CW: Slight NSFW

~ Things in German are underlined

As soon as I hung up the phone I ran to my laptop to purchase a ticket home, not even considering how the conversation looked from his side. I decided I would come back in a month to finally meet Antonio in person. He was doing a lot better but needed more time in the hospital. Knowing he and my mom were okay gave me the ability to prioritize my relationship. Monday afternoon I hopped on a plane, having me land in Orlando at 6.

The whole flight I spent anxious, wondering how I could say the three words to him. The old Jamaican man next to me was nice enough to let me vent in exchange for him to complain about his kids. His daughter was getting married to a man he didn't like. He was an interesting and sweet man.

The uber pulled up to the house at 8 as the sun was setting. I was hesitant to get out. This was going to be the first time I had talked to him in person since we fought and I was going to spill my heart. I knew his anger and jealousy put him in the wrong however, I couldn't help but feel guilty. If I had been honest with him and more importantly myself from the beginning, maybe the fight wouldn't have happened. He laid all his feelings out in front of me and I was too scared to even consider that I felt the same way.

I opened the front door to a dark house. It was clean like how I left it but somehow colder despite the spring heat outside. "Clay?" No response. I walked further in. "Clay?" I made my way upstairs. I took my time walking up, still deciding if I was really ready to tell him. I knocked on the door and it opened with the first hit. I could see the dim light of the fake candles glowing on Clay's face. His green eyes were bright and his dimple was showing from his big smile. He was standing on top of a fluffy blanket laid across the floor. "What's going on?"

"Oh. You're back. Come here." He softly grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him and down to the ground. "Sit down, please?" He pointed to the floor in front of him. I did as he asked.

"We need to talk."

"I know. I-I know. I have something I need to say so can I please talk first?" I nodded. He pulled out a crinkled paper from his back pocket. It was covered in scribbles. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry if I pronounce any of it wrong." He played with the paper a bit, looking over it one last time before he fixed his posture. "Alright. I know we have only known each other for a few months," his American accent was so thick but it was cute, "but I have come to care about you more than anyone I have ever meet. I made you very mad because I got jealous for no good reason. I am so sorry." He spoke so slow and over-enunciated, it was almost impossible to understand him. "I wrote this to tell you that you mean everything to me and I need you in my life. You are the music in my heart. You make me want to sing about my truths. I love you so much." His cheeks were flushed pink and nervous sweat was dripping down his face. Small tears were forming in my eyes. "I am so... so sorry Anja."

"Clay." He was still looking down at the paper like he was scared to face me. I leaned forward on my knees and lifted his chin up so his eyes would meet me.

"Please don't break up with me, Anja. I know I made you mad and I was stupid."

"No. No." I crawled forward, placing both my palms on his cheeks to hold his face. "I love you too Clay."

"What?" He looked down at me with genuine shock that morphed into a big smile.

"I would never leave you. I need you too." I shifted to sitting on my bum and took his hands. "I should have told you sooner. I think I've loved you for a while but I didn't understand my feelings. This is all so new to me. I didn't want to get ahead of myself and get hurt or realize my feelings weren't real and hurt you."

He let out a chuckle. "I think if you're scared of hurting me, then maybe your feelings are real."

"Maybe." We sat in comfortable silence, just taking in each other's looks. His hands were so warm holding mine. I missed it.

"Me getting jealous was stupid." He broke the silence. "I promise I won't get in the way of your relationship with Nick. I swear." I nodded into kissing him. I had been waiting for him to do it first. I could hear him drop the paper as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap. I stuck my tongue farther in allowing us both to play. He had his own taste of sweetness, a flavor I didn't realize I missed. I pulled back, leaning my forehead against his, to let us breathe.

"I want to apologize too."

His head flew back. "What?"

I giggled at his shocked face. "I think I know why you were jealous. It wasn't just about Maria or my relationship with Nick but that I didn't show the same amount of emotion that you did." He shook his head and I nodded back. "I think me not telling 'I love you' back made you insecure."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry for that."

"That's not your fault."

"I know but I'm still sorry because I hurt you too. Maybe I didn't fuck up as much as you did but..." I joked.

He scoffed. "I'm sorry if it was wrong."

"The german?" He nodded. "No, it was perfect."

"Not too cringy?"

I giggled. "Maybe a little."

"I wanted it to be in german because I know you love Germany. I wanted it to be special."

"Thank you."

He began pulling on the hem of my shirt. "Can... can you say it again?"

"Hm... I love you, Clay."

"Again."

I raised my brow at him. "I love you."

"Mmm. I like that."

----

"I can't believe I'm about to meet your parents." He said as I fixed up his tie. We stood in front of our hotel room's mirror dressed for the wedding reception. My mom insisted I changed out of my bridesmaid's dress and for Clay to match me. I now wore a floor-length navy blue dress with a large slit up the side. All Clay did was change his tie.

"Yeah. I'm nervous."

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. "It's gonna be great. They'll love me." He laughed out, kissing the top of my head. "Now let's go."

Miguel rented out a small resort for the weekend. I hadn't realized how rich he really was. Turns out there is a lot of money in oil and gas. We got down to the lobby when I saw my Grandfather with Antonio. 1 year never looked so cute on a baby. "Oppa!" I yelled.

"Bärchen (little bear). You look so beautiful." I gave him a small hug and cooed at Antonio.

"Thank you. This is Clay, my boyfriend. He doesn't know Deutsch."

"Ah. Hello. I am grandpa." Oppa put his hand out to be shaken.

"Hello. I am Clay." He quickly grabbed the hand, shaking it firmly.

"Your Deutsch in good." Clay looked at him with confusion.

"He said your german is good."

"Ah, thank you. I've been practicing a lot."

"Oppa. We're going to head out to the party okay? I love you."

"Love you Bärchen." We waved goodbye and headed out the large back doors of the lobby that lead to the field. The sun was starting to set and the lights were turning on. People were dancing to the blasting music, probably why Oppa had Antonio inside.

I took Clay's hand, bringing him with me over to the wedding couple's table. My mom was now switched out of her wedding dress into a short, skin-tight white dress. She was downing a shot with her friends as Miguel laughed. "Mom!" I yelled as I sat Clay down in a free seat in front of her.

"Bärchen!" She laughed scooting a shot towards me. "Take it!" She knew I didn't like drinking, but we were in Mexico and it was her wedding. I went to pick it up but Clay took it instead. He slammed it on the table and pulled me into his lap. "Who is this?"

"Hi, I'm Clay." He stuck out his hand. My mom swatted it away.

"Don't be so formal. I was joking. I know who you are. Now drink!" She yelled. My mom loved drinking. Her plan was to get blackout drunk tonight then head out to New Zealand for a weekend while my grandfather watched Antonio.

"Yes ma'am." He wheezed, pouring himself another drink.

"So Clay?" Miguel said, coming over to our side of the table and bringing his chair to sit down. "What do you do for a living?"

I scoffed. Been married for an hour and already acting like a stereotypical father.

"I make content on youtube and in the last year I've gotten into making music."

"Really? AJ you make music."

"Mhm. We have a few songs together actually. He helped me get my following too." I answered.

"Wow. What a match." Miguel teased. "She so good, so talented. I'm so proud."

I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you."

"When is your next album?" Miguel asked.

"I've been asking the same thing, just like all her fans!" Clay yelled. I rolled my eyes. "We're waiting." He teased.

"When are you streaming again?" I asked with a sarcastic attitude.

"AHHH!" My head snapped to my mom. She spilled her bright pink margarita all over herself. "My dress!" She cried.

"Let me go take care of this." Miguel ran off, helping my mom back into the resort building.

"See, it was great." Clay said.

"I think my mom was too drunk to care about you." I joked. He hummed into kissing my neck. At first, they were soft touches, then he began to bite. I knew it was leaving marks. "There are people around us," I whispered loud enough for him to hear. He didn't care, the alcohol was working quickly. Everyone was too busy to notice anyway.

His hands slipped down my waist to my thighs, gripping tight. I could feel my skin start to heat up. His fingers fell into my dress slit and rubbed my inner thigh. I slowly rolled my hips on his lap. I could feel him harden under me. His lips lifted off my shoulder and brushed my ear. "Bathroom. Now."

I hopped off his lap and grabbed his hand, guiding him behind me to inside the building. We got to the family bathroom and locked the door behind us. He roughly shoved me against the counter, finally kissing my lips. His knee slipped between my thighs, pressing against my already wet crotch.

"I love you." I let spill out.

He pulled back. "What?"

"Sorry. I just felt like I had to say it."

"I love you too."