celia sat in the hallway, looking over at the other boys, who weren't able to sleep either. "i'm just so worried about him." she admitted, feeling her voice begin to tremble. "he just.. he spends so much time being so happy, if not for himself then for us." she wasn't yet willing to make eye contact with anyone. "and i.. i'm scared that if one thing goes really wrong, one thing like this, it'll.. it'll tip him over an edge."

"what do you mean?" todd asked, looking near tears.

the girl shook her head. "i don't know. i'm just really worried."

charlie frowned. "he's gonna be okay, guys. so his dad's an asshole, so what? he'll be gone and out of his house sooner than he knows it. and when he gets back here, we'll be right there with him. okay? don't worry about it."

celia bit at the inside of her cheek, nodding at his words. "yeah, thanks, charlie." she let out a weak smile, trying to do what she could to believe him.

even if everything ended up okay for neil, she knew she wouldn't be allowed to talk to him again. not if his father had any sort of inkling about their relationship, and not of neil's description of the man's punishments were accurate.

nonetheless, celia stood wordlessly, walking into her room and closing the door.

"should we check on her?" meeks asked, his brows furrowed with concern.

charlie shook his head, frowning. "no, let her have some space." he told his friend.

·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

neil's father stood in front of him, angrily pacing. "we're trying very hard to understand why it is that you insist on defying us." he said to his son. "whatever the reason, we're not gonna let you ruin your life. tomorrow, i'm withdrawing you from welton and enrolling you in braden military school. you're going to harvard and you're gonna be a doctor."

"but that's ten more years." neil shook his head. "father, that's a lifetime!"

the man scoffed. "oh, stop it. don't be so dramatic. you make it sound like a prison term. you don't understand, neil. you have opportunities that i never even dreamt of and i am not going to let you waste them."

neil stood, thinking about the advice celia and her father had given him. "i've got to tell you what i feel."

"we've been so worried about-" his mother began, only to get instantly cut off by her husband.

"what?" he countered. "what? tell me what you feel. what is it?" neil, too frightened now to speak, said nothing. "is it more of this, this acting business? because you can forget that. what? is it about that girl? and don't think i didn't see you. has she been perverting you, boy? is that what this is? because you can forget about her, too."

neil's heart cracked as he sat back down. "nothing."

"nothing? well, then, let's go to bed." his father left.

mrs. perry paused on her way out, turning to kneel behind her son.

"i was good." neil muttered, all of his thoughts coming out an incohesive jumble. "i was really good."

his mother said nothing to console him, only nodding. "go on, get some sleep." and with that, he was alone.

in fact, he thought, he was more alone than he'd ever been before as he looked around his room. he wondered if he'd been foolish or stupid to assume that this would work out. the light that acting and celia had once glowed in his life were dimming now. what was he supposed to do? who was he supposed to be if he didn't have welton? his friends? his girlfriend? his passions?

he placed puck's crown on his head, his fingers trembling as he felt the twigs dig into his skin. he closed his eyes for a moment, letting his head fall. he was trapped.

neil chuckled at the irony of it all. that he'd been ignorant enough to think he'd be allowed all of that good all at once. the good of his friends, the good of todd, the good of celia, the good of puck.

when he looked up at the stars, all he could think of was celia, and the painting she'd left for him. it was in his room, still sitting on his desk.

neil, feeling his world crumble apart, looked up at the stars.

·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

the feeling of someone lightly shaking her shoulder woke celia. she groaned groggily as she rolled over, seeing charlie. she awoke a bit more at the sight of him, confused that he wasn't waking her with his normal abuse to her door. "what?" she asked, sitting up in her bed.

she was still smiling playfully until she saw the tears streaming down his face.

"what?" celia repeated, her eyes shifting around the room to see knox, pitts, meeks, and todd standing by her door. "no." she breathed out, not willing to believe what she knew he would say.

"neil's dead." charlie's voice shook.

"no, no he's not. no, you're lying. he isn't." celia's entire body had begun to shake as she shook her head, bringing her hands up to remove her hair from her face. the tears had begun to fall before she'd even noticed, and then suddenly her pleads of denial had become uncontrollable sobbing.

charlie wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in so that she was now crying onto his shoulder. he didn't know what to say, what would ever even begin to console her, so he only held her.

he looked over to the other boys, who were frozen with their own sadness. when they'd felt enough pain at the sound of her agony, they one by one moved closer, not wanting her to be alone.

after her vocal sobs had ceased, celia's breath shook, and her hands stopped clinging to charlie's shirt. "where's.. where's todd?" she asked, removing her tear-stained face from her best friend's shoulder.

todd was crying too, but he made no sound as he moved to join them on the bed. celia wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close to her. he wasn't normally one for any sort of physical affection, but he found himself immediately complying to her touch. neil had been his closest confidant and friend, too.

when they pulled away, celia sniffled, wiping at her eyes. "does.. does my dad know?"

charlie nodded. "he was looking for you."

after her friends left, celia began to cry again. she wanted to scream, she wanted to yell as loud as she could. but she felt completely weak and helpless as she sobbed on her bed. she laid down now, her arms clutching her stomach as she let out every single ounce of a tear she thought she had left.

once she'd calmed down a bit more, she stood on her shaking legs, her eyesight blurred by her own tears. she was angry. she didn't understand why this was happening, why his father had been so cruel to him. why neil had taken himself away from her.

she grabbed at her collection of art supplies, laid out neatly by her desk. she lashed at them, feeling satisfaction only in the ripping of the canvas material, catching under her nails as she ripped the fabric from the wood.

celia grabbed a pile of papers from her desk, crumbling and shredding them, making the floor of her room a heap of discarded ruins. she then took her anger out on her books, ripping all of the contents from emily dickinson's collection of stories, and absolutely trashing the spine of edgar allen poe's raven. everything stopped as she grabbed neil's copy of the waste land.

she stared at the book in her hands, her fingers trembling as she ran them across the title. 'and still she cried, and still the world pursues'. she recalled the line from the poem, but didn't move to read the rest. still she cried, and still the world pursued. even though her world had been shattered, it would still go on. it would still go on, but he wouldn't be a part of it.

still looking down at the book, celia crumbled to the floor. she was now in a mess of her own design, looking down at the floor that was now covered with paintings she'd ruined, and books she'd torn. she began to cry once more, holding the book to her chest.

the broken girl only looked up when her door opened, revealing her father. "celia.." he breathed out, his heart falling apart as he took in her wounded frame. "celia, it's okay. you're okay." he dropped to the floor in front of her, reaching his arms out to her.

celia fell into his open arms, letting out the rest of her tears onto his shoulder. "it isn't fair." she said. "it isn't fair!" she sobbed.

they remained in silence, neither knowing what to say. "i love you." her father told her. "and he loved you, too. it isn't fair to ask it of you, but you have to keep going. you have to continue to march on, even if it's without him next to you."

"gather ye rosebuds while ye may." she said, wiping at her eyes. "the same flower that grows today, tomorrow will be dying." she recalled her first day in her father's class, the day she had first made her friends.

"they want to have me removed from the school." her father said after they'd remained in silence. "i suppose i've made too many.. experimental calls in the classroom. i'm not the most traditional teacher."

celia shook her head defiantly. "no. no, you have to stay here at welton. the boys, they, we, we all love you. so much. you've been the only thing that makes this place not a hell for us, and you've helped us find ourselves and each other. you can't.. you can't leave. tell them you won't."

he frowned. "i can't, ceil. i can't change their minds once it's been decided."

"why, what.." she stumbled over her words. "where will you go? are we.. are we moving back to london?" she didn't want to leave. not when she'd finally met the people who felt like home.

"no, you're staying here. you're still going to attend welton," he said, "but i.. i won't be your teacher any longer."

celia shook her head again. "no, no you can't.. you can't leave. you can't. we need you here."

he smiled at her. "i have seen you thrive here. i've been blessed to watch as you have grown into this amazing young woman. and i've been able to see you make new friends and find new passions and joys in life. and i cannot allow that to be damaged by removing you from this place."

"but it won't be the same if you aren't here."

"i know." he nodded, holding her close to him once more in a hug.

·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

"it's so beautiful." todd said, looking out at the snowy field. he stood with his coat covering his pajamas, as the rest of the group did the same. the flannel pants weren't enough to shield celia's legs from the cold as she felt the snow drop onto her hair.

after smiling for barely a second, todd gagged, falling to his knees and vomiting. in an instant, celia and the boys had huddled around him, hugging him.

"todd. it's okay, todd." pitts and charlie kept repeating. celia knew they were right, but she didn't feel that it was okay, either.

"it's all right. it's alright." charlie said in a soothing voice, grabbing a handful of snow to wipe todd's mouth with it.

the boy shook his head between his sobs. "he wouldn't- he wouldn't have done it."

"you can't explain it, todd." meeks said, putting a hand on his back.

todd then recoiled, moving away from his friends. "it was his father!" he shouted.

"no!" charlie responded, trying to hold todd again.

"he wouldn't have left us." the other boy rambled. "it's because he- he wouldn't have. his dad was-- his, his father did it."

celia's eyes had begin to fill with tears now as she put her hand on his shoulder. "todd, please."

"you know i'm right, ceil." he said, meeting her teary eyes with his own. "his father killed him. he made him do it."

"you can't explain it, todd." meeks repeated, seeing that celia wasn't going to be able to form words to say in response.

todd then pushed himself away from the group, stumbling down the hill. in his agony, he slipped and fell, getting back up only to slide once more.

"todd!" meeks called out, moving to follow him.

charlie shook his head. "leave him be." he said, watching as he ran down toward the dock, yelling and crying before eventually regaining control of himself and walking in silence.

watching him, celia crumbled to her knees in the snow, letting out a quiet choke of a sob. pitts and knox were at her sides instantly, wrapping their arms around her.