It was almost a year before I saw Kenney again. I never got to say good-bye to him before he moved, but it was probably for the best. Like I said, my emotions were all over the place and I was too wide open to be around Kenney right then. Especially knowing that he had the types of feelings for me that he did. My own feelings were mixed in with a whole lot of...other stuff at the time, and his feelings had always been very direct and to the point. He and I together, in person, at that stage in our lives would have been...heartbreak part two. No question about it. He would have gotten reeled right back in like he always did, and I refused to do that to him this time.

I spoke to Collin a few times briefly over the phone after Sammie and I left, and every time we spoke it made me remember how much I needed to...pull it together. I was like sugar all over the floor, and no matter how much I tried to sweep myself up, there was always still more of me somewhere out there that I missed.

I'll never forget the first conversation that we had where I didn't feel that way. I hung up with Collin feeling like he was my daughter's father, and like he damn sure did not need to be around her anytime soon. And that was it. That's all I felt. I hung up and went right back to what I was doing. No tears, no wishes, no fighting myself not to call him right back because I hated when he hung up. No...nothing. Just business as usual. His phone call created not one ripple in my day. Not one.

It was liberating.

I told Jasmine about it the next time I saw her. She just nodded thoughtfully and said "That's good, little sister. Every day gets a little bit easier."

Unless something needed to be said, that was pretty much all you were ever going to get out of Aunt Jasmine anyway. It must have driven Mike crazy how little she said, as much as he liked to talk. She was so much like Kenney it was unreal.

It turned out that Jasmine didn't just have "Power to the People" meetings, as Kenney liked to call them. She also had the women's group that Shayna and I had gone to that one night, and that I ended up sitting in on a lot after I left Collin. I can't tell you how much those ladies helped me get my stuff together...which is also how I ended up going to church more often. My faith did a 180 after seeing Shayna and Drama in action. I mean...wow. I had never seen anything like that before. What a blessing to have two people with such strong faith find each other early on and help each other make it through this psychotic thing called life. Too bad Collin and I couldn't get it together enough to help each other make our way through, too.

Such is life. I digress...

The group that Jasmine invited me to that I absolutely adored the most was a group of teenage girls that were pretty much trying to find their way through life, just like I was at that time. Only, I should have had my head on straighter by then, and probably would have, if I wasn't so busy being love sick and stupid. That's pretty much why I thought she picked the worst choice when she chose me to be a mentor to a bunch of hormone driven girls. But, according to her, that's exactly why she thought I was the perfect fit. Because I got it. I knew exactly what they were talking about

I don't know about the perfect fit, but the girls really did take to me, and could relate to my story a lot. The part of the story that I chose to tell them. It was probably because I wasn't too much older than they were, and honestly wasn't so far removed from their way of thinking to not remember exactly why I would have thought that very same way. The beauty of life, though, was that I was now at least able to step back and see the bigger picture. Not just the small part that the girls were usually focused on.

The teen girls group is actually how I ended up giving my first talk. I had seen Jasmine speak several times over the past year to all different types of audiences – none as...dramatic, I guess you could say, as the first time that Shayna and I heard her story – but she was amazing every single time. She moved people. She inspired people. Just in a one on one conversation she could make you feel like the world was yours, but to see her up in front of a large group of people moving everyone the same way at the same time was...truly amazing. She had the power to make you feel like you were watching your future sneak up on you from behind you.

Incredible.

And she chose me to talk to her girls.

A mess.

I had no idea what to say or how to say it. All I knew was who I would be saying it to...or so I thought. Because I had spoken to the girls so many times before in group and individual settings, I figured that we could just run the conversation like that...only with more of their friends and probably some other adults that they trusted to be in their safe space, and with me doing most of the talking instead of them. A lot of these girls had been abused and were brokenhearted, and a lot of them were angry and confused. But most of them also still loved deeply, dangerously, and still had the ability to dream big. Which is why I knew that I could get through to them. Because that's how I had always been.

I had Sammie with me that day, so of course all of the girls were crowded around me. Poor baby. She was absolutely too cute for her own good. I had never seen anyone not go crazy over her.

With the exception of Kenney.

...And her father, depending on how you defined "go crazy."

There were so many girls around me that I didn't even notice Shayna and Drama walk in and take a seat in the back until Sammie called out "Shayna!" and pointed. She had a really good memory. If you taught her your name one time, she would always remember it.

Shayna grinned and waved at her and Drama, of course, called, "Hey shortcake!"

"Shortcake!" she called back. It was too cute how she always called him "Shortcake," instead of Rob, which was so much easier to say.

Jasmine walked in a few minutes later, before I could make it over to Shayna and Drama, with my parents in tow. That's when I lost my nerve. What were they doing there? I couldn't possibly say half of the things that I was going to say now, with them right there listening. Sammie felt me stiffen up and looked back to see who I was looking at. A few of the girls looked back, also. I guess my face said it all. My mom came straight to me and scooped the baby right out of my arms.

"My grandbaby!" She grinned at Sammie and smothered her little cheeks with kisses, but didn't really look directly at me. She looked like she was as nervous to hear what I had to say as I was to say it. Suddenly, without the baby in my arms, and with the girls slowly spreading out and claiming seats for themselves and their friends, I felt...naked. Naked, and without a speech.

What the hell was I going to say now? What if I got up there and froze? Which was what I figured I was probably about to do, if you want to know the truth. I thought about Jasmine, and how she was so strong, but literally lost it in front of us when she talked about her own child. I couldn't do it, and I had to get out of there. Like second nature, I immediately started counting the exits and calculating which was the fastest and least conspicuous way out. Years with Collin had made me a master of escape.

Jasmine, who had been sitting next to Shayna, got up and walked over to me.

"You ok?"

I looked at my dad, who was sitting on the other side of Drama, with my mom next to him and the baby in her lap. He was serious as always, maybe even more so, and I knew for sure that I couldn't do it. He loved Collin, like his own son, and I just...couldn't say anything bad about Collin in front of my dad. I just couldn't do it.

Jasmine shifted her weight to stand directly in front of me so that I had no choice but to give her my full attention.

"Hey little sister, just tell the truth. You owe it to yourself to just tell everyone the truth."

I looked at her and almost teared up. I couldn't tell whether I was pissed or terrified.

"Why didn't you tell me they were coming? And Shayna and Drama? I'm so... embarrassed."

"Why?"

"Nobody knows...everything."

And it was true. Nobody knew the whole story. Not even her. Even she would be pissed if she knew just how deep I dragged Kenney into it. Kenney and I had never been just friends. That's just the lie that we had always told...to everyone and to ourselves. Well, the lie that I had been telling, anyway. In retrospect, Kenney never once acted like he didn't want me. Not once.

Jasmine put her hand on my shoulder and looked me straight in the eye. "I know what you mean." I nodded. True, she did. "But it feels better after you get it out. You'd be surprised the damage that things can do to you bottled up inside. It's better to just let it out before it becomes too deep of a secret." I nodded again. "I invited them here because...they need to know."

I knew she was right. But still, ask a sistah first...

"Natasha..." She didn't break eye contact with me. "I already told your parents."

I felt the blood rush to my face, mortified. "When?"

"When they came to help you. They came right away. I told them everything because you needed them. Even more than you needed us to get you and the baby out of there, you needed them to know that...you were not as safe as they thought you were. Right?"

"Yeah..." I looked away from her piercing eyes just in time to see Kenney walk through the door and sit down next to Shayna. "Oh...shit..." It came out in an escaped breath. The blood drained from my face and I looked quickly back at Jasmine. She didn't even have to turn around to know who I was looking at. "Jasmine...I can't believe you told him."

"I didn't tell him anything." Her eyes pierced into mine. "He doesn't know why he's here. Rob told him that you needed him to be here and he came. No questions asked."

"You told us not to say anything to him."

"Not right then, but it's time." Her eyes continued to pierce into mine. "This is your circle and you need every last one of them. They all love you. No one here will hurt you ...right?" She looked back at all of them, even Kenney, and then at me. I loved how she never assumed that she knew everything that happened below the surface. She was right, she did understand.

I nodded. "Right."

"Your parents would never take his side over yours, Natasha. I asked them that question specifically to make sure...before I told them what I knew." Again with the eyes. "They've just been waiting for you to tell them yourself before they bring it up." I looked back at her. My voice escaped me. "Natasha, Mike is here for you, too, if you need him. And you know I am. But I...wasn't sure what you were going to say today, so I left the laws out of it."

It was a bad time to crack a joke, but I got the feeling that she wasn't really joking. I looked past her to Kenney, who was watching my mom with the baby, an expression that I couldn't read on his face. I read their lips when Drama turned and asked Kenney "You aight?" Kenney nodded and mouthed "Hell is this?" Shayna leaned over and whispered something in Kenney's ear. I have no idea what she said, but Kenney's poker face settled back into place and he faced the front.

Jasmine put her hands on my shoulders and redirected my attention. "Don't look at him. Look at the girls. You're telling your story to help them, remember?"

I looked at the girls, many of whom had been watching us the whole time, some of them looked excitedly over at Shayna and/or Drama - recognizing them, as their underground celebrity status as a couple had grown immensely. A few of the girls kept glancing back trying to get a better look at Kenney without being obvious about it. The girls trying to sneak a peek at Kenney reminded me of me as a kid, and Jean Toussant and how...it all started there. I didn't have my head on straight, even then. Too tough for my own good. Just like these girls. So many feelings all over the place and running full steam ahead without acknowledging one.

I thought I was a stone cold badass back then.

Boy, life really showed me...

I nodded at Jasmine. I could do this.

"Where do I start?"

"I don't know, kid. I've been blessed to provide you with a platform. Let God provide you with the voice."

I nodded. "Ok."

My "circle" was taking up almost the entire back row, and I didn't look over in that direction anymore after that.

Jasmine squeezed my arm. "You're safe here. You can finally tell the truth, little sister. The whole truth. Don't hold it in as long as I did. It's not good for you. You've already been holding it in way too long."

She was right, I had. Since high school...which, I figured, was probably where I should start.