《Not Never (Complete)》Chapter 17 - Part 1
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"You want to hang at my house?" Maddox asked softly, threading his fingers with hers. The small gesture made her heart flutter in her chest.
"I'm not in the best of moods," she murmured, not quite sure if she was going to be good company.
Besides Maddox's revelations about Jim still had her head spinning.
"Don't think about him," he said, taking her chin in his fingers and tilting her eye to meet his. "I will take care of it tomorrow."
She nodded and he let go of her chin. "I'm still feeling insecure about us. These last couple of days haven't helped, they've made it worse."
"You didn't want anyone to know." His eyes held hers and she swallowed.
She studied him as she thought about all the reasons to continue to keep it a secret. People would eventually find out, it wasn't like they could keep is secret indefinitely. And besides she had told Carson she was interested in someone, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who she was talking about especially considering what went down between Maddox and Logan.
"I know." She didn't need to be reminded. "I kinda told Carson I was interested in someone."
The corner of his mouth tilted upward in a half smile. "You did?"
She nodded. "It's not going to stay secret for long."
His smile widened. "So does this mean I have to keep ignoring you at school?"
His hand tightened around hers.
Her eyes drifted to their connected hands. "I want to say no but I'm so unsure of myself. I know I'll eventually mess this up." Her eyes lifted to meet his.
"This is still new. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not like I wont make mistakes, we aren't perfect." He seemed so wise in things. "You just need to learn to open up to me."
She chewed her lip thoughtfully and nodded.
"I'm going to let you decide when you're ready to make it official. I wont push you on this." Her heart did that flutter thing again.
"Thanks." She breathed.
"But I don't want you to misunderstand my actions. I'm doing it because you asked me to, not because I want to. Trust me. If I had my way, everyone would know."
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His words soothed over some of her the insecurity she had been struggling with.
He seemed to know when to push her and when not, like he knew that if he went too far it would send her running in the opposite direction.
Feeling more secure, he drove her to his house to hang out for a couple of hours. She messaged her mother to say she was by Diane. There was no way she was going to tell her the truth.
At some point she would have to tell her parents, if things with Maddox did work out they would need to know but it was still early days.
His words assured her in a way she couldn't explain. It made her feel not so alone in what she was trying to navigate with him.
In his company, she found herself relaxing and actually enjoying just spending time with him. His presence seemed to balance between a calmness that seemed to quieten the storm of inside her. But at the same time she found herself staring at his lips for a little too long, or noticing how his shirt showed her his macular build. She swallowed. She was attracted to him, there was no doubt about it.
And when he was close to her, all she wanted to feel his mouth against hers. It was distracting and something she didn't know how to approach. She had never wanted to be kissed before. It had been a chore with previous boyfriends.
"Are you even listening?" Maddox was close and she shook her head, bringing herself back to the moment. She'd been lost in thought of him kissing her. She wet her lips.
They were standing in the kitchen, he had just poured her a glass of water. She was very aware they were alone in his house. Alone with Maddox.
"Uh..sorry," she mumbled. Her hand holding the glass shook slightly so she set it down on the counter.
He studied her with a slight frown. "What are you thinking Rae?" His voice was husky. He was so close, it was disorientating.
"Um..I..." She didn't know how to explain it. "I was..."
"Just say it Rae," he commanded softly. His eyes dropped to her lips briefly.
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Did he feel it too?
"I don't know how to do this Mad."
He reached out to touch her cheek and she held her breath.
"I know. But I need you to tell me what you need."
She wet her lips again and his eyes followed the motion hypnotically.
"I want you...to kiss me." The words tumbled from her mouth.
He smiled. "You don't know how much I've wanted to do that."
She felt a moment of confidence before he leaned closer. He put a finger to her chin to tilt her mouth before his covered hers.
Everything beyond the two of them ceased to exist and in that moment it was just the two of them.
His mouth brushed softly against hers and allowed the feel of it to flow through her making her hot and needful.
He expertly touched his lips to hers and touched his tongue to the seam of her mouth. With a groan she touched her tongue to his. He deepened the kiss darting his tongue against hers. The loss of control was instantaneous. Her hands lift to run through his hair as his hands pulled her closer, moving her up against him.
Her senses were overloaded by the feel of his body, the heat of his mouth against hers, or the smell of him that enveloped her.
When he released her gently, she put her hand to the kitchen counter. She felt like she was still spinning.
He smirked.
"I don't want to know how you learnt to kiss that way but...wow," she murmured.
He shook his head. "I don't kiss and tell."
She bet there had been plenty of girls before her and it was difficult not to think about that. It spoilt the warm and fuzzy feeling inside her chest. Now she felt the cold reality that she hadn't had anywhere near the type of experience he had.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing," she murmured. "I'm just trying to stop my head from spinning."
He lips tilted upward in a smile. "You're doing wonders for my ego."
"I like it when you kiss me," she admittedly softly. She was letting him in.
This time he didn't wait for her to ask him. He stood closer, cradling her face before slowly kissing her. With her senses in overdrive it felt like she was being swept away by the intensity of him. His mouth moved against hers more insistently and she followed him.
Her hands skimmed up his chest to join around his neck pulling him down to her. His hands moved to her waist and while he kissed her his fingers brushed against her skin just above the waist of her jeans. Her skin tingled.
He broke the kiss and stood back for a moment. His chest rose and fell with each deep breath as his eyes held hers.
"Why did you stop?" she asked softly, her fingers went to her sensitive lips.
"I'm not made of stone." His eyes were darker than usually.
"I don't want to stop." Their eyes held. She could see the struggle across his features.
"I want you Rae. But I think we need to slow things down." He ran his hand through his hair.
She liked to see him like this. Dishevelled and not in control, and she liked that she was the cause of it even more.
"I want you to kiss me again," she said, watching to see what he would do.
She moved a little closer but gave him enough space to make up his own mind.
"I only have so much control." He sounded weary, like he couldn't trust himself. Her heart soared.
"I feel like I'm always in control over what I say and what I do. I'm always worrying about what is going to happen and whether I'll be able to control the outcome. But when it comes to you I don't want to be in control. I want to feel what you make me feel. Is that so bad?"
He made her feel free and alive.
"Trust me I want nothing more than to just do what feels right with you but I don't want to scare you off."
"You wont scare me off," she murmured, determined to convince him that she wanted this just as badly as he did.
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