Soulmates,

I was honestly so by our highfive chain the last chapter.

You all are amazing to me.

Thank you so much.

I have the best readers, honestly.

--------------

July 23, 2019

--------------

------------------------------------

Faces just inches apart as Jungkook murmurs,

"Hey, baby."

-------------------------------------

You full on blush,

turning away hurriedly

so you don't choke on your own saliva.

You lock eyes with Taehyung who was just finishing rolling his eyes.

"Stop trying to seduce her, Jungkookie.

I know you're sexy, but why don't you try talking?"

With a shrug, he gets up from the sofa and trudges off to his room, shaking his head.

"I guess he's right," Jungkook says from beside you.

You turn to Jungkook,

and he is watching you with a distant look on his face.

----------------------

----------------------

He leans back, sighs at the ceiling.

" I feel like I forgot something...

Some .

And I get this feeling like something is wrong. Or that I should feel a certain way but I don't know why.

I don't understand how I could have forgotten going to see the bond expert?

We did go, didn't we?"

He glances at his soulmate,

and the surprise on her face matches those of his brothers from earlier today.

And he knows the answer.

"How could I forget an entire thing like that?"

He's running a hand through his hair roughly.

"Please tell me what happened. What's happening now."

She hesitates, the shock still on her face.

Jungkook looks into her eyes.

"I have to be honest.

Even if you don't tell me, I'll ask someone else.

I already asked Namjoon hyung about it.

But I would rather hear it from you.

Because... this is about us isn't it?

And you were there."

She takes a deep breath,

"The soulmate... expert.

He said... we have something called... a forgettable bond."

That's what Namjoon hyung was about to say this morning, Jungkook realizes.

She continues like if she didn't get the words out now

then maybe she wouldn't be able to at all.

"It means that we could... forget about us.

The bond would... undo itself.

We could go back to our lives from before."

And now it's Jungkook's turn to be stunned.

"We could... live normal lives,"

the girl-whose-voice-makes-Jungkook-see-golden-sparks

is saying with her voice,

"Or find new soulmates."

Jungkook blinks.

"But...

But we don't want that.

Right?"

The urgency in his voice breaks her heart.

She swallows past the lump in her throat.

"He said... we would be in pain if this continues.

We would feel each other's pain, and our own. And the bond would cause us a lot of pain too.

He says it's like living two lives at once."

"Wh-why... why do you sound like you're considering it?"

Jungkook's voice catches, and he hates himself.

"I... I wasn't, I was just..." she stammers.

But she is.

He can see it.

It's the sadness in the dip of her brows.

The shine of tears in her eyes.

Jungkook gasps for breath.

He feels utterly betrayed.

Why couldn't he even remember this godforsaken conversation?

Unless...

"Has it already started?"

His tone is ice cold.

Her lips part.

"What-"

"I forgot that entire conversation.

Which means...

You've already chosen for us.

For the both of us.

I don't get a say in the matter?

My opinion doesn't matter to you?"

She shakes her head in denial,

in panic.

Her tears falling free

slipping down her cheeks.

He can't bring himself to watch her cry

so he dips his head, staring at the ground.

"Jungkook-" she tries, reaching for him.

His bangs fall into his eyes

hiding his expression

as he says

"You already gave me up."

----

The sweat drips clean down his temple and slides off his jaw, dampening his shirt.

"You're going too hard, Jungkook.

Take it easy or you'll burn yourself out," Jhope frowns, patting Jungkook's arm.

But Jungkook takes a swig of water, turning away,

finding his place in the formation as the music starts again.

Brushing off Jimin's look of concern and RM's sad expression.

The choreographer gives him a grim smile, like he understood Jungkook's inner grief,

maybe he too was a man who took out his feelings in his dance studios.

As the beat drops,

Jungkook grinds his heel into the studio floor

shoving his throbbing tendons and sore joints to their limits

like if he pushed himself hard enough,

if he was angry enough,

he could turn back time

undo everything

change her mind.

------------

He doesn't talk to her as they heal.

It's been this way for the past two days.

But he's scared because there are brief moments when he forgets why he's so hurt.

Why when he sees her face, his heart squeezes so tight in his chest he can't breathe.

The pain never stops, but sometimes he can't remember why

why she is hurting him.

-------------

The manager is quiet as a mouse as he approaches the two of them.

He shakes awake Jungkook who is sprawled over the sofa.

Their voices wake soulmate, who has tears in her eyes from her dream.

Jungkook wants to ask her what she dreamt of, he wants to pull her into his arms.

Wipe away her tears.

But he has a feeling that he shouldn't anymore.

That he might never again.

"I know the last time we went, it wasn't a good experience.

But you have to go again. Find out what is happening. Even if you don't want to,"

the manager says gently.

And Jungkook doesn't remember it at all so he's indifferent,

curious even, to hear this dude say it to his face,

but out of the corner of his eye

he sees his soulmate grips the covers

and her knuckles turn white

and Jungkook refuses for her sake.

"We don't need to see him," Jungkook says.

"And you're going to solve whatever is happening? Without even talking about it?"

The manager gestures between them.

"You two don't even talk to each other anymore.

Jungkook, let go of your pride."

He did suppose it was impossible,

what with his failing memory

and their utter lack of communication

to come to a solution alone.

"Alright," Jungkook concedes,

flipping himself off the sofa in one smooth move,

eager to get away from this conversation

refusing to turn around and look at the girl

who didn't want him.

-------------

Just stepping into the office triggered deja vu for Jungkook.

It stabs him in the chest that he had been here before,

but he couldn't remember,

because the girl beside him,

who shook his heart,

didn't want him to.

Jungkook pulls out his cellphone,

as they sit down on the leather sofas,

set on typing out

and saving

everything important

so he could know

even if he forgot.

The expert named Dan, with his knowing gaze,

quietly takes a look at the two of them.

"How can I help you?" he asks quietly.

"What do we forget? How do we start?" Jungkook asks immediately.

"Only the key..." Dan gestures at Jungkook, "Forgets."

"Only me? That's great," Jungkook seethes.

"Well, except in the dream," Dan replies.

"This is important.

Every time you are in the bonding dream, the Key will suddenly remember everything, even things he forgot.

But the Lock can't remember things in the dream.

That's the test. She will have to make the choice without remembering anything."

Jungkook is about to punch the coffee table.

"So in real life she remembers but I forget.

And in the dream I remember but she forgets?!"

Dan nods.

"What kind of shi-" shitty bond is this?

Jungkook cuts himself off,

because finally,

Soulmate has opened her mouth to speak

her voice as timid as a leaf in the wind.

She looks at Dan.

"I... I tried to walk forward, in the dream, but... I couldn't."

Jungkook stiffens.

She tried to come to him?

Dan leans forward,

across the coffee table that Jungkook wants to punch,

and pats her hand.

"You can't move in the dream because you're not completely sure what you want.

You have to decide.

Know your choice.

Be confident enough that even if you can't remember, you know what you want."

----

They are in the car, and heading back to the dorms, and shes staring out the window.

But Jungkook is staring at her profile.

She had tried to choose him?

She had tried.

And that changed everything.

"Hyung," he says to the driver.

"We aren't going to the dorms."

"Then where?"

Soulmate has looked over at him too.

"I... want to talk to you," Jungkook says.

"But... Jimin and Jin are at the dorms. They don't have schedules until the afternoon.

And Bighit... well. It's chaos there.

Can we go somewhere quiet to talk?"

"You can't go to a coffee shop with her, fans will go crazy."

The driver shakes his head.

"We can go to my place?" Soulmate offers.

Jungkook nods.

"Thank you."

"Address?" The driver shrugs.

-----

He tries not to look around,

because this was a surprise visit.

But he liked the open concept of her apartment,

the way she fit into the scene.

She sits nervously on a loveseat,

and Jungkook takes the opposite chair facing her.

"I'm sorry I've been... angry.

I didn't know you couldn't move in the dream."

He is looking off to the side, his voice stiff and his posture stiffer.

He thinks he is struggling with what to say next,

but then she whispers,

"I... I don't want to hurt you."

And her voice trembles.

And for a moment

the clarity

falls back into place for Jungkook.

His memory gaps close for the split second

and he's shot up across the distance,

almost crashing into her

as he pulls her against him.

Her face in the crook of his neck

and he says into the crown of her head

"I know you tried, in the dream.

Even if you couldn't remember.

Please try harder.

I keep...

forgetting things.

Forgetting...

us.

."

-----

He wipes her cheek with his thumb,

the fabric on his shoulder moist

from her tears.

"I should make some tea.

So I stop being hysterical," she smiles shakily.

She instinctively taps on a speaker

and plays music from her TV,

as she waits for the water to boil.

He watches her daily life curiously.

She likes bluetooth speakers too.

He glaces at the playlist on her Spotify.

"You follow BTS?" he grins.

"Yes... why else would I be at your concert?"

She tilts her head at him.

He's still got a silly grin on his face.

"Plus, Taehyung is my elementary school buddy.

I followed him as soon as you guys debuted."

Jungkook pauses.

"Did you only support us because of him?"

"No, I also really liked all of you," she says carefully,

turning to pour hot water onto the tea bags.

Jungkook studies the Spotify screen on her TV.

Narrows his eyes.

He saunters over to her,

his steps slow and measured.

He stops right behind her.

""Who is your bias?" he asks,

his voice low.

"Erm... I don't really... I don't have a bias."

She hands him a mug of tea,

now all too clearly

trying to avoid his eyes.

He cocks his brow.

"Is that why you have Yoongi hyung's songs on a separate playlist?"

Her eyes widen at his tone.

"I just, I just-" she turns, reaching for the TV remote.

Jungkook is faster,

his hand flashes out quicker,

brushing his finger over the minimize button,

the smart TV instantly collapsing the Spotify window,

confirming the image underneath.

Jungkook's eyes narrow to slits.

"You don't have a bias?

Is that why Yoongi hyung is your screen background?"

He recognizes the picture.

It's AgustD.

Yoongi with his bleached blond hair,

piercing, catlike eyes

lips lifted in a snarl of a smile.

Just looking at it,

Jungkook can practically hear the speed

the cutthroat words

spewing from his talented hyung.

"Um, it isn't..."

She jumps and finally grabs the remote from him,

hitting the power button to shut off her TV screen.

And Jungkook can't help but look through the open door

to her bedroom

where he sees a BT21 pillow,

Shooky,

on her bed.

On her nightstand is a photocard of Yoongi,

propped against a lamp.

"No bias?"

he repeats darkly.