《Finding Sam (Featured)》Chapter 25 - Cabo All Over Again
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Erik's phone was buzzing somewhere in the other room as we lay sleeping in the bedroom. By 9:30, I dragged myself out of bed, took a quick shower and went into the living room to shut the darn thing off - or at least bring it to the bedroom in case it was an emergency at his clinic. Erik was so exhausted, he could have slept through an earthquake.
The phone display indicated that Serena had called him three times. She had also texted him six times. Though Erik's phone was locked, the display showed the most recent text when my finger grazed its surface.
This is going to be Cabo all over again. Don't you dare leave me.
The text left me stumped. What the hell was Cabo about?
I waited for the phone display to go dark before bringing it into the bedroom. Erik lay asleep on his back. The covers were pushed down around his hips, revealing a faint mark just above his hip bone, a remnant of what I'd done to him a few hours earlier. I crawled on all fours on the bed towards him, the note Serena left forgotten. There were so many things I still wanted to do to him before the day was over.
Erik's phone buzzed then, rattling the top of the bedside table. This time, Erik stirred, smiling when he saw me kneeling by his side.
"Good morning, beautiful."
"Good morning, yourself," I said. "Your phone's been buzzing up a storm by the way. I brought it in here just in case it was an emergency."
Erik reached for his phone and yawned as he looked at the display. A knot formed in my stomach then. What would he do? I thought. Would he ignore it?
He cursed under his breath. "I've got to make a call, Sam," he said, flinging the covers off his hips as he sat up along the edge of the bed. He didn't dial right away. Instead, I watched him scan through his messages before he got up, running his other hand through his hair.
Then his phone rang.
"I need to get this," he said, walking towards the living room to turn on the TV. For a few moments all he did was listen, pulling on a pair of sweat pants and pacing across the floor. It felt strange watching him then. His shoulders lifted and tensed up as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"I'm not telling you where I'm at, Rena," he was saying as I got up and began folding my clothes into my bag. "Look, I don't know what you want me to say but like I've said before, we're over. No, I'm not doing this to hurt you. God, if I were, I'd have done it a long time ago, but no. And no, you are not holding Cabo over my head. Not anymore. You hear that, Ren. Not anymore."
There was tension in his voice, controlled anger along the edges. There was also frustration as he took a deep breath and exhaled.
"I'm not talking to you anymore, Rena. I'll call you when I get back and we can talk then. And don't ever mention Cabo to me ever again."
If Erik was aware that I'd heard the entire thing, he didn't show it. He walked past me and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. A few minutes later, I heard the shower running. I was zipping up my weekend bag when Erik emerged from the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. He came up behind me and tugged at my hair playfully.
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"Hey, beautiful," he said. "What are you doing?"
"Packing up. I figured we might need to head back to LA right now."
Erik sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled me against him. "Do you have to be somewhere?"
"Don't you?"
He shook his head. "No, I don't. The only place I want to be is with you."
If I had wanted to ask him about Cabo, my resolve vanished when I saw his smile. "I just need to be home by five. I have to pick up Michael at Lorena's before six."
"We have a few hours," he said, pulling me closer so that I was standing between his knees. He pulled my face towards him and kissed me, a gentle kiss that melted whatever anger I had over his conversation with Serena earlier. Still, there were secrets between us and I wasn't happy. I pulled away.
"Maybe our timing isn't right. You and me."
He frowned. "What makes you say that?"
I shrugged, but didn't say anything. I took his hand and wove my fingers with his, feeling the smooth fingertips of his hand with my own. It was hard for me to fathom how he could be with me when there was gorgeous Serena with her hard body and perfect legs. It was difficult for me to imagine how he could still be in contact with her, unable to get her out of his life because of her connection to his clinic. And then there was Cabo.
"I don't read minds, Sam," Erik said softly.
"What's going between you and Serena?" I asked. "I mean, what's really going on? Why would she just go into your house and have the nerve to insult me and then go up to your room like you and her were still sleeping together? You tell me that you've broken up with her but then here you are, talking to her while I'm in the other room."
I was so busy gesturing with my hands I had let go of his. "I'm just confused," I added. "I don't know what's going on."
Erik didn't reply right away, but he looked annoyed. "Just like I don't know what's going on between you and David. Or why my best friend answered a domestic disturbance call and you tell me we'll talk about it later."
I swallowed, taking a step back. It was a taste of my own medicine - the secrets I'd been keeping all this time. He'd seen my eye the day after David hit me, yet I'd denied it. I was surprised Erik never pursued it, choosing instead to forget it. But he didn't.
He got up and began to pace the floor in front of the bed. "I'm trying to move on with my life the best I can with you next to me, Sam. But I just can't get do that without tying a few loose ends first and not hurt Serena - just like we can't really move on unless you tell me everything about David and what he does to you that you're so ashamed of. So if you have David, I have Serena."
"But David's my ex-husband," I said. "And he's the father of my child."
"It doesn't excuse whatever it is he does to you, Sam," Erik said. "And maybe it's the same thing that Serena does to me that's holding me back from telling you everything, but right now, I need to take care of this. I still care for her, but as a friend, Sam. Just that, a friend. She and I have been through a lot together and- "
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"And what?"
"I need to make sure that whatever you and I do from here on, she'll be fine."
"And what if she won't be fine, Erik. What then? Am I just wasting my time here? Is this going to be a normal occurrence while we're, quote-unquote, seeing each other?"
Erik said nothing.
"She's not over you, Erik," I continued. "Can't you see that? She'll never be over you if you keep coddling her even after what she did yesterday. What would it take for you to see that she won't let you go? 'Eight years is no match to a one-night stand,'" I said, mimicking Serena's voice. "Or maybe it should be, 'eight years is no match to a weekend in Ojai' either. She said you always went back to her. Always."
This time I went too far and I knew it. Erik's jaw tightened. "So in your logical mind, just because she's not over me, I can't move on. Like I can't make my own decision as to who I want to spend my time with all because Serena decides that she's got eight years over your...what? Weekend?"
I folded my arms in front of my chest. "What if she's right? That I'm just a rebound thing to you?"
"Is that what you think, Sam? That I'm on the rebound? After all the time I waited to get you to trust me, I'm on the rebound."
"It's just so hard for me to believe that someone you broke up with a long time ago still gets to call you any time she wants," I said. "But maybe you're the one who can't let go, Erik."
Still wearing the towel around his waist, Erik went into the living room and began to get dressed. He put on a pair of jeans and white shirt, and began lacing up his running shoes. "I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear that coming from you, Sam," he said, getting up from the couch. "Because there's so much more I can say in regards to your relationship with David - that has nothing to do with the fact that he's your ex-husband or that he's the father of your son - that you use as an excuse to not be with anyone. Not even me. But you know what? I'm not going there."
He headed for the door. "I'm going to go for a walk, and when I come back, we can head for home. Do whatever you want to do in the meantime. There's a jacuzzi. There's room service, and if you want to be social, there's also the dining room downstairs. It's all charged to the room so feel free to do whatever you want, get whatever you want. I'll be back in a hour or so."
"Erik-" I began but the door closed behind him, leaving me with only the sound of the blender whirring away on the TV screen. It took me a few minutes to calm down as I went out to the balcony and watched him make his way from the inn to the same trail we'd taken yesterday towards the ridge.
I suddenly regretted pushing it and saying what I had just said. It wasn't as if Erik had said anything that told me he and Serena were still seeing each other. He'd been honest with me from the very beginning.
Still, there was Cabo, and what it held for Erik that got him doing his best to calm what I imagined to be a hysterical woman on the other end of the line.
Despite my doubts, I had spent the last 24 hours with Erik. He had allowed me into his world, shared the painful loss of his parents and took me into the place he'd last spent in their company. This was no rebound. Why couldn't I believe that Erik really liked me. And I had fallen for him.
But that's why it hurt, I thought, as I hurried downstairs to catch up with him. I was too scared of falling in love. I needed to apologize to him for being petty, and most of all, envious of what Serena and him used to have - those eight years smarted.
I was halfway out the door when I heard Helen's voice calling my name. She was standing behind the reception desk waving at me. She stepped from behind the desk and hurried towards me, smiling broadly. I met her halfway.
"Did you have breakfast yet?" She asked.
I shook my head, turning to head back through the door. "I was hoping to catch up with Erik."
"It's best to leave him alone for now," Helen said. "I know it's none of my business, but sometimes we all need our space. I heard from Josh that you both may hike up to the ridge yesterday. I hope he was okay with that."
I relaxed. Helen's voice calmed me, remind me that sometimes it paid not to be so impulsive. I'd been so caught up with my own problems just now, even though yesterday I realized that Erik carried his own loss as well. Why did everything have to be all about me?
"Would you like some coffee, Sam?" Helen asked, guiding me to the dining room where she pulled up a chair for me to sit down. A woman approached the table and began to pour coffee into our cups.
"I don't want to eat ahead of Erik," I said.
"That's okay, dear. Coffee isn't exactly a food group, so I'm sure it will be alright," she said. "I'm sorry if I'm butting into your business with Erik."
"You're not," I said. "But thank you for reminding me about Erik needing his own space. He did see the flowers and the rocks up there."
"Craig and I put those stones up there years ago. We really shouldn't have because it sort of borders state property. But we did anyway, and they've been up there ever since. Some hikers sometimes kick them off the ridge, but Josh brings them back up there whenever he can since Craig hasn't been able to hike up there the past year or so."
"You must have been close - Erik's parents and you, guys."
"We were," she said, smiling. "Our kids grew up together - Josh, Erik and Livvy. When Seamus and Moira died, it was such a dark time for everyone. They helped invest in this place after I inherited it. I almost sold it to one of those international outfits that take over resorts, but Seamus and Moira - well, they invested in it and that helped get this place to where it is now."
"Were they always wealthy?"
"Oh, no, dear!" she replied, laughing. "They started out with one apartment building. I remember it had three or four units, and their whole family lived in a 2-bedroom. Which meant that Erik and Olivia shared a roomy till they were about eleven or twelve. Then they started buying other apartments and investing their money in stocks. That helped immensely. But they still had those kids working no matter what. Erik worked with summer camps teaching water polo and was a life guard for a few years along with Josh. Livvy worked at an ice cream parlor along PCH."
"That's why they're so down-to-earth," I said. "It's hard to reconcile someone who lives on the Strand act like they do. Sometimes it's just too good to be true."
"We all do the best we can, Sam," Helen said, before turning to address a couple who had come over with a question about some outdoor yoga class that was about to begin. "It's over by the Eucalyptus Grove. Just follow the signs and you won't miss it. It's should be starting in ten minutes."
"This isn't my world, you know," I said after the couple left. "None of this is."
Helen frowned. "Doesn't mean that you can't have it, Sam. Who says what should or shouldn't be yours? We all deserve the best that life has to offer and when they come to us, the real question is - do you think you deserve it? Or do you believe that you don't? And in response, the universe gives you what you believe."
She chuckled. "Well, listen to me, Sam. It's all that new age stuff that makes Ojai the way it is. But don't get me wrong. It still works."
I finished my coffee and shook my head when the waiter approached to refill it. "Thanks, Helen. I guess I needed to hear that. But can I ask you something?"
"Sure," she replied.
"Do you know anything about Erik and Cabo?"
Helen thought about it for a few moments. "He's been there a few times - well, with Serena. But other than that, no. Are you going?"
I shook my head. "No, I just overheard something about it. Don't tell Erik I asked you?"
"I won't. But I need to get back to the front desk, dear," Helen said, getting up. "Oh, did you know we have a labyrinth?"
"I heard that from Erik," I said. "But I don't know what it is."
She smiled. "Well, you definitely need to check it out. It's a stone labyrinth. You walk along the path in meditation. Josh had been working on it the last few weekends and I think he got done with it yesterday."
"Is it far from here?"
"Not at all," she said, guiding me towards the double doors leading to the grounds. She pointed towards a grove of trees in the distance. "It's just beyond those trees over there. You'll walk past the outdoor yoga class going on and just keep going. You won't miss it. There may be some guests already walking on it, but it's wide enough to accommodate a few at a time, I think."
I thanked Helen and headed towards the direction she pointed me to. Just like she said, there was a group of people doing a beginning yoga routine doing sun salutations beneath a grove of eucalyptus trees, the sound of the leaves rustling in the breeze a welcome respite to my ears.
I found the labyrinth a few minutes later and other than one woman wearing a hat that also covered the back of her neck which I realized was something I needed to have done since I hadn't even put on any sunscreen, I basically had it all to myself. The labyrinth shape was created with large rocks about a foot high, and it had two paths that wound its way to the center, marked by a larger group of rocks, and from there, it then joined together into the third path that lay between the outer two. It wasn't exactly circular and I had to clamber up a wooden fence to see what its shape was. But even then, I couldn't make up the shape from where I stood.
"It's a heart," Erik said. He was walking towards me from the opposite direction, his skin glistening with perspiration. He must gone for a quick run, I thought as he helped me back down.
"I'm so short I can't tell," I said. "But now that you said it, I guess it is."
"Because it is a heart," he said, a faint smile on his lips. "Josh has been talking about making one for some time now but I never knew he'd actually go through with it."
The woman who had been there before me smiled at us as she finished her walk, leaving the labyrinth to just the two of us.
"I'm sorry for what I said-" I began.
"No, don't apologize, Sam," Erik said, gathering me into his arms in an embrace. "You have every right to ask such questions and I'm glad you did. But I'll answer them when I'm ready. Is that alright?"
In his arms, I forgot what we had argued about as I nodded. Of course it was alright, I thought. After all, I was the one who kept so many secrets from everyone, even from Rosie when she was alive, too intent in trying to keep up appearances. How then could I expect others to tell me everything when I couldn't even find the nerve to do the same?
"I'm hungry," I said after awhile. Erik was the type of person who could actually stay in one place holding someone, I thought. He often had such stillness that I still had to get used to.
"Me, too," he said, kissing the top of my head. "But if you don't mind, can we walk the labyrinth? Josh would kill me if I tell him I got to see it but never actually walked in it."
I pulled away and took his hand, leading him to the labyrinth entrance at the bottom edge of the heart. "Well, I guess I have to rescue you from the wrath of Josh then," I teased. "Oh, and you can thank me later."
Erik grinned. "Oh, don't worry, Sam. I will."
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Thank you so much for all your reads and votes.
Finding Sam is available to buy as an ebook and paperback everywhere and all proceeds go to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.
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