July 11, 2021

I was running down the hall of the hospital, no one else to be found besides two people at the end. I stopped running when I realized It was Gran and my mom.

"Ella." They both called out in faint, tired voices.

I turned around to run in the other direction, but Gran was right behind me.

"Why haven't you visited me yet?" Gran said with tears of blood running down her face.

Two hands grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face the other direction. It was my mom.

"You don't miss me anymore do you?" Mom said.

"I do," I cried, "I miss you every day!"

Then out of nowhere, I was back at the bakery, standing over Gran's unconscious body with flour all over her.

I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, but when I looked back at her she was sitting up looking at me.

"You just stood there." She said in a voice that was way too deep to be hers, "you didn't do anything to help and now you won't even come to visit me."

"I'm sorry." I cried as I dropped to my knees.

"No, you're not." Mom said from the other side of the room, tubes hooked up to all different parts of her body. "You won't miss her just like you don't miss me."

"But I do miss you!" I screamed, "I miss you all day every day!"

"Then come visit me," Gran said, now standing in Mom's place with tubes attached to her.

I backed up, my breathing heavy everything getting fuzzy and a loud ringing in my ears until I ran into the wall which turned into the hospital wall. I slid down, unable to breathe until I was sitting on the floor exactly where I was crying with Benny, except he wasn't there this time. My mom was standing in front of me, holding a hand out for me to take. As I reached up to grab it she backed away into the darkroom across from me.

"Mom!" I yelled, "come back I need you."

I stood up and ran towards the room, but the door kept getting further and further until I gave up running.

"I need you." I cried.

I shot up in the bed, my breathing was unsteady, and I was sweating. I looked around the pitch-black room to make sure I wasn't still dreaming. I was awake, and so was Benny who turned the light on next to the bed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He said as he sat up next to me.

I couldn't say anything, I was too shaken up.

"Ella," he put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm right here it's okay."

I burst into tears when he said that. He took me in his arms and laid us both back down without letting go of me. I hid my head in his chest and continued to cry as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I didn't do anything," I cried.

"What do you mean?" He asked, not letting go of me.

"When I found her," I lifted my head off his chest and looked at him, "all I did was call 911 and stand there staring at her unconscious body."

"You did everything you could." He said in a comforting voice, "you called 911, what else were you supposed to do?"

"I was late," I sat back up at put my head in my hands.

He sat up as well.

"If I had gotten there earlier, she wouldn't have passed out or anything."

"You don't know that." He said rubbing my back.

"It's all my fault." I looked back up at him again, my face soaked in tears.

He looked me straight in the eyes and moved the hair out of my face.

"It's not your fault." He reassured me, "the doctor said she had a heart attack right?"

I nodded, not looking away from his eyes.

"Then it's not your fault, her body just shut down for a little," he kept moving my hair behind my ears or wiping tears off my face, "plus you didn't know it was gonna happen, no one did."

His voice was quiet and comforting. His touch made me feel safe like always and he knew exactly what to say.

I melted into his arms, burying my head into his chest again. He held me tight for a while, knowing I didn't ever want him to let go.

"We can go see her later if you want." He said softly.

I nodded my head in his chest, tears still rolling down the sides of my face. His shirt was probably soaked by now from the flood of tears coming from my eyes.

He kept me in his arms as he leaned over to reach for his phone on his nightstand. He checked the time as he put his chin back on the top of my head.

"Five twenty-seven," he said to himself, then turned his phone off and set it on the bed beside us.

"We should probably get back to sleep then," I said picking my head up and sitting straight, making his arms slowly let go of me.

"Are you gonna be able to sleep?" He said wiping the tears off my face with both his hands.

"I'll be fine," I said laying back down and fixing the covers over me.

He turned so he was sitting on the bed facing me.

"Okay, I'm not an expert," he said, "but I'm starting to think that when you say you're fine it doesn't actually mean you're fine."

"I'm okay Benny," I insisted, "it was just a dream, I probably won't have another one."

He sat there looking at me like I was a glass bound to shatter at any moment which I hated so I held an arm out in an attempt to get him to lay back down with me. Finally, he sighed and laid down facing me, making our faces only inches apart. I gave a hint of a smile as I reached forward with my hand that wasn't under my head and played with his hair. It was soft and barely tangled from just waking up. He was still giving me a concerned look, but I paid no attention to it.

"We could take Lilly with us and go see her in the morning." He said softly then yawned.

"I don't want her to have to see Gran like that," I said still playing with his hair.

"Okay, then I'll just get Wendy to come to babysit her again." He reached for his phone.

"Never mind." I spat, making him laugh.

"That's good cause I don't have her number." He said in his deep, tired sleepy voice.

"You better not." I joked, raising an eyebrow.

He softly took my hand that was playing with his hair and brought it down so he could kiss the back of it then reached over and turned the lamp off. As he faced back toward me, he used both arms to pull me in closer to where my head was once again, in the only place it felt safe, his chest with his chin on the top of it.

"Get some sleep okay?" He said kissing the top of my head.

"Okay." I smiled as I adjusted myself to where I was as close to him as possible.

We woke up in the exact same position that morning. Lilly woke up before us and decided to jump on the bed until we got up and made her pancakes.

I'll admit I was acting off, but it was because I couldn't get that dream out of my head. I made peace with the part of my mom in my dream, I got those all the time, but did Gran really feel like I didn't try to help her?

Everything sounded blank as I was lost in my thoughts and played with the breakfast on my plate in front of me. Gran's voice saying "you just stood there." over and over again. Flashes of her pale face crying blood came and went. Every now and then I would nod or smile to make it seem like I was paying attention, until I felt a hand on my shoulder which made me realize I zoned out in mid-conversation.

"Ella?" Benny said looking at me concerned.

"Sorry, what were we talking about?"

He sighed and gave me that same look he did last night, like I was some broken thing that he needed to fix.

"We were talking about how Nemo's movie is better than Dory's," Lilly said with a mouth full of pancakes.

"No," Benny turned and looked at her with a challenging glare, "we were saying how Dory's movie is better than Nemo's."

"But Nemo's has the turtles in it," Lilly argued.

"so does Finding Dory." Benny crossed his arms, "and it has the octopus."

I laughed as they argued over which movie was better. I always wished I had a sibling, but at the same time, I enjoyed it just being dad and me, no matter how much I missed mom, dad and I made a pretty good team.

As we finished breakfast and talked about Disney movies, I couldn't help but wonder where Benny's mom was. I decided to use washing the dishes as an excuse to start a conversation about it.

"Can I ask you a question?" I said hesitantly as I handed him a dirty plate to put in the dishwasher.

"Only if it's not about finding Nemo." He laughed while finding a spot for the plate.

"It's not," I smiled then cleared my throat, "where's your mom?"

He took a deep breath as he stood up and looked at me.

"You want the truth or something that won't make you give me that look?" He asked taking three forks from the sink.

"What look?" I said furrowing my brows then realized what he was trying to do, "Never mind, don't change the subject."

He stood back up and looked me dead in the eyes while placing a hand on the counter making his arm muscles flex.

"She's at work." He lied.

"Then why do you seem upset?" I poked his shoulder.

"Because she's always working, I miss her sometimes." He shrugged his shoulders.

I could tell he was laying again because he stopped making eye contact, but I figured he didn't want to talk about it so I let it go.

"I'm sorry I asked," I sighed.

"Don't be, you can ask me anything." He said taking his hand off the counter and putting both hands on my waist, "you're my girlfriend, you should know about my life."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck even though I wished he'd told me what was really going on. If he didn't want to tell me, I wasn't going to make him. I'll just let him tell me on his own time.

He leaned down and his lips met mine. It was like a whole electric shock was coursing through my veins. I loved the feeling of his soft lips on mine and his hands around my waist. When I'm with him every bad thing just disappears.

Lilly walked into the kitchen as we were kissing and laughed. We both jumped apart, Benny backing away and me turning to lean my back on the counter.

"Benny and Ella sitting in the kitchen," she started singing, "k-I...." she paused, not knowing how to spell it "kissing."

I pressed my lips together and put the tips of my fingers on them. Benny just laughed at the fact she didn't know how to spell it.

"I'm telling mommy." she laughed.

"Oh, I don't think so," he said.

Benny sent her a mischievous smirk then ran after her, making her sprint in the opposite direction. I shook my head and laughed as I watched the two of them run out of the kitchen and into the living room where he caught her and attacked her by tickling her on the couch.

I put on the extra clothes I packed while Benny and Lilly waited for me by the front door.

My dad greeted us in the lobby of the hospital, giving Lilly and me a hug, but ignoring Benny when he tried to hug him.

"How's she doing?" I asked putting my hands in my back pockets.

"She's good, resting right now, but the doctors say she'll be able to go home in a week if she has a caregiver to help with medicine and stuff," he said as we walked down the hall to her room.

"A caregiver?" I said knowing Gran would never go for that.

"Were still trying to convince gran that it's a good idea, but-"

"She's too stubborn." I finished the sentence before he could.

"Yeah," he said taking a deep breath.

As we reached the door to her room, I got more nervous and shakey again. I took my hands out of my back pockets and grabbed Bennys so I wouldn't back out again.

"I don't want Lilly to see her like this," I whispered to Benny.

"She'll be okay, " he whispered back, "she goes to checkups all the time."

"I can watch her if you need me to," Joe said overhearing our conversation while coming out of the room across the way from Grans.

"Hey Joe." dad said with this look on his face I haven't seen him make since mom was still around.

"Hey Dan." she smiled back.

"What're you doing?" he asked nervously.

No wonder he never found anyone after mom passed, he's terrible at talking to girls.

"Working," she said in the same awkward, flirty way as dad.

"Right." he smiled.

They just stared at each other with goofy smiles across their lips, until I cleared my throat making them both look at me.

"So you'll watch Lilly for us?" I breathed in and looked at Joe with a smile.

"Right, yeah." Joe shook her head as if she was trying to come back to reality.

"She doesn't exactly like new people..." benny said putting his hand on Lilly's back.

"It's okay, I'm good with kids." she crouched down to Lilly's height and gave a small wave.

Lilly stepped back and grabbed onto bennys side.

"You like animal crackers?" Joe said in a soft, almost soothing, voice.

Lilly nodded with her adorable smile and took the hand Joe was holding out towards her.

I turned to dad once they were far enough so Joe wouldn't hear me.

"What was that?" I said giving him a knowing smirk.

"What was what?" he said acting like he didn't just try to flirt with her.

"You suck at flirting man." Benny laughed.

"And you don't?" Dad said crossing his arms.

"He's actually pretty good at it." I laughed.

Dad rolled his eyes.

"I never really had to be all flirty with your mom you know?" he shrugged his shoulders, "she was the first and only girl I ever dated so I never really needed to."

"It's fine, we'll play matchmaker for you."Benny winked at him.

"Actually, we're already having dinner on Tuesday," he said in a cocky manner.

"Go, dad." I laughed.

"Yeah, go dad!" Benny smiled.

Dad rolled his eyes once again and turned the knob and softly knocked on the wooden door.

"Who is it?" Gran asked in a faint scratchy voice.

"It's just us." dad answered softly.

Benny and I walked into the room hand in hand, but this time I wasn't as scared. I knew the dream was a sign that I couldn't just ignore what was happening, I had to far my fears and be with my Grandma.

She set her book down and looked at Benny and me as we walked into the room, with dad closing the door behind us.

"Hey Gran," I said letting go of bennys hand and walking over to the side of her bed.

"I'm sorry, " she said reaching her hand out to me, "do I know you?"

I stopped where I was, my face going red and my entire body getting warmer by the second. I thought they said she was okay?

"Gran, it's me," I said taking her hand.

"Gran? Who's gran?" she looked genuinely confused.

I looked back at Benny who was just as shocked and confused as I was.

I looked back at her, tears forming in my eyes. Her face was serious as she opened her mouth to say something but just started laughing.

I furrowed my brows and jerked my head back.

"I'm only joking Pumpkin, " she said shaking my hand side to side, "of course I remember you."

A wave of relief washed through my body as I wiped the tears that were forming away.

"Really?" I laughed, "you had me there."

"Did the same thing to your dad, he ugly cried for a good fifteen minutes." she laughed.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're still the same." I smiled.

"I'm perfect, " she let go of my hand, "how are you doing? You look terrible, no offense."

"Says the one in a hospital bed." I laughed.

"Got me there." she chuckled, then cleared her throat and her face went serious. "They said you found me? I'm so sorry."

"I'm okay, just worried about you."

"Don't be, I'll be out of here in no time and we can get back to working at the bakery." she seemed so full of hope, but I knew I had to talk to her about having a caregiver.

"The doctors said you're gonna have to take it slow for a while, with a caregiver living with you," I said seriously.

"I don't give two shits what the doctors say, I'm fine." she insisted, "I could run laps around the halls and be fine. This old lady isn't gonna go down that easily."

"You had a heart attack." I spat.

"I like to think of it as more of a slight mishap," she said stubbornly.

"A heart attack isn't a mishap gran," I said making air quotes with my fingers as I said mishap, "you could've died if I didn't find you. If it was just a mishap you wouldn't be in a hospital bed hooked up to like five different tubes."

"Pumpkin-"

"No." I said raising my voice, "I was scared shitless when I found you on the floor in that kitchen. I've had nightmares, watched it happen over and over in my head, and I passed out twice. TWICE!"

"Ella, " she said in disbelief from the words that were coming out of my mouth.

"Gran." I copied in anger, "you're not the only person being affected by this. You will stay in this bed until they let you come home and you will have a caregiver to watch you when Dad and I aren't around to make sure you're not doing too much."

She stared at me in shock then looked at Benny who put his hands up like he was surrendering and widened his eyes. She looked back at me with a look I couldn't quite explain because I've never seen her make it before.

"Fine, if it means that much to you." she sighed.

"Thank you," I said, proud of myself.

As if on cue, my dad walked in with a short blonde-haired lady in purple scrubs. She looked young, probably in her early thirties or late twenties.

"Mom, this is Sydney." He said as Sydney walked up to shake Gran's hand, "I know you said you refuse to have a caretaker, but-"

"Danny," Gran said as she shook Sydney's hand.

"No just listen," he said putting his hands in his back pockets, "I know you don't think you need someone to look after you but what would happen if you had another heart attack while we were in Texas?" He sounded tired, like he didn't get any sleep either.

"Dad," I said trying to not laugh.

"Ella. I'm serious, she needs someone to watch her and you know that." He said crossing his arms.

I pressed my lips together in an attempt to not smile as Gran and I looked at each other with knowing looks.

"Since you say you don't need one, I'm deciding for you and I say you're gonna have a caretaker and you're not gonna argue." He said sternly.

Gran looked at Dad and sighed, pretending I hadn't already given her a pep talk.

"If that's what you think," she shook her head and acted disappointed, "then I guess I'll have to be okay with it."

Benny walked over to me, his back towards my dad, with a look like he was trying to not laugh at Gran's acting.