I promised myself that I'd never be in the same room as my dad, but here I am, in the same room. He looks different than last I saw him-polished is perhaps the best description. Like he's lived in luxury since he left us. Were we holding him back, my mom, and I? Were we not good enough?

I'm trying to stop the tears from falling, but it's difficult when I'm alone. When Aaron's reassuring presence isn't telling me that it'll be okay. That if things go wrong, he'll fix them.

"You told him, didn't you?" My dad's suddenly abrasive tone catches me off guard, and I take a small step away from him, confused, and equally terrified.

"Told who, what?"

"That boyfriend of yours? I saw the way he was looking at me. Like he wanted to kill me." He steps closer, and I step away. "Did you tell him something you shouldn't have?" His voice is getting louder, and I hate it. I hate it, and I hate how much it still affects me.

"Did you tell him?" He turns my face to look at his, his fingers digging into my cheeks.

"I didn't!" I exclaim, my sadness turning into anger. I hate seeing that look of relief on his face. I hate how he thinks he can keep getting away with his shitty behaviour. I hate him.

"But maybe you shouldn't have hit me if you're so afraid of being found out, dad. Maybe if you weren't such a coward-" I feel his fist strike my cheek. Once, and harder the second time.

And I can only hear a ringing after that, and I can only taste the saltiness of my tears. And I only see Aaron walk into the room. I don't care to know what happens next, but this time, I don't protect my dad. I've never had one to begin with.

______

if you're going through something similar to ivy, please don't hesitate to reach out. you're so loved, and you should never be given anything less than that