When I woke up, Kenney was just sitting there watching me, like he had never gone to sleep. Considering the amount of phone calls that could have been made during the night, I wasn't sure how I felt about that. What I did want was my stuff. What I didn't want was for Kenney to come with me. But as soon as I tried to stand up, I knew that it would probably be best for me to just lay low for the next few days anyway. I wanted so badly to tell Kenney about the baby and knew that sooner than later I would have no choice, but I just didn't know how.

"Morning, Sunshine." Kenney forced a smile through fiery eyes and I knew by one glance at his face how mine must have looked after five hours of pillow time.

When I tried to smile back I couldn't. My eyes were so swollen that any upward movement of my face would push too much pressure back onto them. My mouth was a whole other story. I didn't even want to look. At least it had finally stopped bleeding. I looked on Kenney's couch to see if I had gotten any blood on his pillows. Of course, at least two of them were drenched...which then reminded me of my nose. It must have started bleeding again during the night. I tried to wiggle it. Definitely broken. But I wasn't ready to go to the hospital and deal with the whole dead baby thing yet, so I just took it like a G and ran a hand over one of the bloody pillows.

"Kenney..."

"Not a thing." He waved his hand, dismissing whatever he thought I was about to say. I think at that point he just really didn't want me to say anything at all, so I stayed quiet until he spoke again. "So...want to go to the police?" He said it like he was asking me if I wanted pancakes for breakfast.

"No."

"Why not?"

I stared at him like one look at my messed up face should have made it obvious. "Because he'll kill me if I do."

Kenney just shook his head and left the room. We pretty much kept to ourselves for the rest of the day. Eventually I noticed that all of the back and forth between the living room and the guest room was him setting up my stuff. He had even hung my clothes in OCD order by the time I went to go look. Kenney was a Virgo to the bone.

I guess in his mind, I lived there now.

In my mind I didn't.

"Kenney, you didn't have to do that," I said quietly, coming back out into the living room and passing him on his way to the kitchen.

"It's ok. I wanted to. I don't want you to feel stressed about anything. Just make yourself at home. Mi casa es su casa." He turned and continued on his way to the kitchen.

"Thanks." I turned toward the TV and didn't look at him when I said, "At some point I have to go back." I heard his Nikes screech to a halt on the hardwood floor, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn slowly around. "Um...to get the rest of my stuff, I mean..."

That's not what I meant, but I didn't want to piss Kenney off and risk him kicking me out, too. Then I would be up a creek for real.

"Not a problem. Just let me know when. Actually..." he acted like the thought just came to him, but I knew he had probably been plotting on it all night, "...why don't you just tell me what you need and I'll go back and get it for you?"

"No Kenney."

"Why not? You don't need to be going out of the house looking like that..." he stopped himself. "I mean...I know you don't feel like going anywhere, so just let me take care of it...you. Let me take care of you."

"No."

"Uh...yes."

"No. Because I don't want you to do anything stupid. You already have a record, Bud. I'm not tryna get you on the three strikes list."

He sighed loudly and dramatically, comically even, but he also looked irritated for real. "Ok, first of all, if I had ever been arrested for anything, it would have gone on my juvenile record, which disappears after you turn eighteen, potna, so I'd appreciate if you didn't bring that shit up again."

I was surprised by how defensive Kenney got, but thought it would be wise just to not comment on it, or anything else...for the rest of the day. Actually, I pretty much slept the rest of the day. And every time I woke up, my face felt more like I had a thirty pound bag sitting on it, and my stomach felt more and more like...help me...

That last one killed me.

Killed me.

My baby was screaming from the inside for help and I didn't know what the hell to do about it. I take that back. I knew exactly what to do about it. But I had already pissed Kenney all the way off that day, so I decided to wait until the next day to piss him off some more.

Eventually, I got off the couch and went into the guest room and climbed into bed. For some reason, though, once I hit the bed I was wide awake. It was sometime around midnight when I wandered back into the living room. Kenney was still sitting in the same chair, staring blankly at the TV, flipping channels.

"Hey."

"Hey." He didn't look at me.

I sat as quietly down on the couch as I could. "I'm sorry."

"All good."

"I didn't mean to..."

"All good."

"Kenney, listen. I have to talk to you about something."

He turned the TV off and put down the remote. When he turned his whole body toward me, I started to lose my nerve. He was still pissed, I could tell. And after my latest knock down drag out fight with Collin, I was no longer in the business of pissing people off.

"I...uh..."

"Spit it out Tashi."

"I...have to go..."

"Fuck." He stood up and walked - what I perceived as - menacingly toward me. "Don't even say that shit to me right now, Natasha. Have you seen your fucking face?"

I was actually about to tell him that I needed to go to the hospital, but I guess he thought I was trying to tell him to take me home.

I shook my head. "No Kenney, it's not..."

"Not what I think, right? What the fuck is wrong with you Natasha? I mean...what the fuck is wrong with you?" His eyes seemed to tell me that he was about to go old school Kenney, and quick, if I didn't explain myself. Immediately.

I wanted to, I just froze up. In my mind, he had smoove turned into Collin, and I figured I would probably be better off just not telling him about the baby. I would find another way to get to the hospital, some other time. Quickly I calculated how much money I had and how much it would cost me to get back to Newport News and pick up my...the car that Collin let me use. Then I thought about the stuff that I had left behind...and my apartment...and how would I get my stuff, and where would I take it, and I should probably just leave it at the apartment since all of it technically belonged to Collin anyway...actually, I probably should have just stayed at the apartment...and with Collin...and what the hell could I do but go back to Collin now that I really, really thought about it...

I mean, I know Collin said he didn't want me, but I knew deep down that he did...

All of these thoughts ran through my mind in about a thirty second pause, but the pause was thirty seconds too long for Kenney, I guess, because he reached out like he was about to grab me and snatch me up off the couch.

At least, that's what he was about to do in my mind.

I'll never know what was really about to happen, though, because I screamed out before he could touch me.

"Stop!"

"What?" He looked confused and kind of stood there, staring.

"Don't...hit me."

"What?"

"You can't hit me. Or snatch me up. Or shake me...or, or drag me. Or anything like that..." I decided it was best to cover all the bases, just in case.

"What...?" It was like that was the only word he could say.

"Kenney..." I slowly unfolded my arms from the protective position that I had automatically assumed. Even if there was a chance that the baby was dead, I hadn't started bleeding yet, so maybe he was still alive.

"Natasha," Kenney sat down and faced me, his knees touching mine. "What..."

"Kenney. I'm sorry I pissed you off, and I know Collin used to hurt me like that all the time, but you...can't." I spoke to him slowly and calmly, in the same voice that I had always used to try to diffuse Collin.

"What...?" Looking back it's kind of funny that this was all he kept saying.

"You can't do any of those things to me. Because...because..."

"Natasha...I wouldn't. I wasn't going to hurt you. You know I wouldn't do that...."

"Kenney..."

He rubbed my back gently like he was trying to push the words up and out of me. "What is it? I can't believe you thought that. I'm sorry...I would never put my hands on you. I'm sorry if I scared you." He looked confused like who would be afraid of him?

"I...have to go to the hospital."

He took his hand away and looked at me, then looked down at the floor like he felt like crap for being dead wrong and yelling at me for what he thought I was about to say.

"I'm pregnant. And...I think the baby's dead...and it hurts." I started crying. "I hurt everywhere. And I need to go, now."

He blinked at me for a second and then stood up. "Ok. Let's go."

There was no arguing or discussion. He didn't ask me why I didn't say anything sooner. He just grabbed his keys and followed me out the door. That's what I liked about Kenney. That's what I loved about Kenney. There was never anything...extra...when it came to him. I was the one who brought the extra to him. And, honestly, I hated myself for it.

Kenney, always the one to think ten steps ahead, called my doctor on the way in and asked what we should do and if he could meet us, like ASAP. After hearing the whole story - what Kenney knew of it - the doctor told him to just bring me to the emergency room and he would meet us there.

I hated the way people looked at Kenney as we passed them, like he was the one who had done that to my face. I still hadn't looked in the mirror, so I didn't really know how bad it was once the bleeding stopped. He was quiet all the way to the hospital, so I couldn't tell if he noticed the stares, and if he was ashamed to be seen with me, but the closer we got to the hospital, the less I cared. The only thing that I could think about was what would happen when we got there. I kept picturing the baby just floating around inside of me, maybe with his little face all jacked up like mine. Maybe he was all puffy and swollen too. Maybe he looked like a monster...maybe they would make me have an abortion and I would see him...dead...

I was just about to freak the hell out when we pulled into the hospital parking lot and Kenney helped me out of the car. Not sure exactly why he did that, but I figured at that point he just didn't know any other way to help.

Because we had called in ahead of time...and because I looked like I had just been in a motorcycle accident, we didn't have to wait in the emergency waiting room long. While we were in there, though, everyone stared. Everyone. Actually, everyone stared more at Kenney than at me. Especially the women. They were looking at Kenney like he would jump up and bite one of them at any moment.

He acted like he didn't notice, but I could tell he did, and that it hurt him. It hurt him not only that people would even think that he was capable of doing something so horrible, but because he couldn't even defend himself against their accusing eyes. He took it, though, and just held my hand as if silently telling them to mind their own effing business. Kenney continued to hold my hand, too, when the doctor came out and walked us past all of those judgmental eyes and into a private room in the back.

The exam didn't last very long. Surprisingly, the baby was fine...they said. But I knew my baby, and if he wasn't hurt then he was definitely traumatized because he just didn't feel the same inside of me. The interrogation lasted longer than anything. It was like I was on trial for what Collin had done to me. The doctor, although he stole a few curious glances Kenney's way, knew that it was Collin who had done this. That wasn't my first trip to the emergency room, and it definitely wasn't the first time that he had had to check on the baby. When I first decided to keep it, I used to come in like every week with a new excuse as to why I needed to make sure that he was still ok. I mean, you can only trip and fall so many times before the doctor starts a file on you. But luckily, like Kenney, the doctor couldn't do anything about my "accidents" unless I wanted him to.

And I didn't.

The only thing I wanted right then was for Kenney to take me home so I could take a shower and go to bed.

By the time we got back to his subdivision, everyone else had just started leaving for work. Like in the emergency room, his neighbors gawked and stared at us. Mostly at him. I briefly wondered why he didn't just avoid all of that by driving into the garage and sneaking me in through the back door. But deep down, I knew he just wasn't that dude. When we finally got inside, I made a beeline straight to the shower. Hospitals always made me feel...diseased. Especially in the past few years. I had developed some sort of weird germ phobia and would sometimes jump up and wash my hands for no reason at all. As if I wasn't already phobic enough. I think the more out of control my life got, the more in control I felt like I had to be about everything else.

When I had sufficiently burned myself long enough with the hottest water that I could stand, which I knew I shouldn't be doing but did anyway, I shuffled back out into the living room and sat down. Kenney looked at me, then back at the TV, and then back at me. Since he didn't say anything, I decided to make small talk.

"So...that was weird, huh? Everyone staring at us like I was Frankenstein."

He nodded silently and then looked back at the TV.

Ok...no small talk.

After a while he got up and walked into the kitchen. "What do you want to eat?" he called back at me.

"Oh...nothing."

Kenney came back into the room. "You haven't eaten since you've been here." I looked over at him, surprised. "Why would I not notice that?" he answered my silent question.

I shrugged. Now it was my turn to focus all of my attention onto the Oprah rerun - which I had no idea why - he was watching. Kenney would watch pretty much anything on TV. Anything but the news. For some reason he just really really couldn't handle it when they flashed stories without warning about little kids dying. You know how the media does, anything for shock value. I peeped that Kenney was not the one for that type of stuff early on in our friendship. I mean, I hated it too, but Kenney took it personally every time someone hurt a child. It didn't matter if I was watching a true story or what. He would take the remote from me as soon as anything like that came on, and would change the channel.

I mean, he just really loved kids. He had been that way for as long as I'd known him. His feeling overly protective of someone that was more vulnerable than him was typical Kenney, but the way he went gaga over babies...including my own unborn child...was a direct contrast to everything else about his personality. He seemed more like the type that would have a low tolerance for the amount of commotion that children tend to bring, but he loved them. That was Kenney for you, though. Hologram to the end.

The thing is, what could have been perceived as Kenney's weakness, his Achilles' heel, only made him seem that much stronger to me. Kenney was a natural protector. A safe place. Short of my dad, Kenney was the safest place that I had ever known. And because he had such a strong reaction to anyone hurting a child, it made me feel like no harm would ever come to my child as long as he was around. Even if Collin found us, as long as we were in Kenney's house, Collin couldn't touch us. I truly believed that, with all my heart.

I loved Kenney for that. I loved him for everything that he was made of.

My love for him and my gratitude for being blessed enough to still have my Bud in my life was overwhelming right then. I loved Kenney so much. I'm sure my love for him shone uncontrollably all over my face when I looked at him, too, because he suddenly blushed and glanced away uncomfortably before regaining his composure and resuming his patented direct and unwavering gaze.

"So," he asked again, "what do you want to eat?"

"Nothing."

"Tashi. You have to."

I gave him a "You don't run me" look, and he gave me a "You're pregnant" look.

He won.

"Whatever you're eating." I caught him before he left the room again. "Just not..."

"Sausage and eggs. I know. Tashi, you know I don't eat that stuff around you."

He said it so smoothly...and didn't even turn around when he said it...so he'll never know how such a small and insignificant statement, to him, made all the difference in the world to me. Somehow, the fact that he wouldn't try to force feed me bird babies and pig slops made me...able to breathe again. I felt like...maybe we were safe now.

Me and my baby.

And maybe we could stay there, and Kenney actually could help us.

At least until the baby was born.

I couldn't think about anything else beyond that point.