It's not like I didn't believe in the afterlife, but honestly, I don't think I was supposed to feel this real, or in pain, or dazed. I tried to open my eyes, but they wouldn't budge.

Ok, God games' over, let me open my eyes.

Nothing happened, I tried moving, nothing really happened. Or maybe something did, I don't know. I feel so disconnected. I struggled. I heard something above me. I wasn't sure what it was or what was happening. Wasn't I dead?

I groaned. Wait, I did something, yes! Small victories.

There was a shuffling around my bed, and I lifted my eyelids just a fraction to see white. No, please don't tell me heaven or hell is white, just like the fucking hospital. Learn to paint with a different color seriously!

I managed to blink my eyes, slowly opening them. Yes! Alright, let's go! Wait.

What was Annabeth doing here? And Mom? And Rachel? Were those doctors? I tried moving my arms, but they wouldn't listen.

I opened my mouth and felt my throat clog up. I looked at the people in the room. The doctor and nurse were talking to Annabeth and Rachel while Mom held my hand. I couldn't move my head, so I just watched them out of the corner of my eye.

I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything. All I could do was watch as Annabeth and Rachel cried into each other's shoulders as the doctor and nurse left the room. I saw my mom squeeze my hand, though I didn't feel it.

I closed my eyes. Maybe more sleep will help me wake up. Oh, the irony.

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I blinked awake. Yes! My eyes work.

I moved my legs, and they complied. Experimentally I sat up. Everything was responding, thank gods!

But then I realized.

I had tried to kill myself. Tried. Since now, I'm looking at the shocked faces of Annabeth, Rachel, and my mom. I know they aren't dead. So that means I must've survived.

"You motherfucker! What the fuck were you thinking?" Rachel looked at me, angrily. I swear her red hair seemed to rise as she snarled. I shifted and put my back flat against the wall. I didn't know what to do. I didn't expect to actually survive. Then I felt arms around me, and I looked down, getting a face full of bushy red hair.

"You jackass! We were terrified. I can't believe you would do something like that!" she mumbled into my chest as she squeezed me tighter. I winced, and she let go. I looked away and tried raising my right arm. I saw that it was bandaged and hurt more than hell to move, so I went with my left. I rubbed the back of my neck, wincing as my forearm moved. I looked down at the blankets, ashamed and guilt-ridden.

This is why I wanted to go. I didn't want to deal with the heartbreak and the guilt and the sadness and the pity. I felt a touch at the bottom of my chin, making me look up. I let whoever it was move my face up but kept my eyes downward.

Then I felt a burning sensation on my cheek as my head snapped to the side. It took a second for me to register that Annabeth had slapped me. I met her gray eyes that were pooling with tears. I felt my breath hitch as I saw the heartbroken look on her face. I tried reaching out, but my arms screamed in pain. I still couldn't choke out any words, so I just looked at her with guilt. She shook her head, huffing, and said softly, "I'm glad you're ok, Percy," before quietly leaving.

That was the second time Annabeth had left. It was worse than the first time. But seeing her embrace the dislike for me and allowing me to cut her off made me gulp down the sob I knew was coming. I slowly brought my left hand up, feeling it scream in pain as I put a curled finger in my mouth, biting it hard.

"Rachel, can you go check on Annabeth? I don't want her to get hurt by driving angry," mom asked quietly. I saw Rachel nod and walk out of the room. A few seconds after the door clicked shut, mom stood up. I expected her to ask for answers, to demand to know about Gabe, to tell me to make up with Annabeth, anything.

But instead, she motioned for me to scoot over and sat upright next to me. I hunched over, not wanting her to see me as I inevitably broke. She simply laid her arm across my shoulders and lightly made me lean into her shoulder.

"Ok, little Blue, let it all out. I'm here now," my breath hitched. I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I sobbed. I sobbed about Gabe, the frustration over the years, the pain, the anger, the sadness, and the loneliness. I cried about the cruelty of the world and how it wouldn't stop sending obstacles in my path. I sobbed about how I cut Annabeth out and the pain and guilt of making her hurt. I sobbed about my suicide attempt, about worrying my mom, about the stress of everything. I cried and cried into my mom's shoulder as she rubbed my arm lightly.

Eventually, my breath hitched, and I calmed down. But I couldn't bring myself to sit up.

"Feel better little Blue?" I nodded a little, not wanting to move too much. I felt the feeling of warmth invade my body as my mom started humming. Nostalgia and safety filled me as I recognized the old nursery rhyme. My breath caught in my throat as mom started singing. I almost wanted to cry at how long ago I heard this song and how broken I had become since then.

The Itsy Bitsy spider climbed up the water spout.

Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.

Then the Itsy Bitsy spider went up the spout again.

My mom sang in a soft, lullaby voice. I felt my eyes drooping as I listened, my hiccuping breaths coming to a stop as she started the next song.

The bear went over the mountain

The bear went over the mountain

The bear went over the mountain

To see what he could see

To see what he could see

To see what he could see

The bear went over the mountain

The bear went over the mountain

The bear went over the mountain

To see what he could see

Mom ended, slowly dragging out the last few notes on the see. I took a shuddering breath.

"You doing ok, Blue?" she asked softly, not disturbing the calm and quiet atmosphere we had.

"Mhm, can you sing the next one?" I nodded. I could feel her happiness as she started humming.

"Ok, little Blue, but you have to join me," she teased, and I grinned and nodded again. I cleared my throat a bit as she started up the song.

I believe the children are our are future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

I started up, singing quietly with my mom, making me feel like a huge weight was being lifted.

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

I decided long ago

Never to walk in anyone's shadows

If I fail, if I succeed

At least I'll live as I believe

No matter what they take from me

They can't take away my dignity

The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

We finished the last note of our abridged version of the song, and I nestled in a little closer to my mom. She ran her fingers through my hair as I closed my eyes, feeling safe and happy in her arms. Right now, no negative emotions could reach me. It was just my mom and me. Being with her made a sort of protective bubble that dispelled any negative thoughts I had.

"Alright, little Blue, get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered to me as I sleepily nodded my head. All I wanted right now was warmth and support. And that's what I was getting. I know that tomorrow I would probably be swamped with questions, but right now, all I needed was to fall asleep in my mother's arms.