I didn't hear from Kenney again for the rest of that day and most of the next day. I figured that he had just disappeared on me again. I couldn't be mad at him, though. We had been doing that to each other off and on for years.

But then he showed up at my door. Again. Without calling.

"Hey."

"Hey. Can I come in?"

I stepped out of the way. "I thought you left."

He looked at me. "I was supposed to...but I didn't."

"Tenney!" Sammie stopped twirling around on our makeshift dancefloor and ran over to him. I was trying to tire her out so she would take a nap. That day she was super wound up, just like I was.

"Hey Charlie Brown." He picked her up and gave her a tight squeeze. Then he looked at me. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." I took the baby and walked into the kitchen, sitting her down at the table. I fixed her a snack to keep her occupied while we talked.

Kenney sat down at the table next to her. "I just...wanted to explain why I left yesterday."

"It's cool." It was really the opposite of cool, but I was over it. I had too much going on to add one more thing to the pot, anyway.

"Tashi," Kenney grabbed my hand when I walked past. "Don't do that."

My eyes got big when he grabbed me, and Sammie's probably did, too, because he let go of me immediately. I stepped closer to the baby, and slightly out of his reach. The repositioning wasn't lost on Kenney, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't act like you don't care when I know you do. I had to...make sure that I could handle it. You know what I mean?" I nodded. "Before...I went any further with you. I don't want to hurt you. I would never hurt you like Collin did, but I could still hurt you. Listening to you made me realize that you've been hurt...a bunch of different ways...too much already. Maybe even by me. I thought he just hurt you physically, but he hurt you in a way that...I could hurt you, too. And I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't do that to you."

"I'm good."

"I know you're good. I just had to make sure that I could make things better for you and not worse. You understand?"

I nodded and walked back into the living room. Sammie was still young, but she was smart and picked up on emotions quickly. I figured there were too many emotions swirling around my baby right then.

"Kenney...I meant what I said yesterday."

"I know you did." He suddenly looked around. "Aw shoot!" He spun around and did a quick Moonwalk to Sammie's Disney tunes. Sammie, who had been watching us the whole time from her booster seat, laughed from the kitchen. "What's going on in here? Somebody havin' a rave?"

The music was blaring and I turned it down, chuckling. "You're silly."

He laughed. "I missed you. I miss you whenever I'm away from you. I always have."

"I miss you, too." And I meant that. Every time we were apart I missed him like a piece of me was gone. No wonder Collin hated him so much. I sat down on the couch and Kenney followed. "Kenney...I don't know what to do with you. With us. And that's the honest truth. I don't know where to put...all of that."

"You don't have to be afraid of me, if that's the problem. I walked in here saying all the wrong things, Tashi. What I was trying to get at is that...I won't hurt you, not that I could hurt you. I won't hurt you, Natasha. I won't."

I looked into Kenney's sincere eyes and could tell that he was getting frustrated. Whatever he was trying to say, he couldn't get it out right.

"It's not that, Kenney. I just...I'm just..."

"Not feelin' it?"

"No, I'm feeling it." Boy was I feeling it.

"Not ready?"

"It's not that, either. I just...don't want to lose you."

"Either way it goes, you're not going to lose me."

"I'm not?"

He ran his fingers gently down my cheek. "No." He took my hand in his. "Natasha...I haven't gone back home yet because I want you with me. Forever, not just...sometimes."

"Um..." I didn't know what to say. "Kenney..."

"I'm not..." he kind of laughed but not really. "I'm not trying to get you to drop everything and leave with me today or anything like that. I'm just sayin..."

He stopped and looked at the CD player when it switched to an all too familiar song. He looked over at me and grinned.

"Aw shoot girl! You know these my dudes."

I looked over at the stereo like it had just betrayed me. How did this CD get in there? When the intro to Comforter started playing, he cleared his throat and threw back his head like he was getting ready to sing his little heart out.

"Kenney," I stopped him before he could even go there. "Not right now."

He quickly closed his mouth and opened his eyes, looking shocked. If no one else, I had always been down for a good show.

"Why not?"

"I just...I'm not in the mood right now."

"What's wrong?" He put his hand on my arm.

"Nothing. There's just...a whole lot going on right now."

He looked around the room. There was literally nothing going on. For the first time in a very long time, there was absolutely nothing going on. Samantha, who we could still see from the couch, was chilin' at the table, 100% content with her little juice box, kicked back and sipping like she was sitting on the porch with the rest of the old people, watching the neighbors act a fool. She was so much like Kenney it didn't make any sense. I could kind of see why Collin would question that so often.

"Nothing's going on, Natasha. Am I crowding you?"

"No, you're not crowding me."

"Ok. Let me know if I am. I know I can be a little...in your face sometimes."

I smiled. That was actually my favorite part about him. I reached out and touched his face. The way he looked at me – like he was about to kiss me – made me quickly pull my hand back. We were sitting facing each other, and he leaned over and put his hand on my leg.

"I'm scared too, Tash. I really am. I mean...we've been through a lot." I nodded. He was sho' 'nuff right about that. "Together and separately we've been through a lot. But I'm still here and you're still here. I'm still yours, Tashi. It's always been you. After all this time...who else's would I be?"

I stared into his eyes and got lost for a second. It was like I jumped into the cold ocean, and then swam really fast back up to the top gasping for air. I wished that he would stop talking and kiss me. I wished that I had met him first instead of Collin, and that all of this...stuff wasn't in our way.

I couldn't look away from him and I was sure that he could read my mind.

"Natasha, I came back because...I just wanted to try one more time before I left. I mean...it won't be the last time I try because you know me," he grinned and popped his collar. Same old Kenney. "I never give up." He took my hand again. "I just figured...you seem open now...more open, anyway..." he blushed. "I mean, you seem more...receptive to what I'm saying."

He looked at me like say something, but I didn't have anything to say.

"Am I reading you right?"

I nodded.

"I just figured that if I don't make a move, the move will never be made. And...I wanted to make a move..."

He kept saying it, but he didn't make any move toward me. I guess he wasn't getting the go ahead that he was looking for.

"I mean, I'm still yours kid, so...you know..."

I promise that he couldn't have planned this any better if he tried, but just then Shai floated over the surround sound speakers that, of course, were the first thing that my dad had hooked up in my apartment, echoing the exact words that Kenney had just said to me. He looked over at me like a lightbulb just went off above his head and grinned. Then he brushed his hand softly across my hair, and ran the back of his fingers down my neck. I shivered. He peeped it but didn't say anything.

And then...

Of course,

He sang.

I knew that he wouldn't be able to hold it in for the whole cd, but what a song to choose...

"Understand girl that my heart is in your hands..." He scooted closer to me. "And I'm cautious of falling in loooove again..."

As many times as Kenney had played this cd and sung every song like he dropped the album himself, I wasn't surprised that he still knew all the words. He had always been so old school.

"Sooo please don't...hurt me." He took my hand. "I'm scared. Don't desert me..." He took my other hand. "I'm afraid...of being...the fool aaaaagain..."

He stood up and tried to get me to dance with him. But like I told him earlier, I just wasn't in the mood.

"So baby I'm yoooours...if you want me." He looked at me with a huge question mark on his face, but he also kept singing.

Of course he did. He was Kenney. Same Kenney as always.

"Baby I'm yoooours...if you need me."

He looked at me like he meant it and then, when I still wouldn't dance with him, he turned toward Sammie, who was still kicked back and sipping her juice, watching us like we were her favorite soap opera. He put both hands over his heart and motioned out toward her.

"Loving you foreeeever...if you want me...."

Sammie started cheering "Yay, Tenney!" and clapping her hands above her head like she was at a Disney On Ice show. This was the fanfare he was looking for. Kenney pointed at her like I see you, girl! And then he broke out the choreography. I didn't even know there was choreography to this song.

I knew then that I would have to hear the whoooole thing.

He turned back toward me and started doing thatdance H-Town used to always do. I couldn't take it. He knew I was a sucker for choreography. "Give me your luuuu-huv..." He closed his eyes and started snapping like he was really jammin'. He probably forgot we were even there for a second. I looked over at Sammie, chewing on her little straw and watching Kenney like he was a cartoon come to life, and I couldn't help but smile. Among other things, he had always been highly entertaining. I had to give him that.

Then he looked right into my eyes. "Baby I'm yooours...if you need me."

"Kenney..."

He wasn't about to let me disturb his groove. "Re-a-lize girl that my faith is kind of torn..." He pointed both fingers at me. "So watch your step girl..."

He H-Town Dropped all the way back over to me. As soon as he got directly in front of me, he dropped to his knees, threw his head back and belted "because my heart is weak and wooorn..."

He killed me the way he always closed his eyes whenever he hit a high note. Always, every time. Like he thought he could really sang. I laughed and shook my head. I guess he took that as a sign that the ice was melting.

"So won't you pleeease," opening his eyes, he took both of my hands. "Be careful..." he looked into my eyes and I could see all the way through his, just like Jasmine did people all the time. I saw him. I really saw him. And I loved everything about what I saw. "I'm fragile...I can't imagine...the damage...I'd have to handle..."

He kissed my hand and, I don't know. It suddenly became one of those "You had me at hello" moments. He didn't even really have to finish the song.

But try telling him that.

He stood up and closed his eyes again, gearing up to hit another high note. "If you hurt me one more time," then he opened his eyes and reached out for me. "Please be mine..."

I took his hand, then. I did. And I stood up in front of him. Kenney immediately pulled me to him and my heart started racing a thousand miles a minute. I couldn't slow it down for anything. I was terrified...and on Cloud 9.

At the same damn time.

Sammie started clapping and shouting "Yay mommeee!" when I stood up, like I was Prince at the Superbowl and it had just started raining. Kenney rocked me back and forth, ran a hand gently over my hair and pulled me closer. I actually almost gave in then, but he suddenly backed up and opened his arms wide.

"Baby I'm yooours..." He started doing the Jodeci. Now he knew he was wrong for that because he knew exactly what that did to me. "If you need me. Baby I'm yooo-oours...if you want me. Baby I'm yooours..." He turned back to Sammie and pointed at her, switching to a much more G-Rated dance. "If you need me."

He danced over to her and picked her up out of her booster seat. She started laughing and screaming like crazy when he danced her around the room.

"Loving you foreeever..." He looked directly into her eyes and she looked right back at him like he was her absolute most favorite person in the whole wide world.

I know what you mean, kid, I thought to myself.

This was nerve wracking. And wonderful. Love was the worst.

And the best...

Kenney was still looking into her eyes and kept right on singing. "...if you need me. Baby I'm yooours..." She loved so much when people looked into her eyes. She always had. I felt a lump in my throat, but wasn't sure why. He hugged my baby to him and swayed her back and forth.

I hated that this was the kind of daddy time that she should have been getting from Collin, instead of having a gun held to her head. It looked like I was really the only one bothered by her missing father/daughter quality time, though. They both seemed to be having the time of their lives. Kenney's heart was pure gold. Why the hell was I even wasting my thoughts on Collin right then?

Then I realized. Thoughts of missing Collin had always popped into my head whenever I caught even the smallest stray feeling for Kenney. Forget about directing any intentional feelings Kenney's way. I guess I was more prone to stick with what I already knew than to go for what I didn't know. But this time I realized right away what was happening and pushed the side thoughts back where they came from. The real issue at hand was...

Damn. I'm falling in love again. Damn it...

A panic that hadn't come over me in a long time suddenly hit me like a tsunami and I couldn't breathe. For no reason at all, I blurted out the dumbest thing in the history of stupid things to say.

"Collin, listen..."

Kenney stopped dancing so fast I could hear his sneakers screech to a halt on the hardwood floor.

Shit.

The floor jumped all the way up to meet me before the rest of the sentence even had a chance to come all the way out of my mouth. I swayed for a second and closed my eyes. Of all the names to call him. Kenney had just told me yesterday that he would have no problems ending Collin's life, and here I was calling him that name, of all names. That name.

Shit.

I thought about how quickly Collin had crossed the room and was on me when I called him Kenney's name, and a cold fear froze me in place.

He's holding my baby...

"I mean..."

Not again.

Shit.

What was wrong with me? I couldn't even get these dudes names straight. And he was holding my baby.

Shit.

I backed away from Kenney and reached out for the baby at the same time.

Not again. God please, not again...

All I saw was Collin. I made another pleading gesture to Kenney to hand me the baby.

Kenney looked at me, and then looked at the baby. Sammie was already looking at him like she was waiting to see what he would do, too. Almost like she remembered. But that was impossible, right? Kenney stood there looking at her for the longest time. Then he smiled at her and kissed her little cheek. He walked her back to her snack in the kitchen and put her back in her booster seat.

When he turned from her and looked at me, I still couldn't breathe.

Kenney danced over to me and put his arms around me, swaying me to the music. I knew that he could feel me shaking, and wondered if the baby was shaking, too, before he put her down. We had both been through too much.

"I'm so sorry, Kenney. I...I didn't mean to call you that."

"I know." He ran his hand soothingly up and down my back. Then he pulled away and put both hands on my face. When I looked up at him, I couldn't find a trace of anger. "I know..."

Again, Shai came in with the perfect timing and he sang right into my eyes. "Youuu...don't have to worry bay-bay...Oooo-ooh..."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. He took both of my hands and closed his eyes, getting ready for his high note.

"Don't you ever goooo nooowhere..." He pulled me back to him and held me so close. "Baby I'm...baby, baby I'm..."

Then he pulled away and started dancing around the room again. He danced over to Sammie, but was probably more checking to see if she was ok, since he didn't pick her up this time. I watched him, and the same feelings that I used to be able to keep swept neatly under the rug started rolling out all over the place. Those damn marbles again. I couldn't control them.

At least this time, the only feelings all over the place were the ones that I had for Kenney. Give or take the occasional I hope you're not like the last dude panic attack. I knew he wasn't, but I hoped he could handle me and those...

"Kenney...you're silly."

He grinned at me. "You dig it." Then he turned back toward the baby. He looked like he was putting on a concert and singing to his number one fan. Sammie, of course, may have just been his number one fan. She started laughing and clapping, singing along and waving at him, dancing to the music in her little booster seat.

"Baby I'm, baby baby I'm..." He did a little spin and started dancing back toward me. "...give it alllll to you...! If you want me...if you need me..." He took my hands and sang every single one of those words like he meant them. "Iiii'lll be right here for yoouu..." He pointed to himself and then to me. "Just count on me...baybeee..."

He kind of stopped dancing and looked into my eyes. My face turned a thousand shades of red, I'm sure, but I didn't look away.

"Baby I'm yooourrs...if you want me. Baby I'm yooouurs...if you need me." He gently cupped my face. I thought he was about to kiss me, but he didn't. "...loving you foreeever...if you want me..."

He pulled me to him and sang softly in my ear. His lips tickled my earlobe. I was done.