Shen Qingqiu awoke to a loud ding that resonated in his head. "What the fuck?" He whispered and opened his eyes to see a holographic screen in his line of sight with a line of text littered with emojis, actual emojis. God, he hadn't seen those in years.

✈️: psst hey 👋 bro 👊 look 👀 we got a system update 😔✊

He blinked once, twice, three times, before he processed what had just happened.

🥒: what the fuck

🥒: if you want to message me then you gotta cut down on the emojis or I will stab you

🥒: ...

🥒: wait

🥒: since when is dming a thing in the system?

✈️: who fucking knows 🤪🤪🤪

🥒: end yourself

🥒: what time is it anyway? all I know is that my internal clock is screaming at me

✈️: like,, 3am or something? Do you want me to play a flute or something and hope for someone to scream 'who the fuck is playing flute at 2am' or something??? Idk 😐

🥒: go the fuck to sleep before I find you and kill you

🥒: dont try me bitch

✈️: aye aye sir

With that, he was able to roll over and go back to sleep and continue to peacefully sleep.

...

Bullshit!

Internally, he began yelling at the system. "Put do not disturb on the dm function please and thank you or I will murder someone. And that someone will be Shang Qinghua. And that'll set Mobei-Jun out on a murderous rage. And that'll cause mass destruction." The system, ever so helpful, said nothing. "Honestly, fuck you." And this time he did roll over and go to sleep, after a few minutes straight of him internally screaming expletives.

Did he mention he hated the system?

Shen Qingqiu awoke (again, but at a more appropriate time) to the sounds and smells of Luo Binghe cooking breakfast, and to the sound of repetitive dinging as the dm function let him know that Shang Qinghua had sent him a dm, no, multiple dms, as the messages kept on coming through.

✈️: hey

✈️: hey Cucumber bro

✈️: hey bro are you up

✈️: I just thought of something

✈️: me vs the guy he tells me not to worry about

✈️:

✈️:

✈️: Ah, just looking at him makes me sad... young'uns....

🥒: Wang Zhuo Cheng is so attractive, there's no way can you compare to him,,,

🥒: he looks more like an immortal than you do

🥒: you're worse than me when I talk about me being old wtf chill

🥒: wait you can send pictures?

✈️: Ah bro you're so mean I don't look like donghua Jin Zixun 😖😖

✈️: and of course I'm old I lived 23 years in our time and I'm at least 80 years old but I still look young in this world thanks to ✨cultivation✨

🥒: it's true you're like the donghua Jin Zixun

🥒: ehehe old man

✈️: ... asshole

✈️: and yes you can send pictures but I'm not telling you how because you're mean

🥒: you know it 🤪 that's my second title, it's what I do best, pissing people off

🥒: whatever...

✈️: fuck off you're a liar

🥒: don't call me a liar I'm not lying you're an ugly hoe

✈️: well I ain't calling you a truther

🥒: you can fuck right off for that I'm offended and amused and sorta taken aback I was not expecting that shit

🥒: you, with Mobei-Jun: well mark me down as scared and horny

✈️: fuck off you're a bitch 🙃🙃

🥒: you know it 🥵

"-zun? Shizun!" Shen Qingqiu blinked and stared up at Binghe who was looking at him in concern, freshly cooked food on a tray in his hand. "Shizun are you okay? You weren't reacting when I called you." He opened his fan to hide his smile at the caring voice of his husband, "Ah, my Binghe is too good. Yes, this master is fine, he was just thinking about something Shang-shidi said..."