—Jaymes Young

I had the dream so many times before, but it'd been a while since its last recurrence.

My eyes fluttered open, briefly taking in my surroundings, before shutting again. I was in an all-white room, and there were noises. This time, though, curiously enough, I could sort out what the noises were.

A heart monitor beeping steadily. No, two monitors beeping steadily.

A television.

A bustling hospital ward.

Something must have been wrong with me, for me to have been in there, but I strangely felt good. I felt strong.

Then I felt the hand—the hand that had gripped mine so many times before, in my repeated dream. This time, however, it was warmer and softer. I could actually feel the velvet elasticity of her skin, the rounded bumps of her knuckles, and the spaces between her delicate fingers.

I could feel myself coming to. When I completely opened my eyes, to see who was touching me, I realised I wasn't dreaming at all.

The beautiful girl was still there, just like in my dreams. A glowing angel. Her face was perfectly round, with beautifully flushed cheeks, and a thin nose. Two big, gorgeous, brown eyes still peered at me through thick lashes, and her long, dark hair was still set in loose curls. Just like in my dreams, she had come to pull me through.

Except, this time, she was actually here. And she had a name.

"Brooke," I whispered.

My vision adjusted and immediately focused on her. What I saw made my breathing hitch. My heart felt out of sorts.

A hospital gown was draped over her thin body. Instead of being sat in a chair next to my bed, she was in a hospital bed of her own, pressed directly next to mine. Understanding set in, when I saw the Foley catheter in the skin of her hip, and a clip on her finger, to count her precious heartbeats.

"Jules." Her voice was tired, but at the same time, she seemed so happy to see me awake.

A dark-haired doctor strolled in, wearing a white lab coat and black trousers. Glasses sat over his eyes, which were scanning papers. He quickly, but casually, strode toward us.

"Hello! How are you feeling, Mr. Miles?" He looked up at me with a disarming smile, then shifted his focus back toward the clipboard in his hands, whilst flipping through some more pages. "Ms. Fray?"

When I couldn't find the words to respond, she answered instead.

"I feel great." Colour filled her beautiful face. "Never better."

"That's what we love to hear," the doctor said, turning to find a needle. "This will be your last shot of heparin to prevent any blood clots. We'll be able to remove the catheter very soon."

"Okay." She gave the doctor a wide smile, then gave one to me.

"Just as we discussed before, your remaining kidney will almost immediately take over to perform the necessary functions of two kidneys, but it's crucial that you refrain from alcohol consumption, tobacco use, and participation in sport, for the time being."

"That won't be a problem." Brooke brushed a strand of hair out of her glowing eyes.

"And Mr. Miles." The doctor turned to face me directly. "The same goes for you. We want to get you up and moving around in the next few hours, to get your blood flowing. How are the compression socks? Not bothering you, are they?"

I shook my head, unable to make a noise. He drew some blood from my arm, to make sure my potassium levels, along with my white and red blood cell counts, were normal. When the doctor finally left, I turned to her.

"Brooke?" I stared at her, aching at the proof of the sacrifice she'd made for me. The more that the truth set in, the less I could believe it. My mind resounded with silent cries at what I had done. At what she had done. I didn't deserve this, any part of it. Most of all, I didn't deserve her. "How? Why?"

"Remember how you told me about the bow and arrow theory, a long time ago?" Her soft lips turned up in a smirk. Even as serious as the situation was, she still tried to make me smile. "You were sort of sending me arrows, that you needed help. An S.O.S."

"I love you." My eyelids shut automatically in poignancy.

"I love you, Jules." Her tone became serious at once.

"You saved my life." Twice over really, since, without her, it wouldn't have been one worth living.

"No, you saved mine," she said matter-of-factly.

"Because of my sheer idiocy, we both only have one kidney." I tried to jest, but my voice was hoarse, breaking at the end, and it gave me away. "Of all the things we have in common, this is one thing I really wish we didn't."

Even though my eyes were closed, tears spilled from my flooded waterlines. "I'm sorry, Brooke. I'm so sorry."

Her hand brushed mine, squeezing it gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Jules. I was just returning the favour."

Simply saying the words "thank you" for the sacrifice she had made on my behalf just would not suffice. There weren't any words in existence that were strong enough to portray my gratitude and eternal indebtedness, for her selflessness. So, I simply held my Brooke's soft, delicate hand, and tried to show her. Somehow, I knew she understood what I was saying, without having actually said it.

The truth embedded itself into me, solidifying the final, shaky pieces. A part of her lived inside of me. Brooke couldn't help me survive externally anymore, so she had found a way to actually move inside, to repair me from within.

I wished it hadn't taken me until that moment to realise that Brooke loved me unconditionally. She loved me without apprehension or stipulation or question or reservation. I had done everything that should have pushed her away, yet her grip only grew tighter on me.

All the love I ever craved in the world had always resided within her beautiful, strong, selflessly beating heart.

Even before this surgery, I felt no urge to ever touch another substance, but this ensured I never would again. With a literal piece of Brooke inside of my body, any desire that I might have ever had to relapse, magically dissipated. I could destroy myself, but I could never, ever destroy a piece of her.

"So... did you... read it?" Brooke asked meekly, and pointed toward her jotter on the bedside table.

"Yes." All of it, in fact.

"Do you..." She struggled to find the words. "Do you have any... questions or anything?"

I had a million.

I wanted to know where she'd learnt to write such beautiful poetry.

I wanted to know if she had ever really planned to send me any of the countless letters she'd penned, beginning with "Dear Julian," at the top.

I wanted to know why she didn't tell me sooner about Tanya and the complications at her job, once Burt had resigned as her manager.

Most of all, I wanted to know why she'd never told me before that her real dad, Vincent, had died in a house fire, whilst saving her life, when Brooke was barely five years old. All this time, Brooke had allowed me to think that I had suffered the greatest of tragedies, when she had her own story to tell. When she was ready, and only when she was ready, I wanted to hear it all.

Certainly, I wanted to know everything, and I'd eventually ask her, but, at the time, I only posed the simplest question.

"Is this notebook mine now?" I gazed at her lovingly. "To do with it what I please?"

"Yes, if you want it." She nodded as she answered. "It's all yours now."

In that moment, I became conscious of the fact that Brooke and I were one and the same. Scars littered her body the same way they did mine—many of them self inflicted. But our freshest scars, that we shared from the surgery, bound us. Perhaps even more potently than my anchor tattoo. She would always be that for me, but now, she was so much more. It wasn't just that Brooke was a part of me, but rather, she was me. The very essence of me.

All this time, I had been looking out there for enemies, when they were right next to me all along—the biggest one inside of myself. But, I also finally fathomed that I'd been searching in all the wrong places for love and contentment as well, when everything I needed was, similarly, next to me all this time.

She was everything. Absolutely everything to me. It was as if I had wished Brooke into existence. In my eyes, there was nothing and no one more perfect than her. There never would be.

"I can't believe your apartment is gone," Brooke said, after several minutes of silence. "What are we going to do now?"

"It'll be taken care of soon. But, after this, I want to leave. I'll go anywhere in the world with you, just get me the hell out of London." I truly needed to get away from England for a while—for a long while.

"But London's your home," she half asked, half stated.

"You feel like home to me." I touched her arm, over the starchy fabric of her hospital gown. "I don't need anything or anyone else."

"What do you want to do, Jules?" She searched my face for answers.

"What if we just stayed at your flat in Tucson for a while?" I suggested. It wasn't the biggest place, but I didn't at all mind occupying small spaces. Especially if I could have shared those small spaces with her.

"I don't really want to stay in Arizona, either," she said, pursing her full lips.

"Chicago?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"No." She laughed. "I love Laina, but Chicago's not for me."

"What about Florida?" I suggested, and watched a noticeable light meet her eyes.

"Really?" she asked. Surprise mixed with excitement in her tone.

"Really," I said.

Just as I spoke, Tommy and Jesse walked into the room with a piping hot pizza. I could've put it down to the fact that I'd barely eaten a thing in days, but I nearly salivated at the delicious aroma.

"You look like shit," Jesse said to me, whilst placing the warm take-away box on my thighs. With a genuine smile, he turned to face my gorgeous fiancée, and gave her a small, gingerly hug. "Hello, Brooke. Congratulations on your engagement! How's you? Hope you're hungry?"

Brooke laughed and nodded enthusiastically, as I nearly lost myself in absolute awe of her. There was no stronger or more resilient woman in the world than the one sat right beside me. I was somehow, by some enormous stroke of luck, able to call her my own.

"What are you waiting for, Miles?" Tommy pierced through my thoughts. He was sat next to Brooke, exchanging a soft, friendly, knowing smile with her.

It took all of this for me to understand that I did have true mates, and I did have a loving family all along.

When I continued staring blankly, Tommy laughed and waved a hand in front of my face whilst motioning towards the pizza box. "Earth to Jules. What are you doing, mate? Crack it open. We're hungry!"

...

In our hours-long exchange, I'd learnt that Tommy and Jesse had sorted everything, in order to void the remaining year left on our contract for Ascend the Stars. Management had no choice in the matter, really. Had we taken the story to the media, what with sexual sadists and drug traffickers in the band, it would've been slightly bad press. And I just so happened to know a very talented, journalistic writer that could have helped with that aspect.

Shortly after Tommy and Jesse left, my sister Liz arrived to check on the both of us. Somehow, I'd never thought of it before, but I realised that my sister and I shared an unspoken bond in one very significant way—we had both lost both of our parents, in one manner or another.

Brooke and I had officially decided on moving to Florida, once we were fully recovered from our successful surgeries. As such, I chose to leave my car keys with my sister, for safe keeping.

"So, when is the wedding?!" my sister asked neither of us in particular, with growing excitement in her voice. "Where will you have it? Ooh, may I be in the ceremony?"

"We just became engaged last night." I motioned at our gowns, with a jesting, incredulous look. "And we've been a bit preoccupied since."

"A spring wedding is always beautiful," she blathered on, then turned to focus on Brooke, who was growing more animated by the minute.

I pretended to be disinterested, but really, I loved it. Honestly, I was keen to marry her anytime, anywhere. Whatever made her happy, would have made me happy.

"I'm not in any rush," Brooke finally said, when neither of them could agree on the best season for a ceremony. "One step at a time. Right, Jules?"

"Right, my darling." I smiled at her, knowing at once that I had found my home in her.

Liz was sat by the edge of our beds. When the room fell quiet for a moment, an idea suddenly struck me.

How could I have not thought of it before?

"Brooke, I'll be right back." I moved from the bed, unclipping the detachable heart monitor from my finger. "I need to walk down the corridor, to stretch my legs. Liz, would you come and help me, please?"

1. "Home" (acoustic version) by Daughtry

2. "Gone, Gone, Gone" by Phillip Phillips

3. "And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop" by James Vincent McMorrow

4. "It's All Downhill from Nineteen" by Like the Stars

5. "How to Save a Life" by The Fray

6. "wonder" by EDEN