The great art of life is sensation,

to feel that we exist, 

even in pain. 

-Lord Byron

***

Jay sat on the front porch with John. They could hear the soft whispers of female laughter inside, coming from Daisy, Grace and a few others who, like Grace, were expecting or heavy with pup.

The soft breeze and sound of birds were all that filled in between Jay and John.

"How has the pack been?" John asked, no regret filling his voice. He liked being beta, but he liked being free of responsibilities more.

Jay told John of the reports he had received from the different packs, how the warriors were doing and other various pack dealings and mishaps.

"Sounds like you are doing fine without me," John said, leaning back with a smile.

Jay gave a small smile back. He and John knew better. Jay couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a full seven hours of sleep. His eyes felt heavy, and his head was constantly buzzing in the back.

Jay knew that John could see the shadows in his eyes. The weight he had lost in the past few weeks, or the stress lines that had developed on his face that had never been there before. Who knew someone could age so much in so little amount of time.

But John ignored it. Choosing instead to look at the calm composure that Jay carried himself with. At how smoothly the pack was running without him.

Just a few more months, had become Jays chant in his head.

"How are you and Daisy?" John asked, deciding to change the conversation.

Jay's smile now was real. It had been a week since he and Daisy's first date. Daisy was the only perfect thing in Jay's life. Seeing her every day when he woke up, hugging her, smelling her, feeling her, small stolen kisses. Never the super nova that they had had on their first date. Jay was holding himself back much to Daisy's disappointment. He just wouldn't be able to stop if they continued what they started.

"We are fine," Jay said.

John smiled up at his Alpha. He was glad that something good was finally happening to him. If anyone deserved it, it was him.

"Have you told her...?" John couldn't help but ask. He knew better but he wanted to make sure that Jay's reclusive patterns didn't mess up their relationship.

"No," was all Jay said as he looked out at the forest.

"Jay," John said, sitting up in his chair now with concern in his eyes, "you're going to have to tell her soon. I know she probably hasn't told you much about her past either but it's a give give thing. You need to make her feel safe, safe enough to know that she can trust you."

"I tell her mine, she tells me hers?," Jay asked with a small smile.

"That's usually how it works. It worked for Grace and I."

"John," Jay looked up at the lazy ceiling fan that hung above them, "My secrets are probably more scarring than you or Grace's."

John looked down with guilt. Jay was right. Nothing really had gotten in the way of his and Grace's relationship. Except for one thing. But John would never tell Jay that one thing.

Jay gave John a knowing look, accurately reading his body language.

"Either way she will know eventually. Better from you than from someone in the pack."

Jay deflated a little at those words, "I almost told her when I took her to the lake," he admitted.

John nodded, "she's a smart wolf. She's able to put two and two together."

Jay sighed. He was already dealing with so much. He felt like he wanted to pull his hair out and scream. But people would look down on him, call him weak and not a fit Alpha if he did. No weakness. He couldn't act the way he really felt inside.

He kept his face blank. No emotion was better than an overflow.

Jay looked longley at the forest. He wished he could run. He hadn't run in a long time. He felt pent up energy from holding his wolf back for so long. Especially with Daisy around.

John noticed the way Jay looked at the forest.

"Go," he said, "I'll make sure they are okay. And Daisy is inside with them. I'll make sure no harm comes to her."

Jay nodded, "Thank you."

Standing up he started walking to the forest. Keeping his face directed towards the forest, Jay took off his shirt in one quick motion. He smiled, wondering if his mate was watching. He hoped she was watching. Not pausing he quickly unzipped and buckled his jeans, taking them off and leaving him only in his boxers. He had reached the edge of the forest by then.

His whole body vibrated with anticipation. He needed this.

Letting his wolf come to the forefront of his mind, Jay quickly felt the surge of power and strength. He hoped that Daisy was watching. Hoped that she saw his wolf.

The transformation was quick and over soon. His wolf took control. It's nature was dominant and aggressive. He wanted to go back to see his mate. Jay however reigned him in.

The wolf and Jay had a mutual understanding. Each loved the other. Jay apologized for not letting him out as much as he should. The wolf gave a small growl but forgave him.

Jay and he had been through so much. They were the true life mates in this world.

Without a glance back they ran full strength into the forest. Forgetting any thoughts of their mate and the responsibilities they left behind.

la~ la~ la~ la~ la~la~ Heyo! So update for today done - I'm going to eat now since my stomach is caving in. And debate if I should sleep since I literally have not gotten a full seven hours of sleep this whole week or watch the new season of Criminal Minds that's on Netflix....This is an important decision guys...Or maybe I should just finish my book (lol you know I'm going to finish my book). 

I wanna hear you guys! Are you daft or something (no offense if you really are)- speak to me peeps! Let me know what you think (ya even if you you HATE IT! RANT IT OUT TO ME). 

I'm so sleep deprived though that if you start yelling how horrible I am I might just burst into tears and lock myself in my bed room with my cat (and then you would have to face the wrath of my cat). 

So thoughts?? Questions?? 

Loves you guys! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day/night to read! 

Until next time!

loves,

/////WORLD_JOY_/////