Whilst Astrid hated to admit it, the constant bashing of her skills was really weighing on her.

It seemed she was never safe; casually scrolling on Twitter - a thread of reasons she shouldn't be on Dream's team, switching to TikTok - a comment section full of unemotionally attached teens attacking her as a person, a little bit of Instagram to calm her mind - fan art of the boys in her team running ahead whilst she falls behind.

It wasn't everybody, some people that had never heard of her before their favourite streamers were on her team had been really supportive. They'd come over to her stream with a new sub alert and actually get to know this new streamer they'd never seen before. Some had even messaged her in support, looking forward to seeing what she could do.

That bit was nice, but the rest was draining.

It was hard to put on a brave face during streams, with people coming to her page just to post hateful things. There were a few fam cams where they'd zoom into her face when these comments came up, just to notice the small fall on her face.

She'd sent some of them to George, both laughing over the absurdity of the fans, whilst loving them dearly they seemed to overreact a bit.

But, even if she could laugh over them, it didn't stop that they were real feelings, and that even though they were only words from faceless accounts on the internet they still hurt.

"Look at this one," George spoke groggily, the late hour catching up to him, as he turned his phone so Astrid could see.

She had to bend down to see it, their position on the couch a little too comfortable to want to move, his head in her lap, her hand in his hair.

The video was the same as the rest of them, a donation coming through just to berate her, it zoomed in on her face with a sad sound in the background - one that was trending on TikTok at the time.

"God, do I really look like that?" She studied it, she used to think she could hide her emotions well but was surely proved wrong.

"You look cute" he commented, his eyes focused back on his phone as he scrolled, a new sound popping up.

That wasn't really what she meant, but it didn't matter much.

Her hand combed his hair from his forehead, nails scratching his scalp softly, fond of her way his arm hairs stood with goosebumps.

"Maybe I should just quit" she spoke lowly, staring at his face just to see it change.

His eyebrows furrowed, glancing up at her with a confused face.

"Why?"

She bit her lip, there seemed to be so many reasons.

"I don't know, just..." a sigh left her lips as he tipped his chin up, unintentionally distracting her, "nobody wants me there, just a whole lot of stress off my shoulders if I don't do it"

No matter how much she wanted to reach out to the community more, maybe now wasn't the right time.

She had seen how the community had treated other women creators like Niki and Gee Nelley and knew what she was getting into, but that didn't really get her ready for the full amount she'd have to face.

"I mean, I don't think it'd help" he sat up, looking at her on the same level, "you'd probably get more shit for dropping out"

"Yeah..." she spoke softly, trying not to meet his eyes, " but maybe it'd stop it for now"

George sighed softly, his hand in her lap as she played around with his fingers, just trying to distract herself.

"I mean, it's your decision, if you really want to quit you can"

It was nice, it was what she wanted to hear. It was soft words in the early morning hours to avoid a long conversation.

But it was what she wanted, so why did it feel like he had answered wrong?

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Written: 30th August 2022

Published:9th September 2022

Ahh a week since i hit 10k and now its 20k (now 25k) thank you!!! Double update btw so the other should be out soon!!