[ Kimoon just came here and wanted to have a talk >

My heart skips a beat out of anxiousness as soon as my eyes read this, and I hurry to answer.

I wait without sending more messages since I know she must be writing and explaining. I cannot wait to know what he tried to do or say, I hope that there is nothing wrong, but if it was the case, she would not talk about it that way and tell me so quickly.

This feels so long, I do not know what this is about, and this is the worst about it.

/

'YOUR P.O.V'

The last sentences being written, I sip on my coffee that keeps me warm and awake, but a knocking on my door interrupts the peacefulness in the room. I drop my pencil out of surprise and check my phone, wondering if missed a text from Jungkook or Hojun.

I did not. I frown at my screen but put my drink down and stand up to head to the door, and I open it, hoping for the person to not be someone I do not want to see.

Once I come across them, I look up at their face but nibble on my inner cheek because of the nervousness they just provoked in me.

"Hey..." he breaks the silence between us, but I tuck my hand, which is not on the door, in a pocket of my hoodie and glance away. "What do you want?"

"I...I want to talk to you, y/n...Can I have just a moment, please? I won't bother you again after this," he nearly begs me to have a conversation with me when I already made it clear in the past. "What is it about?" I set my eyes on him, still remembering what he did to me. "It's...about us. I mean, me. I need to get things off my chest."

I sigh through my nose, sharply but step aside and tell him to come inside. Then I close the door but stand on my spot, and I cross my arms over my chest. "Tell me right away because I don't want to wait."

"Listen, I know you don't want to talk about it again, but I really need to tell you those things. I apologize, and I'll never stop doing it because I regret being such an immature asshole, and I'm not doing this to try to get you to forgive me. I won't ever forgive myself for it, but I wish you could just realize or believe me when I say that I wish this didn't happen that way, and now...I just..." he loses his words, repeating the same speech that he said more than one year ago. "Since you got close to Jungkook and Hojun and that you spend time with us, it's so fucking hard for me to hear your voice, your laughter, and to see you so close to me...I...I know I shouldn't tell you this, but I miss you a lot. I miss us so much since you're around, I could handle it until then, but this is so much more difficult these days because I thought I moved on, but I'm starting to get those feelings again, and I hate myself so much for it because I don't know how to deal with them."

I cannot believe he is doing this and telling me all this. How can he talk about feelings, missing us, when he knows I am with Jungkook?

"Kimoon, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I'm not yours anymore, and I'll never be. You shouldn't tell me those things knowing that I'm with Jungkook," I do not let him believe in anything, no being ambiguous at all. I moved on, I do not miss him, I love Jungkook now, so he is just my past.

He does not say anything right away but stares into my eyes, and no matter how much time we spent away from each other, how much I hate it, I know this look very well. "I'm sorry..." he licks his lips but breaks the eye contact, his eyes glistening. "I was okay with you, I didn't mind talking to you at first because I had moved on and didn't want to stay in this sort of uncomfortable situation since you were close to Jungkook, but after that picture you sent me, I was so disappointed in you—"

"I messed up, y/n," he cuts me off to attempt to give an explanation to this disgusting nude he sent me some days ago. "I didn't mean to do it, I was drunk as hell, I was—"

"That's not an excuse!" I stop him, hating to hear this same pretext that he always uses whenever he makes a mistake. "I forgave you many times because I loved you, and I was dumb, but that won't happen anymore."

"Don't say that," the water in his eyes forms some tears, these genuine ones that are ready to be shed. "I loved you so much too, I was deeply in love with you and didn't want this mistake to happen, you knew I wasn't that type of person and never meant those words I said. We were each other's first love, we stayed together for two years, we knew each other more than anyone. It happened once, and I was drunk because of Donghae who peer pressured me and made me try his shitty drugs."

"But that doesn't change the fact that you were forceful and used horrible words! You knew we'd spent the night together on that day, but you still let your fucking stupid friends do what they want because they never gave a shit about me!" I raise my voice against my will, losing my composure and hating him for not understanding my point of view once again but playing it the victim. "I know!" he shouts at me but bursts into tears. "That's why I told you to go back home! I knew I would be too unconscious to even know what I'm doing, but you stayed!"

"I stayed because I cared about you and didn't want to leave you alone in your house when you could have maybe got into an ethylic coma! You were my boyfriend! What did you want me to do? Leave you there and not close an eye for the whole night because I didn't know how you're feeling?!" I point my finger at me, not having the talk we should have had. Now I am going back into the past to go through that painful and unforgettable moment again. "If you want me to say it, that was my fault for wanting to be there for you and not expecting just once that my boyfriend would dare to call me a bitch and accuse me of cheating just because he was over-possessive with me, but—"

"That's not your fault, I never said that. Alright?" he pretends to not have insinuated this in his sentences, crying and showing his emotions that will not change the story anymore. That is too late for that. "Then stop telling me I shouldn't have been there. You would have done the same if it was me."

"But I would have been able to effortlessly stop you," he finally says something true, finally realizing how scary it was for me to have to slap him to not let him go further. "I'm an asshole, and I know it. I shouldn't have gotten drunk when I knew that I'd spend the night with you and want to have sex, and I regret like never I will regret something else in my life, but I didn't expect to do this, and I know you didn't either which is why you wanted to be here for me. I'm not putting the blame on you for the things that I did to you, y/n. I swear that's not what I said. Okay? I hate myself and cannot forget it, I'll never put the blame on you because I know I'm the one at fault."

"Whatever," I refuse to argue more. I heard enough, I do not want to go through that again. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's done, it's in the past, and I already told you that I forgave you for that. The problem is not the past any longer, it's the fact that you did a mistake again, you did what you said you wouldn't once more when I trusted you, and I'm tired of this. I don't want to talk to you anymore. I'm sick of having to deal with your mistakes because you're drunk or not in the right mind to think properly," I calm everything down to not shout at each other anymore and cause unnecessary stress.

He remains quiet, getting that it is over and that I will not talk to him again. I did it once, and he showed me that he did not change that much, so that was the last chance I gave him.

"I thought that this mistake would make you learn a lesson and remind you to never drink alcohol, I thought and hoped you would even be scared to touch a bottle again and even get the taste of alcohol in your mouth, but I feel like this first time wasn't enough," I tell those hateful thoughts I have been keeping to myself, ignoring the pain he must feel at this right moment.

Discerning all the remorse he has inside of him, I do not go any further and become silent.

"Alright..." he clears his throat, avoiding my gaze, probably out of shame and guilt. "Do you want me to never talk to you again?" he asks the question that I wish would not have been brought up, and for some odd reason, I do not doubt or think twice before making the decision that I believe to be right. "This is better to do this..." I nod, clenching my hands on the sides of my arms. "And stop drinking..." I add, meaning it.

"I understand..." he does not beg me or insist, relieving me from a fear. "I apologize again, y/n. I'm really sorry for not being mature enough," he wipes his tears away with a sleeve of his hoodie, and he walks up to the door to open it. I let him leave without saying a word. This is best for him and I.

Once he is gone, I heave a sigh to take the weight out of my lungs, and I go back to my bed. I sit down on it, not knowing how to feel exactly.

I need to talk to Jungkook about this.

/

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

I read all the things she explains to me but cannot even believe for one moment what she is telling me, this must be a joke or a prank. This cannot be real.

I sit up on my bed and answer her, feeling on the verge of going insane.

[ what the hell do you mean "he misses you"? Are you joking? Are you both pranking me? >

This is not true.

[ wtf are you talking about? "Us" wtf that means?! You both did something behind my back? >

I stare at my screen without even typing anymore, my heart beating hard and fast, I tongue my inner cheek but stand up and throw my phone on my bed, and I get out of my room to head towards Kimoon's one.

I bang at the door, not caring whether he is asleep or not, and in short seconds, he opens the door, but the anger that I can feel through my veins, in my entire body, is so strong that I cannot control myself, I give a strong hit in his chest to push him back. "What the fuck did you hide to me, you fucking asshole?"

"Jungkook," he holds his hands up to his chest as if it was to calm me down, his red and puffy eyes not having any impact on me at all. "Listen, I swear I never meant—"

"Tell me if you dated her and lied to me this whole fucking time!" I yell at him, losing it and doing not even half of what he deserves to get. "I didn't lie to you!" his voice quivers, daring to act and feel that way when he is the one who caused this. "I never lied to you, I just didn't want you to know about this! I feel guilty as fuck and hate myself—" his sentence ends quickly with a punch in his face. His body stumbles back against a dresser, the violence of my action taking him aback.

"You are a son of a bitch," I hurl out of my mouth without thinking about what this might engender to him. I cannot put up with this. I cannot believe he hid this from me. Not with all the things we shared together. "We trusted you, we considered you as a best friend, but you're just a piece of shit. Did you set me up with her just so that you knew she'd get closer to you and that you could get another chance? Uh? You knew exactly what you were doing right from the beginning."

"I didn't do this. Stop making assumptions, I set you both up because I knew you were both in love!" he lies to me, doing his best to hold onto that belief that he is a victim too. "But when you sent her that nude, you knew she was already my girlfriend, so you shut the fuck up and stop lying to me!"

"I was drunk!" he shouts back at me, raising his voice, even though he does not have the right to do it. "That's not a fucking excuse! You should stop getting drunk if you cannot control yourself, you piece of shit! You're just disgusting! You're a liar, a betrayer, and you don't even deserve to be our friend anymore!"

"This is personal! This is my past that I don't want to talk about with anyone! I had a reason to not say it to you! Why don't you want to understand that?!" he does not feel any shame but gets upset, not having a brain to realize what he is doing, and what he is saying. "I don't give a fuck about that. You could have simply told me that she's your ex without going into details, but you're so much of a fucking coward and asshole that you didn't let me know about it but watched me being a dumbfuck!"

"Stop saying those things," he tears up in front of me, exposing the opposite of what he has always shown me since we met. "I never tried to get her away from you or steal her, alright? You just don't understand because you don't know anything."

"I don't understand?" I chuckle, nervously, pointing my finger at my chest and asking him to repeat this. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? You lie to me and pretend to not know her, you send her a nude when you know that she is mine, then you go and beg her because you're catching feelings for her again, even though she's taken and that you know this will make her uncomfortable?"

"No matter what I say, you won't believe me or try to understand me. If you were in my shoes, I'm pretty sure that you'd have done the—"

"That's not fucking true!" I cut him off to not permit him to say that about me. "I'd never lie to my best friend like you did because I'm honest with the ones I'm close to. Especially when the matter is that serious."

"I was scared! I knew you'd be jealous as fuck if you knew! You'd probably have distanced yourself from her just because you wouldn't have been able to handle the fact that I was with her and that she once loved me—"

"And you think it's better to lie to me and hide this?! You knew I'd get to know about it at some point! And the more you'd wait, the worst it'd be for me!" I yell at the top of my voice, not standing the wrath, hate, and disappointment I feel towards him. "I'm—"

"Guys—" the sound of someone joining with no warning comes at the wrong time, right when I lifted my hand up and threw my arm on the left, getting my elbow to crash into their nose. Knowing who it is, I whirl around but catch sight of Hojun holding his nose with both hands.

"Hojun," I step forth to touch his face, feeling terrible for doing this to him. In only a quick second, all my anger disappears for some guilt and pain to take over me once I see the heavy amount of blood run down his skin. "I'm so sorry, I didn't hear you," I look for some tissues and hurry to grab a few ones, but he bends his head back. "It's okay, don't worry," he leaves the room, but after this accident, the only one I can focus on is him, so I follow him but realize that everyone is standing at their door.

"Hey, wait, take this," I give him the tissues and put them against his nose to block the way and let the blood soak the fabric, then he holds them and puts his head back properly.

I cannot bear this, this was an accident, but knowing that I hurt him is something that pains me so much.

"Does it hurt...?" I ask a dumb question, and he enters his room, letting me in as well. "It's okay," he shakes his head to tell me a lie, thinking this will reassure me. "Don't tell me it's okay if it's hurting," I wrap my arms around him from behind, apologizing with physical affection. "I know, don't worry about it," he gets more tissues bleeding more than I even expected him to. "I'm so sorry...I was mad...I thought no one else was there."

"Stop apologizing, I'm okay, dummy," he takes this lightly since this is not the first time his nose bleeds, but I do not joke or disregard it at all. I give him a bear hug and check his nose, hoping for it to not be broken, not saying anything more that might do worse.

"Y/n texted me," he says in a low voice, worrying me even more since this means he knows. "She's scared, and I tried to call her to get explanations, but she was crying..."

"She was crying?" I lower my hand to his arm, and he turns around to face me and nods. "She told me you didn't answer her last text, so she's scared that you might be mad at her," he wipes his nose, smearing the red liquid over his skin. "I was about to come to your room to talk, but then I heard you and saw everyone listening. That's why I checked what was happening."

I do not tell him anything about how I feel since I am not sure either, and he sits down but looks at me. He must feel some pity for me right now.

"I need to talk to her..." I sigh, not knowing whether I am disappointed, or hurt. "Yeah...I can't believe he did that," he opines himself, letting me know if I am the only one who does not accept this or not. "Same..."

"Y/n told me she thought you knew and that Kimoon talked about it," he reveals something I was not certain about. He has no idea how much this relieves me. I just hope she is not lying, I doubt that she would do such a thing, but still, my head is in a mess right now. "You should talk to her now. She's probably still crying."

"Yeah, you sure you're okay though?" I avoid talking about this matter, hating to hear it and face it. "Yeah, don't worry. I just want you to talk it out with her," he cares about us more than he does for him, but I do not complain or say anything more about it. "Alright, I'll come back after talking with her anyway. Call me if you don't feel good or something, okay?"

"Yes, go now," he smiles, faintly, but since he is not changing his mind, I head back to the door, take one last look at him, and I leave. I get to my room but forget about my phone and only put my shoes on.

I hate this type of situation, I hate it more than anything, but I have to be mature and talk it out instead of trying to avoid it, stay mad, and remain quiet because of my feelings.

A sigh escapes my mouth once I step inside the girls' dorm, I walk up the stairs to get to her room in short seconds, then I stand in front of her door. How am I going to react if she tells me hurtful words? If she admits that she was hiding something from me this whole time as well.

I knock on the door after taking a deep breath and calming down, but she does not open as quickly as she did last time, so I wait, with anxiousness and apprehension rushing through me.

To be honest with myself, even if she tells me that she did not know about the fact that Kimoon never talked about it with me, I will still feel something weird, something like jealousy but not exactly. The thought of them having sex will never leave me, the thought of her loving him, kissing him, and spending many days and nights by his side will always haunt my mind no matter what, and that is what scares me the most about it.

Eventually, she opens the door, but immediately after seeing each other, my heart hastens the rhythm of it, and I discern the worry readable all over her face.