Things got really bad when I found out that I was pregnant. That's right, pregnant. If that's not a wakeup call, I don't know what is. The thing about it, though, is that it didn't wake me up at all. In fact, I fell deeper into my blissful nightmare and forgave Collin even more for acting like an ass. I guess I figured that I was stuck with him now, so it was better to just learn how to live with the man that I chose.

The only thing that I couldn't forgive, that I actually became more defensive about, were the little middle school hang up calls that either came more frequently after I got knocked up, or that I was just beginning to really pay attention to. It was like I had a heightened sensitivity to the sound of the telephone ringing and, as if hypnotized, I could literally feel my mind snap every single time I heard it. Every single time.

One day, I literally did snap. Just like a rubber band...

But I had good reason.

Trust.

The bitch actually had the nerve to call my house, not Collin's, in the middle of the day when she knew I would be there and Collin wouldn't, and this time asked to speak to him.

That was my first time hearing her voice. And it was different from the other girl's.

When I told her that he wasn't home and asked her who the hell she was, she laughed like a little silly ass kid and slammed the phone down.

That was the last straw.

I met Collin at the door when he came home.

"Collin, who was that trick ass bitch that called me in the middle of the day asking for you?"

Amusement passed over his face. "How the hell should I know?"

"I'm not playing with you Collin. Who was she?"

The amusement quickly faded and anger slinked into its place.

"No," he said calmly. "I'm not playing with you." He closed the door and took a step closer to me. "What the hell was your lazy ass doing home in the middle of the day?"

"It's summer vacation, Collin. Don't be mad just because you have to work year round."

"What I am mad about is how damn fat you're getting. If I had known you would pork out like that, I would have made your fat ass join Weight Watchers with my coworkers when I had the chance."

"Whatever Collin. I still wear the same size I did in college." And it was true, I did. However, slowly but surely, he was making me feel more bloated and ugly by the day. Especially now that I had his big-head baby on the way.

The absolute hardest thing for me, though, was that since I found out about the baby, I couldn't just ignore Collin or escape an argument by snorting or smoking myself into oblivion -which is what I had gradually started doing on the regular the more time Collin...and his side hustle...spent at my place. There was no way he didn't know I was getting into his supply, either. I think he just cut out a piece for me and left it out on purpose, since I was way more tolerant of his nonsense when my nose and lungs were full.

"...and you drink too much," he called after me when I started to walk away. "And quit smoking up all my shit. I have to sell that shit to keep piling food into your big ass stomach!"

I knew then that he was trying to start a fight. I just didn't feel like getting into it with him. During the first month or so of my pregnancy, I was more likely to walk away from an argument than get in one.

I guess the baby was still pissed about the phone call, though, because before I knew it, I had whipped my undetectable two-months pregnant stomach (thanks to Collin I thought it was big as hell) around, and the rest of me followed. I got right up in his face. He was walking so close behind me that I actually bumped into him.

I guess he thought I was trying to throw down because he suddenly grabbed my wrist and bent it all the way backwards. I quickly remembered how he'd fractured the very same one a few years before and almost lost my nerve. But, like I said, the baby had serious beef.

"What?" he demanded menacingly. "You got a problem?"

"Yeah I got a problem. Who the hell is she?"

"I don't know." His answer was short, but genuine.

"Her name was..." I began as he looked at me expectantly. Then I realized that she had never given me her name.

He started laughing and let me go.

"Natasha, you get dumber and dumber every day. How your stupid ass figure I'ma know some random broad calling up here? It was probably some kid that got my name out the phone book. Maybe it's one of my crackhead bitches. Who the hell knows?"

"I'm not stupid, Collin. You don't give your number out like that...or mine. And you made sure that we were both unlisted." Anger flashed across his face again.

Even though by this time, Collin was doing contract work for a big time corporation in Virginia Beach and getting well taken care of by them, he was still dealing drugs and guns...from my place. I understood Collin well enough to know that he just needed to keep his backup plan around a little longer in case something suddenly went wrong - like someone breathed on him wrong - and he had to snap on somebody at the job, and get fired or quit. Truthfully, I didn't mind any of that, because I understood Collin. But what I did mind was him dealing that stuff out of my home. That was the main reason why I hadn't actually officially moved in with him yet, much less set a date for the wedding. Who wants all that shit going on all the time? Especially with a baby on the way.

But, then again, he was paying my bills so...what was I going to do? Tell him to stop? The lease was even in his name, so technically it was his place, anyway.

"You worry about how your own lazy ass is gonna contribute to this family and stop sweatin' me. What I need to do is take you out to the club and stick your fat ass up on a pole and make you strip. Embarrass the hell out your ugly ass and maybe then you'll lose some weight." He looked me up and down disgustedly. "Might make me a few dollars while I'm at it. Might."

Now, I was never one to think I looked short of spectacular growing up, always meticulously dressed, hair always laid. But by the time this trick started calling my house, I had already started wearing my clothes three sizes too big - actually thinking that I fit into them for one...and two, I didn't want Collin to think I was trying to get other men to halfway look in my direction. I had also started hiding out in the house as much as possible, just in case I really was as ugly as Collin thought I was. Not to mention the eye that I could have sworn had been sunken in ever since I hit it on the corner of that freaking kitchen counter.

I didn't have anything to say after that, just like Collin knew I wouldn't, so I turned and slinked into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. Out of habit, I sat down on the floor of my walk-in closet and pulled out my secret stash, lacing up the fattest joint I had made in a while. Then I remembered that I couldn't smoke it and put it back in the shoebox where I got it from. Damn. This baby was cramping my style already and I did not appreciate it.

"Natasha."

I jumped. I had no idea that he had been standing at the closet door, or for how long. Immediately, heat poured over my body and my throat began to close up. I needed to get out of there right then, before the walls closed in on me. But I knew if I told him that then he would only block me in longer.

"Collin..." I fanned myself with my hand. He had somehow peeped my thing about tight spaces and, just like I thought he would, he started constantly finding little ways to trap me in corners, and then he would try to act like he didn't realize that it bothered me.

"Tasha...whoever that chick was, it was probably just business." Right then I knew something was up. He never volunteered an explanation like that to anyone, least of all me.

"Whatever Collin. What business? You're screwing her and you know it." It's so weird how I sounded like I didn't even care. "She's always calling the house hanging up. I was just too dumb to realize that it was the same bitch until now."

"Look," Collin's voice was low and deliberate. "You want good things for us, right?" He stepped inside and squatted down over me. The closet became five times smaller as he ran a gentle hand up and down the side of my neck. "One day we'll be a family and have kids...don't I get you everything you want?"

I thought about the little secret demon spawn growing inside of me and was tempted to list for him several of the things that I had gotten from him that I didn't want - baby and sunken eye socket being numbers one and two respectively.

But he was right. Emotionally, our life was crap. We were both way too volatile, even if I had mellowed out significantly over the years. However, materially, he kept me laced. I guess that's why I never fully objected to the gun situation. Not to mention the fact that his incredibly successful and ever growing drug ring kept my nose laced up pretty nice, too. Not that I was addicted or anything. I just liked to add a little kick to my kush...or get the kick by itself...every now and then. Especially on days like this when Collin wouldn't shut the fuck up.

I lowered my eyes and relaxed. "Yes, you do."

"I can't do that if I don't work, baby." With that, he stood up and walked away.

I didn't even realize that he had totally flipped it on me. He had somehow managed to bring money, which was becoming more important to me than anything else the more time I spent with Collin, to the forefront of my mind and moved ol' girl all the way to the back.

I actually forgot all about her until she called back a couple of days later.

"Hello?"

"Who is this?" asked the low, sticky-sweet voice on the other end of the phone.

I immediately lost it. It was like I heard this loud ping! in my head and my whole body jumped to attention.

"Who tha fuck is this, bitch? You called me."

"May I speak to Collin?"

She was just so cool about calling my house asking for my man that I wanted to kill the trick on sight.

"What?" The word came out like a bolt of lightning, but then I couldn't get anything else to come out after it.

"Collin. This is his house, right?" I still couldn't answer. "He told me he wasn't married, but this must be his wife," she purred.

I looked down at the engagement ring that still sat alone on my left finger and decided that I was going to shove it right up Collin's ass, back where he had pulled it from in the first place, as soon as he got home.

"Who is this?" I was even more pissed that my voice came out all weak and mousy. For the first time ever I realized that the old me had somehow, at some point in our relationship, died.

And you know what? I really missed the bitch right then.

"This is..." she started laughing seductively, then suddenly sucked in her breath. "Ooh. I was just thinking about my baby...Collin and how we...ooh!" she moaned again.

I don't know why I didn't just hang up. Stupid, I guess.

"How do you know my fiancé?" I asked boldly, fully aware of how dumb I sounded.

"Oh, me and Collin go way back. Way back."

I kind of halfway tuned her out after that, but still knew exactly what was being said. All of her words registered in the back of my mind and somehow made me completely unaware of my own thoughts and actions.

Unaware, that is until I looked up and realized that I was storming through the gold and glass revolving door of Collin's new office building.

Even though I had never been there before, I knew exactly where Collin's office was and didn't skip a step once my Sketchers hit the overly-waxed, glossy surface of the lobby's marble floor. I didn't stop at the front desk to see what floor he was on, and I sure didn't stop for the eighty year old rent-a-cop that kept calling after me, asking who I was there to see.

I don't think I even stopped at Collin's closed corner office door - which, by the way I didn't know he had and was pretty sure wasn't his (I guessed they just put the contractors in whichever office was vacant at the time) – and what the hell was he doing still dealing with a cushy job like this, anyway?

So, as I was barreling through the mahogany door like a bull through a fighter's bright red cape, I became faintly aware of the low throbbing in my right big toe, which I had probably used to kick the door open.

"Natasha!" It was classic. I wish you could have seen the expression on Collin's face when he looked up from his power point presentation and saw me standing there.

"Collin, we need to talk." His colleagues looked from Collin to me, then to each other, all trying to telepathically form a getaway plan. "Now."

"No. I'm in the middle of something." He tried to play it off and smiled apologetically at the woman sitting to his right.

I wondered if that was the tramp who had just called me and used the combustible, unanswered question to fuel my fire.

"I don't give a damn if you are in the middle of something. I need some answers right now."

"What?" Collin snapped. "Who do you think you're talking to?" The woman sitting next to him and the other attendees of his little conference all agreed to stay out of family business and quickly started gathering their things. Collin looked around at his coworkers as they hastily shuffled papers and snapped up briefcases. "No, no. She'll leave." He shot me a sinister look from across the room.

I one-upped him and stood directly in front of his bar graph, which was being projected onto the retractable screen that spread across almost two-thirds of his immaculate white wall.

"I'm not going anywhere," I stated defiantly and stood my ground. Ghetto, I know, but also very effective.

He wasn't going to punk me this time.

"I'm so sorry." He flashed an embarrassed and charming smile toward the lady, stumbling all over his words.

She eyed me up and down, from my baggy Express jeans to my extra-large grey Gap t-shirt - something that I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing in public even two years before, then looked at my messy, uncombed hair, which had been hastily snatched back into a ponytail, and turned up her nose distastefully. "It's time for a lunch break anyway." She flashed him one of those corporate hooker smiles and asked casually, "Will you be joining us?"

"No I..." before I could get the words out, Collin cut me off.

"Not you." The word "you" coming out of his mouth sounded like how a dirty cigarette butt fresh out of the gutter might have tasted.

Now, I was pissed but not stupid. I knew that trick wasn't talking to me. I just needed to let her know that, without a doubt, I was always a factor to be considered whenever it came to her making plans for my man. I raised my left hand to casually smooth back my hair and made sure that she got herself a good, long look at my 2.5 carat rock on her way out the door.

"Natasha," Collin turned to me right before the last colleague disappeared and closed the door quietly behind him. "Those were my clients. You might have just messed up our chances of landing a huge account."

I was fuming. "You, Collin, might have just messed up our chances of ever having a future together."

Collin ran a hand over his face tiredly. "I don't even know what you're talking about, Tasha. Whatever it is," he rolled his eyes like he just knew it was about to be some bull, "let's talk about it when I get home."

"When will that be? After you finish ramming your dick up in that ho?"

I'm not sure which of the words that so precisely flowed from my mouth snapped the hinge off "work" Collin and let "home" Collin loose, but before I knew it he had knocked the projector over trying to use the shortest possible distance to reach me.

In a blink he was before me and flashed a strained, lethal smile my way.

"Ok. Let's talk about it now. Follow me."

Suddenly I wasn't the G that I thought I was.

"N...no." The word escaped me like a puff of vapor on a cold winter day.

"Yes." He burrowed his fingernails into the flesh of my lower back and led me as calmly as he could through the office and back out of the building.

I know we must have looked ridiculous trying to play that off, but everyone was either too busy to notice or trying to act like they were. Even rent-a-cop didn't look up as we breezed through the lobby.

By the time we got out to the car, Collin's hands were shaking with rage. He had to try three times before he could get the key into the lock. By the time he opened the driver's side door, he was so pissed that he just pushed me all the way through to the passenger's side and climbed in after me, closing the door behind him.

He took a quick look around before exploding like a backpack on a skateboard.

"Don't you ever..." he roared.

It was so loud that I could almost imagine my hair flying back away from my face like in the cartoons. I was too afraid to laugh out loud, but the laughter definitely passed through my mind.

Instead of laughing, I sucked up all of my last little courage and roared right back. "No, Collin! Don't you ever..."

Before I even had time to realize that I had been breathing, Collin grabbed me by the throat and kept squeezing until he was just short of cutting off my air completely.

"I don't know what the hell you heard or think you saw that would make you get your fat, nasty, lazy ass out of bed and come all the way up here...and I don't care. You embarrassed the shit out of me today and now I remember why I've never brought you here before. You want to know why you're so insecure about every woman that halfway looks my way? It's because you don't even attempt to keep yourself up anymore. Look how you look! Look at what you put on to come out here and represent me. You always got those big ass clothes on, trying to hide the fact that you bust a zipper every time you try to sit down or bend over..."