeongguk. "Remind me to never bring food whenever Hoseok is hungry. The greedy bitch would eat everything plus the bag." He grumbled which earned him a light shove from Hoseok.

"Duly noted." Jeongguk smiled.

"Hey, Jimin! I bet you I could beat your ass in Mario Kart!" Hoseok called out, a cocky expression on his face to which Jimin rolled his eyes.

"Challenge accepted, but we gotta be quick since I have art soon and Gguk would have theatre." Jimin grabbed his fluffy pillow from his bed before setting it on the ground and sitting on top. "Also I'm playing as Peach."

Hoseok's mouth fell open in shock. "You can't do that!"

"I can and will." He smiled before grabbing a controller and selecting Peach. Jeongguk laughed at that, sitting back on the bed as he prepared to watch war break out.

Hoseok's eyes widened, angered, he plopped down on his worn-out pillow and also grabbed a controller. "Fuck you, it is so on."

Taehyung picked at the skin of his bottom lip, his other hand fidgeting on his thigh. He looked over at Jin who was paying attention to what Mr. Han was saying before looking down again at the floor.

"-Remember lovelies! You guys have two weeks left before auditions are held, I wish you all the best of luck." Mr. Han smiled, looking fondly at everyone.

Taehyung froze. Goddammit, he was so caught up in other things that he had completely forgotten about it! Taehyung mentally slapped himself for forgetting. He had to start memorising lines as soon as possible.

The boy continued to fidget, playing with his nails, bouncing his leg, you name it. However, he was interrupted by a sudden hand on his shoulder.

"Hey man. You good?" Yugyeom asked, voice laced with concern. Taehyung looked at him with wide eyes, mouth going dry.

"Y-yeah." -Was all Taehyung managed to respond with, hands still twitching.

"Are you sure?" Yugyeom pursed his lips, sighing when Taehyung didn't reply. "I'm not trying to be rude or anything man but- what's been up with you for the past couple of weeks?"

"What? Nothing." Taehyung spoke, scratching his temple. "I'm fine."

Yugyeom shook his head. "But are you though? Taehyung, not gonna lie but you've been acting so- so on edge these past weeks. You're always like- fidgeting or doing some other shit." He sighed and saw how Taehyung looked down, lips silent.

"You barely insult anyone anymore or- or act as confident as you used to. Last time you were 'normal' I guess- was when you were about to start a fight with that Jeoncock kid."

Taehyung dug his nails into his thigh at the mention of Jeongguk. He scoffed, turning his head away from Yugyeom. "I said, I was fine."

"Yeah man, but I was just worried-"

"But you don't have to be worried. I'm fine, that's all you need to know." Taehyung snapped, making sure to keep his voice low.

Yugyeom sighed, deciding not to push it, he turned to face the front again. "Whatever you say." He spoke with fake persuasion.

The whole day was nothing but stressful to Taehyung, his mother's words kept echoing in his head which was why he couldn't even concentrate. He hated how Yugyeom was partially right, he hadn't been feeling like himself for the past few weeks and it starting to get to him.

Taehyung eagerly glanced at the clock, still bouncing his leg up and down as he needed some fresh air. He leaned back onto the chair, feeling his heart rate increase rapidly until the class finished.

Taehyung got even more fidgety, air, air, he just needed fresh air! Standing up, Taehyung brought a hand to his chest, taking deep breaths but eventually his hands gripped onto his shirt tightly, nails digging into his chest. He stepped down the stairs as students began to leave, aiming to reach for the door before-

"Taehyung?"

Taehyung turned around to see Jin, a small smile on his face. "So, do you think you'll get the part you want in the play? You do have a talent for getting what you want."

Taehyung looked at Jin for a moment before speaking. "I- uh- Yeah! I'm pretty sure I'll get it." Taehyung nervously chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets to stop them from fidgeting.