March had begun terribly. It'd been over a year since Nick had stopped hanging out with his mates and it'd only served to cause more trouble. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? I'd thought the worst was over. That was, until the rumors started.

"Is it true?" I asked, as he approached me in the corridor.

"What?" He chuckled a little. He didn't sound nervous, maybe he hadn't heard.

"What they're saying about you at that party," I elaborate. We'd grown closer over the past year. I was better at asserting myself, as Tao continued to remind me, and it was true, I really had become bolder. This also applied to our relationship, I worried less about losing him, as our communication blossomed, he made me feel secure, safe. Needless to say, these rumors were the last thing I expected.

"What?" He says again. I resist the urge to tell that it was nothing; a joke, that I was messing with him. This is serious, I tell myself. Your feelings were hurt, don't brush it off. Give him a chance, he can explain.

"You haven't seen this?" I ask, holding up my phone, the grainy image shining directly at his face.

"Oh," He says, his expression unreadable.

"Some people were saying," I pause anxiously, "That you were there with that girl, and that you two-" I fall short, my words hitting the floor. I thought he'd be shocked, denying even, but he stays silent. He starts to reach for me, to say something, but I shut it down, "Never mind, it was ridiculous anyway, I'll see you after school,"

"Char wait!" I hear from behind me, but I'm already out the door.

-

I catch the bus just in time, making my way through the aisle till I find Tori.

"Hi," I say, taking my seat. She waits for me always, getting up so I can sit by the window.

"What's bothering you?" She asks quizzically.

"Nothings bothering me," I say, scratching the back of my neck.

"Right, so this isn't about certain rumors about a certain someone?" She asks knowingly.

"Ugh, I just don't know how to feel," I sighs.

"It's not his fault you know," She says, taking a sip of her cola. "I'm sure he didn't do it,"

"Thanks," I say earnestly.

"And if he did," She pauses. "He'd be dead," She takes another sip of her drink, the same unconcerned expression on her face.

"Thanks," I say again. I rest my head against the glass as the bus pulls away from the curb. We sat the rest of the trip in silence.

I got home what seemed like an eternity later, the hours creeping by exasperatedly slow. Heading into my room, I shut my door, and plop down at my drums, letting my book bag slide off my shoulders and onto the floor. I secure my headphones and begin pounding away. No doubt Tori would know something was up, with how much noise I was making but maybe she would leave it, already knowing the cause of my distress. I had to get my worries out somehow. After a half hour session, I went over to my bed, flopping down onto its marshmallow softness. Nick would be here in an hour so I had some time to relax. Wiping out my phone I open instagram, letting my mind go blank as I endlessly scroll. But then I see it, that same image, followed by a different caption this time. It wasn't even posted by Harry. Who was spreading rumors now? My heartbeat kicked up as I looked further into the post, clicking on the comment section I instantly regretted it.

"I knew he'd leave that weirdo. Why was he even with him?" A comment read.

"Let's go, Nick's finally getting some real action," Harry added.

"Good, maybe now he'll stop pretending he's gay" Someone posted.

I didn't even know half of these people. Some were in my year but no one else I recognized and there were hundreds. I still held the phone in my hand, but it was further now, blurred, distant, like even if I squinted I couldn't read the messages. My breathing picked up, the air thinking uncontrollably. I braced a hand to my chest as I heaved in and out. The ground though I knew was just a bed, felt shifty, unstable, like the world was spinning around me. I was vaguely aware of Tori coming into my room, her reaching out, and me shunning away. I had no idea how long I'd been there; breathing, shaking. But before I knew it, out went Tori and in came Nick.

"Get away," Was all I could muster. Out of the corner of my vision I watched him pick up the phone, I closed my eyes in shame. "It- it- was stupid," I said through gasps of air. He responded I'm certain but his voice was cloudy and muffled, like my head was in a bucket of sand. I felt his arms wrap around me, I didn't pull away, and neither did he. Even as I fell to my side, my breathing became more rapid, and cheeks stained with tears; he stayed. I don't deserve this boy.