《Hold on to me - Leonardo dicaprio》whispering confessions
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One and a half weeks later.
It's Wednesday evening. Leo didn't do too well with his recovery, I've been going round to his house everyday since Monday, the day he got out.
I'm getting myself ready right now. Me, Leo, Tobey and Brooklyn are going somewhere together, I'm not too sure where though. We're all meeting at like 7, so I have plenty of time. It's just turned 4:53.
My mouth is so dry! My favourite thing to drink would most likely be iced coffee but I don't think we have that. I probably drank it all. Water it is I guess.
I make my way down the stairs and hear a faint knock at my door. I skip down the last couple of steps and run to the door.
I open it to see the tall, blonde headed boy. Leo.
"Oh hey, Leo!"
"Hey!"
"What's up?"
"Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by."
"Oh, alright. You wanna come in?"
"Yeah, sure."
I move aside so he can come in. I shut the door behind him and turn to see him staring into space.
Awh that's so cute though!
I click my fingers in front of his face. "Leo!"
"O-oh." He stumbles back a bit. "Sorry."
"It's fine." I pause. "What's wrong? Something seems up."
Leo gives me a long, hard stare then takes my hand and leads me into the living room. He points toward the couch. I'm guessing he wants me to sit?
I slowly sit down where he had told me to. He comes and sits beside me.
"Jordan I..." he sighs. "I need to tell you something."
"Alright. What is it?"
"I'm moving. Away."
"Your moving? I...I don't get it. Why?"
He's moving away! Moving houses, moving schools, moving states, moving countries! He's moving where?
"I'm moving to Los Angeles."
"I don't understand. Why would you move there? School literally almost over, aren't you going to finish it? And what about basketball? They need you on the team. What are they going to do without you, huh?"
Most importantly, what about me. I don't know what I'll do without him! Yeah I might of saved his life somehow, but he saved mine. More than he ever knows it. And now he's moving, which leaves me alone. Once again, I mean I know I'm sounding selfish but we helped each other out. You know? We're there for each other, we're best friends. I might of only just gotten close to him that's last few months but I don't know what I'll do without him, if he leaves me. It'll be back to how it used to be. I mean, I'd have Brooklyn... Tobey, even Corey and Evelyn but the person I care most about is Leo. That's all.
"I should of told you something, to be honest I wish I could have told you sooner."
"Alright then, spit it out!" I don't wanna sound like a bitch with attitude but it's really upset me. And unless he's going to say he's staying I don't think my attitude will change.
"I'm going to start going acting school there... I've got all the grades I need to try. Basketball, well it was a big part of my life as you know. But with acting... it's something I'm truly passionate about. I feel like I could make that my life and I've never told anyone this but it's been my dream ever since I was a kid. To be well known for the best movies, become the main character."
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I interrupt "Leo, you've always been the main character." I giggle, so does he, with a big grin on his face.
"Besides 'being the main character' I want to act, I want to express myself and really have a go at it. As much as I want that life, it might not work out. If that tends to be how it ends I'll come back to New York, I'll join back into the basketball team. Life will be just how it was before."
I'm honestly speechless, So I let him carry on.
"You probably think I'm stupid...." he sighs. " my mother used to take me to acting classes as a kid, probably not what you expected from me but it happened. I recently just started going again, they said I have real talent and that I should try a few out in L.A, they figured it had more opportunities there for me than here. So I thought why not? You know, why not move. Schools almost over like you said, it's only a couple more weeks so that's what I've decided to do."
"Leo I... when are you planning on leaving?"
"In a week."
"But. But that's so soon."
"I know... but there's something else I want to ask."
He looks down at our hands and slowly intertwines them. My heart starts beating so fast and butterflies fill my stomach. I look down at our hands for a couple of seconds before returning back to his face.
"Yes, what is it?"
"I want you to come with me... will you come with me? I'm sorry if it's too much to ask, I just... Jordan I feel like you truly care about me and the affection you show me, no one else has ever treat me like you have. Your so kind and loving, your always the nicest towards people... I'm sorry if I'm getting too carried away." He nervously laughs "And I know you sorta care about school, even though you don't ever understand a word the teacher tells you." A smile spreads across my face " Listen, you don't have to... it's just something I thought about. I mean it'd be rude not to ask if you wanted to."
Holy shit! Maybe all that I said about 'not knowing what to do if he left' doesn't matter after all. I mean moving to L.A with Leo, is a pretty big thing. Like he said yeah I don't really care about school, It's my grades I care about and there's not long left of it so it wouldn't matter if I missed a few weeks. But what about Brooklyn? She's my best friend. In fact she has Tobey, He's a good guy he'll take care of her. And my mom, she'd agree. Of course she would... I mean it's a pretty big city, I could start my career as well as Leo, maybe this could work?
"Yes Leo, I'll come with you."
"Wait. Really?"
"Yep."
🤎
one week later:
Tomorrow is the day me and Leo both fly out to Los Angeles. I still don't know what my job could be there. My mom didn't really mind it all to be honest. she was sort of happy I'm moving out of New York. I appreciate all she does for me, really but sometimes I just cant help but think about my dad and how much I actually really do miss him. I miss him being around. I was always a daddies little girl growing up. Well thats until him and mom got a divorce and I never seen him again after that. Being friends with Leo has made me much happier. my life before I got to know Leo wasn't the best. he's helped me a lot and I know he doesn't realise that but he really has. I don't know what I have done that night if I had lost him. I mean he self harms regularly I know that, but it really traumatised me seeing him on that bathroom floor in a pool full of blood. About school, mom didn't really care. It's over in about two weeks anyways, it's not like I want to go to a stupid graduation. Prom isn't until another month and to be honest I've waited so long for it, I've always wanted to go. Me and Brooklyn always said we'd go together. It was just going to be the two of us since we wouldn't have expected her to get a boyfriend yet! Tobey's nice anyway and I'm really happy for them, I wish them the best!
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🤎
Knock, knock, knock
"COMING!"
I fly down the stairs and swing open the door.
It's Leo.
"Hey Leo!" I smile, trying my best not to go all red.
"Hi Jordan." He smiles.
I stare at him for a few seconds then clear my throat. "I'm sorry, come in." I step aside, he walks in and walks towards the living room with me trailing behind him.
We walk over to the couch and both sit besides each other on it.
"So are you all ready for tomorrow?" Leo asks with the biggest smile on his face.
"Yep! All ready. Are you?"
"Mhm... you know this is going to be fun, just you and me in another state. I mean I don't really know anything about L.A and I'd hate to be going alone so I'm glad you said yes to coming."
"Yeah, me too. I'm actually really excited."
Leo yawns "me too." He moves closer to me and places his head on my lap, he intertwines our fingers and puts them on his chest.
I giggle a little "goodnight."
He doesn't respond which means...he's asleep.
If I really think about this, I'm moving tomorrow! With him. I didn't wanna come clean about anything but I think I'm starting to develop feelings for Leo, I'm not sure if I told him he'd feel the same way so I'm not going to say anything. But surly he wouldn't just got to a whole different state with just a friend, right?
🤎
I have decided to leave Leo sleeping on the sofa and go to my room to get the last of my things packed. I lied, I didn't pack everything. Since I'm moving for god knows how long! I can't bring it all. L.A's going to be my new home now. The only things I really packed was my favourite outfits, my favourite shoes and a little makeup. Oh and also my notebook, I write in that all the time, despite what's going on. It's like my therapy, it sounds silly I know but it really helps me. I mainly write my emotions and if something's bothering me I write it. Whenever I write in it, it makes me feel so much better. Sometimes I write poems, which I'm not all that good at, even though I have always dreamt of being a poet. But sometimes I write letters to people which I know I'll never give them too, I guess I just write them to get things off my chest. I recently wrote one for Leo...
To Leo, you don't know this but before you came into my life and showed me what it's like being happy, life for me was very shit. Like really, really shit. My mom and dad got divorced when I was around 11 years old. Before they properly split they was on and off. They both cheated on each other multiple times. They argued almost everyday, I never really knew any different since that's all I grew up with. When my dad finally decided to actually get a divorce he moved away, I don't know where he went or is now but it still makes me very upset that I haven't seen him in so long.
Since my dad left we had no money, we became broke as you could say. Poor. My dad was our only recourse of money, we struggled to pay the bills and could hardly afford food. She become really stressed out because of this and unexpectedly started taking most of her blame out on me. She doesn't seem like the type to but she would physically abuse me, I never saw the point in it. I mean what's hitting your own child going to solve? Nothing. She'd also emotionally abuse me, she would say horrible, horrible things to me. The things she said to me got me feeling extremely bad about myself. I started questioning myself. Do I want to be here anymore? The answer is, I didn't, I don't. I don't want to live like this, I don't want to hate myself, I don't want my own mind to control me.
Growing up I wasn't the most confident person you'd meet. I'd often feel ashamed if anyone saw me, saw me the way I see myself. I'd feel so insecure and start to compare myself. I mean I go on to my phone and I see a beautiful girl with the perfect body, and I think to myself. I want to look like one of those girls, but deep down I know I'd have to do it the hard way. So that's when it started, that's when I wouldn't eat for days and days. Mom didn't notice of course, well I didn't want anyone finding out about it. It was embarrassing I thought. Times would get so bad that I would never want to go out, I wouldn't even leave my room. I started pushing my friends away which is the worst part. Some of them stayed, some of them didn't. I never really had much friends to begin with but the ones that stayed mean the most to me.
My sister, Sadie didn't really notice either since she was always out at parties. She became successful in the end though, something I'll never be.
I really hate the way I am and the way that I look, that's why most of the time I'll often cancel plans or don't turn up. But recently things have gotten some what better. Mom isn't as bitchy with me and I started becoming more and more close with you. To me Leo your sort of my escape from reality. When I'm with you I feel like I can be myself and feel as thought your not judging me and watching every move I make. I'm forever grateful for you, really. I just hope someday I'll actually have the courage to tell you face to face.
I've never actually told a boy how I truly feel about them, just scared of getting rejected I suppose. But Leo what if I told you that I liked a boy, a little like Me I guess, minus the looks of course. When I'm with him I'm instantly happy, I like him, a lot! I'm just scared of what he would say if I told him...
I don't really know why I wrote this letter to you. I'm never going to give it to you ever in a million years. And it's not like you want or care about my past trauma or if I like someone.
Anyway, you mean the most to me Leo. Oh and by the way that boy I'm scared of confessing my feeling too is you!
Jordan
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