《Finding Sam (Featured)》Chapter 26 - New Beginnings

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David didn't give me any problems when I showed up at Lorena's house on Sunday afternoon with Erik. I had wanted him to drop me off at the house at first, but with an infant car seat already installed in his Land Rover for Bella, Erik saw no point in dropping me off first if Lorena's house was on the way home, especially since he said I'd be late if I did have to go back home first. We'd gotten stuck in the southbound traffic coming home, which had left me jittery throughout the last hour.

The moment I carried a crying Michael out of Lorena's house, I knew he was sick. He had a runny nose and a fever, and his diaper was soiled. Even though I begged him to leave, Erik stayed with me for a few hours that night to help me with Michael. It was during those small snatches of time, when I'd watch Erik take care of Michael, that I got to see him switch to Doctor mode when faced with a sick child.

The next day, Erik had roses delivered to my house along with a stuffed pillow shaped like a train for Michael. On Tuesday, Olivia dropped off a pot of pasta e fagioli, an Italian soup dish with cannelini beans and elbow macaroni that Zia Francesca made.

It was nice to have that feeling of having a real family around me, something I hadn't experienced since Rosie died. It also made me think of my mother during her lucid moments, when she wasn't too high on heroin, or to edgy because she needed it. She was actually a nice person when she was sober. Still, my memories of my mother were sparse, and best left in the past. Instead, I chose to focus only on the present and the future that seemed more promising now that I had started painting again. I also couldn't deny how Erik's presence in my life made it all possible. It gave me a sense of peace I'd never felt before.

Maybe it was the walk along the labyrinth that did it, my sense of calm growing with each step I took towards the center of the heart where Erik waited for me so we could exit it together. Or maybe it was lunch with Helen and Craig and learning about how Erik and Josh were as children, how along with Olivia, they all bonded over Legos, scooters and even Barbies, when it was Olivia's turn to have her choice of toys they all could play with.

Whatever it was, it gave me front row seats to the possibility of having the family that I had always longed to have - like a cut-out of the perfect family from the 50's, with everyone grinning from ear to ear, and when life seemed so perfect. It was the life I hoped to provide Michael with, something so different from the only one I had known.

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For the next four weeks, Erik and I settled into a schedule that, at times frightened me at how easily we both adapted to it. I never really knew how to incorporate another man into my life with Michael, but Erik made it easy. He wanted to be part of our lives, whether it was playing mini-golf with us on Tuesday afternoons, or riding the kiddie rides at Disneyland on Wednesday mornings when the lines weren't too long. Sometimes it was good enough to just stay at home, making mac and cheese together and then watching a movie on the couch, usually something that Michael wanted to watch, whether it was some movie about a missing fish, or cars come to life, till Michael fell asleep, and then we'd have the rest of the evening to ourselves.

It was nothing like being at his house by the beach, but Erik didn't seem to mind being at my small house. He knew how important it was for me to keep Michael's routines as close to the way they used to be, which happened to include visits to his house to see Olivia and Bella where all of us, including Bella's aunts and uncles, had picnics on the sand.

Even David kept his distance, hardly exchanging a word with me whenever I stopped by to drop off or pick up Michael. Maybe it was because Erik was usually with me, but whatever it was, it helped me realize that I needed to work on my automatic, and rash, reactions to David's actions, to not fall into the usual song-and-dance routine we always performed - the abuser and his victim.

It was one of the hardest things for me to face - the life that I had lived with David was not the life I wanted Michael to witness. And as much as I hated calling myself a victim, for now, I had to admit that I was. But I had to step out of that box, even if I'd need Erik's help - for now - to do it. Heaven only knew just how successful I'd been without anyone's help.

The only thing that never really changed in my relationship with Erik was Serena. She was still around, and she wasn't about to leave. Though he'd warned her never to step into his house again, he couldn't keep her away from his clinic. She was part of the board of directors and she was intent on staying there. So as long as she proved herself harmless in the boardroom, Erik and I never talked about her.

By the sixth week, I'd finished painting five paintings and was pretty proud of myself. Erik was filling in for a doctor who was on vacation that Wednesday, and was too exhausted to join Michael and I for dinner.

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"There's that chink in my armor you've always been looking for," he said over the phone that night after I put Michael to bed.

"Being involved in the detox program?" I asked. He'd been telling me about the recent changes in the federal program for people trying to quit heroin and other opiate drugs, about the guidelines his clinic had to abide by else they'd lose their assignation.

"No, that's just a little thing," Erik chuckled. "It's that I work too much. And I'm so determined to keep the clinic going, and able to support the community it serves."

"What's wrong with that?" I asked. "You're dedicated, and you love what you do."

"I also love being with you, Sam," Erik said. "Which is what I'd rather be doing right now instead of lying here alone in my bed while you're four miles away. Instead, I"m planning my patient load for tomorrow, reading patient notes on my tablet when I should be making love to you."

"There's always tomorrow," I said, blushing. "If you're not too tired, I'll make it worth your while."

He chuckled, and I could hear the sound of something being put away and a light being turned off. "I'll be expecting it then."

"Anyway, I can be as bad when it comes to working too much, Erik," I said. "Take my painting, for example. If I didn't have Michael, I'd forget to eat and just keep on going."

"That's why your work is gorgeous, Sam," Erik said. "Speaking of painting, has Collin called you?"

"He left a message while I was with Michael today, but I'll call him first thing in the morning."

"He needs your signature," Erik said. "He showed two of your paintings to the brothers who run CSK Gallery and they were pretty impressed. One of their artists had to pull out at the last minute - something about the guy's paintings already set to be shown in Sydney - which leaves them with an opening they're hoping you can fill. It's this weekend -"

"That's very last minute," I said.

"I know. Will you say yes?"

I paused. We'd already talked about how David was part of my past as an artist and that there was nothing he could do to my career, no matter what he said. To say no to having my new paintings displayed would mean that David won.

"I will," I said, feeling the tightness in my chest disappear the moment I uttered the words. I heaved a sigh of relief, glad to get it over with, though something else came to me then.

"Erik, were you ever going to file trespassing charges against Serena?"

This time, the pause was his.

He exhaled. "I'm not."

"Why? I know it's a long time ago now, but she-"

"I'd be overreacting if I did file charges against her, Sam," Erik said. "It was a misunderstanding. Nothing more."

"It was not a misunderstanding, Erik," I said, suddenly angry as I remembered the words she said to me when she entered the house like she lived there, insinuating I was some one-night-stand, or worse, a hooker. "She entered your house without your permission and she insulted me."

"I'm sorry she insulted you, Sam," Erik said. "I've never talked to her about it because I haven't had a chance to catch her alone in the clinic - which is the only place I'd like to see her from here on. But I will talk to her-"

"I can't believe you're taking her side."

"I'm not taking her side," Erik said. "I'm being objective about the whole thing-"

"Fine," I snapped, hanging up the phone before Erik could finish, though I regretted it immediately.

I was jealous, I thought, confused over why he would defend Serena, almost protecting her. I wondered if she'd denied it when he talked to her. Did she tell Erik that I had made it all up? Remembering her words, I wondered if rebounds lasted more than six weeks. I knew my fears were childish. It wasn't as if Erik and I hadn't just spent just about every non-working moment of the last six weeks together, but I had to admit that I was scared of Serena, of her hold over Erik after their all their years together.

It reminded me of David's hold over me.

A few minutes later, I called Erik back, but he'd turned off his phone and my call went straight to his voicemail. "I'm sorry for hanging up on you," I said. "I guess I'm just jealous, that's all." And I'm scared to death that I'm the rebound girl, just as Serena said I was.

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