You have every single right to yell at me ;-; I just checked wattpad, and guess how long it's been since I've updated this story? OVER FORTY DAYS. That means (GASP) I haven't felt insane in a while. :3 Or, you know, if you love me for updating.. You could always press the star on the side of the page and leave me a love note

The song of the chapter is Holocene by Bon Iver, only I'm putting the link to the version remixed by BAS$Y. I'm more drawn to it than the regular version, although that one is amazing, too.

A short, sad note that I have to get out: A few weeks ago, a girl named Katie Hampton commited suicide (she was from my high school). Just after, Sophia Christen was hit by a speeding car in my town and died from injuries. Both of them died way too young, and I hope that whatever happened after your heart stopped beating, it was way better than what happened here. You didn't deserve to have your lives stolen from you at only fourteen and fifteen- nobody does. Rest in peace, guys.

OH. And I'll be writing in past tense from now on, so watch out and dont let this chapter mind-blow you. ;3

xxx.

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Kira came home with us that day, riding in the backseat of Gabriel's massive truck while I sat up front. Gabriel still hadn't gotten over the fact we made menstrual references, flushing a light pink the entire ride back. "You're sure she won't mind?" He asked, for the third time today.

I nodded. "Positive." With a sigh, he drummed his fingertips on the steering wheel.

"Can I stay again, or do you want me to go?" He blurted.

I looked towards him, cocking an eyebrow. In all honesty, I'd love to have him stay with me again, but Luna's been stricter now that i've spoken. It's almost as if me talking brought back the same me from two years ago, as if I wasn't emotionally scarred. "It's up to you," I said quietly.

He smiled, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. It felt intimate, his warm fingers grazing my cheek before he put his focus back on the road. "Soo," Kira said, leaning forwards with her elbows on the console. "Are you two going out or something?"

"Or something," I responded cheekily.

She rolled her eyes, smirking. "Hey, Gabriel, did you know that when R-Alexxa was fifteen, she went-"

"Kira!" I cut her off, glaring and blushing madly. "Let's not talk about that."

Gabriel grinned. "Hush, Alexxa, I want to hear this," He placed his right hand over my lips, putting the car to a halt on the side of the road and looking towards Kira. "You were saying?"

She rolled her eyes, leaning forward. "Alexxa went through a phase where all she would watch is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," she whispered.

I groaned, leaning my head on the window. "Kira," I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest when Gabriel started to chuckle. Soon, his chuckles turned into full out, silent laughter, in which he ducked his head to continue with.

She leaned over, pecking my cheek. I let out a sigh, blushing deep red at his reaction to my guilty obsession, looking out the window.

"Aw," His laughter faded away as he glanced up at my flushed face, his own bright red from laughter. "I think it's cute." Biting my lip, I said nothing. He gave me a compliment, and for the first time I didn't have any witty comments to shoot back at him.

Why?

Because a lame little flutter in the pit of my stomach told me not to fuck this one up.

Kira's green eyes sparkled as she took my hand, playing with it. "I missed you, Shortie." She said quietly.

"Missed you, too." I responded, matching her tone. Gabriel took the hint that our teasing was over, putting the car back in drive and heading home. When we pulled into the driveway, Kira was bouncing with excitement and humming along to a dubstep song I never cared to listen to. She was the first one out of the car, bolting up the stairs and into the house.

"I'm back, bitch!" She ran into the living room, holding the bag of meat in her hands and looking around wildly.

"Alexxa, there is no need for that lan-" Luna scolded, wandering in with a wooden spoon in hand. It was obvious she had been cooking, by the chocolate smear on the corner of her cheek. "-Oh, my God, Kira!"

They embraced like sisters, giggling. "I haven't seen you in years!" She exclaimed. "You've changed so much. . "

Kira nodded, grinning."I know, hot, right?"

Rolling my eyes at her playful cockiness, I walked into the kitchen, placing the bags down next to the meat. My hangover seemed to be cured, which was strange, because it was only around one. Usually mine lasted all day and throughout the night, disappearing completely on the next morning.

"So who's the girl?" Gabriel came in next to me, taking the meat out of the bag and tossing them in the freezer. I put the panda bread in the cabinets, smiling slightly.

"My old friend."

He nodded. "She's pretty," he commented.

I ignored the slight twinge in my gut. "Yeah," I mumbled. "She is."

His hand slipped over mine to grab something off the counter, the warmth making me shiver. I fought it back, though, reminding myself this was the same boy who annoyed me with every fiber of his being. He was nothing more than a brotherly figure, I reminded myself. That's all you'll ever be to him, and vice versa.

"What was that?"

I blinked, panicking. "Did I say that out loud?"

"What out loud?" He was teasing me, now.

I bit the inside of my cheek. "Nothing," I muttered. "Want something to eat?"

He smiled, walking up to me. I felt my body stiffen as he got closer, until there was hardly any space between our bodies, and pushed myself against the counter.

Psh. I felt absolutely nothing when we touched.

That was such a lie that I mentally smacked myself because of it. Honestly, his touch sent shocks and tingles on my skin, made my face heat up and muscles tighten. It was everything I never wanted to feel again, but managed to anyways.

We met eyes, that cocky smirk still on his face. I remembered wanting to kiss it off earlier, and now seemed to be my chance. Although I was nervous, I felt as if it would be natural, and lowered my gaze to them. Breathing hitched, I watched his movements carefully, playing with my hands.

Just as I was about to grow a pair and do it, however, he took my waist in his large hands and hoisted me up on the counter. I opened my mouth to speak as he took a step back, but he beat me to it. "I'll make you food," He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Swallowing hard, I nodded, really needing to talk to someone about this. Luna was out of the question, as she'd just force us together with super glue, and Gabriel definitely could not know of my confusion towards him. It could ruin everything I was so hesitant and careful to create.

That left Kira. Although she was cocky and a little bit crazy, I loved her, and she was my best friend. She helped me confirm feelings for Chase, the only boyfriend I ever had, and everything else. She deserved an explanation about everything, and now might just be the time to give it to her- and more.

Instead, I pulled out a pack of cigarettes, taking one out and lighting a match on the cabinet. Gabriel said nothing, having given up on telling me off about it, turning away and pulling out a mix of food. The tobacco ran through my lungs and out my nose, soothing me from the mixed feelings in my mind.

I found myself slouching, my eyes closing as I finished it. Drowsiness swept over me and I yawned, cradling my hands to my chest and laying my head against the cabinet. The cigarette was pulled from my fingers and I was lifted into something warm-- something comfortable. I may have let out a noise when I realized I was being carried away, but by then I surely had fallen asleep.

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"Get up, for Chrissakes!"

I rolled over, groaning quietly at the weight straddling my hips and preventing me from moving any farther. My face was being held in a pair of warm, soft hands, jaw clenched from sleep. "What the. . ." I murmured, unable to form more than three words at a time.

Nobody wakes me from sleep.

Nobody.

When I'm woken from sleep, I'm worse than the devil himself. Imagine kicking a dinosaur on heroin, and multiply it by ten. Then there's me. "Kira, I'll kill you," I growled, staring up at the pair of green eyes watching me with amusement. Her brown hair fell on each side of my face like a curtain, only allowing me to see in front of me.

My hands were latched onto a. . .pillow? "Good morning, Sunshine." She sang, helping me sit up.

". . . How did I get in Luna's bed?" I managed, leaning against Luna's headboard. She grinned, sitting back against the wall.

"Your boyfriend took you."

I sighed. "He isn't my boyfriend."

Her eyes widened. "Oh my god, he's single and all this time i've been so awkward!" She cried out. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. "Didn't think we looked like we were dating. . . " I muttered.

She grinned, her eyes sparkling with something I realized I hadn't missed at all. This was her lusty look, the one that meant I would be involved somehow. "Shortie," She began carefully, crawling over to me. "Remember 'Matchmaker'?"

I inwardly groaned. When we were younger and everything was perfect, we would play matchmaker. It basically consisted of us picking two boys out of the blue and attempting to get one to like us. It was a cruel, embarrassing game, one where we would either end up broken hearted or thrilled.

"Kira. . ." I warned. "That game sucked." I pointed out.

She rolled her eyes. "We were in the fifth grade, stupid. Of course it sucked." I sighed, letting her continue. "But now," she said with excitement. "I could have a chance with him!"

I wanted to smile. Truthfully, I did. But all I could think of was how well they really would fit together. She's gorgeous, popular, and social, as was he. They were a perfect match. And, well, me? I just got out of a mental hospital, my family committed suicide, and I had hallucinations. Not to mention Kira was drop dead beautiful, while I was too skinny and small. Any guy with a brain would go for her, and shove me aside like a piece of dirt.

I was used to it.

All through my freshman and sophomore year, I was known as 'Kira Adam's friend'. Nobody knew me by name, just as the girl that hung with the hottest girl known to school. I had boyfriends, sure, but only ones that wanted me for sex or to get to Kira. After a while, I tuned it out, as Kira had been my best friend since childhood and that would never change.

"Okay," I agreed in the end, forcing a smile on my face. Gabriel would adore her, that was for sure. He treated girls like royalty, and Kira loved that in guys. She was a way better match for him than I would ever be.

But who was I trying to convince?

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Thanks for reading