I wake up to the sound of dishes being washed down stairs and Gabriel's music blasting through the halls. I groan mad close my eyes back shut, knowing there's nothing to do and sleep is the only thing going good with my life right now. I let my mind go blank as I try to go back to sleep, and pull the covers up closer to my neck. I don't have a life anymore.

I take a deep breath and let it all out as the door creaks from being opened." Hana, are you awake?" I nod and dad closes the door behind him." Why haven't you got up yet? I made pancakes."

"Because I have nothing to do. All I have is this bed, which is where I'm going to stay."

"I never banned you from hanging out with your brother and going swimming in the yard. And I had to take everything from you so you would learn a lesson."

"To not have sex?"

"No. To not keep a boy a secret. And then have sex with him, some times being unprotected. What would of done if you got pregnant Hana? What would you have done? Because I wouldn't have let you get an abortion. That baby would have been created because of your own stupidity and I wouldn't of allowed you to kill it because of that. Meaning you would have to have went through school, being pregnant. Which would make things more difficult for you. Because that boy would've left you, not wanting that kind of responsibility. Kids would've talked behind your back and downgraded you. Your life would have been miserable just for a piece of meat."

"I didn't just do it for that dad! I'm not the whore you claim me to be!" I raise up in my bed and scowl at him, my eyes watering in anger and frustration.

"So your telling me you didn't have sex with him to have sex with him? I'm not stupid Hana! That's the whole point of the process."

"Not at first." I say as the tears come down my face, making my voice thick and congested sounding.

"Not at first? Hana what are you even trying to put over me?"

I wipe at my cheeks and looks him in the eyes." I was doing it to make someone jealous."

He freezes as his face slowly begins to get red and he shakily and slowly asks," Who?. And. Why. Would. You. Do that Hana? That just makes it a lot more. Worse."

"They didn't notice because I decided to keep it unknown. They seemed pretty set on not dating anyone." He squints at me, the question already set on his face." Asher."

His body goes rigid as he looks at my chin, not meeting my eyes and seems to zone out. He stands their, his face slack and his arms now limp staring at me as if he's completely lost. A heat comes to my cheeks as I realize I just came out to my father, and tears go down my face as he keeps staring at me. I sniffle slightly and he frowns, now meeting my eyes but having no emotion in them." Asher?"

I nod and hide my face into my hands," Go ahead. Yell at me. Tell me I'm grounded longer and that I'm a sick sick person. Make me feel even worse and more helped with the situation. I can already see on your face that your beginning to hate me."

"What? Asher I don't hate you because of this. I'm shocked." The sound of his footsteps come closer to me and a weight is added to the spot beside me on the bed." How long have you had these type of feelings for Asher?"

"A year."

"Jesus Hana." I look up to see him run in his face the same way I am and he glances at me, a nervous chuckle rumbling through him." I never thought I'd have to give my daughter girl advice... I thought I was done with this talk after Gabriel... Listen Hana. There's nothing wrong with being... Lesbian?" I nod and he bites his lip." Okay.... So you did this to get Asher jealous? To gain her attention?" I nod and he does as well." I can't really say anything about that, your brother did the same thing for a girl." He sighs again and looks me straight in the eyes." I think you destroyed your chance with her by being with Daniel. She seemed really mad the night she was here.... Though I do believe that you could gain her trust back. Just be up front with her, explain everything. Just don't be disappointed if she feels different."

"But what if she says no and stops being friends with me totally?"

"Asher is understanding. Your biggest problem right now though is if she'll even let you speak to her." He pays me on the back and kisses the top of my head." Call her. I hid your phone in the fruit bowl."

I smile gigantically and wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly and giving him a sloppy kiss on the forehead." Thank you, thank you, thank you." He chuckles as I giggle and run down the hallway to the kitchen, where my phone lays literally under an apple. I pick it up and run back up to my room, the see Gabriel in the hall looking at me with squinted eyes as dad walks out of my room.

"Good luck Hana."

I smile at him and run into my room, and close the door behind me instantly going to Asher's contact. I bite my lip and press call and put it up to my ear, jumping from foot to foot as I hear the rings and wait for her to answer. Voicemail picks up and I grunt before calling the number again and sit down into my bed. The rings stop and there's a silence on the other side of the phone." Hello? Asher?"

"What?" I flinch at the coldness that reaches her voice pointed towards me. Does she really hate me now?

I take a deep breath and let it out, I coming out shaky as I wait to find my words." Can we talk?"

"No, leave me alone."

"Asher please. It's important. I really need to talk to you. It's about something that's been killing me for a while and I want to get off my chest."

"Tell Daniel."

"No. It involves you and plus Daniel and I are no longer a thing. I just really need to speak to you okay? You may hate me after, even more than you do so now, but I really need to tell you something. I know I haven't been a good friend lately, and that I've slept a lot of secrets from you but I'm human, I make mistakes. I didn't mean what I said, I've just been emotionally confused and piled up to the point o don't know if I'm coming or going. I need you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I've been sitting in this damn house with nothing to do, and not even once have I've thought about Daniel. Having nothing to do leaves you in a place that you don't want to be in. You start thinking thoughts that you don't want to hear or approach. I've been thinking abut you. How I miss being able to just come over to your house and play stupid games and watch tacky movies. I miss reading with you, and studying. I miss everything we do, but most importantly I miss you. Just please let me explain everything. Everything. No more secrets. No more lies. And no more damn boys." I hear silence in the other end and ask," Asher? Are you there?" The beep echoes inside my ear as she's hung up on me, and my lips begin to tremble as my breath gets shaky and my eyes watery. Just like that. I've lost the most important person to me in my life.

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My whole body shakes as I lay under my covers, tears coating my cheeks making them soaked and my eyes puffy. My breath comes out shaky, as I sniffle back my tears, and I hold my throat that's becoming sore from the amount of crying I have been doing. I don't hold make on the emptiness I feel, or the tears that seem to keep coming. I have no reason to fight anymore.

A knock comes at the door and I try to talk but nothing comes out but a squeak and the door opens slightly." Hana honey are you okay?" I shake my head and burry my face into my pillow." Want to talk?"

"Go away dad." My voice comes out gross and broken, but I make no intention of caring. That's me. Gross and broken.

The door closes again but footsteps come towards me and I groan out, not wanting this conversation again with my dad." I said leave me alone. There's no point in talking. It won't help. Nothing will help."

Two thumps hit the floor and I begin to turn and ouch him out of my room when he climbs into my bed and slips under the covers for me." Stop. Go away. I'm going to go to sleep, I don't want to talk to you,"

"Fine. Go to sleep. You can explain everything when you wake up. Now please stop crying, it's making my anger towards you to slowly drift away."

I tense and look backwards to see Asher's face inches from mine and I sniffle back a year and wipe my eyes." You came?"

"Of course I came. You sounded very confused and overwhelmed and I didn't want you to feel that way alone, you're still my best friend. Now go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

I smile and turn facing her, putting my head into her chest, as she wraps an arm around my torso." Best friend?"

"Yeah. For life."

Hopefully I can change that title to something more advanced, I think as I sniffle into her more and close my eyes." I swear if this is a dream..." She laughs and lays her chin on the top of my head.

"Shhh. Go to sleep."

😏