《Playing Poker》"Can You Forgive Me?"

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"Have you ever realized that if you add an 'ie' to our last names, they become desserts?"

"No."

"Those could be our nicknames. Mine is Cookie and yours is Brownie."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because they're corny."

"Oh, okay then."

"Ugh, fine."

"Yay, Brownie!"

"Shut up."

"Are you forgetting something, Brownie?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"..."

"Cookie."

She blinked.

She blinked again.

And again.

It all came back.

Her memories started swirling around, a storm of emotions rained upon her mind and her eyes were getting cloudy.

She made eye contact with the boy sitting across from her, imagining how there was ever a time that they could've been friends. It just didn't seem real. As much as she wanted Blake to like her, she would rather have him hate her than adjust to this awkward reality.

Maybe she didn't want to even remember that time in her life, maybe it would've been better if they started over.

What did he think this was going to solve?

They were going to go back to how they were in second grade?

It was going to take back those six months?

It was too late for that.

"I gotta go." She rushed out of the room, Blake following quickly behind. She rushed out of the house before Blake could even get down the stairs. The rest of the family's eyes immediately darted to the door slamming shut then gave an accusing look to Blake.

"What did you do?" Everyone asks at the same time. He ignored his family and ran to the door as an attempt to stop her but by the time he peeks out the door, she's nowhere to be found.

"I tried, alright," He put his hand in his hair. "I tried to make amends, I tried to tell her the truth but it's too late. She already hates me." His defeated face was enough to show he was sincere but it didn't matter at that point.

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It too late.

"Well can you blame her?" His youngest brother, Hayden spoke up.

No, no he couldn't.

Rayland walked the same sidewalk, enjoying her surroundings and taking in the fresh air. She ended up sitting at a park bench staring emotionless at cars passing by. She didn't know how long ago she left and frankly, she didn't care.

Sound familiar?

As she went to twist her ring which was actually on her finger this time, she heard footsteps. She thought nothing of it and expected the person to continue walking but what she didn't expect was a figure to cast a shadow over her.

Her head stayed down but the shadow was still there. She thought if she ignored it, the shadow would pass, but it didn't. It stayed and the anxiety bubbled in her throat. She gained the courage to look and she let out a laugh.

"Dammit, Max. You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?" The panic slowly faded on her face when she realized it was Max all along.

Max took a seat on the wooden bench next to Rayland, studying her glum face after the laughter.

"The real question is what are you doing out here, and alone? Wait- it was your stepbrothers wasn't it? I knew it, you just got here and they already fucked it up. Which one was it? I know which one, the ugly one with the big forehead or-" She cut him off with a snort and he smiled at himself for making her laugh.

"Chill, Maxi pad. I don't need you to save me just yet." She joked but even he could tell she wasn't sincere.

"What's going on?" He asked sincerely, she took a deep breath before responding.

"Apparently Blake and I used to be fucking besties." She laughed with a sarcastic tone. Max sat with his mouth agape, trying to process whether what she said was a joke or not.

"Wait, so it was the one with the big forehead. Didn't he hate you the most?" He questioned. Ray wanted to laugh but she couldn't find it in her.

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Almost everything that happened to her was a blur but as the memories started to come back, everything she once believed.

"I thought so too. That's why I'm still so confused. Why was he such an ass if we used to be best friends? None of it makes sense." She buried her head in her hands and Max comfortingly rubbed her back.

"And why does it matter so much? I mean, we were only like 5, that was ages ago. It's not that big of a deal. And I still don't know if I should forgive him or not. I just hate holding grudges, you know? Especially with everything that's happened."

"Well how did he apologize? Did he seem sincere?" As she thought about it, she realized something.

"Now that I think about it, he never really apologized." She sunk deep into thought. "I mean, he said "I'm sorry" but that was it. There was never really... a true apology."

"Well why are you debating forgiving someone who never apologized?"

"I- I don't know." She stammered.

"So then there's nothing to think about."

-

"Rayland's back!"

As soon as Rayland walked through the door, she was hugged, scolded, questioned, and hugged once again. It made her feel comforted that they cared that much but she wasn't worried about them. All she wanted to know was the truth.

Ignoring the questions, she dragged Blake's arm upstairs and to his room. Blake was surprised but let the hand drag him wherever it wanted to go.

Rayland plopped down on the bed while Blake sat in his desk chair.

She didn't say anything at first, just looked at Blake, searching for anything. After a few moments of silence, it was clear she wasn't going to find what she was looking for.

"Why is it such a big deal that we were friends?"

The question only confused Blake as he didn't hesitate to answer.

"What do you mean? We were literally best friends, that-" Before he could finish his thoughts, he was interrupted by a nonchalant voice.

"So?"

"You cannot be serious." Blake voiced out in disbelief. This wasn't the same Rayland from before. She was more defensive, more stubborn than she used to be. He wasn't mad, he had no right to be.

"I'm so serious. I mean, we were five. What's the big deal?" She said with no visible emotion.

"After my mom died, you were all I had. And just a week after, you were gone too." He seemed to be getting emotional but she forced herself to show no signs that she cared. She wanted to feel bad but she couldn't. She physically couldn't.

"So you reunite with your "best friend" ten years later and treat her like shit? Makes perfect sense." A sarcastic smile formed on her face.

"I'm sorry, okay. I regret what I did, I shouldn't have treated you like that. Can you forgive me?"

"No."

"But you forgave everyone else!" He exclaimed.

"Truth is I never really forgive anyone until after I left. I hate holding grudges but just forgiving them... didn't feel right. They were assholes and they deserved to feel guilty, I wish I didn't tell them I forgave them. So yeah, I forgave them eventually but they actually apologized. You say two pointless words and expect us to be "besties" again?"

His statement brought her to her next point.

"You say you regret what you did, correct?" Blake skeptically nods his head. "But would you regret it if I never knew you? Would you have any remorse? Would things be any different if I wasn't your best friend?" Before he got a chance to answer, she responded for him.

"No, right. So give me one good reason I should forgive you."

Silence.

That was all she needed to hear.

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