My head is already pounding and it's 5:00pm.....

still 30mins more and my shift for today would be over...

I leaned back in my seat and looked around in my white cabin with a white table placed in front of me and 2 visitor chairs on the opposite side and a medical stool adjacent to mine.

An examination bed at a corner of the room seperated by a white curtain.

Long gone those days when my body used to smell of jasmine because I now reek of disinfectants...

But I love it.

It satisfies my mild OCD nature.

Soon a lady in 50's entered in along with a nurse and I examined her after she gave her complaints.

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" doctor, it's 5:30 " nurse said and I sighed in relaxation. I can now leave...

" Sarayu , I told you no formalities when we are alone right? " I said and she nodded. She is a nurse assigned to my cabin. Being youngest in the list of the doctors in this hospital did earn me spot light which is good as well as bad. If you would have asked me 5 years back that when I would become a doctor, I would have said that it would take me 10 more years to become a full fledged doctor with all these certificates in my hand.

But alas....

I'm 25 with a tag of MS Orthopaedics in my hand....

That was all because of Alexander. Don't know if I have to thank him or curse him... He spent god knows how much on getting Indian doctors of all my listed medical subjects from India and got me personally trained and educated under them. They were given posts in his private hospital to torture me!

Yes it's basically a torture for me because I was their only student! How much ever I like this stream but as an only student in the class, I disliked that feeling.... I was once a middle bencher for god's sake!!!

My 5 1/2 year course was cut down to 4 years with intensive theorotical as well as clinical training under them.

My patients were none other than his 'mafia men'. My first patient was only mafia men.... Wah wah...

Morning theory classes with only me in their class and then Clinicals from afternoon to almost midnight every day....

Surely the cases I was exposed to ain't normal ones.... You can imagine what all we get to see when we are in so called private hospital hoarding all mafia people. The only saints were those doctors...

For a few months which was an important and crucial phase of my life, they allowed me stay on bed and was only given double dose of theory classes. They thought that they were going easy on me...

* rolling eyes *

Later, I thought that Alexander would let me get enrolled in a speciality and I would go back to my country , but that guy didn't allow me saying that it's not safe outside!!!!

I turned into a freaking fire ball that day...

He again enrolled me under a Indian medical university and as usual bought few more doctors from there for my further education.

By god's grace, they let me train for three years and it was a little smoother..... I mean,

I got time for myself a little...

After my specialization, I didn't want to live on Alexander anymore and I feelt that it wouldn't be safe for my children too....

Though I am grateful that he let me live under his wing at a tender age and gave me a chance to learn many things which I could only dream of...

A secretory, an assassin that can handle any kind of weapon, a doctor...

Most importantly, an independent strong woman.

After I came back here to my mother land, though Alexander insisted on helping me out on getting a job, but I denied blantly....

Because I knew one thing for sure that, Life can't be bought with money.

If I'm not eligible , then I will work hard to get it on my own... This is me treating lifes that we are talking about.... A doctor.

After a multiple applications which successfully got rejected because of my age and duration of course . I finally landed in a hospital which accepted me based on my clinical knowlegede and also warned me that a complaint or misconduct, then I will be removed...

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" lakshmi! " I heard someone calling out and came out of my thoughts, I looked at sarayu while she was staring back at me with concern..... Why?

" I've been calling you since ages

Leave now, I have to get the cabin cleaned up " she said and I looked at the cleaners near the door in their plain orange gown, with their equipment...

I nodded at sarayu and tidied up my table and locked the cabinets. I handed my apron and Steth to her and she kept them in a cover.

While passing through the white corridors and metal chairs on the either side, people passed by me with tears in their eyes, some people were seated quitely waiting for their close member who went inside the cabin. A lady came out from paediatric department with her baby girl on her hip who is smiling looking at the chocolate....

A Hospital

A place where life begins

A place where life heals

A place where life ends

A vessel culminating leelas of 3 gods

( Brahma , Vishnu , Shiva )

As soon as I stepped out, the horns of vehicles, the sirens of ambulance with a stretcher being rushed out....

Greeted me.

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As soon as I reached the tailor aunty shop, she pushed her thick rimmed glasses up her nose bridge and looked through them while squinting . I smiled at her and she smiled back at me.

" aunty pillala dresslu kuttesara? " I asked her and she nodded

( aunty, are kids dresses stitched? )

" ayindhi ra oka nimisham "

( it's done, just a minute)

she said and got up from the plastic chair infront of the tailoring machine.

Well, she is the only one who stitches at a reasonable rate compared to those costly boutiques which are out of my range....

I saw her taking out a large plastic cover from a wooden rack and she asked me to check the clothes. After making sure that those are my kids clothes, I gave her the rest of the payment and walked towards my home which is just 10 mins walk...

While passing through the street I looked at the large gardens seperated by metal fences , with houses in middle.... This is surely a costly area and for someone like me, it would have remained as a dream to rent a place here , until an old lady appeared in cabin my hospital few months back....

I was exhausted....

unable to find a place in a safe area within my budget.

I groaned while looking through different rental home sites in my phone...A salary of 75,000 is not at all sufficient... School fees, groceries, clothing, electricity, water....and the list goes on...

That was when an old lady with few roots of white hair in her lucious black hair along with her husband entered my cabin. After checking his scans , it is clear that he has lumbar spondylosis. My senior in the department left early, so they were brought to me for consultation. The old man's body isn't compatible for the surgery. So, I have suggested them physiotherapy for now .

I guided and instructed him while making him do the exercises...keeping in mind about his weakened bones.

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Soon while going to the cafeteria outside the hospital, I recieved a call from a house owner whom I have contacted on a website...

As soon as she said that the rent is 25,000 , I almost pulled out my hair.

That was when the couple whom I have treated earlier approached me and the lady offered me a place to stay. She said that she would take a rent of 5000 and that I have to assist her husband in physiotherapy exercises.... I have nodded immediately and accepted knowing that they live in a better part of the city....

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The sun almost set and an orange hue filled in the sky...

I walked faster as soon as I spotted my home... I looked at kamini ji asked she was walking towards her home with groceries in her hands. I smiled at her and she smiled back at me. We talked for a few minutes and entered our homes which were side by side. She is the lady who brings my children along with her child from the bus stop as I come late from work. The old woman who rented me the home looks after them till I or Anu come back.

I knocked on the wooden door and soon Anu opened the door. She smiled at me and took my bag and the covers from my hands.

While going towards my room, I heard sounds of kids playing in their room...

I entered my room, shed off my clothes and took a warm shower . After changing into a lose shirt and pyjama, I pulled my long hair into a tight bun.

I entered the hall and sat on the couch , feeling the softness of the material... I let my head fall back and I sighed in relaxation.

And soon an army attacked me.

" maooo " I heard my daughter yelling for me... Seriously? 'Mao' for 'Maa' ? This girl is more madder than me.

I looked at her pouting at me while my sons are standing near my legs, clutching on to my pyjama. Ibbu is standing behind Neelu and looking at me with a smile with his twinkling unique eyes....

Wait, one more is missing....

A loud howling sound came from behind the couch and soon husky ran towards the table infront of me with Noor following behind him.

Wait.... Is that my clutch on his tail!?

Oh my god!!!

Soon husky waggled it's tail and Neelu removed the clutch.

" I said no play with clip " Neelu almost shouted at noor and noor looked down at her small fingers...

" Neelu beta, she is your younger sister right, she is so small

She dosen't know na

Tell her sweetly

She will listen to you " I said taking noor in my arms who is almost at the verge of tears....

" no Amma

She no listen " Neelu said in her baby voice strictly....

" but you are big girl Neelu

You should take care of your smaller sister because you are big right? " I said trying to make her understand and Neelu scoffed.

This is the only thing I don't like in my children.... No... I guess there are many more....

" I'm only 4 " she said showing her 4 small fingers and I nodded sighing....

I just want to sleep now....

Please god....

" dessse " noor said almost jumping out of the blue giving me a mini heart attack.

" yah baby.....

Kids I've bought dresses for cultural and ethnic day , they are placed in my room." I said and they all started discussing about what to do tomorrow....

No thank you?

" dinner is ready " Anu yelled from the kitchen and I started gathering all my kids who are spread in different continents.

We sat on the floor and I started serving kids while Anu went to bring curd and salt from the kitchen. We don't have a dinning table and I don't plan on spending money on one...

" maa day after tomorrow

Help me ready " Neelu said in her cute voice and I nodded at her....

" meee " noor too said while I was feeding her with small baby spoon and I nodded at her too....

I raised my head to look at Neelu staring at noor with her eye brows scrunched....is she angry on her....

I have to do something.... I think she is developing a kind of hatred towards her.... But why?

Is she being neglected?....

I really need to observe her from now on. I have to mend these 2 little girls.

" Neelu you are going to dance tomorrow ? " I asked her and her eyes twinkled. I guess she really needs someone to talk to her.... But she has many siblings... Then why is she feeling neglected?

" no mumma tomorrow is skit

day after tomorrow is dance....

I will ready like you

You take good photos of me

I keep on instagram " she said and I smiled at her enthusiasm and seeing those cute dimples.

Her dance interest started when she saw my 8th class Annual day Bharatanatyam pictures on instagram.

Though I can't access into my IG directly, but I have another account which I have least used and that account is following my main account. So she saw all my pictures from there.... She really wanted to wear that dress and dance....

So she learnt from her teacher and YouTube after pestering them for months that she will do this dance and they accepted.

" what about my boys? " I asked while feeding noor. They curtly nodded a 'yes' .

" we have to....

To not to regret in future " I again looked at them shocked. I have been getting many such sentences from their mouth since the moment they started framing sentences.

" you are not interested in dancing then why force your self? " I asked and Utkarsh nodded at my statement.

" no mumma

We also need to learn " he said in his small baby voice with stern eyes....

" ya....yah " I said looking at all 5 boys who are looking at me.... My reserach seminars are better than this...

I don't think so I need to teach them anything, in return they will only teach me....

" how was your school today? " as soon as I asked, many voices came out arguing about who want to speak out first and how their teachers praised them.... This is only one of those few moments they behave like children...

Though I want them to sometimes fight and quarrel with each other, and come to me so that I can feel like

' Raj Mata ' of this home trying to settle down the disputes.....

those powerful vibes...

But it's okay, by the time I return to home after a stressful day, I don't have to face panchayat.

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As soon as dinner was over, they washed their little hands and I made them sleep in their room which had 3 beds. Ibbu and Abhimanyu sleep in one bed, Rudra and Utkarsh occupy the second bed, the last one is occupied by Advaya and Neelu .

Noor....well she is the most picky one... Sometimes she will squeeze in with her brothers for the night or else she will sleep with me in my room. Anu has her own room on the other side of the hall....

I was leaning on my bed and reading journals while the door slowly creaked opened followed by the distinct sounds of anklets... I looked up from my journal and saw my daughter Neelu with her messy hair.

I moved my legs aside on the bed so that she can sit near me.... She sat in a butterfly position and kept on swinging her legs in the air while sitting in the corner of the bed.

I pulled her towards me and removed my glasses keeping them on the table beside my bed.

" what happened princess ? " I asked her softly while she still kept on staring at her fingers....as if she is contemplating whether she wants to talk or not....

" sorry " she said softly and I looked at her.... Is she regretting.... But for what?

" why dear?

Did you break something? " I asked her while rubbing her cheeks softly...

" no mumma

Um.....

You angry....

Because I not good with noor " she said looking down and I knew where this is going... Neelu dosen't have the capacity to analyze her behaviour and faults on her own . It must be my sons who must have talked to her....

" my gudiya

I'm not angry on you...

You don't have to say sorry, actually...

You should never say sorry...

You should show it in your actions...

Like...

Be good to your sister if you are really sorry... Bond with her well....

You know na ,

She waits for all of you near the door wishing you to come home early after school...

She spends most of her time with nani and nanu in the upper floor above us....

She loves you alot baby... " I said softly while braiding her messy hair...

" but annaiya (elder brother) don't play with me anymore...

when noor is there.... " she said.... okay...

So here is the problem, though my sons have good intentions but they should spare sometime for their other sister too....

" Neelu

Why don't you play with little noor?

She will surely love to play with you " I said and my daughter rolled her eyes..

I said her multiple times not to do that.... But she keeps on doing it...

" she is lame mom " she said and I looked at her attitude filled face. I face palmed myself. Surely my behaviour rubbed off on her.

I talked to her for some more time about her new friends and she kept on saying me about TV cartoons and serials and what not.... This girl is more hyper than me...

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She yawned and I tucked her into bed beside Advaya who is snoring softly...

I pushed back her hair strands from her face and kissed her forehead.

I looked around and my eyes fell on Abhimanyu. Noor is lying on him completely with her small hands wrapped around his torso. This baby panda.....

I went back to my room and laid back on my bed. My room door creaked open again and Anu barged in with anger on her face....

" where are your gold bangles ? " she asked and I kept mum looking down at my bedsheet. This girl is more scary than my mom sometimes...